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Exhausted My drug use is effectively killing me and I can’t seem to stop

R

Rampage St

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 24, 2021
Messages
98
I am currently snorting and shooting fentanyl as well as smoking and injecting crack and the combination is killing me. I have collapsed veins and track marks all over the place. I sleep standing up and have amnesia. I end up on the floor constantly. I have cuts all over my hands I don’t know what from.

I am sleeping maybe 3 hours a night if you call it sleep. I feel death is around the corner but I can’t seem to get back on suboxone.

Fuck it’s really bad. My teeth are cracking and falling out. 10 years of drug use had finally got the best of me
 
Rampage St said:
I am currently snorting and shooting fentanyl as well as smoking and injecting crack and the combination is killing me. I have collapsed veins and track marks all over the place. I sleep standing up and have amnesia. I end up on the floor constantly. I have cuts all over my hands I don’t know what from.

I am sleeping maybe 3 hours a night if you call it sleep. I feel death is around the corner but I can’t seem to get back on suboxone.

Fuck it’s really bad. My teeth are cracking and falling out. 10 years of drug use had finally got the best of me
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Something gotta kill you man so make it stand for something. Document what war on drugs turned you into.
Also get some help, any form is better than no help. You still have a solid chance to get back to life, maybe missing teeth and a decade but who cares, can be worse.
 
this realization is important, but what are you going to do about it?

Continue and let your choices kill yourself?

Or will you make changes to your life and try to keep living?

Sounds like you know what you are doing, and it's up to you to change.
 
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Rampage St said:
I am currently snorting and shooting fentanyl as well as smoking and injecting crack and the combination is killing me. I have collapsed veins and track marks all over the place. I sleep standing up and have amnesia. I end up on the floor constantly. I have cuts all over my hands I don’t know what from.

I am sleeping maybe 3 hours a night if you call it sleep. I feel death is around the corner but I can’t seem to get back on suboxone.

Fuck it’s really bad. My teeth are cracking and falling out. 10 years of drug use had finally got the best of me
Click to expand...
Not gonna shill too hard for rehab but it seems like any extended break from the drugs would do you wonders right now. You clearly recognize you're headed for the end of the line if nothing changes. Please seek help any way you can, you're having this relative clarity right now so it's the perfect time. You might not be lucky to live long enough to have another one of those. You're worth more than just killing yourself like this, please take action on that front.
 
I am so sorry you are going through this :(

Can you at least try any detox or maintenance program like subs/methadone? Usually its one dose a day and gives you time & some mental clarity to make a proper plan on how to tackle this issue.
When used as prescribed there is little risk of overdose, unlike that mess that is street fent.

Addiction warps your thoughts and makes the reality worse than it is, just to make you stay in one spot and block you from getting better. Please try to ignore that voice and do what you know is best for you.
Sending good vibes towards you, hope you find the peace that you need. 💕
 
Please please please stop doing fentanyl. Death is absolutely around the corner if you continue, the amount of overdose deaths it is causing is absolutely astronomical. You can have a life worth living if you turn that around.

Check into a detox. Start methadone if you need to. I mean the crack isn't good either but the fentanyl will kill you way quicker, it's time to get better and nip that habit. There are resources out there for users, you just have to be ready to utilize them, and it sounds like you are. Reach out if you need someone to talk to or any kind of support. It's worth getting better, I promise.
 
Rampage St said:
Thanks guys. I missed 3 shots one on my foot and two on my arm I’m quite worried I might have an infection. I might be going to the hospital tomorrow
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If you're on the East Coast of the US, a lot of the fent/heroin is tainted with Xylazine, which is not fit for any type of human consumption, let alone injection. It will cause horrible skin reactions when you miss with it. Please seek medical attention.
 
Rampage St said:
Thanks guys. I missed 3 shots one on my foot and two on my arm I’m quite worried I might have an infection. I might be going to the hospital tomorrow
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Did you go to the hospital? Update please?

If you are in the USA suboxone should be fairly accessible. It may be rough for 3 days or so because they usually wait three days from your last dose if you’re doing fent verses other opioids, but please check into a rehab. Doesn’t have to be a 5 star resort you’re not there for the food and amenities. You are there to get off the death powder that WILL kill you without a doubt.

The first three days or so suck but they can give you comfort meds until they can give you suboxone and 4-5 days in you will see the light return to your life and more and more hope and light will return each day. I’ve been there man. More than once I have to admit.

I know it feels hopeless. I know it really feels that that hopelessness is reality. But it’s really not because you do have the ability to change. You have choice. Maybe not while in active addiction with drugs accessible you don’t have a choice to use or not, but the choice is “do I go to rehab/treatment and get help to treat my disease?” Or “do I continue doing what I’m doing, continuing to torture myself, until I finally die?”

And then once your clean you do have the choice to use or not.

Not a popular opinion on here but I recommend you don’t just detox. I recommend you stay for as long as you can financially but at the bare minimum inpatient detox and then outpatient MAT. But really you have the most chance for success if you do sometime in inpatient. The longer the larger your chances go up to succeed . That’s the research. That’s the statistical data and personal experience.

I’ve relapsed on pharmaceutical stims but been off the fent for a very long time. Ever since I did that term at rehab.

Please let us know you are doing okay or how you are doing.
 
It does get better if you go for help. I can't say you'll be sober forever and some days will really suck but then you'll start having days where you don't even think of drugs. A little over a year ago i was smoking fent and didn't care if i died , today i'm beating myself up from a relapse because i know it gets better and has gotten better, i never would have thought in a million years i'd be happy again. I'm in my 40's and after 15 years of hell i am actually happy. You don't want to miss that feeling. I still have hard days but they get further apart.
Find a clinic and stop being so hard on yourself, we're humans we are not perfect and you can be alive and happy
 
Jennn said:
It does get better if you go for help. I can't say you'll be sober forever and some days will really suck but then you'll start having days where you don't even think of drugs. A little over a year ago i was smoking fent and didn't care if i died , today i'm beating myself up from a relapse because i know it gets better and has gotten better, i never would have thought in a million years i'd be happy again. I'm in my 40's and after 15 years of hell i am actually happy. You don't want to miss that feeling. I still have hard days but they get further apart.
Find a clinic and stop being so hard on yourself, we're humans we are not perfect and you can be alive and happy
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Yeah relapses suck so bad. But the great thing is you get to remember that you have been thru this before and there is hope.
 
This binge escalated into the stim tweak stage I would be a liar if I said I wasn’t zombified and weak right now FUBAR I had several sensations as of today tweaked hard last night of heart strain or something in the CNS cardiovascular system is off kilter sharp pain biting sensations need to be very careful get some deep breaths outside soon
 
Rampage St said:
I am going to rehab today. I think I gave mgsg an air embolism I was shooting up in a bad neighborhood in the dark .. I woke up today and shot coke end my blood was like super thick way mlre thick than normslZ
Hopefully I am ok
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That’s great that you’re going to rehab today
You can do this
Many blessings to you amigo 💜
 
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