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My life abusing molly- side effects of long term use

H

Hero450

Greenlighter
Joined
Aug 6, 2014
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8
Hey so my first post a few days days ago I talked alittle about my abuse but I'd like to tell everyone in a harm reduction sense about how my side effects are at this time.

So I first tried molly about 6 months ago, I'm 18, 6,2 , 190 lbs. when I first tried it I instantly fell in love. For the first few months I controlled my use to once every 2 weeks. Rolling on a .2 each time and getting high af. It very soon progressed to more and more often, for the past 4 months or so I've been using E 3x + times a week, I've gone up to 5x a week several times. My tolerance is high enough that I can very easily go through 1.2 grams in a session, which only keeps me high for 6 hours max with constant redosing every 30 mins.

MY CURRENT STATE AND SIDE EFFECTS:

Currently I'm very addicted to molly, even during my roll all I'll be thinking is that it will eventually run out and I'll have to find a way to get more. When not on it I crave it. I refuse to leave the house when friends call me to hangout unless I'll have molly. Don't care for sex anymore to be quite honest also.

PHYSICAL SYMPTOMS / HELL

The worst thing about being addicted to something is no matter how much agony i face on comedowns I still don't care and want more.

1- severe anxiety - can't function during the day , at night can't sleep because of the agony, only thing comparable is heavy benzo withdrawl.

2- panic attacks - will have attacks at random points in the day and at night when trying to sleep, I'll feel like I'm drowning and my heart rate goes up and I feel like I'm dying.

3- brain zaps - once every few days I'll feels a zap through my head and I'll feel like I've been "flashbanged" for up to 30 seconds"

4- MEMORY - very important you guys know this, my memory is horrid, I'll be having regular conversations and sometimes forget what the person said 10 seconds before.

5- blanking out- I'll find that often I'll be doing something and will go off Into this blank state for up to 1 minute at a time and will have no idea what the person in front of me said.

6- depersonalization

7- don't know the name but I recently won't give a shit about anyone else or how they feel unless I'm rolling, I use the term rolling loosely because I don't really balls out roll anymore.

8- frequent déjàvu- about 10-15 instances a day where I'll be watching tv or listening to music and A word or scene will trigger a false sense of déjàvu.

9- extreme regret- when on a binge I'll start talking to anyone and everyone and my entire life. It's a regular side effect of mdma but I've rolled so many times that I've pretty much told everyone my deepest secrets and thoughts, which is not a good thing at all and which I have a lot of regret over.


Will not want to do absolutely anything "fun" unless I'm gunna be on molly.

Mind you that I'm not very good at describing things so what you see above is just a small insight into the hell I'm living. It's much worse

I'd like to stop this and I hope no one has to go through this, I feel like I'm very dependant and it's hell on earth guys. Hope this serves as some harm reduction to everyone. Thanks for taking the time to read
 
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Three to five times a week, 1.2g each session. Damn dude, at this rate you are going to cause lasting damage if you haven't already. MDMA really is one of the worst drugs to abuse because of its' method of action. If you really feel like you can't stop on your own I would advise to look into some addiction counseling, before this produces lasting side-effects.

MDMA dependency is rare but not unheard of. From the few times I encountered it, it seems to be accompanied by mental health issues that cause or exacerbate the dependency, so I would look into some mental health counseling as well. Remember that MDMA dependency is psychological, so the primary concern is finding a way of breaking this psychological cycle

Do you test your product with a testkit? Have you already taken steps to try to beat this addiction? And have you got any idea if there is a psychological cause for this, like some trauma you are trying to deal with or the fact that you have fallen on hard times in your life or...?
 
Blue bull I do believe there's was an issue before the molly. There was a trauma underlying a bout a year prior to my abuse began, a breakup with this girl sent me into this downward spiral of self hatred, started with the depression and then started cutting regularly and soon after the anxiety and panic attacks came. I've experimented with pretty much every drug and haven't gotten addicted to any of them , But for some strange reason I got addicted to the molly, maybe because for a few moments it cured every one of my symptoms which no other drug did. Even with the bad side effects I just think like I'm a piece of shit anyway , who cares if I keep self destructing. And I do see a psychiatrist regularly, thanks for the advice tho hope this gives you alittle insight as to why this is happening.
 
Yeah I can understand that. And this is all too often the cause for a drug addiction. But like with every drug it only masks the problems. The drug takes precedence in your perception so to you it seems you symptoms have been cured, though they are in reality only suppressed. You probably know this as well, but I can understand the relief MDMA offers you. It's not going to keep doing this though. You can not keep this up, sooner or later you will fall into a deep dark hole. Added to this are the immense stresses you are putting your brain and body under. I think you know all too well where this is headed, but you perhaps don't view this to be an obstacle because of the depression you are experiencing.

Have you told your psychiatrist about this dependency? And if so how did he or she react? If you want to continue this conversation in private, feel free to PM me. Also the mental health part of the forum has some members that could point you in the right direction. But your primary focus should be to stop this vicious cycle. Don't just share your experience with us for others to learn from as if you are already a lost cause. You are not. There is life after depression and addiction, life worth living. Deep in the back of your mind you probably also know this. However what you are not considering is the dramatic impact you might have on that life by doing this. This can cause lasting damage, to an extent that might have very serious implications. Please take steps to combat this, scream for help if you need it, go into rehab if you think that would help, talk to your psychiatrist about this if you think that would help but please DO SOMETHING. At least recognise the possibility you will not be depressed forever and you might regret doing this immensely later on. I am not preaching here, I am really trying to help you. I wish you all the best, don't hesitate to ask for more help should you need it
 
I'm like you have been doing gram each day for idk 12 days not straight iver the month. So about 12 grams consumed and different rolls each time but definitely weight loss but no feel if must have it or I can't function. I sell cars and I see it as better then all the Percocet ppl take
 
You should certainly search for help and stop doing drugs at all for a long time. You probably know what is going to happen if you don't quit. It will only get worse. I have experienced severe depressions for a really long time and I had trouble to stay of MDMA, but I did it and so can you!
 
I have to assume OP is talking about methylone "molly". That would better explain 1.2gs and the compulsive use. I could be wrong, though.

Hero you have definitely got to stop taking drugs for a while, reset your brain. It's well worth it.
 
If he's in the uk then it's probably MDMA, but if he's in the us it's probably that damned methylone 'molly' that rappers like so much.
 
Why is that? There's certainly legit mdma here...and of course Methylone as well.

That reminds me of someone who claimed that taking mdma cured his cold. It only masked it, and sure enough he felt the illness right after the roll was over and then complained that it came back. Umm...

OP, I can vouch for mdma's psychological dependence. You'll miss it and remember it, but once you reach the point where it does more harm than good, it becomes pointless. It's an ephemeral substance in a way and it isn't meant to be abused. But it can be easy to be psychologically addicted to that peak and crave for it every day. It's just that abusing it will ensure you won't get much out of it on subsequent attempts.

Take a long break and concentrate on your well being. The rest is up to you and what you end up doing.
 
OP - check out "The Dark Side" forum on BL for support and help dealing with addiction.

It is not too late. Everyone has been through heartbreak and your brain and body are young enough to recovery from some nasty abuse. It is really important that you quit taking MDMA though.
 
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