Need help with opioid withdrawal

[Messedup88]

Hi, if this is in the wrong place please move it to an appropriate one. Although I have been lurking for years, this is my first post. I need help, I had an experience I can’t explain and perhaps somebody had something similar.
A little background. I used H iv a long time (over 30 years) ago and after forceful withdrawal was clean for about 10 years. Then the occasional pain med for a few years without issues. Then a painful family thing where I experienced panic attacks and was treated with benzos. Well, then one Dr suggested not use as needed but 2mg clonazepam daily. Big mistake. That was 10 years ago. Around the same time diagnosed with cancer, chronic pain after surgery and since then on about 20 later 30 mg oxy daily. I had times not too long ago where I was ok with 20 mg, sometimes even 10 for a few days.
The benzos became an issue together with the oxy, so I decided to quit. With all the help from BL I tapered down after converting to Valium. started about 4 years ago. The process took 2 years, but since then basically benzo free.
Now to my big problem. About 2 month ago, I couldn’t get oxy anymore and was prescribed 60-90 mg morphine orally daily. It was from a hospital so I think it was the real thing, no fent, but I am not certain. After about one month of that I had suddenly extreme panic attacks, possibly paranoia, my mind was scrambled. I was able to get another prescription for oxy again and switched back. That was a month ago. However, I can’t stabilize on the oxy anymore, on 30 mg a day. Since one month I am now in withdrawal. First major anxiety for 1 week and I can’t take benzos for relief. Then about 1 week the usual body aches, shivering. The 1 week of runs with lope treatment. Now just generally miserable with the three mixed in sometimes. The thing that drives me mad is I don’t understand why. If I could stabilize I would like to taper down and eventually quit the oxy too. But if I can’t even do that? Anybody has any idea what could have happened? I feel something is broken. Would appreciate any reply.

 

[n3ophy7e]

Hi and welcome to Bluelight @Messedup88 I'm so glad you decided to join up and post

That's an odd situation and I don't have a clue....sorry. I'm going to move this thread over to our Other Drugs forum where the regulars tend to know a lot more specifically about opiates, cross-tolerance, withdrawals, the fentanyl epidemic etc. Good luck with it and all the very best If you're having any struggles with your addiction, mental health, the psychological/emotional/social side of withdrawals, that kinda stuff, The Dark Side is where it's at

 

[Keif' Richards]

Hey @Messedup88

I have a few questions.

So you're basically clean right now, but still flirting with these three drugs on an intermittent basis or are you actually dependent upon them still?

Do you need to be on an Opioid for a legitimate reason? If you want to get off the Oxycodone, I would really suggest not attempting to "go back" to a higher dose if you've already done the work, just to taper down at a later time

If this is just an issue of feeling bad after being on Opioids, the only real solution is time and treating your body and mind right. There are a lot of thing we can do to enhance our bodies and minds. We can eat right, exercise and all that jazz. As a society, we have forgotten how important these things truly are.

I'm happy to help, but I admittedly don't really understand what's happening.

I kind of feel like this is just a "man things are fucked up right now" post where your head and thoughts are just scrambled.

I totally respect that, but if you want answers, you need to give us a more direct and succinct question to address.

 

[Messedup88]

Thanks for the replies. I guess the last part came across scrambled, my mind sure is. I am done with benzos since 2 years.

I don’t take the morphine anymore, that was only one month to replace the oxy with the described panic/paranoia.

Since then, so about one month, I do take 30mg oxy again daily. It was prescribed for pain, but just addiction now. Which means I am basically where I was before starting the morphine. However, despite the 30mg oxy I was and still am in withdrawal. That’s what I don’t get. I would expect to have at least stabilized. 2 month ago I was happy (and that for pretty much 10 years). Now I take the same amount and am in constant withdrawal. It is screwing with my mind, my sleep, my life.

I hope this explains it better

 

[Messedup88]

Thanks for the replies. I guess the last part came across scrambled, my mind sure is. I am done with benzos since 2 years.

I don’t take the morphine anymore, that was only one month to replace the oxy with the described panic/paranoia.

Since then, so about one month, I do take 30mg oxy again daily. It was prescribed for pain, but just addiction now. Which means I am basically where I was before starting the morphine. However, despite the 30mg oxy I was and still am in withdrawal. That’s what I don’t get. I would expect to have at least stabilized. 2 month ago I was happy (and that for pretty much 10 years). Now I take the same amount and am in constant withdrawal. It is screwing with my mind, my sleep, my life.

I hope this explains it better

As far as concrete questions go:
-has anybody an explanation why, after one month back on oxy, I am still in withdrawal?
-any experience what I can do to stabilize. I was hoping to feel halfway decent after some time, then I can taper the next amount. That’s what usually worked before.
I am kind of scared of the morphine due to it likely causing panic attacks and extreme anxiety. And also worried the oxy might now be doing the same. So I don’t want to take a higher dose. But I can’t stand this withdrawal much longer. I can’t eat reasonably, not sleep enough, are weak and tired and am supposed to work. But if I already feel this bad, I don’t think I can do further tapering.

 

[n3ophy7e]

As far as concrete questions go:
-has anybody an explanation why, after one month back on oxy, I am still in withdrawal?
-any experience what I can do to stabilize. I was hoping to feel halfway decent after some time, then I can taper the next amount. That’s what usually worked before.
I am kind of scared of the morphine due to it likely causing panic attacks and extreme anxiety. And also worried the oxy might now be doing the same. So I don’t want to take a higher dose. But I can’t stand this withdrawal much longer. I can’t eat reasonably, not sleep enough, are weak and tired and am supposed to work. But if I already feel this bad, I don’t think I can do further tapering.

Where are you obtaining the oxys? Are they from a drug store, sealed and packaged? Or are you getting them from a dealer? If it's the latter there is always the chance they are not the real deal, especially in the States.
If they are legit pharma then I still have no clue, sorry

 

[Messedup88]

They are legit Pharma, directly from a pharmacy

 

[nznity]

Some gabapentin would help you decrease the intensity of the wds a bit more, the thing that is very odd to me is why after a month you haven't stabilized on the other pills. You're probably getting fent if you're scoring pills from the street, if that's the case you're in big trouble because that crap is so powerful the other meds just tickle it. It's weird that you don't feel ok on oxy again? What else do you take? Are you still taking benzos? Could be benzo wd too. Mhmm

As far as concrete questions go:
-has anybody an explanation why, after one month back on oxy, I am still in withdrawal?
-any experience what I can do to stabilize. I was hoping to feel halfway decent after some time, then I can taper the next amount. That’s what usually worked before.
I am kind of scared of the morphine due to it likely causing panic attacks and extreme anxiety. And also worried the oxy might now be doing the same. So I don’t want to take a higher dose. But I can’t stand this withdrawal much longer. I can’t eat reasonably, not sleep enough, are weak and tired and am supposed to work. But if I already feel this bad, I don’t think I can do further tapering.

 

[Messedup88]

You may be on to something. It does feel like benzo Withdrawal. The last time I did a very long taper and it was never as bad as now. But then where did I get it? I stay far far away from benzos since 2 years. My oxy prescriptions are from a Dr office for pain management and bought in a pharmacy. Only the morphine I received in a hospital from their pharmacy so I never thought it could be that. However, it was in Asia, so maybe it was tempered with for cost. I really don’t know. It just sucks, if it is that despite being so careful not to touch them. But then I am thinking perhaps I stabilize on a low dose Valium again and do another taper. Already a month and I won’t know when it will get better. Life sucks sometimes

 

[GetMeOutOfThisCRAP]

You may be on to something. It does feel like benzo Withdrawal. The last time I did a very long taper and it was never as bad as now. But then where did I get it? I stay far far away from benzos since 2 years. My oxy prescriptions are from a Dr office for pain management and bought in a pharmacy. Only the morphine I received in a hospital from their pharmacy so I never thought it could be that. However, it was in Asia, so maybe it was tempered with for cost. I really don’t know. It just sucks, if it is that despite being so careful not to touch them. But then I am thinking perhaps I stabilize on a low dose Valium again and do another taper. Already a month and I won’t know when it will get better. Life sucks sometimes

Gabapentin is a good solution that is less evil and abusive for anxiety plagued types. I don't fully grasp what you mean by being unable to "stabilize" regarding oxycodone? Does that mean mentally you are distraught? Or physically the doses are causing your body to lash out? They are two major different issues but unsure fully on what you expressed in text. Stability as someone above said on opioids can definitely occur by focusing on your mental health and keeping in physical shape as well. I don't think after your back history listed it will be easy to do without any benzos because anxiety is tangible and real--and you are prone to anxiety issues. Gabapentin is a quick solution for all that stuff, although doctors threw handfuls of gabapentin at patients like we were pigeons and they were bird seeds when it was the new miracle drug they wanted it to be... and now doctors make it so difficult to get prescribed a softer anxiety medication like it is worse than xanax. The logic of pharma and doctors at times is worse than drug addicts lol. They should just give us drugs again like they did in when they ruined the country with opioids. T-those were the days. Now they will only provide substances for those near death which is not the right play either. Good luck whatever you decide!

 

[Messedup88]

Thanks for your reply. Yes, I wish too opioids would be legally sold and quality controlled. That would eliminate a lot off problems.
Regarding Gabapentin, I tried that, well not recently, when my pain management Dr insisted to see how I am without opioids. I wasn’t well and the Gabapentin only made me feel drunk and I got serious issues keeping my balance.
I don’t seem to be able to make myself clear about my current issue though. I haven’t taken benzos in the last 2 years, at least not knowingly.
I was on 30mg Oxy a day, Pharma, not from the street. Sometimes 40-50mg sometimes then several days only 20. This now for over 5 years. I was happy, I didn’t get high anymore, those times are long gone. However, I was content with my life, I was pain free, it took care of my anxiety. Since it suddenly wasn’t available I received Morphine 60mg a day. I took about 60-90mg a day, didn’t feel much, was only very sleepy. The first week was strange, but I thought that was from the switch of opioids. Then after 3 weeks I woke up with very intense panic attacks, some paranoia, eg. when I washed my hair in the shower I had the feeling I was going to drown. I was completely off. After 3 days of that I received Oxy again. I took about 50mg that day but the symptoms didn’t go away. Since then I am again on 30mg every day. However, the intense panic lasted about one more week. Then the back pain, chills in 30C weather and sweats in air conditioned rooms, also lasted about one week. Then came the runs, over one week despite additional 10-16mg lope. Now it changes from day to day. I still have trouble sleeping, restless, hours in the bathroom then back pain and chills in the afternoon. Anxiety. It feels like withdrawal, but it is too long to be from opioids. I also have tinnitus again, which I only experienced before during the benzo taper.
So what I mean with stabilize is, I expect, as someone who would take H or Oxy and switches to Methadon or subs, after taking another opioid or even the DOC again, to be ok again after at least 2 weeks. But I am not. And I can’t figure out what caused it, what’s wrong, and how long it will last. Was there something in the morphine I got? I don’t know. I was pretty certain it is ok. Anyway, today I feel a little better, perhaps it will get better with time. Apologies for the last post, but I had a feeling I can’t express myself. If nobody understand what I am going through I certainly can’t get any advice.