Need help and answers asap(took lsd+mdma a few months ago and felt different since)

[UpThePuk]

It was around 4 months ago when I had my first trip and where I was also offered MDMA. I have had serious issues with depression in the past but I felt as though my head was in the right mind state to take this drug so I did.. I had a really good trip, saw lots of colours and shit then swallowed some molly. The next day I felt pretty groggy and out of it. 1 month after my trip I had definitely noticed I wasn't the same anymore. I began having obsessive thinking, I would feel anxious about situations and sometimes I felt as though I had so much energy in me I just felt like my brain was fucked and I'm worried this will be me for the rest of my life. I began feeling depressed and down on some days while thinking to myself why am I so upset, I have no reason to be, but I just kept telling myself .. my mind was fucked and that I'd never experience life as it used to be. I notice when I smoke weed the obessesive thinking and internal dialog with myself gets worse... also I notice differences visually. For example while staring at a wall if I concentrate on it I can vividly see the different highlights of colors, I'm sorry this is hard to explain but I noticed seeing this while on acid, it's like when you look at a light bulb for a few seconds then close your eyes and you can still see the light then if you open them its still there until it fades away? I see many of those highlights while staring at any objects, I can easily point them out and there's been times where I've been looking at the carpet and it's seemed like it's morphing almost like it's breathing. (During my trip I remember staring at a lightbulb for a solid 5 minutes straight without blinking cause it looked so fascinating while under the influence of this drug - could this be related to my visual problem?)
I've been diagnosed with depression again and I'm currently on 20mg antidepressants. Pls if anyone has anything that can help me or knows of people with the same reaction to the drug pls comment. (If it helps, I'm 16.)

 

[Volsam]

You are young. Your brain, as any other brain really, has an ability to recover from pretty much anything, as long as YOU want it, it's called neuroplasticity. Check out the book by Jill Bolte Taylor "My stroke of insight" - she had a stroke that she had recovered from, and whats even more interesting, the whole experience of stroke reminded me of times when I took shitload of Psilocybin mushrooms.

Every time you take strong psychedelic or even "molly", you break open a portal between your subconscious and conscious minds. Your subconscious mind can be represented as a spoiled child that gets upset because he doesn't get attention he deserves. You conscious mind is what you perceive of yourself in a daily reality. When you break open the wall between them, your conscious mind gets flooded with weird concepts and ideas that might appear alien and wrong. It is normal - just observe what is happening to you and be calm about it, let yourself grow from it!

Careful with taking too much of antidepressants, you are only 16, it's normal to feel confused, angry and depressed at your age. I was super depressed at the age of 16 and was even given a choice to be in the mental clinic - I refused everything, including medication. With time, I found my own medicine. %)

Read some books or some esoteric literature, you'll see that you'll find all the answers by yourself in time. Time is on your side. Find some hobbies that will interest you, if you're not very social, try to express yourself through art, writing or sport. Go mountain climbing if you can - it will empower you like nothing else! :D
Or fall in love with someone and do great things for that person! Or find anyone who needs help and really try to help them - it always works for me to bring me up from my depression.8)

You don't want to cling to yourself and concentrate your attention on whatever is wrong! Nothing is wrong. Instead you want to direct your attention on something beautiful and interesting.

I've taken LSD with MDMA numerous times and my brain is perfectly fine and so is yours!

And yeah, with psychedelics, for anyone who just got in there, I always like to say: This game has no name. It will never be the same.

Good luck man, best wishes to you!

 

[falsifiedhypothesi]

Stay clean off of drugs and you will return to normal. Just take a break from all drugs and take it easy. Good luck to you!

 

[Clocktower]

The visual effects you describe are normal, everyone can see them if they stare at an object or surface for a while. Most people just don't notice them until after they've tried some psychedelic drug.