Opioids My story

[franticblockz]

Okay so I’m Chris I’m 24 and started using drugs at 16 and got like addicted at 21 to opiates completely. I never even did meth til I was 24 cause I never liked it before. Well I was willing to do anything to get off black so I said fuck it started doing white, and I stopped doing black but now i legit can’t stop doing white. And I wanna quit but like does it even matter anymore? I live in a small town everyone is gonna think im still doing drugs even if im clean. No girl looks my direction because im a suspected drug user. It pains me cause I know im not a bad person. I can’t even make like normal friends now or anything. I can’t get a job cause no matter what someone who knows me will work there and ruin it. I just don’t feel like the grass is greener on the other side. Because no matter what I do or how I do it, people just avoid me. I mean when I was 16 I dabbled a little bit but no one knew then, when I was 21 I worked at Walmart and was actually doing good for myself but the social part of my life was failing bad, I make all this money but there isn’t anything for me to do or spend it on and I had a hard time at that job because if someone I went to school with got hired to they would just tell the bosses that I’m probably high or that they should drug test me so then my bosses started to pipe in on it. And I was clean and was being treated like someone different. So I just got super depressed because all I did was work, and sit in my room. I never had anything to look forward and when I was down and upset. I had a snake of a friend had me buy a bunch and we was doing it consistently because I didn’t wanna feel hurt anymore so of course I kept doing it. And I got to hangout with someone for once so I thought I had a friend it was nice to make plans and be able to tell someone how I’m feeling and why. But he was just hanging with me cause I had money and he knew he had me hooked. A few weeks goes by and I show up to work at 7 am and I obviously am sick but don’t know what’s going on I’ve never felt anything like it, and once it all came to me after just being miserable there at Walmart for 4 hours. Well it was time for my lunch and I was so emotional that I just walked out. Like I knew I fucked up and fucked up bad just didn’t know what to do and I still don’t tbh. I relapsed last night on black and I feel like I’ll never be able to get off crys. Like my dad probably wanted me to do something with my life.I know I’m addicted to the fact that I’m around people and don’t have to be alone and for just a sec even if they are pretending to listen to me idc. I just don’t even know who I am anymore. Everything I use to do Hobbie wise is out the door I can’t do anything I use to love anymore. I’ve changed so much it don’t even feel like me anymore.. feels like I’ll never meet a girl or ever get my life together. Or even have a best friend. Like when I’m upset there’s no one there for me ever, if I wanted to kill myself there isn’t anyone there to talk me out of it. I just don’t wanna try anymore I feel dumb cause people will always point there finger and never let me explain myself, I’ve had my parents friends tell them how they see my application and just toss it or put it in the back of everybody’s. I’m just lost and not really sure how to cope or what to do. Take care.

 

[joemidlife]

Hi
Wow so many parts of your story could be taken from my own.
Im 42 and addicted to Heroin and crack. I have had many years of being clean and many years not. All of the emotions you have expressed I have gone through myself at one time or the other. One of the things I have learned is that as long as your are down on yourself and hating your life, it will be very hard for anyone else to see you in any other way than they do now. That said if we loved ourselves we would no be addicts catch 22 or what?!
I know one of the worst things you can say to someone who is depressed is to cheer up etc as its not even close to being that simple but finding a way to work towards liking yourself will help a hell of a lot.
I know it seems like it will never be the case but things can and will improve if you fight to make them. If you are medically depressed go to the doctors and get it treated, If its just down to the drugs again get help, go to meetings, post on here, talk to a friend if you have one if not PM me and get my skype details and chat with me. If you wont your standing in the local community to improve is there something you can do to help? Volunteer. help the homeless, pick up litter anything to show the people around you that you are not a waste of time.
I now all this is easy to say and much harder to do in real life but trust me I have been around so many blocks and worn out so many t-shirts I know what I'm talking about. I know what its like to be lonely, it fucking sucks balls. for that reason you can message me whenever you want. I will reply as soon as I can.
Things can get better
Joe

 

[Jabberwocky]

Hi @franticblockz

Okay Chris, you are 24. That is young. I know it might feel like life as you knew it has ended, and maybe it has, but you can get it back. You might feel like all doors are now closed. Open them again. That is how doors work.

And you are NOT dumb, like you said... No! Sure, you have problems, but that does not equal to stupidity, at all.

Keep writing more if you feel like doing that. We are here.

 

[Nurse Ratched]

One thing about living in a small town and having an addiction is knowing they will never forget. I got clean a couple years ago and I still get sideways glances every time I am out in public. I was sitting in the shade on a bench, having a ciggie, waiting for my Mom to come out of the grocery store. One of the skeptics comes rushing over to me......." Are you alright? " I said to her, because she is a bitch anyway...." why the fuck wouldn't I be?" She wasn't concerned for me. She was just hoping I was sitting on the bench because I relapsed and couldn't walk. Believe me....if you live in a small town nobody is rooting for you. They all want you to fail. It keeps the gossip machine fully fueled. The town I live in has one gas station and a Post Office. Everybody knows everybody. I used to think that was a good thing. Neighborly and all that happy horseshit. It's a false illusion.

Ten years from now I will still be getting those sideways glances because nobody really believes you when you say you are clean. I mean my REAL friends and family do but the community thinks otherwise. If you can.....MOVE. Start a new life somewhere else where no one knows your past. I'm kind of stuck here but it's all good because I don't care what other people think. I'm happy and healthy again.

 

[joemidlife]

As Pumpkin2021 say moving is always an option but unless you sort out the reason you are using drugs in the first place the same problems will follow you wherever you are. there is so much to be said for proving other people wrong. Become the man that used to have a problem but now helps those in the same boat because trust me there will always be someone in the same boat and in need of help.

 

[Nurse Ratched]

As Pumpkin2021 say moving is always an option but unless you sort out the reason you are using drugs in the first place the same problems will follow you wherever you are. there is so much to be said for proving other people wrong. Become the man that used to have a problem but now helps those in the same boat because trust me there will always be someone in the same boat and in need of help.

Fully agree. Mine was more of a post where if you are young, and have no ties to the community , and you are already clean.....then go if you can. Because if you stay you will always be looked at differently.

 

[joemidlife]

Fully agree. Mine was more of a post where if you are young, and have no ties to the community , and you are already clean.....then go if you can. Because if you stay you will always be looked at differently.

I totally get you, I have moved so many times. I've lived in most major city's in the UK and a fair few in Europe but the problems remain the same. Ive been in the same city and the same apartment come to think of it for over 2 years now which is the longest I've stayed anyware for a long time and its making it easier to put together a detox plan. Fingers crossed and all that.

 

[franticblockz]

One thing about living in a small town and having an addiction is knowing they will never forget. I got clean a couple years ago and I still get sideways glances every time I am out in public. I was sitting in the shade on a bench, having a ciggie, waiting for my Mom to come out of the grocery store. One of the skeptics comes rushing over to me......." Are you alright? " I said to her, because she is a bitch anyway...." why the fuck wouldn't I be?" She wasn't concerned for me. She was just hoping I was sitting on the bench because I relapsed and couldn't walk. Believe me....if you live in a small town nobody is rooting for you. They all want you to fail. It keeps the gossip machine fully fueled. The town I live in has one gas station and a Post Office. Everybody knows everybody. I used to think that was a good thing. Neighborly and all that happy horseshit. It's a false illusion.

Ten years from now I will still be getting those sideways glances because nobody really believes you when you say you are clean. I mean my REAL friends and family do but the community thinks otherwise. If you can.....MOVE. Start a new life somewhere else where no one knows your past. I'm kind of stuck here but it's all good because I don't care what other people think. I'm happy and healthy again.

Sounds like a town called east carbon. But no I’m stuck here to. I can’t leave I have no money.

 

[Justadudeondrugs]

Man like someone already said ," you're young " you git time to figure it out ...I will say drug use absolutely can cause depression and anxiety .. I would say if you're still working, get a solid vehicle and some cash saved up and jet to a big city and start a new life man ...must be some hobbies that you can get into and big city's have scenes you can link up with ..

I had a thriving business, beautiful girl, car collection etc etc living the dream then it all came crashing down to almost being homeless and being alone so I get it ...just be glad you're not 50 and going through it