My wife had an affair while I was at a funeral??

[gabe1982]

First post here and I'm looking for words of wisdom and thoughtful advice, as I'm struggling to accept all this pain I'm feeling right now.

Background:

I'm 29 years old and my Wife and I have been married 9 years and have two wonderful children. I have a great and stable career and recently purchased a sizable home with my wife. One of my best friends was having a hard time with his life and I offered him my spare bedroom in my home for a few months to help him get off his feet. Well tragedy struck a month after his being over, with my grandfather passing away, so I went off to his funeral. I was gone for a week, but when I came home I had an eerie feeling/instinct that my home life has changed. I did a bit of digging around and found that my wife and my best friend were having an affair in my own home!

He has since left the home, but home life isn't the same anymore. My wife has been indifferent about everything and sex is nonexistent now. I also don't want my children affected from this affair and I want to continue my relationship with my wife. My children ask for him all the time and I just tell them their uncle just moved, yet the continue to ask when is he coming home. My home life with my wife has been incredibly difficult, as she lack the remorse for her actions and hasn't apologized to repair our relationship. We have been seeing a marriage counselor for some months now and I don't think not sure if it's going anywhere, but it maybe just be me being unrealistic and expecting instant results.

I'm in another state right now with my wife and children attending my wife's family reunion that has been planned for many many months during the Christmas timeframe, before the affair occurred. I have had a difficult time talking to my extended family members as I feel as if it is the first or last time I'll ever see them again, which saddens me greatly as I have been a good part of their lives, as they have been part of mine.

I'm having an incredibly difficult time coping with all of this and also found out recently that my wife still talks to this so called friend of mine. I just don't know what to do anymore and I'm hanging on because I love this woman will all my heart and I don't want our children's lives affected, however it's taking a huge toll on me too.

Any words of advice would be greatly appreciated. I don't want ANY family members to know of the struggles and judge my wife.

 

[augustaB]

It sounds as if your wife is still feeling romantically involved with him.
You feel hurt and wounded and probably angry as well.
You expected better of her.
I went through something similar about 30 years ago.
Except I was the errant one.
I was madly in love with the other person, but at the same time I knew I couldn't leave my partner as it wouldn't be fair.
Despite all promises I kept seeing her, and learned how to hide and deceive.
There were a couple of near misses but eventually after 15 years things changed and I finally broke off contact.
I feel bad about how much I hurt my partner, but now the grandchildren are there and after almost 40 yrs of marriage we are at peace.
These are things that happen.
She will keep talking to him, because she's in love and can't think straight.
This is the passionate phase, if you can hang on two years, she'll start to reevaluate.
Everybody's different, and nothing you can do will make it all better again.
If you are kind loving supportive and so on, she might eventually start to see things differently.
My partner and I eventually sorted out things between ourselves by taking mdma together and talking everything through.

 

[pofacedhoe]

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationsh...y_wife_29f_had_an_affair_with_my_best_friend/

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