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Need to kink it up a bit with new girl

M

moonyham

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 15, 2007
Messages
2,809
Hey,

So ive been seeing this girl for a month or two.. Ive known her for about a 18 months and we had sex a couple times but i never persued or tried to turn it into anything serious.

I really like this girl and shes basically my gf, idn it hasnt been 'made official' we just enjoy each others company and i stay at her place once a week. I take her out usually before hand to the movies or whatever.

Anyway, shes all good in bed, puts in effort and isnt THAT shy but i find shes restricted. Ie no blowjob and usually doesnt play with my cock which kind of annoys me. Its nice when a girl just grabs your dick and puts it in her ya know.

Shes given me head before but i had to ask and that was like, last year. She always stops me when i start going down on her, too.

I dont know what i need to do to get her to open up. We've had sex drunk a couple times and it was alot better than sober. I want that kind of sex but i obviously dont wanna say 'hey your way better when your drunk' lol.
 
Why not tell her what you like? She might be clueless lol!
 
Yeah just tell her! You ask her to tell you what she likes too. I find it sexy as fuck when a girl is telling me what to do her... I assume the reverse is true too.

Trim your pubes nice and short or shave em off, she'll probably be more tempted to give you oral and play with it if you make it nicer to do so. The same way we like a trimmed/shaved vag.
 
Sounds to me like she just doesn't like giving oral sex. Some girls don't. And she probably stops you from giving it to her because then she'll feel obliged to reciprocate. And the reality is that she might not ever grow to like giving it, so you'll have to be prepared for that if you want to make her a long-term girlfriend.

With that said, oral sex is just one of the many things that a couple can do in bed. The way I'd go about getting her to try new things would be done in two phases:

(1) Exposure. She needs to be exposed to as many different sexual positions/fetishes/ideas as possible. If she's open to the idea, then start watching porn together, and a variety of it. If not, perhaps buy yourself a copy of the Kama Sutra or a fetish encyclopedia and leave it on your coffeetable for her to stumble upon. You gotta get the seeds planted in her head of what she'd like to try.

(2) Stimulation. Take what she does like and use this to get her really, really worked up in bed. Whatever things you already know that she likes, do them for her and do them as well as you freakin' can. Slowly, sensually, erotically, work her up one day until she gets that look in her eye of oh wow, this guy is putting forth some effort and it's working...I'm way more turned-on than usual! When she's in that moment, her inhibitions will have gone down and she'll be more willing to experiment than if you sat her down before sex and asked "so, what do you wanna try today?" In that moment is when you ask her if she saw anything in the video or the book that caught her attention, and if so, that you want to experience it with her. If you do and she enjoys it, she'll likely want to do the same for you. People respond a lot better to the idea of exploring sexual rushes together than they do to some reciprocal notion of 'You do my kink, then I'll do yours.' They key, again, is to first reach that suspended state that only really occurs in passionate sex and then open up to each other.
 
If she's of a nervous disposition stumbling upon a fetish encyclopedia on your coffee table probably isn't going to help her much.

Alcohol could probably help, not too much, just enough that you can relax enough to tell her what you want & her relax enough to do it. And then hopefully it'll translate seamlessly across to sober sex.
 
I personally love giving oral, but I'm sure you would agree that there is nothing worse that a 'reluctant blowjob'.

I find just as much enjoyment (giving or receiving) if both of you are totally into it - otherwise, if the offer was born from obligation, I'd politely decline....

I'm with RedLeader mostly, with the exclusion of her refusing to let him perform oral on her because she may feel the reciprocal pole smoke will follow. If she's a little reserved or nervous, it could be because letting a man go down on you can make some chicks feel really vulnerable and exposed, and unless you absolutely trust the person, or have a bit more experience (or have had a delicious mix of cocktails and drugs) it might be a bit too much for her.

Just saying that if she trusts that you're not gonna bail on her any time soon, you might find she'll be more open to explore her sexuality with you.
 
Err if you like her, just go with it - she just doesn't sound very experienced or confident sexually, soif she doesn't blow you - well, forget it for a while, and just keep going down on her. Can I ask are you any good at cunnilingus? Like maybe she just doesn't like how you do it or you're crap...

I agree with the last paragraph in that ^ above post.
 
I disagree about the "some girls just don't like oral" sentiment. I mean, the mouth and sexual organs have a long and intimate history. There's definitely something abnormal about not partaking in that facet of a healthy sexual relationship. Reading through the OP definitely raises a post-traumatic issue red flag in my mind. My guess is she suffered some sort of sexual abuse in the past and is hiding it.
 
Its quite possible that she doesn't let you go down on her because she is self concious. Maybe someone once told her she has a stinky vagina or something? Or maybe you really aren't good at it. My ex was awful but i didn't want to hurt his feelings so i just never asked for it and when he would start heading down that way I'd either distract him with other things, or be stuck laying there for 10 minutes bored/faking it.

Do you shave/trim your junk? If not, that's probably why she doesn't blow you. There is nothing worse than hairy balls all up in your face. Personally i just tell bf to go shave if he wants a bj, but not every girl is comfortable with expressing wants/needs.

Alternatively, she could be like my ex roommate who said once that she ''doesn't think she should have to give blowjobs because she is already providing the vagina''. Probably why her bf had a habit of propositioning me for a bj every time he got drunk.
 
See if there is a reason why she doesn't like to go down on you. My ex had a lot of hair down there and I didn't really like it so I didn't want to go down on him as much. So if he had asked ... I could have given him that reason ... and he could have done something about it which would result in more blow jobs for him! :p lol
But yeah, just talk to her about it more. Communication is good :) :) Maybe she doesn't realize you like it that much. I know it should be obvious but you never know - maybe it isn't! Also ask her what SHE likes and what SHE wants to do more of.
 
As red leader said, some girls don't like giving some don't like receiving, some don't like either. So those might be reasons, she may have little experience and is nervous.
Sit down and discuss it with her, find out why so you can make plans together.
 
Maybe it has nothing to do with sex at all and its just the environment or anxiety or something. MDMA or very low-dose mushrooms could lead to less inhibited sex and more communication.
 
Mushrooms? damn man, ain't no drug that kills my libido faster.
 
I dunno, with psychedelics if your trip focus has shifted to sexual experiences I find you can direct your trip to allow yourself to get hornier than ever before. You can allow yourself to be completely consumed by sexual hunger, The most powerful orgasm I have had was on a Mushroom trip and I started visualizing a woman riding my cock and I started actually having tactile hallucinations; it actually felt like a woman was riding my cock with her Pussy without even touching it I felt the warmth and wetness, everything. You can manifest any kind of experience on most of the classical psychedelics....well this is what I have found.

Mushrooms definitely could work but it also has a tendency to make things awkward and overcoming that feeling of uncertainty can be hard to do for somebody that isn't very experienced with psychedelics, It's definitely doable though, you can experience sex in a deeper and more profound way than is usually possible sober.

MDMA would be perfect for this but...I don't think one should do certain drugs with a significant other to hopefully just get what you want out of your significant other. Talking to her about it and understanding the situation from her perspective is definitely the most admirable and fair approach to this, communication, understanding, and being empathetic to any possible insecurities she may have would in the end open up more doors for a more fulfilling sexual experience.
 
KhyaBean said:
Its quite possible that she doesn't let you go down on her because she is self concious. Maybe someone once told her she has a stinky vagina or something? .
Click to expand...

Ahhh yes there is this, I forgot this one...I actually just stopped seeing ( few months ago) a girl who thought her cunt was disgustin and couldn't imagine why I loved licking it, nuzzling in it.
 
Unfortunately for you there are simply people in this world who have tastes for some things, and other things simply distasteful. A woman can like kiwi, but not pineapple. Sexuality is a very personal issue as it relates to pleasure in coordination with our bodies and self-esteem. Parts of sexuality are ingrained with levels of confidence and being brave enough to expose ourselves in the most seceret ways.

How does she feel about herself anyway? Have you noticed tendencies in her saying she doesn't like how she looks? What are her common insecurities other-wise?

Some people are saying to "just tell her", however while that may spring forth more action from her orally, she may do it simply for the sake of keeping the relationship amicable. Nothing in her feelings will change just because you asked, and she may want to avoid sex if the isssue keeps propping up. Also, her concept of oral sex is an exploratory act, and not so much one of pleasure. Having her feel comfortable for her to make the first move and explore how she feels is critical.

I don't know your girlfriend, so it could be other things, but at least make sure that she knows you love her entire body and that she's beutiful. Going lingerie shopping, taking showers together, doting her with your friends, etc.

Then put it up the butt.
 
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