xxsicknessxx
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jun 26, 2008
- Messages
- 1,015
I'm sober, if you read some of my old posts I was a hardcore mdpv user for as long as it was around not to mention ox, pills, xanex, ghb, meth, weed, booze. I have tried to get sober but always with the intention of doing drugs again but I'm six month sober this time trying everything I can. I had gastric bypass when I was 19 I'm a success they tell me I lost over 250 pounds I was 455 I'm 190 now. I add this to explain something's wrong, in tired all the time, my mind slow compared to when I was younger I was smart now I forget names, places, story's, I sleep so much and have nightmares where I'm paralyzed and fight to wake up with a feeling like if I don't wake up now I'll die it's scary. I'm trying hard but I miss mdpv and meth and being tired makes me crave it more. I'm at the point where doctors won't give me anything with a narcotic in it which is silly because I can buy drugs I work I need adrell or ritilin so I can live a life but they won't. So I'm living but feel half dead all the time making me feel like a zombie. I dunno what to do I need help something's so wrong with my body I used work 7 days a week going through withdraw no problem now 2 days is to much. I'm thirty this is no way to live a life. What do I do keep crying to same doctors in stuck with what I get I can't afford insurance sigh I can't keep doing this they keep saying I need to wait and be patient but my life's ticking a way my dad needs help at work now he's old and I can't help. How long before I self medicating. I need to vent thanks.