So, something that happened about, mmm, 3 years ago, was defiantly one of the worst experiences in my life. Since then, I have had no closure, and have always wondered what the hell did I do to my body? I'm actually prewriting this to copy and send to multiple places, because doctors have failed to tell me what happened. Here goes nothing.
So, it started out smoking some meth with my then wife. It had been awhile, only being an occational thing before. The night went great, but the bindging kicked in. We smoked consistently, for about um, a week straight. I had roughly.... 16 hours of sleep for a whole week? Rough guess. Along with pretty minimal eating. Anyway, towards the end of that week I was starting to hit a pretty heavy comedown. I was binge watching porno a lot, and came to a conclusion that I couldn't simply get it up anymore, and my head was feeling 'caved in' so to say, like, literally, I felt a gap missing in my forehead. So I figured, hey? I'm coming down, need to do a little bit more, lesson the hangover, right?
Now, keep in mind, little sleep and eating for a week straight, I wasn't exactly thinking clearly. I asked a friend for some more, and him, being a pro at the stuff, gave me a pretty heafty amount. It was a shard the size of, um, a grape? Pretty big really. Now, I didn't have a pipe at the time, so figured, hey, I'll snort some? Now here is where my inability to think clearly kicks in. I figure, hey? I'll snort this entire thing- its not much, like coke, or a pill, right? So I crushed this grape sized crystal and snort this friggin mound it had made. Cool, now I'm back in business. I continue to watch my porn for about 20 minutes. Then I start to feel the drip. Right on, here comes the high. I decided to drink some ice water to speed up the process. I take one sip and.... bam. It all starts from here.
As I felt the water touch my lips- it felt about... 20 times colder than usual. This coldness spread from my lips, to the top of my head, slowly down to my toes, ice- pulsating through my vains. My heart then went... bam bam BAM. Holy shit- I thought it was going to explode. This, this is where I knew right away, what... the fuck... did I just do! It finally hit me I just did a SHIT load at once, with someone with low tolerance. Pure panic started to sink in- I knew this was not going to be easy.
The last thing I wanted to do, was call 911, and get busted or something- I figure, hey, gotta pain through it- right? My first instict is to take a shower to calm down. Little did I know, overdoses heat you up like crazy- but, of course, decided to take a really hot shower. This is where shit gets really wierd. In the shower, I feel my stomach swell up. I look down and it looks about 3 times bigger then usual. I let out a huge burp- not a normal one, noooo, I BARFED air- it was completely unatural. I saw my stomach shrink a little when doing so- I was literally swelling up like a baloon. I then felt my hair... and... it felt like... fake hair? It felt SO dry that it might just literally fall out! It was amazing how fake it felt. I knew then I was in real trouble.
I get out, and frantically call my wife who was away. No answer. I'm freaking out and figure- hey, I'll just lay down and sleep it off? I'm panicking, its ok. I lay down, close my eyes, and VERY vivid hallucinations start. Not to mention, I now felt like I was dying. I get back up, and now, everything.... and I mean everything, has a VERY creepy vibe to it. Colors look dark and scary. My wife finally gets back and I explain to her what happened. She says, wow, that was a lot I did (she knew more about it) but I would be fine and im tripping. Then I felt very hot and needed to cool down. She handed me a beer and said it would help balance me out- I love beer. I took one drink and felt like it was, quite literally, shutting my body down, so I stopped.
I then frantically told her, hey, for reals, I think I overdosed, google it. She did and kinda laughed, saying, oh shit, your not gonna be right for a few days (she was abusive btw). She tried to get me to lie down. At this point I'm doing my best to relax, but could feel something was SERIOUSLY wrong with my body. I told her I want to go to the hospital now. She insisted I was tripping out, and would only get us in trouble. My heart started to pound, I started to twitch, I was overheating, and felt a seizure coming on. I look at my phone and googled more. I was very confident I was about to have kidney failure. I plede to her I need to call 911, she got mad, and took my phone, hid it, and said again, im just tripping out.
Now, true fear starts to kick in. I feel twitching, chest pressure, more then ever. I know something is about to happen. I start to convulse- she continues to get mad at me, saying I need to calm the fuck down. I can't stop it. I finally cant take it and start shaking horribly- she gets up and says she's leaving- that im overreacting. I start to panic hardcore. I get up and start chasing her down, and as of now, I cant walk, im crawling after her. I beg her I need help, I might die. She opens the door, and, there, a friend of hers was about to knock. He looks at me and asked wtf is going on? She said I was lucky he came by, or she was going to leave anyway. By this point.... my breathing. It slowed down A LOT. By now, it was REALLY hard to fucking breathe. She told him I was tripping out from doing too much meth, and was having a panic attack. His solution? Oh hey, I have a few xanex! They try to tell me to take them- I said no, I can barely breathe, this will kill me, please don't. Well... They force-fed me 2 xanex. About 10 minutes later, of hard breathing, by breaths slowed waaaay more....
Now.... I know. I'm going to die. Every breath, was a struggle. It was one hard breath, followed by 3-4 seconds before the next. Then 5. Then 6, and so on. At this point, I couldn't talk. I was about to stop breathing. I tried making a 9-1-1 signal with my fingers. They just stared at me. I was about to give up. They dragged me to the bedroom (was on kitchen floor at that point). They lied me down, and left me alone. It was now a good 8-10 second per breath. I was going to die. I bang heavily on the wall for attention. No answer. I banged heavily on my chest, in some desperate hope to fix me. Then... my whole body goes numb. Slowly. From head, to toes. I take one last breath- and knew there wouldn't be another. I breathe that last one out... and feel my body- deflate. As if it were going flat. I felt my organs, one by one, deflate, and stop. I even felt my bowels release, just, literally, my whole body shut down. This was death. My conscience, goes to pure black.
I woke up. But not just 'wake up', no, by body STRUCK UP. Really fast, and I took the biggest breathe in I ever had before. Literally, like a gasp for life. I get up, excited! Race into the kitchen, and literally told my wife, HEY, its ok! im not dead! She took one look at me, and said... you need to go the fuck back to bed. I felt confused. I knew I died, and coudlnt understand her harshness. I went back to bed, and felt my breathing slow down again... just like before. And well- went through THE SAME experience again! Detail for detail! this time I remember waking up a few times, and she was trying to force-feed me soup, which I declined confusingly. I then remember her coming in- and saying, hey, let me put on some of your favorite music- you need to relax. She put on Comfortably Numb, by Pink Floyd, and left me alone again. Once again. I stopped breathing and 'died'.
I finally woke up, once again. Now? Things are getting more creepy, as if 'dieing', weren't creepy enough. I woke up, but now, was in a complete, confused, dreamlike state. In my head, at the time- I was officially dead, and now waking up in a creepy, afterlife limbo. My room was very dark, but I could sense, next to me, were the dead bodies of my kids. I was horrified to look next to me. I knew they were there. I was also convinced that my wife poisend, and killed me, and was now with her 'lover'. And soon, would come for my body to take me away and bury me. I stayed in this state of mind for about 30 minutes. Got the courage to look over, and saw nothing was there, feeling able now to get up and confront my wife. All the lights were off. I searched for her and found her in the bathroom, with her friend, smoking more meth. I walked in and they looked... afraid. And in awe I was standing there. I said... oh my god... I thought I died. I'm alive? They once again told me, I need to go back to bed. I finally did. This time? Kidney failure kicked in im sure.
I lay down and im BURNING up. I take my temp, and only 99.4? I knew I was burning up though. I took a sip of water.... and.... had to piss right away. hmmm. Kinda strange. Afterwards, I take another sip, and?... had to piss, RIGHT away, a lot, again. Overtime I took a sip, had to piss- as if it were literally going through me. my piss was bubbly as hell, and I had a metallic taste in my mouth. I knew these are signs for kidney failure. I then suffered, about 8 hours straight through the night, burning up and pissing like crazy. I had a wet cloth I stuck in my mouth, and just sucked on little amounts of water. I was in pain. I prayed, very loudly, for god to kill me. I was in a delirious state of mind. neighbors could hear my prays of death. I was out of my mind. I somehow, finally passed out. I woke up to day light finally. Feeling... ok. decent. Normal kinda. I cried my eyes out, feeling I made it. I even ate a little. then, I took another sip of water, and pissed it all out. At this point, enough was enough.
I told my wife im calling 911, I was strong enough too then. She said don't, and destroyed my phone. I walked out the door, as she tried to block me, scratching me and making me bleed even. I pressed on, went to the neighbor, and called 911. I told them I think im having kidney failure. ambulance showed and I explained everything to them. Got to the ER and waited for hours, they were understaffed, and quite frankly, labeled me and put me on bottom priority, seeing me as a 'drug user'. They finally did test, and said my kidneys were fine, drugged me up on lorazepam and sent me off. But they did mention, at the time, that HUGE amounts of meth were still in my system. this was at least 24 hours after taking.
This has traumatized me since, obviously, im even taking therapy, 3 years later. My problem? Closure. What happened to my body? Did I die? Did I have kidney failure? What was the severity to my situation? Please, if anyone knows about this kind of shit, please, give me some insight on what happened to my body, and if ill be ok? Thank you for listening to my story otherwise.
So, it started out smoking some meth with my then wife. It had been awhile, only being an occational thing before. The night went great, but the bindging kicked in. We smoked consistently, for about um, a week straight. I had roughly.... 16 hours of sleep for a whole week? Rough guess. Along with pretty minimal eating. Anyway, towards the end of that week I was starting to hit a pretty heavy comedown. I was binge watching porno a lot, and came to a conclusion that I couldn't simply get it up anymore, and my head was feeling 'caved in' so to say, like, literally, I felt a gap missing in my forehead. So I figured, hey? I'm coming down, need to do a little bit more, lesson the hangover, right?
Now, keep in mind, little sleep and eating for a week straight, I wasn't exactly thinking clearly. I asked a friend for some more, and him, being a pro at the stuff, gave me a pretty heafty amount. It was a shard the size of, um, a grape? Pretty big really. Now, I didn't have a pipe at the time, so figured, hey, I'll snort some? Now here is where my inability to think clearly kicks in. I figure, hey? I'll snort this entire thing- its not much, like coke, or a pill, right? So I crushed this grape sized crystal and snort this friggin mound it had made. Cool, now I'm back in business. I continue to watch my porn for about 20 minutes. Then I start to feel the drip. Right on, here comes the high. I decided to drink some ice water to speed up the process. I take one sip and.... bam. It all starts from here.
As I felt the water touch my lips- it felt about... 20 times colder than usual. This coldness spread from my lips, to the top of my head, slowly down to my toes, ice- pulsating through my vains. My heart then went... bam bam BAM. Holy shit- I thought it was going to explode. This, this is where I knew right away, what... the fuck... did I just do! It finally hit me I just did a SHIT load at once, with someone with low tolerance. Pure panic started to sink in- I knew this was not going to be easy.
The last thing I wanted to do, was call 911, and get busted or something- I figure, hey, gotta pain through it- right? My first instict is to take a shower to calm down. Little did I know, overdoses heat you up like crazy- but, of course, decided to take a really hot shower. This is where shit gets really wierd. In the shower, I feel my stomach swell up. I look down and it looks about 3 times bigger then usual. I let out a huge burp- not a normal one, noooo, I BARFED air- it was completely unatural. I saw my stomach shrink a little when doing so- I was literally swelling up like a baloon. I then felt my hair... and... it felt like... fake hair? It felt SO dry that it might just literally fall out! It was amazing how fake it felt. I knew then I was in real trouble.
I get out, and frantically call my wife who was away. No answer. I'm freaking out and figure- hey, I'll just lay down and sleep it off? I'm panicking, its ok. I lay down, close my eyes, and VERY vivid hallucinations start. Not to mention, I now felt like I was dying. I get back up, and now, everything.... and I mean everything, has a VERY creepy vibe to it. Colors look dark and scary. My wife finally gets back and I explain to her what happened. She says, wow, that was a lot I did (she knew more about it) but I would be fine and im tripping. Then I felt very hot and needed to cool down. She handed me a beer and said it would help balance me out- I love beer. I took one drink and felt like it was, quite literally, shutting my body down, so I stopped.
I then frantically told her, hey, for reals, I think I overdosed, google it. She did and kinda laughed, saying, oh shit, your not gonna be right for a few days (she was abusive btw). She tried to get me to lie down. At this point I'm doing my best to relax, but could feel something was SERIOUSLY wrong with my body. I told her I want to go to the hospital now. She insisted I was tripping out, and would only get us in trouble. My heart started to pound, I started to twitch, I was overheating, and felt a seizure coming on. I look at my phone and googled more. I was very confident I was about to have kidney failure. I plede to her I need to call 911, she got mad, and took my phone, hid it, and said again, im just tripping out.
Now, true fear starts to kick in. I feel twitching, chest pressure, more then ever. I know something is about to happen. I start to convulse- she continues to get mad at me, saying I need to calm the fuck down. I can't stop it. I finally cant take it and start shaking horribly- she gets up and says she's leaving- that im overreacting. I start to panic hardcore. I get up and start chasing her down, and as of now, I cant walk, im crawling after her. I beg her I need help, I might die. She opens the door, and, there, a friend of hers was about to knock. He looks at me and asked wtf is going on? She said I was lucky he came by, or she was going to leave anyway. By this point.... my breathing. It slowed down A LOT. By now, it was REALLY hard to fucking breathe. She told him I was tripping out from doing too much meth, and was having a panic attack. His solution? Oh hey, I have a few xanex! They try to tell me to take them- I said no, I can barely breathe, this will kill me, please don't. Well... They force-fed me 2 xanex. About 10 minutes later, of hard breathing, by breaths slowed waaaay more....
Now.... I know. I'm going to die. Every breath, was a struggle. It was one hard breath, followed by 3-4 seconds before the next. Then 5. Then 6, and so on. At this point, I couldn't talk. I was about to stop breathing. I tried making a 9-1-1 signal with my fingers. They just stared at me. I was about to give up. They dragged me to the bedroom (was on kitchen floor at that point). They lied me down, and left me alone. It was now a good 8-10 second per breath. I was going to die. I bang heavily on the wall for attention. No answer. I banged heavily on my chest, in some desperate hope to fix me. Then... my whole body goes numb. Slowly. From head, to toes. I take one last breath- and knew there wouldn't be another. I breathe that last one out... and feel my body- deflate. As if it were going flat. I felt my organs, one by one, deflate, and stop. I even felt my bowels release, just, literally, my whole body shut down. This was death. My conscience, goes to pure black.
I woke up. But not just 'wake up', no, by body STRUCK UP. Really fast, and I took the biggest breathe in I ever had before. Literally, like a gasp for life. I get up, excited! Race into the kitchen, and literally told my wife, HEY, its ok! im not dead! She took one look at me, and said... you need to go the fuck back to bed. I felt confused. I knew I died, and coudlnt understand her harshness. I went back to bed, and felt my breathing slow down again... just like before. And well- went through THE SAME experience again! Detail for detail! this time I remember waking up a few times, and she was trying to force-feed me soup, which I declined confusingly. I then remember her coming in- and saying, hey, let me put on some of your favorite music- you need to relax. She put on Comfortably Numb, by Pink Floyd, and left me alone again. Once again. I stopped breathing and 'died'.
I finally woke up, once again. Now? Things are getting more creepy, as if 'dieing', weren't creepy enough. I woke up, but now, was in a complete, confused, dreamlike state. In my head, at the time- I was officially dead, and now waking up in a creepy, afterlife limbo. My room was very dark, but I could sense, next to me, were the dead bodies of my kids. I was horrified to look next to me. I knew they were there. I was also convinced that my wife poisend, and killed me, and was now with her 'lover'. And soon, would come for my body to take me away and bury me. I stayed in this state of mind for about 30 minutes. Got the courage to look over, and saw nothing was there, feeling able now to get up and confront my wife. All the lights were off. I searched for her and found her in the bathroom, with her friend, smoking more meth. I walked in and they looked... afraid. And in awe I was standing there. I said... oh my god... I thought I died. I'm alive? They once again told me, I need to go back to bed. I finally did. This time? Kidney failure kicked in im sure.
I lay down and im BURNING up. I take my temp, and only 99.4? I knew I was burning up though. I took a sip of water.... and.... had to piss right away. hmmm. Kinda strange. Afterwards, I take another sip, and?... had to piss, RIGHT away, a lot, again. Overtime I took a sip, had to piss- as if it were literally going through me. my piss was bubbly as hell, and I had a metallic taste in my mouth. I knew these are signs for kidney failure. I then suffered, about 8 hours straight through the night, burning up and pissing like crazy. I had a wet cloth I stuck in my mouth, and just sucked on little amounts of water. I was in pain. I prayed, very loudly, for god to kill me. I was in a delirious state of mind. neighbors could hear my prays of death. I was out of my mind. I somehow, finally passed out. I woke up to day light finally. Feeling... ok. decent. Normal kinda. I cried my eyes out, feeling I made it. I even ate a little. then, I took another sip of water, and pissed it all out. At this point, enough was enough.
I told my wife im calling 911, I was strong enough too then. She said don't, and destroyed my phone. I walked out the door, as she tried to block me, scratching me and making me bleed even. I pressed on, went to the neighbor, and called 911. I told them I think im having kidney failure. ambulance showed and I explained everything to them. Got to the ER and waited for hours, they were understaffed, and quite frankly, labeled me and put me on bottom priority, seeing me as a 'drug user'. They finally did test, and said my kidneys were fine, drugged me up on lorazepam and sent me off. But they did mention, at the time, that HUGE amounts of meth were still in my system. this was at least 24 hours after taking.
This has traumatized me since, obviously, im even taking therapy, 3 years later. My problem? Closure. What happened to my body? Did I die? Did I have kidney failure? What was the severity to my situation? Please, if anyone knows about this kind of shit, please, give me some insight on what happened to my body, and if ill be ok? Thank you for listening to my story otherwise.
