ADHD nerodivergents how do you deal with lasting effects of meltdowns?

[Gray808]

when I'm not on a stimulant in an overstimulating situation I can easily break down into either volatile anger or complete depression which then makes it easier for the place where the melt down occurred to trigger another meltdown. I also don't want to use stimulants everyday (besides caffeine which now just lets me achieve homeostasis and has no significant psychoactive effect) because I hate wd and comedowns and also because feel that amphetamines and phenidates are harmful to the mind and body.

when I have a melt down I normally go home and vape weed which lets me reconsider my emotions and my reactions to them, after this introspection I am left feeling relived and happier but still feel that my lifestyle is detrimental to my well being but is entirely necessary and therefor cant be meaningfully changed I have to wake up early, I have to interact with a lot of people. I have to act to the best of my ability "professionally" and "like an adult" and I have to be productive. I know these things aren't unreasonable and most people seem to not like it but are generally able to get through it for the weekend but I just loose my ability to do that at a certain threshold.

my concern is that once that once that threshold is reached it seems to lower itself meaning each time I reach my meltdown threshold it becomes easier to reach especially when I'm in the same setting the last occurrence was in. and these meltdowns can have lasting effects despite my confronting the source of and reaction to these emotions. the lasting effects of these melt downs can vary but typically have me feeling burnt out and drained. I either use opioids / benzos to give myself a break, a little window of comfort, peace and quiet that seems to reset my progress towards a breaking point. or dissos / psycs to go through intense introspection that helps me really see why my problems are merely the winnings of a temporary, silly, little hairless ape and that really your suffering is your reference point for your bliss and vice versa.

however the reality is that we all need to work and my nerodivergent mind really hates that fact and struggles to cope with it. the other thing is that the things that lubricate the friction: stimulants, opioids, benzos all have their own obvious flaws as a long term solution and, for me, cant be used in a daily fashion. my healthier coping mechanisms are walks out in the deep woods, weed, meditation, talking about all this with my prater and so on but when these thing fail to provide adiquit relief especially when I'm not in a good place to trip I fall back on opioids and benzos. its no where near the point of being a debilitating addiction and I have no wds from these chemical classes thank god but I was just wondering if any nerodivergents out there have similar sorts of issues and if so what people have done. thanks.

also if this inst in the appropriate section please feel free to move it

 

[SpiralusSancti]

What’s neurodivergent?

 

[Gray808]

a developmental abnormality such as autism or adhd

 

[Jerry Atrick]

I don't have advice for you as I'm not neurodivergent nor do I have extensive experience with the specific substances you mentioned other than weed and caffeine.

Really just came here to say Welcome to Bluelight and your thread is just fine in this subforum

That said, The Dark Side leans more heavily on Harm Reduction so it is typically frowned upon to discuss or glorify current drug use outside the context of recovery and/or wanting to stop using.

 

[Gray808]

well I was sort of trying to see if people had ideas for healthier alternatives I don't mean to glorify I'm just being honest about my ongoing use and the reasons behind it. self medication is a temporary fix and I'm well aware of all the negative aspects which is why I'm asking what else is there that can provide a similar level of relief for these kinds of issues. while its not at the level of physical dependence and I have clean scores and no physical issues I am concerned that it could head in that direction using opioids and benzos to quell my emotional distress inst exactly a great solution. I thought there would be people who had gotten out of self medicating issues related to executive function and would therefor have decent non drug alternatives or a way to change ones mindset that would lead to there being less of those emotions to relive idk. somtimes I feel like with the naturally lackluster dopamine levels of adhd and the mondanity of working life there is no way out besides drugs. not to give others an excusee just thats kind of the mindset I'm in rn and was wondering if other people have felt this way and if there is a good way to just be able to exist in this world.

 

[Gray808]

I also don't think its glorification to say that I use my prescribed medication to treat my condition (stimulants for adhd) even though these are substances of abuse I genuinely hate the psychoactive effects if they didn't actually help me focus and be productive I would never use them because they suck, the come downs make me damn near suicidal and the whole time I'm on them my stomach is tight and squirmy and there just really not a good time I only use them less than prescribed and only as a tool.

though again if theres people with adhd who can get that same productivity without a drug I am all ears I hate these drugs and if there is a way of getting similar benefits without all the side effects I would be incredibly interested to hear what you have to say. yes I meditate, eat and exercise.

@Jerry Atrick if you think that posting this in the regular active use areas would allow this post to reach the type of people I'm trying to find I or you can move it there and I'm sorry if talking about my ongoing use in this way is inappropriate​

 

[Nurse Ratched]

I also don't think its glorification to say that I use my prescribed medication to treat my condition (stimulants for adhd) even though these are substances of abuse I genuinely hate the psychoactive effects if they didn't actually help me focus and be productive I would never use them because they suck, the come downs make me damn near suicidal and the whole time I'm on them my stomach is tight and squirmy and there just really not a good time I only use them less than prescribed and only as a tool.

though again if theres people with adhd who can get that same productivity without a drug I am all ears I hate these drugs and if there is a way of getting similar benefits without all the side effects I would be incredibly interested to hear what you have to say. yes I meditate, eat and exercise.

@Jerry Atrick if you think that posting this in the regular active use areas would allow this post to reach the type of people I'm trying to find I or you can move it there and I'm sorry if talking about my ongoing use in this way is inappropriate​

Your post is okay here in TDS and Jerry only made one sentence about glorifying drug use after he welcomed you to BL.

TDS is to get people to talk about the darker side of drug addiction and more people will come along eventually to give you some advice about healthier ways to deal with your emotions. " Volatile anger " is usually a sign that people are over stimulated and if the anger is directed at the wrong person it could easily become something the law will get involved with so try and work on that if you can.

Lots of people that take these types of meds have issues with the comedowns and irritability and many wonder if it's all worth the pain of going up and down constantly. When we don't have some kind of even keel in our life it's hard for sure. Our bodies and minds can't be stimulated and then depressed each and every day without eventually saying.....stop already. Make me be up all day or down all day but I can't deal anymore with the constant daily yo yo of both.

 

[Neuroborean]

For me kratom seems like a very grounding herb. Always low dose, always t-breaks of more than 2 weeks.
I think ADHD as a non-developed BPD. it's like our brain fucked up in another piece (prefrontal cortex) instead of the cerebelum (which is the case of BPDs) so we would't develop that crap. Think about our memory, we cannot be overthinking things OF THE PAST, it's just not stimulating enough, so we are less able to develop emotional trauma issues (not talking about depression or anxiety).
Kratom is grounding, calamus is very grounding too, I'm loving that herb lately, helps me to live in the present tense. I've heard VERY good things about Albizia Julibrissin extract as an antidepressant and anti-anxiety herb, and I like using kava kava and skullcap too.
If you need some stimulant that's not as fucked up as adderal you may look into nootropics, just to keep you mind more "suited" even if it's not as strong:
Sabroxy, Huperzine A, phenylpiracetam (some other racetam perhaps). For me yohimbe it's a super nice help to get motivated if you need to do something physical, it totally kills me unmotivated procrastinating mood, but it's too messy for sustained mental tasks. Some people gets anxiety with it (too high of a dose, most times), for me it's a super good mood lifter and I feel full of power and energy.

I went into cannabis "addiction" in my college years but it finally was a shitty solution that kinda killed my natural bright and the little own impulse and will I had... it took me years (if not yet...) to recover. It's not a good solution for me.
Benzos... I don't even think about them, nor other opioids.

I tend not to think too much when melting down, I just think: "I failed, it's ok, let's wait and recover, let's say I'm sorry to whom deserves it and let's not beat myself down, I could do it better next time"
Exercise helps to be more balanced, but you know, it's a hard to accomplish healthy habit!!

 

[Gray808]

Your post is okay here in TDS and Jerry only made one sentence about glorifying drug use after he welcomed you to BL.

ya no I wasn't trying to be too defensive I just wanted to make sure that what I was talking about wasn't insensitive and I also just wanted to make clear that the way I use stimulates is in no way recreational or an intentional glorification.

 

[Gray808]

thank you neuroborean, interesting ideas I'll look into some of those more plant based things and ya I use kratom but also feel like I need to be careful with that. also my expression of volitle anger is rarely ever physical (it used to be as a kid) but mostly verbal which results in more work place/ interpersonal issues then legal ones. still a problem. do you have any ideas on what I could do to better appreciate life in a world I don't seem to be entirely meant for that are non pharmacological or philosophy based or something. I don't know is you deal with the same sort of dissatisfaction but if you do or have in the past is there anything besides what you've already mentioned that improved your general level of fulfillment. for me no matter what peace and contentment seem to be in just as much flux as any other emotion, maybe those feelings being long term experiences is a a romanticisation and not perticuallarilly realistic idk.