Need Help With Emotionally Unstable Girl Friend,i'm Hopeless?

[axldamon]

Hello i'm AXL 22 years old,started dating a 19 yo gurl for about 2 months.

There was this random person bothering her at the Road i helped her we quickly escalated got her number Facebook etc and started talking.

It was basically a 10/10 gurl shared my music interests everything,she was really Sexual at first then tomorrow she would tell me I'm not a bitch i don't want you to think that i am,i told her i accept you the way you are.

We went out head sex everything was going just fine,she told me i can't really live without you i need you your so sweet stuff like that.

She was suffering from low self esteem and Depression and has signs of Bipolar,studies Psychology it's her first year at uni.

So here is where things start to go downhill,she started going cold on me we always talked things over and i was really straight with her asked her what was wrong did i do something wrong,she goes like i just don't really feel like talking with people much lately it's not you.

At first i was looking at the Positive aspects didn't really make it a big of a deal she would be same sweet show the same Emotional Validation just keep the convo's shorter.

As time went out she started decreasing them and i asked her a few times all i got was It's not true that i don't wanna talk to you,i been talking a lot to people lately it's not just you know.

Then she started pulling back emotionally,she also pmed my mom she knows her we were really serious with this gurl telling her i LOVE HIM SO MUCH.

Anyways after this she removed all the Emotional Validation and would keep the convo's max 1-2 texts daily and it really got me pissed so i decided to have a serious Conversation with her.

I pmed her asking her if she feels the same things she feelt before i keept pressuring she goes like''It's not true that i don't wanna talk to you''I told her to answer the question that is being asked she goes like''I don't know can't we just change the Topic??

Then i keept asking if i did something wrong she goes like no i don't know what to say i don't have anything to say.

She also keept telling me guys stare at her etc.

So basically i see here lack of interest i tried to bring old Memories she does not care,she tells me all the right words and acts the opposite way leaves me hanging without an answer,never initiates the convo first does not care it's like i'm talking to this total stranger that Scares me does not respect me talks with sarcasm and i keep asking myself what i did wrong i can't really find anything.

It's really strange how can people change this fast and not care.

She has all the signs of Bipolar doe i'm not really sure:Very sexual kisses girls acts like a Bisexual talks with a lot of people,addictive to drinks,would do drugs no problem if offered very suicidal suffered from Depression,gets turned on fast and turned off.

I just can't really believe what i'm going through right now the last message of me was like''Until you start being yourself and want to have something with me or go out peace up''

I went on NO CONTACT for my own Sanity she put me through hell it's been a month nothing from her,shes enjoying everything on her Facebook posting pictures i didn't like any of her pictures or stuff went full NC.

She would also overthink every little stuff being afraid that i might cheat on her and cry on the phone,i would chill her down tell her that i really love you the most on the world,And in the last convo she told me i should not be overthinking stuff it's not good for you!Imagine she tried to make me look Crazy,she is nice to every second person on facebook just sees me as her personal enemy and the guy that hurt her or the boring guy,i'm really hopeless

Here is when things gets Really Strange she knows i'm really close with my mom i didn't react anything to her posts or something,yesternight she Blocked my mom on Facebook and didn't block me,i think she is trying to get a Reaction from me i'm not really sure.


So the question is should i initiate Contact with her after 30 days and try to talk things out??Or maybe wait for some more i'm not really sure if she is ever going to pm me i'm really lost??

Sorry for keeping it so long,i'm just so much in pain it's my first post i don't know where to get help.

 

[Pallyress]

Turn away and run.

She makes you miserable. She plays head games. She is not straight with you. She wants you to want her.

This will not get better. I know it hurts. You are entitled to hurt. She hurts you.

It's not your job to fix her. She has no right to ruin you. jj

Turn away and RUN. This is an emotional abusive relationship. It will hurt for a while. Remember how she treats you, and watch out for signs like this in the next person you start to feel an interest for.

 

[Pallyress]

btw, you are obviously not hopeless. You are a loving and caring person, who has fallen in love with a manipulative, jealous person.

Don't define yourself out from how she treats you. Her treatment of you speaks volume about her person, not you. I've done the same mistake, I think it is easy for all people to do it. You are defined by your actions, not the actions done to you.

 

[AlphaDoge]

Fuck that bro, a complete manipulative headcase who knows how to play people. You're clearly aware of her bullshit, so keep staying away. It'll sting for a while, but one day you'll realize how big of a favor you just did yourself. Also, remember that people who have psychological conditions that are potentially clinical (she is showing some strong signs, more than an average woman even), cannot be mended by just talking. Requires a bit more than that, they have medical professionals for that. People who don't want to be helped, cannot be helped, so don't waste your time.

Blocking your mom to get a reaction out of you? That is both childish and insane. Run, run, run while you can!

 

[axldamon]

btw, you are obviously not hopeless. You are a loving and caring person, who has fallen in love with a manipulative, jealous person.

Don't define yourself out from how she treats you. Her treatment of you speaks volume about her person, not you. I've done the same mistake, I think it is easy for all people to do it. You are defined by your actions, not the actions done to you.

I firstly wanna thank you for your time,it really means a lot and for your Sincere answer.
Well at first she was really caring loving she is really good looking but I as a male look twice better then her,we clicked really well it was like she head my character and all i cared was her character nothing more and she told me the same.

She really head this low self esteem thinking she does not deserve anything good etc in life good things last really a little stuff like that,she used to tell me guys use females for only sexual pleasure and then leave them she also told i'm really afraid that your gonna leave me and hurt my feelings,which every word that i told her i proved them to her i gave her unconditional love i cared about her i loved her more then anything and i told her i accept you the way you are,she answered back with Empathy same feelings even stronger first 2 months after that it was a downhill.

Firstly she started telling me guys stare at her craving for attention,telling me how awesome she is then started talking with Sarcasm giving me no respect no anything removed all the emotional validation it's like she changed to this 180 degree stranger that i would be afraid to talk in the road.

She goes all lovey-dovey with all the other people on facebook and just considers me as her Enemy made me ditch her by giving 0 affection 0 emotions 0 respect and told me to not overthink stuff which she did in old times crying on the phone for hours telling me that i'm going to ditch her tried to make me look crazy.

I really get it doe she hates her parents her little brother her sister they don't respect her privacy,i gave her 110% from myself she firstly accepted it and then she ignored it started playing,everyone beside me consider her as a dirt i just really feel sorry for her and she gets attracted right now to tho's type of people and they are going to hurt her sooner or later use her feelings and ditch her later on i still care about her a lot.

When she started going cold on me i decided just one day to remove the emotional validation like she did and she snaped accusing me of cheating her etc and she was chatting with another 100 people from my back.

I saved her 10 times from suicide,once her cat accidentally jumped out of the window she tried to kill herself calling me at 5am i went to her home chilled her down,and this is how she thanks me she put me on Unrequited love bracket.

And moved on does not even care,i hope what goes around comes back around one day someone will hurt her that bad and she will return to ask for help which i would be long gone by then.

 

[axldamon]

Fuck that bro, a complete manipulative headcase who knows how to play people. You're clearly aware of her bullshit, so keep staying away. It'll sting for a while, but one day you'll realize how big of a favor you just did yourself. Also, remember that people who have psychological conditions that are potentially clinical (she is showing some strong signs, more than an average woman even), cannot be mended by just talking. Requires a bit more than that, they have medical professionals for that. People who don't want to be helped, cannot be helped, so don't waste your time.

Blocking your mom to get a reaction out of you? That is both childish and insane. Run, run, run while you can!

Imagine man i stopped feeding her attention,she knows i'm close with my mom so she blocked her for me to pm her.

She changed to this total stranger who keeps that high self esteem to a guy that she knows loves her 100% telling me how awesome she is how many options she has how many guys stare at her,and everyone else considers her as a dirt just for sexual pleasure complimenting the stupid and she flies on the Sky.

She blamed all the stuff on me probably she never likes any of my posts so the easiest way of her to get attention was block my mom i figured out waited for my reaction which she never got it,cuz she could have straightly blocked me if she did not want anything with me.

How insane can someone be how fucked up from the head can a girl be it's really scary.

I just cant really believe what i witnessed the last 1 month and she did this to a person that she knew 100% that she head me and i loved her with all my heart to no one else,it's really sad and heartbreaking.

 

[socko]

There are too many problems with this relationship. Here are some of the big ones.



First, why is she talking to your mom?

Second, she has a mental illness. Her mental illness is the kind where she preys on other people.

Third, you are not her therapist.

She's selfish.

She's immature.

She could ruin your life.

 

[axldamon]

There are too many problems with this relationship. Here are some of the big ones.



First, why is she talking to your mom?

Second, she has a mental illness. Her mental illness is the kind where she preys on other people.

Third, you are not her therapist.

She's selfish.

She's immature.

She could ruin your life.

I really don't know man when she started getting cold out of the blue she pm's my mom tells her that your son is really honest i like him for that.
I tried to help her man my mom's a Doctor i have my last 2 exams left i study Physical Therapy which is almost close to a Doctor,i really tried to gif her love and thought my love could help her.

At first she really accepted this with kindness and was the sweetest person alive it feel't like a Dream but then she changed 180 degree to a different person after 2 months showing no affection no love no emotions going all lovey dovey to other people in Facebook,finding excuses to go out keeping the convo's 1-2 texts max daily and telling me it's not true that i don't wanna talk to you until i pressured her which i got no answer.

She took me for granted i think or idk what kind of a demonic plan she head on her head,then she posts a song called''I thought i head you on hold''being all emotional and stuff,i'm a good looking guy man and an educated guy idk what did i deserve to get treated like this,but she is no near me wealth wise or education wise it's her first year on Psychology uni she found a branch that she should study herself i think.

Then out of the blue i went on NC for a month didn't like anything that she posted left her last message on Seen which freaked her out i think and ditched her to keep the dignity which i told her''If you really decide to feel again and go out with me pm me until then Peace Up'',Then one day i was really giving up hopes out of the blue she Blocks my mom on Facebook for no reason and does not block me she thought of a way to get my attention but i didn't really react to it.

Idk what is she trying to do i have no idea all i got for everything was I don't know that's all.

Idk if she tried to test me or sth but this really surpassed any boundaries that anyone could endure,and when i pressured her to the max she goes like Fuck it if you don't want we wont talk,imagine playing the Victim in this case like i'm the one that does not want her,after all the lies and manipulations she did.

 

[socko]

keeping the convo's 1-2 texts max daily and telling me it's not true that i don't wanna talk to you until i pressured her which i got no answer.

This sounds like she is alternately Gas Lighting and Stone Walling you. These are forms of psychological manipulation used by clinical sociopaths and psychopaths. The purpose of this tactic is to make their victim doubt himself and break him down.

You did the right thing by not seeing her for a while. I think you might not have much experience dealing with her personality type, and that's why you let her get close to you. She sounds dangerous.

 

[axldamon]

This sounds like she is alternately Gas Lighting and Stone Walling you. These are forms of psychological manipulation used by clinical sociopaths and psychopaths. The purpose of this tactic is to make their victim doubt himself and break him down.

You did the right thing by not seeing her for a while. I think you might not have much experience dealing with her personality type, and that's why you let her get close to you. She sounds dangerous.

Thank you for letting me know brother it really means a lot she once sent me a movie we were chilling with my mom Angelina Jolie was starring on it called:Girl Interrupted it was a 1999 movie Based on writer Susanna Kaysen's account of her 18-month stay at a mental hospital in the 1960s.

It was basically this gurl Susanna Kaysen was on a Psychiatric Hospital pretending to be Crazy where she was not crazy and it was her favorite movie.

At the first 2 months she was really insecure doe man i helped her with a lot of stuff she would cry for hours tell me she cries for no reason sees spiders stuff like that suicidal etc,and she trusted me

But after the 2nd month she tried badly to break my self esteem to make me look stupid to try to make me believe sth and manipulate the other way.

I really got a good friend who is good at games he told me if you want to give it another shot i'll log in your fb account and talk to her he is also good with psychology.

It was really hard for me to deal with it especially the last month there is actually a song of a Rockband Dead By April which is called Empathy and the lyrics go by:Spit in my face
Humiliate my dignity
But I'm feeling great
To me this is normality

I try to think straight
Is this really my worth?
My heart gets in the way
And it keeps saying it doesn't hurt
Chaos!!!

Blaming myself
For the things that you call me
For the ways you act
And how sick is that?

I try to think straight
Of something else than rebirth
My heart gets in the way
And seriously it hurts!

What you're going through
It is real to you
But your mind plus your heart makes two

Look into my eyes
What do you see?
I'm someone who can show empathy
When your mind's clouded by your heart
It's not easy to see what's real n' what's not
I give you my empathy

It really tells the whole story.

 

[axldamon]

This sounds like she is alternately Gas Lighting and Stone Walling you. These are forms of psychological manipulation used by clinical sociopaths and psychopaths. The purpose of this tactic is to make their victim doubt himself and break him down.

You did the right thing by not seeing her for a while. I think you might not have much experience dealing with her personality type, and that's why you let her get close to you. She sounds dangerous.

One more question brother i just checked the Stone walling and Gas lighting it's really insane of Sigmund Fraud.
At first she responded with every emotion back for the 2 first months everything was going fine until this is where i relate the terms that you gave:

When i started to try to search for answers she made me believe everything was cool and it was on me showing no emotions,every time i asked her she would listen to me and answer with no answers at all like I don't know,you did nothing wrong etc which is no answer at all.

Every time i tried to crave or lets say beg for an answer i really didn't get any:I asked her why did you go from this person that loved me the most on the world to this person who does not care and all i got was:I don't know what to say i don't really have to say anything i tried to make her angry she did not get mad or answer anything.

So she basically saw me suffering and she enjoyed every second of it she just did it for a joy of it i guess and did not care.

Is this condition changeable i mean is it with phases or sth?

She was not like this at first

 

[Mel22]

You were only with this girl for a few weeks. Life is going to be a big struggle for you if you aren't capable of walking away from situations that are clearly very unhealthy and damaging.

If you're willing (and eager) to put up with this amount of extreme bullshit and abuse from a girl you hardly even know, then I really think you could benefit from some professional help.

 

[axldamon]

You were only with this girl for a few weeks. Life is going to be a big struggle for you if you aren't capable of walking away from situations that are clearly very unhealthy and damaging.

If you're willing (and eager) to put up with this amount of extreme bullshit and abuse from a girl you hardly even know, then I really think you could benefit from some professional help.

Your absolutely right,i'm already moving on,it's just there is always a part of me that remembers the old caring girl she really was all tho's sweet stuff she used to say in 2 months and how we spent so much time together and we clicked i guess it was just a game.

Then she turned to this emotionally abusive girl,who tried to Stone Wall me without giving me any answers shut herself down basically and every time i got mad and searched for answers she gave none of it basically and enjoyed every second of it,made me pull back myself and made herself the Victim and me her Enemy that ditched her,she did not answer cuz she knew she was dirty and was trying to escape fights.

And also the tried to Gas-Light me which basically told me the right things and acted the opposite way Manipulated me believing that nothing is wrong and questioning myself and enjoyed it, told me to not overthink stuff, keept the 1-2 texts daily max and told me it's not true that i don't wanna talk to you and acted the opposite way so basically lied and tried to make me look crazy by telling me not to overthink imagine,it's like me telling you sth and acting the opposite way making you believe and question yourself,i accepted tho's stuff the first 3 times i head no idea what she was doing,but after that it was unacceptable and she still tried to continue the talk with me with the sentence,cant we just talk normal?without questions thank god i stopped it there.

 

[kapheen']

She sounds very emotionally selfish and narcissistic. I'd heed the advice given and move the fuck on. You'll only hurt yourself worse if you continue things with her. I've been in an emotionally abusive relationship, with a girl who was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. It was hell, trying to love her and fix her. Her insecurities became my own insecurities. It took me a lot of pain and tears to get over her, but I did it, I left her and stuck to it.
Run like hell, bro. This is not a beneficial situation for you, whatsoever.

Best wishes.

 

[socko]

The lyrics of the Dead by April song really fit the situation. This personality type often seeks out people who have empathy and who are trusting. I think she has a lot of internal pain, insecurities, and conflict. She starts out sweet as honey to lure you in. Once she has your trust, she turns. From now on, she usually acts mean, but she will be nice just often enough to keep her victim from running away. I think it makes her feel better about herself to make other people suffer. That and she tells you all of her problems and fears - she treats you like a punching bag and a kind of therapist.

I believe empathy is a core part of the personality. IMO, empathy has to develop at an early age, or it will probably never develop. Lack of empathy is a defining characteristic of certain personality disorders. These personality disorders develop by the age of 14 years or so. According to modern psychiatry, they almost never change, no matter how much you try to help them. They are a lost cause.

In the beginning, this personality can have a lot of charm and lure people in. It's good that you saw through it and got away.

One more question brother i just checked the Stone walling and Gas lighting it's really insane of Sigmund Fraud.
At first she responded with every emotion back for the 2 first months everything was going fine until this is where i relate the terms that you gave:

When i started to try to search for answers she made me believe everything was cool and it was on me showing no emotions,every time i asked her she would listen to me and answer with no answers at all like I don't know,you did nothing wrong etc which is no answer at all.

Every time i tried to crave or lets say beg for an answer i really didn't get any:I asked her why did you go from this person that loved me the most on the world to this person who does not care and all i got was:I don't know what to say i don't really have to say anything i tried to make her angry she did not get mad or answer anything.

So she basically saw me suffering and she enjoyed every second of it she just did it for a joy of it i guess and did not care.

Is this condition changeable i mean is it with phases or sth?

She was not like this at first

 

[axldamon]

The lyrics of the Dead by April song really fit the situation. This personality type often seeks out people who have empathy and who are trusting. I think she has a lot of internal pain, insecurities, and conflict. She starts out sweet as honey to lure you in. Once she has your trust, she turns. From now on, she usually acts mean, but she will be nice just often enough to keep her victim from running away. I think it makes her feel better about herself to make other people suffer. That and she tells you all of her problems and fears - she treats you like a punching bag and a kind of therapist.

I believe empathy is a core part of the personality. IMO, empathy has to develop at an early age, or it will probably never develop. Lack of empathy is a defining characteristic of certain personality disorders. These personality disorders develop by the age of 14 years or so. According to modern psychiatry, they almost never change, no matter how much you try to help them. They are a lost cause.

In the beginning, this personality can have a lot of charm and lure people in. It's good that you saw through it and got away.

I swear to god man when we started talking she would pm me around 10 hours + daily none stop the first days asking me where i was we live really close to each other she was on a Vacation asking me what i'm doing etc,then burn on Sexually and tomorrow tell me that she is not a Bitch she head really next lvl insecurities,once it was like 5 am she keept pming till 5am and then i told her lets go to sleep your tired and she goes like your gonna get rid of me then i head to chill her down.

Well she is 19 years old and her parents are 33-34 they got married in an early age basically it was a mistake so they home Prisoned her telling her all the guys are the same they will use you and ditch you,and when she goes out with her Girl Friends she removes all her Sexual urges to them basically i caught her kissing her girl friend in the middle of the day which she reacted by crying and begging me to stay,it's like she is uncontroleable,hates her parents hates kids in general idk.

But on the last few convo's i noticed that she was not giving a clear answer being a cold bitch and a mean one was leaving the things hanging and changing the topic,idk what was she trying to do actually i think she took me for granted or sth since she gained my 100% trust and empathy and probably talked to another 100 people from my back and was leaving me hanging she thought that she head me 100% so she could fuck with any random dude and if the things don't really work out return to me i think i have no idea.

I proved her everytime wrong that all the guys are the same everything i said i keep't,i respected her she was amazed the first 2 months she probably never got that in life from anyone,listened to her,gave her advice's none stop saved her from suicide she answered back with Double Empathy being so sweet and stuff it was like a Dream she cared about me a lot etc,but after that she started pulling back with her being cold no emotional bored etc not giving any answers finding excuses for going out.

I don't really know what was her aim or intention,to keep me as a backup??Who she can trust 100% in case things don't work with other guys or she head some next level insecurities that made her change her mind,i mean from all the people that she talks i can guarantee 100% that no one will listen to her crazy suicidal plans or the things that she lies i endured 3 months of hell.

In the last convo she tried to leave thing's hanging like always,in general she would keep the last convos 1-2 texts just to give me hope to do her daily routine and then get back to other people and then gas light me when i ask her.

But then i told her if you continue like this peace up until you turn to that old person and she acted like she did not care trying to scare me of not being able to talk to her ever again,i keep't my dignity and did a manly act,never liked anything of her pictures never reacted anything and moved forward i was going through hell but i did the right choice i think,she thought she head me 100% on her claw so after she saw that she is losing me she decided to get an reaction by not letting her ego down blocking my mom on fb so i could react to her probably and then she would start a fight trying to GAS LIGHT me again telling me probably that i left her etc.

I'm really not sure that if she will ever pm me,i really wanna pm her sometimes but i will get back to 0 give her again the control and she will start all the bullshit again,i just hope one day she will get Depressed enough and alone she will pm me for help and at least i can make her feel the same things i feel't this past 1 month and a half which was hell,she is way to stubborn and won't break her ego down.

 

[axldamon]

She sounds very emotionally selfish and narcissistic. I'd heed the advice given and move the fuck on. You'll only hurt yourself worse if you continue things with her. I've been in an emotionally abusive relationship, with a girl who was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. It was hell, trying to love her and fix her. Her insecurities became my own insecurities. It took me a lot of pain and tears to get over her, but I did it, I left her and stuck to it.
Run like hell, bro. This is not a beneficial situation for you, whatsoever.

Best wishes.

Firstly i wanna thank you for your time brother it means a lot and sorry for opening up your Wounds or reminding you of the old memories you head,and thanks for showing Empathy it means a lot,you can feel me the best i think since you went through tho's stuff.

Well i cried for days i could not stop it it hurt me a lot,she surpassed my boundaries more then anyone could ever head i just didn't really wanted to lose her that's all that's why i keept going always searching for hope or a way out,but she turned the switch off head no emotions the last days and enjoyed every second of it inflicting pain to me and didn't really care she thought she fooled me lol but she lost a golden person it's her lose at the end of the day she is still alone and feeling all the bullshit she feelt before and i still have my self esteem high enough that i can go out and find someone who loves me or respects me the way i am.

I just prayed to god one day that she might return so i could at least explode to her telling her how sick she is since she can't really take the stress she will get mad in seconds until she would have got mad and blocked me on facebook i just pray for that moment and make her feel the worst in the world like she made me that's all.

Once she knew 100% that i really love her and she got my empathy and trust she then started inflicting pain and enjoyed it it boosted her low self esteem and ego causing people pain how sick can someone be this is the living example of the sickest person that i ever witnessed and i would be scared to talk in the road.

She still feels the emptiness doe the sadness she has internal pain she cries for no reason she is never happy still suicidal shares death stuff at the end of the day she lost someone who really loved and cared about her it's her lost not myne,and i still keep kicking happy and alive without a single problem.

She once head me the guy that she could trust and share anything now she lost me, and she still does not break up her Ego to pm me and ask for help when she is going through all tho's stuff,which she never talked with anyone cuz no one would have listened to her even her parents don't care about her sick ideas and stuff they just Prison her on house prison so people don't leave her pregnant and don't care for the rest of her and she freaks out the whole day on the internet,i would just say good job for raising a Sadistic bitch.

She looks extremely good i look twice as good as her,but who cares about the external look when she is fucked up from the Internal side and she used to tell me she values character ROFL she is talking to ugly fat cunts on facebook and feeling great,they will use her and ditch her i just pray for that one moment so at least i can make her feel the same things i feelt''WHAT GOES AROUND COMES BACK AROUND''

Someone is watching us which is god, nothing will be left without a punishment every action has a reaction it is going to happen sooner or later i'm just gonna be patient.

 

[axldamon]

Update she pm's after a month and a half,we start a little convo,i invite her out and she straightly says no,after that i continue with I really feel bad that you don't have time for me,and she goes like,That's not true,i never said that i don't wanna go out with you,i said that i can't at this moment,because of my school and stuff.

She takes pictures going out god knows with who probably her girl friends and tells me i can't go out,i never said i don't want to i just can't.

Still same tactics 1-2 messages daily max and continues.

Idk why the hell she came back have no idea.

I think she is taking me for granted and keeping me around since she knows me better then anyone else 100%.

Idk what to think or do!!

Any ideas why she came back????

 

[pofacedhoe]

she came back because without you thirsting for her attention who does she have on a line to feel powerful over

grow up

cut her out. cut all contact. block her on facebook if these pictures are so annoying to you

find someone who isn't a liar without a conscience

 

[happygirl29]

Sounds like she has a personality disorder, perhaps borderline personality disorder. It is a horrible rollercoaster trying to keep up with the love you one minute, ignore you the next. They want love but feel trapped and smothered when they get it. It is the result of a love-hate relationship unstable mothers have with their infants , this is the only way she forms attachments. They cannot change how they are even after years of therapy.They can be suicidal and very self-destructive. This is not good relationship material. Sad as it may be ....run away now