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My girlfriend has had one more in the middle

When you two had your break from each, you were both free to do whatever you wanted. She chose to have sex with a guy for reasons that only she knows. You have the choice, to either tell her that you no longer want to see her or put this episode behind you and move on together (you love her).

You have to forget about it though - don't carry the whole event into your future together or you will always resent her / feel angry and hurt about it.

I know that your upset about this but really she has done nothing wrong.
 
Bearlove said:
When you two had your break from each, you were both free to do whatever you wanted. She chose to have sex with a guy for reasons that only she knows. You have the choice, to either tell her that you no longer want to see her or put this episode behind you and move on together (you love her).

You have to forget about it though - don't carry the whole event into your future together or you will always resent her / feel angry and hurt about it.

I know that your upset about this but really she has done nothing wrong.
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I'm not saying she did anything wrong
 
If your going to stay together, put the past in the past, and leave it there. Me n my X husband had similar issues... Not cheating but things like " you went out without me" you said this, you did that, and all these things from the past getting thrown in your face every time there's an argument led to our divorce. Not saying that you are doing this, my X is mentally unstable and very abusive, but it's the idea that you can't change the past so holding it against her is useless.
If you've taken her back and forgiven her then focus on the future. If she's acting shifty now then go with your gut instinct and def hold off on marriage. And don't stay together just for the baby, trust me it causes more pain than your breakup would on the little guy.
 
Lohru said:
I'm not saying she did anything wrong
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Yes, I would be a bit bothered if my significant other went out and found a guy to fuck right after we broke up and then wanted to get back together. But, if I loved the person I would leave it in the past and move on.
I recommend talking about it with her. It clearly is bothering you and hindering your relationship from moving on. I think you want some questions answered and that's ok. Find out why she was so able to go out and have sex so soon. That may help you figure out, where you want to go from there.
 
My take on the situation is this:

So if I was split up with someone I cared about, I would most likely have sex with someone else. It could have been a rebound thing with your gf. As to why she left you I would honestly ask myself and think hard about that? She may have been trying to see if the grass was greener on the other side of the fence.

Who asked who to get back together? Did she come back to you or did you woo her back to you? Who made the first move in terms of getting back together?

Also who did she have sex with? Was it someone you know, a stranger to you, or someone in your circle of friends? If it was someone that you either one of you already knew she may have been lusting for him. Also does she stay in contact with this person?

Now that being said it was an isolated incident according to you. She may have had sex with more than one person. I guess ask yourself if you are ok with that? When it comes to dating its not a good idea to get into the whole: (who did my gf have sex with in the past thing). Even though you had been dating you had broken up, so she didn't cheat. Seeing how you were broken up and trying to move on I would put that person in the past category. I know it still feels like she cheated. I see exactly how that would get under you skin a bit.

I remember I broke up with a woman I really adored and probably was in love with. Its kind of hard to say as things ended very badly in the long run. But anyways we were broken up for several weeks and this way her doing. I had broken up with her before but this time she broke up with me and it had been several weeks and she would not talk to me. I ended up sleeping with an ex-gf.

So I get back together with her and she already knew I had slept with my ex. She swore up and down she did not fuck anybody else and probably did not. At first it was cool, but then she kept bringing up my ex. At first she was just dissing the woman but than she said it made her sick that I fucked her and blah blah blah. She went on and on.

She has a very high opinion of herself and tbph she is a bit shallow and at the same time attractive enough to kinda justify her high standards of beauty even though its a bullshit way of thinking. She just went on about how could you fuck someone so ugly or whatever. This other woman is actually very attractive but the one talking the shit was probably the best looking woman I have ever dated or really ever seen. She really seemed to look down on just about any other woman but anyways she just would not let it go. She would keep saying "If you would fuck her how do I know you wouldn't fuck someone else. How can I not be hot enough for you."

The thing is though she had told me that we were done and also she had said at the beginning of the relationship it could be open, which she quickly changed her mind about. The thing is she left me for almost a month and well I was lonely and horny so I hooked up with someone else. For all I know she could have been serious as hell about breaking up for good. I never cheated on her and honestly always wanted to be with her.

TBPH if she called me an apologized for some things I would give her another chance.

But anyways I wanted to give you some perspective into how what happened can fuck up a good relationship. So you have been back together a year. Do you think she is faithful now? That's a very important question to ask yourself. Also do you think that she has her eye on someone else or may still have feelings for someone else?

What its going to come down to is whether or not you trust her now and if you can let things go. I would observe her behavior and analyze it with an objective point of view. I wouldn't try to see what I wanted so much as I would try to see the truth. You can usually get a good read on someone if you honestly read their behavior such as body language, habits, the things they say, how the say things, and who they associate with. Your going to have to be honest with yourself because I cannot tell from just typing to you how your woman is. I understand the situation but its really up to you as how to honestly assess the situation.

If you feel like she is faithful, honest, and that she only had sex with other people when you were broken up than I would let things be. I would not get married for the sake of a child or because a woman asked me. I would think about whether I genuinely wanted to spend the rest of my life with this woman. If the whole thing was in the past and it is staying there than you can let that go. If it still bothers you than there must be something else bothering you whether or not you realize it.

It can be hard to be completely honest with yourself about someone you deeply care about.
 
What you should bear in mind is that it's not because she had sex with someone else immediately after your break-up that she was over you in any way. It could also mean the exact opposite - that she was still very much in love with you and needed to fill the gap somehow. Rebound sex is a very common thing. Obviously I completely understand where you're coming from, it's not a nice position for you to be in in any case, but still, do try to keep that in mind.
Regarding her proposal...if I were you I wouldn't. Hesitation, doubt and paranoia is no way to engage into that kind of commitment! How long have you two been together and how long's it been since the break? It sounds like you may need more time to build a solid foundation again. Also, have you talked to her about this particular concern of yorus? I mean have you told her it hurt you?
 
Lohru said:
I do t think you understand. It's not that we broke up, it's not that I want her to do whatever I say it's that she had sex with someone else so fast after we broke up
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yeah that's exactly the issue. I mean she has the sex drive for you once a week but straight out of a relationship goes and fucks another guy? Especially when you didn't even want a break. I mean wtf, i'd be pissed off too. You can forgive and forget, she didn't do anything wrong but it doesn't mean you can't feel pissed off about it. Lust isn't love but if she's going to stick you into a marriage i'd definitely be resentful after that kind of shit.

The only thing that would fix this issue for me would be 3some with one of her hot friends or one month of free fucking anyone you want or some sort of deal like that. If you don't care about that kind of stuff though, then you're best off talking this out with her and finding out why she did what she did. I can almost 100% guarantee it's because she just wanted to try something different, which is forgivable but at the very least, she has to tell you this. Otherwise, you won't know if she'll cheat on you in the future and you'll probably be resentful about the whole situation. Basically, talk it out and strike a deal, as well get some closure on this for your own sake.
 
Be accepting of the mistakes we make while we are young. If she is worth it, find a way. When you are young is when the mistakes should be made, not later on down the line. If you were her first, and only experience, she should be allowed to do stuff. I was my girls first, and went through a similar experience. I realized though, she came back to me. It is better now than later on down the line if you guys make it through everything to have her resent you for holding her back from making choices and having experiences she wish she had. At least she didn't cheat, she made a concious effort to try and not hurt you by breaking up. Obviously she cares, otherwise she would have gone behind your back and did whatever the fuck she pleased.
 
dopemaster said:
As to why she left you I would honestly ask myself and think hard about that? She may have been trying to see if the grass was greener on the other side of the fence.

Who asked who to get back together? Did she come back to you or did you woo her back to you? Who made the first move in terms of getting back together?

Also who did she have sex with? Was it someone you know, a stranger to you, or someone in your circle of friends? If it was someone that you either one of you already knew she may have been lusting for him. Also does she stay in contact with this person?

Now that being said it was an isolated incident according to you. She may have had sex with more than one person. I guess ask yourself if you are ok with that?
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Dopemaster's questions and considerations include many of the ones I was thinking of by the time I reached the end of the thread. My first impression, obviously based off of limited information, is that she was desperate to leave you but felt guilty about cheating so she went far enough to suggest a separation with the father of her child, then went out trying to get anybody else (reflected by the fact that she had sex with a random guy so soon), but she didn't see any signs she could get a guy who offered her the resources you do, and so she got scared and, resigning herself, got back with you before she thought someone who obviously loved her as much as you do would give up on her, cut his losses, and move on.

That's a brutal assessment of her but that's what my impression honestly is given what you've stated. I strongly suggest you try to trick her using leading questions or other means into admitting she either did have sex with more than one person or tried to. If she honestly just wanted to screw one random guy rather than search for your replacement then that's evidence that she wasn't doing what I'm suggesting. But you HAVE to try to trick her, because if she suspects you're trying to find out her true motives and she was doing as I suggest she'll lie to keep on exploiting you as "the best she's gonna do." If she's exploiting you then she's a bad person for implicating another in her loveless desperation, and you owe it to yourself and your child to lose her -- since a couple who's always at odds is typically even worse for a kid than two emotionally OK singles. Even if she didn't technically do anything wrong, since you agreed to a separation, you still have a right to be suspicious of her motives and know what they REALLY were given the nature of what she did if she's to be your lifelong companion.
 
i want to thank everyone for their input. it really has helped me in this decisions and though i cant show my gratitude i want to let you know that your inputs have really helped me.
 
So many messy ingredients in this scenario...first off...sex before marriage is a great way to mess up your future together. I know in the minds of the masses this is a school-marschisch (is that the word?) perspective, but as you yourself have found out, it's not the way to go. Moving in together is also a great way to ensure your marriage is likely to be mediocre at best...the reasons for this are many and I'll not go into it here and now.

Living at her parent's house sucks x 100. It's not hard to see you both are way too young to be dealing with these issues successfully. As hard as it may seem, the best thing I see would be for you to get the hell out of her parent's house and learn to stand on your own two feet...this may take a few years. This will give her the opportunity to heal from the turmoil, and mature in her own situation.
Without sex, and not living together, especially living under her families roof, you two can start dating, taking all the steps really slowly (long walks, holding hands...etc etc...these steps are not to be rushed past). From this position, the thought of marriage in the future becomes realistic and viable...something to talk about after courting with her for...say 12 months. Seems to me you both foolishly jumped to the end (living together, children etc...) and now have trouble figuring out what is the beginning. Seems to me your idea of "marriage" is something twisted and deformed...both of you clearly haven't the first clue as to what marriage is, or how to build one in a way that will with-stand the storms of life.

Your child will cost you shit-loads of money. Before you get yourself into more of the same mess yet again, I suggest you give yourself a year or two until you've woken up to just how much trouble you're already in, and the extent of the damage that's coming your way...it is coming. Don't add to it.
Best wishes always.
 
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