Atmozfears
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Aug 14, 2015
- Messages
- 207
25 year old male here. Severely depressed since I was 13-14, generalized anxiety disorder and after a suicide attempt I was diagnosed ADHD.
I want to die. I think of suicide multiple times daily. I used meth for a good year or so, nearly straight because my best friend was a dealer and I'd run for him sometimes. We bonded and became closer than ever. He was my best friend, my other half, like a brother to me.
Unfortunately he was murdered by four meth heads, one which he thought he trusted but set him up. Won't go into details of his death but did not deserve it, he was only 21. I feel lost without him. I want to go admit myself to the hospital because I just feel completely lost, empty, almost feel nothing.
I can't stop buying drugs online. I use every single $$ I get on research chemicals or cocaine or hydromorphone but mostly RCs. Sick of letting my parents and brother down. put them through a lot of meth psychosis I went through.
Where do I start? I don't even eat, hardly sleep these days and I'm just done and I know my buddy (rest his soul) would want this for me.
I been a poly-substance addict forever and I' m afraid I can't stop. It's almost like veins, drug veins holding me down and I can't go on anymore.
This will be a journal of my soberness (aside from etizolam dosed as needed)... I live in a shitty place and its tough for me to get the help I need. I feel so lost. 25 years old and nothing to show for it. so I come here to discuss my feelings and quitting drugs, even marijuana. I will make a doctors appointment today. Then the long process to psychiatrist refferal (only one in town believe that!).. last time I was on the list for over a year, still no call. I self harm for some reason, I hate it - and the urges keep coming.
I'm in Canada. I'm not these drugs. These drugs aren't me and I'm going to do something with my life. Do I start with a new GP or my lifelong one? I'm sure alllllll my drug use is on my chart. Might just go to a mental facility.
Last year I broke my back and almost drowned thanks to too much meth! If youre interested in the story i should be dead.
I want to die. I think of suicide multiple times daily. I used meth for a good year or so, nearly straight because my best friend was a dealer and I'd run for him sometimes. We bonded and became closer than ever. He was my best friend, my other half, like a brother to me.
Unfortunately he was murdered by four meth heads, one which he thought he trusted but set him up. Won't go into details of his death but did not deserve it, he was only 21. I feel lost without him. I want to go admit myself to the hospital because I just feel completely lost, empty, almost feel nothing.
I can't stop buying drugs online. I use every single $$ I get on research chemicals or cocaine or hydromorphone but mostly RCs. Sick of letting my parents and brother down. put them through a lot of meth psychosis I went through.
Where do I start? I don't even eat, hardly sleep these days and I'm just done and I know my buddy (rest his soul) would want this for me.
I been a poly-substance addict forever and I' m afraid I can't stop. It's almost like veins, drug veins holding me down and I can't go on anymore.
This will be a journal of my soberness (aside from etizolam dosed as needed)... I live in a shitty place and its tough for me to get the help I need. I feel so lost. 25 years old and nothing to show for it. so I come here to discuss my feelings and quitting drugs, even marijuana. I will make a doctors appointment today. Then the long process to psychiatrist refferal (only one in town believe that!).. last time I was on the list for over a year, still no call. I self harm for some reason, I hate it - and the urges keep coming.
I'm in Canada. I'm not these drugs. These drugs aren't me and I'm going to do something with my life. Do I start with a new GP or my lifelong one? I'm sure alllllll my drug use is on my chart. Might just go to a mental facility.
Last year I broke my back and almost drowned thanks to too much meth! If youre interested in the story i should be dead.
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