AutisticGraham
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Mar 25, 2019
- Messages
- 37
I've been up all night, and have been eating insane amounts of food. I never ate when I was drinking heavily because it hurt my stomach, and I guess I was getting thousand of calories just from the drinks instead. So, my digestive system is a bit confused. I'm feeling a bit better right now, and something weird happened. For the first time in many years I had a feeling in the deep recesses of my brain that felt so weird. I think I was looking forward to watching a movie I downloaded and eating some snacks. Maybe I was anticipating doing something fun. I guess the drinking really had such a strong grasp over my personality for such a huge number of years that I didn't want to blame it, but I'm starting to see now that it was enabling me to stay depressed. I'm going to go out for a walk, get some fresh air, and maybe buy some more food - I've eaten everything that was in my cupboards!
There's clearly a long way to go yet. My life is still a complete mess, the fallout from 20 years of daily drinking is not pretty. I am definitely feeling like I have made the first step in the right direction, a few thousand more and I might start to be able to enjoy the things that normal people enjoy. I still have no job, no money and no direction in my life. I have got some mild sleep tablets, I will have one and see if I can get 8-9 hours sleep and see how I feel after that. My craving for some booze is still almost uncontrollable.
I just need to find something that I can focus on, without drinking I am suddenly going to find that I have a huge amount of spare time.
Only about a week ago now that I was under the influence of 3-4 bottles of wine and ransacking my medicine cupboard for something to finish me off. And I remember how I felt - determined. Had something been there for me to take I would not be writing this.
There's clearly a long way to go yet. My life is still a complete mess, the fallout from 20 years of daily drinking is not pretty. I am definitely feeling like I have made the first step in the right direction, a few thousand more and I might start to be able to enjoy the things that normal people enjoy. I still have no job, no money and no direction in my life. I have got some mild sleep tablets, I will have one and see if I can get 8-9 hours sleep and see how I feel after that. My craving for some booze is still almost uncontrollable.
I just need to find something that I can focus on, without drinking I am suddenly going to find that I have a huge amount of spare time.
Only about a week ago now that I was under the influence of 3-4 bottles of wine and ransacking my medicine cupboard for something to finish me off. And I remember how I felt - determined. Had something been there for me to take I would not be writing this.
Last edited: