My issue with weed

[The Epitome]

Hey there. So I've been smoking weed about 2-5 times a day since I was 15. Before that age I was pretty selfish, not the best with girls, didn't get the best grades, ADHD(annoying), got into trouble all the time, zero impulse control, pathological liar, an awkward kid, and I wasn't very well liked by most people and I was pretty depressed a lot of my childhood(story for another time). I was academically inclined though, so anything I wanted to learn I would teach myself, I used to build things for fun, I was (and still am) funny as hell, I was nice to people most of the time, and those are the only good sides to me. My parents were very against any sort of drug that wasn't over the counter, and therapy didn't work, so I never really got help for my issues.

So high school rolls around and a lot of those issues seemed to dissipate. Except they didn't, most people just didn't know me. So after some time, freshman year ended up feeling not much better than middle school. I had tried weed in the winter of that school year but started doing it everyday towards the end of the school year. Oddly enough, I realized it fixed a lot of my issues. I was nice to everyone, my grades went up, and I wasn't so annoying and awkward. The good stayed too, and maybe became a little stronger.

By the end of high school I felt like a king. Everyone loved me, I was headed off to my first choice engineering school and I was ready to take on the world. But I was still so depressed, even more so than before and kinda immature, as immature as I always was compared to my peers, it was at that time I realized that the thing that kept me afloat threw me off the boat. I kept smoking though.

I'm 18 now, just finished my first semester with a 3.89 (not good enough for me) and have already made some life-long friends but here's what life is now: When I'm sober, life feels like a haze, I'm suicidal all the time even when high, and I'm worried that weed has turned my brain and body into something I don't want it to be. I figure if I stop now, for a year or two with the occasional puff every few weeks, I can regain all those years I lost on development since I'm still a kid with a changing brain, and maybe I won't be so depressed. But I'm scared to see the sober me. I haven't seen him in a while and the last time I met him in August he had a psychological breakdown 24 hours in.

So if anyone here had smoked a lot in their mid to late teens and stopped before they had stopped developing(lets put it at age 22), lmk how life is. From what I've read I'm a fairly unique situation, but if this is what life is going to be even if I stop smoking now, I have contingency plans that don't involve a noose.

 

[Steady Scootin]

What have you read that leads you to believe your situation is unique? I'm not saying that it is or isn't, but people say all sorts of things for a wide variety of reasons.

I was a reasonably heavy smoker as a teen, with the highest concentration in junior high. I also dabbled in a number for other substances during this time, but pot was my main thing. By the end of high school I wasn't smoking all that much due to changes in the way in made me feel, it wasn't something that I used to relax anymore, rather than blowing off steam with a bowl and some music, I would find myself self-conscious, confused, just generally uncomfortable.

In the years since (I'm 33), I haven't returned to using marijuana in any form with any regularity. Tonight for example, I attended a Festivus party, and took a few hits max all night. One off a bowl, and a couple from a vape with an extract. Just enough to get a very mild effect, a subtle layer on top of my established high from other things.

Sorry if I've rambled a bit, but you may need to voice some of these feelings to a doctor. I had to do so during this time as well. Depression, psychosis, etc. For me, pot didn't help these things, and often exacerbated symptoms. I abstained completely from bud for a long time because of it.

 

[The Epitome]

Well from what I've read a lot of people feel really slowed down (mentally) and develop a sort of speech issue after smoking for so long, as well as increased anxiety after stopping. I am not really suffering any of those symptoms to the degree others who have smoked as much or less than I. And I'm not the classic stoner type either. People tend to assume I'm straight edge when they first meet me and I've always been and still am rather fast-paced.

Can I ask when you began to smoke, and how do you feel now? Do you believe that you have been slower mentally or that your life path has been effected negatively? I would go to a doctor but I have some pretty great friends that are helping me.

I've only stopped smoking for a day and already I feel sharper, more aware, and less depressed (thank god for nicotine). Hopefully I'll keep improving.

Thank you.

 

[Yourbaker]

Hope you're doing well. Your situation isn't unique but it is complex. I use daily for ADHD but only began in my late 40's, I can't speak to early teen use. Step one is find a good doctor who has knowledge of marijuana use for ADHD. In Canada we actually have marijuana trained doctors at private clinics that do cost a bit more.

Facing the challenges of determining which drug to use and how much, having to make those decisions with the brain you are trying to balance out can be difficult. Marijuana will heighten any perceived ills or fears you carry so you do need to be secure in your use, use a doctor that isn't going to lie to you so he can collect his commission.

I can say personally my daily use, for ADHD, is successful. My headspace was the most challenging part, I had a million fears that weed was somehow still bad for me. Turns out it is the best thing for my life but the mythology of its harm was playing havoc with my own ability to reason, specifically when I was using a bit too much. Scaling back my dose overtime until everything balanced out took a while but today I'm in the best place I've been in my life thanks to marijuana.