New beginnings: positive MDMA success stories.

[JWills20]

With all the negativity surrounding MDMA on this board and in society in general, it's easy to forget just how beautiful, amazing and also safe it can be. So, this is a thread for people to either post their positive experiences with MDMA and how it's helped them in some way or for 'Longterm Comedown' sufferers who have recovered and want to share their stories/positive advice. This is not the place for discussing any of the negatives that MDMA may have and any discussion will be removed. This is not to hide nor deny their existence but instead to provide something fresh and different from the usual discussions. You can openly discuss negative effects anywhere else on the board.

I'll start off the thread with my own positive experiences:

I started taking it when I was 19 and I'm now 23 nearly 24 so i'd classify myself as relatively experienced. My first time I had little idea what I was doing and brought 'half' (it was probably only about 300mg) a gram for a rave I was attending. Naturally I was extremely nervous and apprehensive so much so I didn't want to sneak it inside the club so we instead decided to do it in the car beforehand. Being a massive pussy I got my friend to take the first dabs from the bag even though it was my idea and initiative to do it. After he took some small dabs I also took some small dabs and headed to the club. I remember being in the club about an hour later asking if my friend felt much and he said he didn't. I also hadn't felt anything yet and was apprehensive whether anything was actually going to happen. It was about an hour 30 mins after dropping that I still didn't feel anything so we left the warm-up party to head back to the car because I wanted to take more. This time I took larger significant dabs before heading off to the main party. I think I was inside the club for only 15-20 minutes before I began to feel it. My urge to dance was off the scale and I began to just smile without even realising what was happening. The rush then hit me and I found myself compelled to speak to and interact with absolutely everyone. I was feeling such intense love that I just kissed a random bald guy on the head while hugging him haha. I had long conversations with other ravers who I was telling how it was my first time and about how much fun I was having. The music was amazing and the empathy was so intense that I had to share my water with anyone who'd let me give it to them. Some people just looked at me blankly while I was talking to them but I was so care-free that it didn't even matter. After the peak I plateau'd somewhat still having an awesome time until eventually coming down with a nice afterglow of well-being and warmth. The days following were absolutely fine with no negative effects whatsoever and infact the opposite.

I felt like the intense love and social connection opened up my empathy and understanding of others which transitioned into my sober life caring about and understanding others more which still persists to this day and I can't see that ever changing. It opened my mind towards illegal drugs helping me to recognise the actual reality of them and not buy into the over-exaggerated negative perception generated by society in general. I think my mind became more open in general thinking outside the box and becoming more critical and objective. This transitioned into my academic life where I think my work improved because it was more critically-considered. The mismatch between my expectation of the effects of 'drugs' and the actual effects that I experienced really made me begin to question things since the divide between my expectations and the experience was so large. I couldn't really comprehend how something so beautifully amazing with very little side-effects at all could be viewed as such a dangerous activity. This stimulated my interest in drugs in general and I used to read and research them very regularly, specifically MDMA, which is how I found BL.

I continued to have very positive experiences after my first one and I can't name one time where I wish hadn't done it. Even on nights where I made big 'HR mistakes' as it were, I still didn't experience a harsh comedown nor negative effects in sober life. I was just a gurning mess for the night haha. I followed the BL guidelines for the most-part and developed my own views and guidelines from personal experience. This whole process probably made me more of an 'independent' thinker which I think is a positive development.

That's me done. Fire away.

 

[Kl519]

Nice thread. Although I've kind of established my experiences already, I'll just gloss over it here.

I've used mdma since I was 21, and compared to most people I met, I started kind of late. I've used it in just about every way possible, from too much to none at all. During my years of use, I had met a lot of different people at various parties, raves, concerts, etc and had some of the best times of my life. I had never heard anyone mention the 1-3 month rule, nor did I see anyone follow it. I met a lot of people who thought a week was too long to wait! So when I came here, I was shocked to learn about that, and wondered how come some people did not have the same kind of successful usage that myself and many others enjoyed? It seemed like such a benign substance, and after going to huge raves myself the first few times, I was in awe at the fact that thousands of people were rolling like it was nothing. Going to these events were an amazing experience, as was learning about how others would treat mdma. They seemed to have only positive and fun experiences too, as well as the group I used to always hang out with.

MDMA taught me how to look outside of myself. I've already been made an empathetic person by nurture, but it helped me progress a lot further even though I considered myself mature at 21. It also allowed me to figure out what connections are real or not, and which people are genuine or not. MDMA tends to open people up through its powerful effects, but veterans can ascertain whether the person is really opening up because they want to, or if it's because of the E, or both. This is evaluated after the roll is over, and whether there's still a connection during this time. Plus, a lot of us can sense when a person's behavior is heavily influenced by their roll. When this would happen, I would eventually find out how other people used mdma too. None of them were much different from me, apparently.

After learning a lot more about mdma, I figured out why I became much less egotistical without aiming for that. I came a bit more out of my shell, and became sort of blunt while keeping the rest of my personality intact in my sober life. All because I said yes to a friend who offered me an E pill, when I didn't even know what it was or what it would be like That first experience remains as the most magical one by far, as well as the longest and heaviest trip out of them all.

For someone who statistically should have a ltc, depression or any sort of negative damage done by now, all I can say is stay positive, be active about your health and abstain from use. See a doctor or other related health professionals, and find out how your health really is. There aren't really any withdrawal symptoms like there are with other substances, so it should be easy to quit if you think you should. There are at least 3 others that I know who rode this boat with me, and we're all doing fine. not one of us have ever been slowed down because of extensive E usage, or ran into any health issues either, and it's most likely because none of us kept it up forever. Enjoy it while it lasts, and cherish it because time is finite.

 

[Dawglaw]

I suffered through a LTC a few years ago. It was really shitty however it was also one of the best things to happen to me.

I learned an incredible amount about my body my mind and myself throughout the process. I educated myself about drugs and harm reduction.

Since recovering, I have (responsibly) used MDMA many times with incredible enjoyment. I have also educated my friends about the importance of testing and using responsibly.

I have also responded to hundreds of PMs from people experiencing a tough time - and it sure seems that everyone gets through their LTCs.

I don't use mdma as much as I used to but once about once or twice year I gear up for a very special night.

 

[Wintertea]

I recently tried MDMA for the first time, I used to be in the military and went on a light 'tour of drugs' before I did (due to drugs tests), ive long since left and I have a friend in a same sitution who's now had a month of leave and was interested in trying some. I'm not a regular user of drugs, but I definitely want to try everything this world has to offer at least once and I feel you can't comment on something without having both sides of the story. Another friend who is more into that scene suggested MDMA. I had a few months before we went so spent time reading as much as I could, mostly rollsafe and on here. I thought it would be hard to get as my friend in Bradford couldn't find any, but one chat with a old aquaintance I saw at a club got me sorted in 30 minutes, although I have to admit I really don't like that part of the whole ordeal, but I'm sure they are nice people. They were certainly polite.

I went shopping and got as many vitamins and supplements on the list as I could find and then headed off to a hotel with myself and two friends. It took a lot of persuasion for me to get them to not drink beforehand (and a lot of waiting around before things started!), I suppose when alcohol is all you've known its hard to understand that being drunk isn't the only state you can be in besides mentally sober. We took 600mg Magnesium, 2000mg of slow release vitamin C, two tall glasses of grapefruit juice, two antacid tablits and three bottles of water with hydration tablets (salts and minerals etc) beforehand, we then swallowed 125mg of MDMA - I had crushed the crystals into powder and put them inside empty gel capsules. This was around 6:45, the first band came on at 7:30.

When we got into the arena it was all pretty cool, things started to kick off 30 mins after taking it, it's hard to describe - it was just "nice". We got a bottle of carlsburg each, just to have something in our hands. Things got "nicer" and "nicer" as time went on but not nice enough to the point that the rubbish intro bands sounded any good. We redosed 125mg at 8:45. Everything was pretty chilled out, really good atmosphere, we were going to see Alt-J too, (turned out it was great for this experience, chilled out and a bit rocky at the end), there were a group of people a lot younger than us in front and a little to the right, there was a small stocky guy who had eyes as wide as saucer dishes almost shouting at his friends to "be cool" but in doing so brought so much attention to them, made me feel a little awkward as I was that guy for our group! I was just hoping we weren't as obvious as they were, I used to be quite a judgemental person and could imagine people who weren't on MDMA being a little annoyed... I mean I was and even I was annoyed with them. Anyway, they started smoking weed a little while later and as soon as I realized there was literally nothing anyone could do in the world to stop them as the place was so packed and everyone was having such a good time... I chilled out. (Later on when we were really high they kept bumping into me, I sort of actually really liked the physical touch, my other friend is quite the confrontational type and was asking if they are causing trouble. I literally just hugged the guy and explained and we were all like the best of friends. I really liked this moment as it sort of felt like I was teaching my friend that violence doesnt solve anything. Sounds really stupid but it was a weird philosophical moment)

We were so lucky in that when Alt J played their first song the stuff really, really hit us. Again I can't really describe it, it was just amazing, we were literally in a trance, the third friend blew on my neck and it was so strange. I kept blowing on theirs, now not worrying at all what anyone else was thinking, I just didn't care. I brought some glowsticks (And we all had menthol gum as it was on the list of things to try), those glowsticks man, we had the only two in the whole place. They were like the one ring, if you give them to someone you instantly want it back as it's so amazing, but I can't explain why.

Most of the set was a blur, we just shut our eyes for the most part and enjoyed the music. Around 10 I had the last of the MDMA, another 250mg (500mg in total for me, 250mg in total for each friend) - I didn't want to give them any more as I would feel real guilty if anything happened to them as I promised them we'd do things safe. The whole thing was just... amazing. The third friend says he didn't feel anything, which I found really strange, he looked a bit like he was completely sober compared to the whole arena. I don't know how to scientifically explain that, which confuses me (it was all the same MDMA), so I just justify it as him lying! The only bit I really remember is just hoping it would never end as we were having so much fun.

Things ended much quicker than I imagined, my Bradford friend said it distorts time, I thought he meant makes it slower... not faster!!! Before I knew it the music and lights had stopped! I wish it went on for 24 hours. Anyway the arena guys gave out water which was really nice, I suppose it looks quite obvious when you go for it but oh well, at least its responsible. We sort of followed the main crowd out and walked around the city looking for some live music. We stopped at a cocktail bar, in hindsight this part of the story makes me cringe as we must have been so obvious! It was a small place, we went upstairs and there were a few tables, mostly full of 40+ people and a couple who looked like they were on their first date. We ordered a cocktail and whilst we were waiting the couple got these two flaming ones... we were mesmerized... and had to ask.!!! (So sorry!!!!)... I found a candle on the table and enjoyed it so much..... one of the older guys on the other table kept looking at me which made me feel quite guilty, but I suppose it isn't really socially acceptable, we essentially were acting like aliens/babies in a new environment. There was Ice in the coctails which was very nice to crunch and feel, and a mint leaf. After we were done we went down and tipped the bar keep and asked him for directions, he must have known we were high, caught a glance of myself in the mirror and looked like a vampire. But he was really nice and gave us directions, we weren't exactly causing trouble.

A really drunk guy in the street asked us if we were military, which I found very very strange, we said we weren't, which made him angry, he was really drunk and not in a right state of mind at all, he followed us for a bit, I think he was lonely, he was telling us how he hated "civvies" which made us laugh internally. We got to this live music venue and thankfully the bouncer didn't let him in, so we were free! Another thing about MDMA is that you can act and speak normally and have all your wits about you which made it quite a surreal experience, even though you are viewing the world with rose tinted glasses.

This is where the plan sort of fell to bits, my two friends wanted to get drunk and I couldn't stop them, but they had only half the dose I had so I suppose it was about time for it to wear off. Every time it was my round I was sure to get a glass of water with every one. I got pretty sweaty in here but was aware of everything i'd read so wasn't worried, just chilled out, sweat it off and drank some water. The barwoman certainly knew I was on something, and the bouncers at the end but we werent causing any trouble at all and it was actually a really nice place to be in. I went in the corner and this party of middleaged people started looking at me, I got really, really paranoid they were laughing that I was really high... until one of them said "Glowsticks!!!", it was then I realized I had the two glowsticks in my white shirt pocket, they just wanted one :3. needed to tell myself to chill out! We had a BRILLIANT rest of the night, my friend kept falling asleep dancing, waking up and asking me what happened! Was really funny. We stayed there till 4am and went back to the hotel.

The two buddies seemed to drop right off to sleep, I struggled but it wasn't bad, everything was soft and cuddly and I was content, just not really sleepy. Got a couple of hours in before we left though. The next day I was still really happy, same with my friends. We vitamined and hydrated up and split some 5-HTP for the coming days, but I haven't taken any - it's been 5 days now and i'm still really content with everything. Which is really bad! Been chatting to my friend about it, we've agreed at least three months between each time we try something like this, i'm really annoyed there wasn't a " hangover " as we've associated a really, really fun time with no consequences. Its hard not to think about wanting it every weekend! but must have self discipline. Had a bit of a bad fever a day ago, fluey symptoms, but was from staying up all night without sleep, it's gone now, the other two are great. Every time I hear "Intro (This is all yours)" by alt J I get sent right back there with a wave of euophoria - its like a scent you smelt when you were younger, bringing you the memory back. Its an incredible feeling. I used to have problems with stomach pain etc and only managed to fix it through hypnotherapy (sounds quacky, i know), but it was about relaxing and sleeping and being "mindful" to essentially increase serotonin - which helps with stress etc.

I have had an absolutely wonderful time on MDMA, genuinely taken away something good from it. Looking at the effects of alcohol compared to it it makes you wonder. Oh that was another thing! When you are high on it you seem to think everyone else is, you forget they are mostly alcohol-drunk, there was a guy kicking off in that live music place and it took me a while to remember everyone in the world isn't friendly! It puts your defences down on that part, always need to remember not everyone is your friend! Luckily nothing at all came from it but something to remember when/if we try it again.

From reading here, 500mg was quite a high dose, especially for your first time. I'm quite strong willed mentally and had an incredible time - only downside was being unable to sleep that night, which was annoying. When I do it again I think i'm going to do a 250mg start with 250mg 2 hours later but never, ever exceed 500mg. When I say 500mg it was probably much less as scientifically its almost impossible to get something 100% pure.

Anyway, hope this story wasn't boring. I posted it here as it seemed the right place, I can't offer an insight as to why there are many negative experiences with MDMA, maybe because its cut with something, but maybe its because it's abused. Its such a shame it was so brilliant as I really, really have to discipline myself in not having any more for some time. (I hate this phrase but I guess people do it for a reason: Every time I is mentioned in the above story, it is: someone who isn't me)

Cheers,
SWIM

 

[BlueBull]

Well I haven't actually suffered from what you would call long term side-effects. But I did come close once. That was a really scary experience but I got out of it ok, took about 2 months to fully recover

It was about 4-5 years ago at a very big festival in my country. Now this is my absolute must-go favourite festival, I've been going there since I was like 12 (it started in my village so I started helping out there at a young age) and haven't missed an edition since. At that time I was still really reckless, I didn't care much for consequences and this showed itself in how I used drugs as well. You could already tell by how much I took with me: 20 150mg pills for a 4-day festival, and they were all gone by day 5 at home. We already knew we were going to roll multiple days in a row. We had done this successfully many many times before, but normally 2 days maximum, and as we all know even that is too much. This particular festival little dumb me decided to go for 4 days in a row at the festival and add a 5th day at home in for good measure. Doses starting at 200mg the first day up until around 700-800mg the 5th day. Of course we hardly felt anything anymore but we had an enjoyable weekend nevertheless

Two days later I was sitting at my PC, half falling asleep, and suddenly I snap back awake by what I would later conclude to be my first brain zap ever. It scared the crap out of me. It happened 10-20 times more that night. The following day I knew something was off. It was as if I was walking through a dream, my head seemed disconnected. I had balance issues (much more clumsy than I already was), tremors and brain zaps during that entire day. I also had a very upset stomach that couldn't keep anything down.

The day after that the depression set in. That was the worst I ever felt in my life. I broke out crying multiple times, in front of friends an everything. I normally never cry, except for when people die. It was as if I sunk into a black hole, not only making me feel bad, but at times sucking me dry of any emotion whatsoever, like my mind just ceased to exist. There is a word for that feeling but it slips my mind atm. I was really starting to get scared at this point (the depression and anxiety no doubt caused this). I really thought I did it this time, my reckless behaviour fucked me up for good. And that went on, along with all the physical symptoms coming and going in waves, for a while.

Then after about 3-4 weeks I started to notice the physical symptoms lifting slowly. I could find my words again, I only had the occasional brain zap when trying to fall asleep, the tremors weren't visible to others anymore, my stomach was calming down finally. The depression stayed with me for a while longer though, for a month after that I was a miserable, extremely anxious and generally uncomfortable guy

That last part only started to fade away because I told myself that it was all in my head, that if the physical symptoms went away, what was left was only a consequence of that. That if I just ignored it, it would go away. And it did, be it rather slowly. After little over two months I was back to my old self. That felt so incredibly good, really. Feeling that MDMA can do something like that, though temporary, really opened my eyes to harm reduction. It made me seek out bluelight

That was my, rather boring, story. For two months I thought I fucked myself up permanently. But in the end it faded away, after I gave myself a bit of a pep-talk to get it out of my system :D if rolling 5 days in a row, consuming around 3-4 grams worth of pills, doesn't cause permanent damage but in stead kicks your ass for a few months before it fades away, I doubt the general population has a lot to worry about when it comes to long-term side-effects. That is really ludicrous abuse, about as hard as you can go, but I recovered from it, learned my lesson, implemented some harm reduction and am now enjoying this chemical as it should be enjoyed

Because it should be enjoyed... I love this chemical to death. It has given me so many beautiful memories, introduced so many amazing people into my life. I started using because I wanted to try something stronger than weed. But I continued using because I realised how profound the feeling it produces is and (at least to me) how natural it feels compared to some other types of drugs. Even the weekend described above I wouldn't do things differently, I had an amazing time, met my (now ex) gf there during one of my rolls, hugged strangers from all over the world, witnessed amazing music being performed, went on a safari (long story) and just generally had a blast. Yes I went too far but it wasn't for nothing, I learned from it and I gained from it. And I started to respect this chemical even more, which is even more important

 

[BlueBull]

Surely there are people with similar experiences on here? :D I'm curious to see if there are any similarities. Interesting stories above, I enjoyed reading them (did so just now, didn't have the time earlier on)

 

[Kl519]

Yeah, there must be! But it seems that most of them are too busy irl partying it up and all that. Blah.

I do agree that the trend has been as JWills said; people usually come on here to complain or look for help, while the ones with positive experiences don't really come here to talk about it. Yet, as we see at festivals/raves/concerts, thousands upon thousands of people are having a blast (easily millions if we take a look at all of the raves/concerts around the world, around the calendar year).

-----

As much as I'm going to miss substances in general, I think I'm going to miss this one the most. It's truly been a godsend having such great trips and experiences with mdma back in the day. My first trip was quite innocent; just chillin' with some guy friends at an arcade, yet it was the best trip I've ever had off of anything. I could not believe any substance was capable of producing all of the effects that it did upon me, and the come up was the most euphoric part too. The excitement and awe was indescribable and overwhelming, yet I was fully lucid and in a state of super-awareness.

I actually did take some last weekend, and I think for my situation, the magic is just plain gone. It makes sense though, because it was once to the point where rolling was more like my natural state than anything else, so of course it wasn't going to be the same again. I'm disappointed that I seem to be the only one around that has lost it, but maybe that's karma. Idk why though, since I haven't done anything that could hang onto my conscience for at least the last 5 years. A good streak I intend not to break.

(Some more positive notes for this thread!)

 

[puffinsforhands]

I would recount my first experience in detail but I feel I would ramble on a bit and you've all likely heard similar stories a hundred times before! I'll add some extra happiness to this thread though as it's had such a positive impact on me in general.

Before I mention the benefits though, I should mention that I flew a little too close to the sun last time I rolled (had rolled 3 weeks previously, took around 300mg which for me was a bit too much - the roll felt incredible but the club night I was at was rubbish and the experience felt a little 'cheap', I had essentially gone out just to take MDMA with little consideration of set and setting).

In general, the empathy has carried over into my day-to-day life. Although anywhere near as loving as I am when I'm rolling, I really do care about people's emotional states more these days and am able to read people a lot better. A general increase in love for myself accompanied this, which has been immeasurably beneficial. My last roll showed me a brief glimpse of MDMA's dark side; I was very depressed for a week and was on BL reading similar stories and persuading myself I'd gone too far before suddenly bouncing back to baseline after 6 days. The negative side of the drug lead me down a path of vigorous harm reduction research and prompted me to educate myself about drugs and harm reduction on a cultural level (I am currently reading David Nutt's 'Drugs' and Johann Hari's 'Chasing the Scream'). I have carefully introduced a few friends to the drug and made sure they are aware of the risks so as to continue the enjoyment and stay safe.

The thing that always blows me away about MDMA is how unbelievably natural it feels. I felt so incredibly full of vitality during my last roll that I couldn't quite believe it was actually doing my brain harm (not necessarily irreversible harm etc, just referring to how it batters 5-ht system). I find this impossible to explain in words to people who haven't tried it, they find the concept so hard to grasp but always bring it up once they eventually experience it.

I have used it on 2 separate occasions since my first experience in early september. It's been just over a month since my last roll and I'll be riding the wave one last time this weekend for my 21st to conclude what I guess you'd call a 'honeymoon' period. After that I will be taking a 3 month break and reducing my usage to 3 or 4 times per year maximum in the hopes of keeping the magic alive!

Anyways, potentially life changing drug when used correctly. I love it here on bluelight too, the info has been great and saved me from rolling back to back after my first experience at a festival in the summer. The beauty of MDMA is that I can recount all of my experiences minute by minute, and the happy memories forged in those precious hours will stay with me forever.

- Puffin

 

[neurotic]

GREAT thread idea JWills. I was just thinking the other day how unfortunate it was that there were so many threads on the negatives of MDMA but almost none on the positives... I shrugged it off as simply being a result of the fact that people with negative experiences are more likely to go to the internet for answers and then say something.

Anyway enough derailing...