Need Advice for Roommate Situation

[stuck-in-a-loop]

Hi, Okay, here it is:

I got a new job with an awesome boss and as it turned out he owns a townhouse and one of the rooms (master bedroom) was vacant. The other bedroom is rented out to a guy my boss kinda knows. (my boss got married and bought a house with his new wife). So, my common-law boyfriend of almost 10 years and I moved in - boss was ok with everything. Only a few rules - no parties, drugs or smoking in house, and be respectful of each other. No problem.

The roommate seems to be a very closed off person. He comes off as quite rude, and not very friendly, and obviously doesn't like change - he's pretty much had the place to himself for the past 2 years. A few days after we moved in, he taped a very rude note to the front door (inside) addressed to "whom it may concern" - accuse my BF of smoking in the house, claiming it reeked like smoke and he's allergic. My BF smokes, yes, but never inside. I don't smoke and I can't really smell smoke on him most times. I showed my boss the next morning, and he told me he got the Facebook posted version. I told him no one smoked in the house and he disregarded the hissy fit. So did we.

Now, 2 months later, the roommate asks me when my BF is finding his own place. Tries to convince me that only I am allowed to live here, and that my BF's not allowed to have a key. He went on saying it was never agreed upon for my BF to move in, blah blah blah. I disagreed with him, and said I would talk to my boss the next day at work. He walked away after stating that if this is how things are going to be ..... then he will move people in here as well.

My BF's not pleased, and neither am I. We haven't done anything wrong or intentionally tried to piss off the roommate or been disrespectful in any way. So, I don't know what to do. I want to leave him a direct, stern - but respectful note - asking or telling him to grow up, act like an adult...and if something's bothering you...speak up and discuss it rationally - type of note. I can tell he is trying to 'push buttons' and see what he can stir up. After 10 years, there is little this dweeb could do to even try to come between my BF and I - we've been thru hell and back at least a dozen times, and got the T-shirts .

So, please, any suggestions on dealing with this guy...on what to say in my note...are definitely welcome. I tend to say the wrong thing most times when I try to talk to people, or get into a heated conversation - and don't say what I should at the right time...so that's why I prefer the note.

Thanks for reading.

 

[Maya]

I would absolutely speak to the guy in person, settle things and be straight up honest with him. If he doesn't listen then I would find another place to move into. It's not worth the drama with any other kind and I am not the type of person to tolerate any kind of shit like that. Besides I don't have time for that.

 

[llama112]

Agreed, speak to him in person instead of writing a note. Prove that you're the "bigger man" here.

Be honest with him and let your boss know if he's harassing you.

 

[T. Calderone]

What would you say to this man? He is under the impression that your boyfriend is not allowed to live there. Let your boss/landlord have a word with him. He seems very unhappy that he no longer has the place to himself and that's his problem. If he continues to make things uncomfortable for you by all means, stand up for yourself.

But have the landlord talk with him first. The ground rules have been laid out and he's causing problems trying to intimidate you. It is nasty for him to ask you when your boyfriend plans to get his own place. This guy may not ever lighten up because he's been there two years by himself. You have to ask yourself how much you really like the place if you have to live with someone who doesn't want you there.

 

[nuttynutskin]

Unless your boss intends to do anything about it I would seriously save yourself the trouble and find another place. I guarantee you this guy isn't going to change.

 

[ebola?]

I want to leave him a direct, stern - but respectful note - asking or telling him to grow up, act like an adult...and if something's bothering you...speak up and discuss it rationally - type of note.

I would speak to him rather than leave a note, as otherwise, the irony will be palpable.

ebola

 

[MrCookiE]

What the fuck, he's your housemate and he leaves a note saying "whom it may concern" and posting it on Facebook!(wow)
If everyone can't have a adult conversation face to face about it, it's probly going to get worse.
Maby he needs to have some parties, drugs and smoking in the house to loosen up a bit.

 

[T. Calderone]

^The landlord's rules stipulate no parties, drugs or smoking in the house so I doubt this would be helpful.

 

[MrCookiE]

^I was just trying to make a joke,

 

[Wolfmans_BrothEr]

Leaving a note telling him to act like an adult is kind of contradictory. A real adult would handle this face to face, not through passive aggressive notes.

Clarify the rules of the house with your boss (like the whole extra people situation) and speak with your roommate in person. You should enter the conversation free of animosity, just approach it as a level headed adult with the sole purpose of resolving the issue. You may not like the person and want to tell them off, but do your best to keep those feelings to yourself.

If your unable to reach a resolution/agreement on your own then at that point you should involve your boss. But two adults should be ale to reach a compromise without the help of a third party.

Edit: I don't understand why everyone's telling you to find a new place. Sure anyone can run away from the situation and it may be the path of least resistance, but an adult would face the situation and deal with it accordingly. If your staying within the guidelines of what's allowed, and this roommate can't handle it, then the burden should be on him to find a new place, not you.