I have been a weed smoker for the past 3 years. When I started smoking weed, I would smoke once a week with friends, and I would remain high the whole day, those were fun times. During my 2nd year of smoking, I smoke maybe 2 or 3 times a week, still good times, getting baked with friends and all... Had alot of fun doing that. During my 3rd year, I was living in uni at this point BTW. I found s dealer in March who sold me an ounce of weed for 150... Pretty good deal right. So what did I do with this huge quantity? I smoked it all the time everyday, several time a day. I would smoke, be high for 20 mins or so, then smoke again. Then during the summer me And my buddy would always buy weed from that guy, the whole 28g thing and we would smoke weed everyday. We smoked 2 cones a day, which looking back was insanely excessive... Didn't need that much but my buddy wanted to smoke that much so I just went along with it.. Back when I smoked myself. I would take 1 big hit and be good for a while. So sometime during this point I would start hearing shit. I was studying all the time at a public place, sometimes studying stoned, and the ppl working there would talk about me all the time, the girls were constantly talking about me. Saying how cute I am and stuff. And always be on me, to this day I believe they were talking about me And I was not hallucinating, however I think there were probably times where they were not talking about me but I thought they were. As time passed I would start hearing ppl talking about me while I was at the gym, I would be working out and thinking ev1 is talking about me. This would happen when I went to the gym high however. But I didn't realize it was fake. The voices would insult me, be making fun of me while I was working out and stuff but I thought it was ppl at the gym and I would be like wtf is up these assholes. It's really not pleasant to be getting insulated by these voices. As time passes I would hear these voices in other places. I would be hearing the voices while I was in the gym bathroom, I thought I was able to hear the girls talking about me through the vent, also while I was taking a piss or a dump, the voices would comment on my dick size. So I started covering my penis able taking a shit at the gym because I thought ppl had cameras watching me and that's how they able to comment on me. Later I would be walking outside and I would hear voices, or I would be in my basement or backyard and I would hear voices, when I was in the backyard and I heard. I thought it was the neighbours spying on me and talking about me. Since I didn't know what else it could be. However, when I went to sleep in the basement. I would hear voices then as well. At this point i would be surprised, I would think things like ppl must be in there car near me And have camera on me which is y they able comment on what I do. As time passed on i started thinking strange things. Like I thought my house was bugged, and ppl were spying on me from my house. Also I would think ppl have binoculars and that is how they comment on what I'm doing. Eventually I thought that my phone was bugged, and they were spying on me using my phone camera , and by doing that they could always know what I was doing. When I thought this I reset my phone and deleted Ll contacts to try and get rid of the phone camera spying back. Around this time, I WS starting to think I could read minds and they can read my mind's.. But the only time I would be Able to read there mind was when they were talking about me, otherwise I couldn't read it. One time o had to use the 4 hour test, and the whole time writing it I would hear voices talking about me, it made the test harder but I was able do it. My theory was there were ppl talking about me outside the exam hall room and that's what I was hearing, but ofcourse when I went outside, I didn't see anyone there so I figured I left. At one point while I was in the basement. I saw a demon, I got so scared I ran to my bed and covered away, but the demon followed me to my room, when I say demon I mean like a black presense, when I was in the basement it was on the ceiling, but in my room it was on the ground. I was trying to sleep but I kept waking up and looking at it or trying to find where it is because I was scared, so it took me a few hours to fall asleep, because every few seconds I would open eyes, loom frantically in my room and try and see where the demon was, I was hyperventilating during this whole time. Also, I was hearing voices at this same time but I thought the voices were neighbours spying on me and saying things like I'm going crazy. Anyways next day I woke up, and I had the infinity symbol carved on my chest, I wasn't sure why that was there, and I didn't know what to think of it. So I didn't think about it and I wanted to forget about it.
I would then stay in the house the whole time and I did some research on the chess player Paul Morphy, and it was talking about how he was a genius who went crazy, and I was scared that would happen to me. BTW during all this I was still smoking weed everyday with my buddy, we(I) didn't even smoke to get high, it was just something to do in the summer, we would smoke and then just chill for like 2 hours. I think I was smoking more for the chilling then for the smoking, but the thing wad whenever I Hung out with this particular individual we would get stoned, that was all he wanted to do and i d do it too just cause I wanted to chill. Bit I don't think I really needs to be getting stoned each day as I was already always feeling good since I was hitting gym and all, but as said we did it because we were bored. One time I got stoned with my buddy and we were chilling in his car, and I would tell him that ppl are spying on us from those houses and I can hear them taking about us, he was perplexed cause he didn't hear anything. So I told him I have superhearing. So he now thought I had super hearing which is why I could hear what he could not. Another time a week later or so I went to get some sushi with a different buddy, I told him about how I'm like famous, and ppl keep talking about me everywhere I go. He told me that I am schizophrenic, and I'm being delusional, but I refused to believe him. Another day we would go his neighbouehood and he would ask me if I can hear voices. And I told him I can hear ppl talking about us fro. There house, and he told me there is nothing there and I am schizophrenic. I was then believing him that the voices were not there and I got all sad at the idea that I'm a schizo, I was like why me, God dammit. He then kept bugging me to go see a psychiatrist, go get some medicine and you will be fine and the voices will go away, I didnt wanna see a psychiatrist because I did not want to go and get all drugged up and turned to a zombie like u see in movies where we see oldfolk homes and they give them drugs and they have no emotion or anything in them afterwards. So I was like yeah I do t need to see a psychiatrist, fuck that shit.
Anyways in a week or 2, I was laying in bed and the voices were telling me my drug dealer wanted to kill me bcus I exposed him and he was gonna go prison now and he wants get revenge on me. I was so panicked that I decided to call the cops telling them someone wants to kill me, so they bring the cops and ask what's going on, and I was saying all this shit. They thought I was schizophrenic and they wanted to take me to a mental hospital, but my dad was like I'm not violent I don't need go to a mental hospital, so they decide let me stay home but said I need to see a psychiatrist. Cop gave me a line to call, a crisis line, so I decide to call that number and told them about how I was hearing voices and I was scared and stuff. The lady asked if I want a social working come over tmrw and I agreed, so we had a social worker and cop visit my place and I was telling them everything I've been through, except the demon shit. I never told anyone that thing except for now on this forum for the first time. When I told them there like I need go get medicated. The cpp asked me if I smoke weed, I told him I do. He then proceeded to tell me he is 100% certain that what is causing the voices is the weed, and I believed him. So I was like, allright I just need to lay off the weed and then I will get back to normal, but the social worker and cop didn't like that idea saying I need to get treatment. Anyways they left, and now my plan was to stop smoking weed, keep in mind that I was getting high every fucken day, smoking whole gram a day. So as time passed of me not smoking the voices were diminishing, alot. It go to a point where I would only hear voices in crowded areas like the gym or my university, so it seemed like I was making good progress and I beleived it would go away on its own soon, so I was happy.
But however my parents were freaking out and trying to get me to see a psychiatrist, I kept telling them I don't need a psychiatrist I just need to stop smoking and I will be fine. But they were Adament, so I told them that I will see a psychiatrist but I won't take any medication. So I see a doctor and he makes it so I can see a psych. I think we waited a week and no response yet. My mom was annoyed and said she wants me go with her see her doctor and then the doctor will make it so I can see a psychiatrist right away. I was like we already got one waiting I don't need another lined up, JEsus! But my mom was Adament so I reluctantly agreed, and he gave me permission to see a psych, we sent in and we set up an appointment for the next day. So I went and saw this psych and I was telling him about everything that happened, hez listening, and then tells me he wants to prescribe me something, I told him I dont want anything. He then proceeded to end the meeting and told me go come back next week. I didn't actually wanna come back in a week but he said it so I was thinking, k whatever I'll come back ina week. I told my mom i saw a psychiatrist and he wanted to prescribe me something but I told her I said no, and she said I'm stupid for doing that. Then during the next appointment he ask me how I'm doing, I tell him I'm doing better and the voices are appearing less frequently and quieter, so it's a real step in the right direction. So at this point hes talking and saying, things like, one of the things I'm worried about is that if we let this thing go untreated then it will get worse, and I'm thinking it can get worse? Then right after he says he wants to prescribe me something, a very small dose, a really tiny dosr, and he emphasizes with his finger what a tint dose he is going to give me, so then I was like, well ya if it's a really small dose I think I can try it, I have an open mind, this might be able to help me out so I should try it. I asked himabout side effects, he told me itmakes it so you cant think as well analytically, and he told me if i get a pain in the neck, to go to the emergency room, he also told me it makes you very tired so take b4 going bed. So he proscribes me 2mg risperidone and I proceeded to go to a pharmaceutical and get the product.
So the first night I took it I noticed I fell asleep like instsntly, when I woke up I had dry mouth, blurry vision, my head felt light headed, and I was very tired, so I proceeded to go to work all tired and feeling very calm from the risperidone. It felt interesting. So then the next night I take and when I woke up it was pretty much the same thing again, however somewhere along the lines I was getting anxiety attacks and I didn't know why, I never thought about blaming it on the pill unil I found out later on that it was a side effect. So ikept taking it, but I was concerned about the side effects and thought I should tell the pdoc the next time I see him. So next time I see him my dad tells me he wants to come to and talk to the doctor, I didn't really want him to come but he wanted to so I was just like whatever his choice. So then when I saw the pdoc. My dad was just talking the whole time. He wouldn't stop talking. I didn't get to ask about the side effects which I wanted to. when the doctor wanted to end it. Iwent to Him and said wait but I've been having some side effects, he ask like what? I proceeded to tell him about about the excessive sleeping and how I still felt real tired when I woke up. His suggestion was to take it a few hours earlier. So I'm like oh thats a good idea, he then proceeded to show the door even though I still had some more side effects I wanted to talk about. He also said to keep taking risperidone and my dad was nodding in agreement saying to keep taking it as well. My parents would sometimes ask if i took thw drug, and if i said yet rhey would be happy saying im doing a good job. During this time, I was getting slow, but I didnt really realize the drug was making me slow, just thought that what I was doing was real hard of something and that's why I was struggling. I just figured I would need to work harder, I wasn't really focused on the drug ATM. I was pretty busy with work and school, I was working full-time professionally as a financial advisor and school partime. Besides that I was feeling depressed,, i also had anxiety attacks sometimes and I didn't really know why, I would drink water to calm me down but it didn't help. I had a huge flock of girls all stop liking Me. I had a ton of girls liking me, but now all sudden they all didn't, and they would proceed to say things like "he is so out" and "why did we ever even like him?" Or I would go to the gym and girls be saying things like, "he thinks he's all that but he's really not", and other ppl would nod in agreement. I would tell my mom that I don't like taking the medicine I don't like taking this medicine I.don't like how it makes me feel. She says she knows but I have to take it because I'm sick. ReThen while at work my boss would comment I was acting different, and this isn't the way I acted when he hired me, but I just brushed it off and didn't think too much of it. During the next while, sometimes I would be conversing ppl and I would notice I'm not really adding to the convo, and I would be asking myself why I'm doing that. I would feel like a 3rd wheel. After about a approximately a month of me being on risperidone I think I took 33 pills total, I told my buddy, the one I was getting stoned with all the time. That I don't like taking this medication bcus I don't like how it makes me feel. He then proceeds to say well if you don't like how it makes you feel then you should stop taking the medication, and I'm like u think I should just stop? And he's like, yeah obviously. So I decided to quit. I was thinking quitting is a great idea and all, how I never thought of that b4.
However I have noticed that even though I quit I havnt really been feeling any different like from b4. The slowness and all I was felling was staying and not going away, besides being slow I lost pleasure in doing things I really liked doing b4, like going to the gym. It dosnt give me pleasure anymore and just feels like a chore, I also noticed that I don't get happy or excited about anything anymore, nothing excites me. The only positive thing I noticed was that my addiction to cigarettes has just died, like there is no craving for them anymore. Somewhere along the lines I just stopped wanting to do things as I was not getting pleasure from anything, so I've been in room all the time lately. Just sitting in my bed on phone and basically doing nothing. My mom now says she dosnt even recognize me anymore and I am not acting like her son. Like when I talk now I give like one word answer to things, no real conversation, and i mainly just ask questions, also I have trouble following conversations and all. During the next meeting with the psych, I went alone. The psych tried prescribing me something and I took it but I never took it to the pharmacy. A month later I had to see psych again and we were telling him about how I am acting now and my mom was very concerned, saying I'm depressed and doing nothing, he didn't say it was the drug and he wanted to prescribe me some more risperidone but I told him I dont want it, but him and my mom were telling me to take it. Even though i dont hear voices anymore and I have not heard them in a while but I reluctantly agreed cause they and my dad all wanted me to... So I took again for another month but I don't think It really did anything to me. It wasn't making a difference at this point. While laying down one time I decided to Google this medication, risperidone, and I would find other ppl online making threads and talking about the symptoms they have and essentially describing the symptoms I have and would be asking things like. When does this feeling go away, I hope it's not permanent, I found some ppl saying things like, they have had this for over a year, or 5years+ and have not really got any better. So now I was like what the fuck, what did I just do to myself dont tell me I'm going to be like this forever, it has now been 2 month since I have been off and I feel I am going to feel this way forever. Right now I am basically stupid, like retarded, boyz that can't concentrate, can't think, can't have proper conversations, is slow to respond to things, and is emotionless who dosnt get enjoyment out of doing anything, this apparently is the new me and I'm not seeing any improvement. So now in my head I'm thinking I really fucked myself over and now I basically ruined my life if this is how I am going to be. I am only 23 years old. I was about to finish my math degree, but idk if I can do any of it. Right now I basically feel like an alive vegetable who dosnt really have a purpose in this life anymore. My body is physically in this world but I feel like my soul is dead and has been taken from.l me. Now every single day I go to myself, why the fuck did I take that risperidone? Why did I take it for so long? Why didnt I research the medication b4 taking it?* I feel like this all the time now and I am just sad that I fucked up my life for ever. Such a small decision like taking a drug (risperidone ) for a month, will negatively affect me for my whole life my life is now ruined
Some thing that real peeve me, I am very confident that I didn't need to take risperidone to make the voices go away, I'm sure it would have went away on its own. Thinkibg back about it I don't even think the risperidone made the voices go away, I made them go away using my willpower and saying there not real and then it went away. If your hearing voices. The person creating the voices is you in your mind. Normally an antipsychotic makes/weakens the voices within the 1st 5 days. It gave me no relief at that point and just gave me terrible side effects. Other thing that pisses me off is that he goes claiming I have a serious illness like drug induced psychosis which is like permamanet psychosis, when in reality I had a 1 time accute episode, when I told him I was getting better he just kind of shrugged it off and then telling me take a pill, why is he trying prescribe me something when im telling him I'm getting better? Made me realize later that he was just wanting to prescribe me whatever for more money, regardless of risk. Besides that what really pissed me off is he lied about the dosage. He told me he was giving me a real tiny dosage, this made me lower my guard since I figure real low dose can't cause trouble. Anyways turm out 2mg is not even a low dose. A low is like.5mg, hell, if he just gave me 1mg instead of 2. I might not even be in this situation.
I would then stay in the house the whole time and I did some research on the chess player Paul Morphy, and it was talking about how he was a genius who went crazy, and I was scared that would happen to me. BTW during all this I was still smoking weed everyday with my buddy, we(I) didn't even smoke to get high, it was just something to do in the summer, we would smoke and then just chill for like 2 hours. I think I was smoking more for the chilling then for the smoking, but the thing wad whenever I Hung out with this particular individual we would get stoned, that was all he wanted to do and i d do it too just cause I wanted to chill. Bit I don't think I really needs to be getting stoned each day as I was already always feeling good since I was hitting gym and all, but as said we did it because we were bored. One time I got stoned with my buddy and we were chilling in his car, and I would tell him that ppl are spying on us from those houses and I can hear them taking about us, he was perplexed cause he didn't hear anything. So I told him I have superhearing. So he now thought I had super hearing which is why I could hear what he could not. Another time a week later or so I went to get some sushi with a different buddy, I told him about how I'm like famous, and ppl keep talking about me everywhere I go. He told me that I am schizophrenic, and I'm being delusional, but I refused to believe him. Another day we would go his neighbouehood and he would ask me if I can hear voices. And I told him I can hear ppl talking about us fro. There house, and he told me there is nothing there and I am schizophrenic. I was then believing him that the voices were not there and I got all sad at the idea that I'm a schizo, I was like why me, God dammit. He then kept bugging me to go see a psychiatrist, go get some medicine and you will be fine and the voices will go away, I didnt wanna see a psychiatrist because I did not want to go and get all drugged up and turned to a zombie like u see in movies where we see oldfolk homes and they give them drugs and they have no emotion or anything in them afterwards. So I was like yeah I do t need to see a psychiatrist, fuck that shit.
Anyways in a week or 2, I was laying in bed and the voices were telling me my drug dealer wanted to kill me bcus I exposed him and he was gonna go prison now and he wants get revenge on me. I was so panicked that I decided to call the cops telling them someone wants to kill me, so they bring the cops and ask what's going on, and I was saying all this shit. They thought I was schizophrenic and they wanted to take me to a mental hospital, but my dad was like I'm not violent I don't need go to a mental hospital, so they decide let me stay home but said I need to see a psychiatrist. Cop gave me a line to call, a crisis line, so I decide to call that number and told them about how I was hearing voices and I was scared and stuff. The lady asked if I want a social working come over tmrw and I agreed, so we had a social worker and cop visit my place and I was telling them everything I've been through, except the demon shit. I never told anyone that thing except for now on this forum for the first time. When I told them there like I need go get medicated. The cpp asked me if I smoke weed, I told him I do. He then proceeded to tell me he is 100% certain that what is causing the voices is the weed, and I believed him. So I was like, allright I just need to lay off the weed and then I will get back to normal, but the social worker and cop didn't like that idea saying I need to get treatment. Anyways they left, and now my plan was to stop smoking weed, keep in mind that I was getting high every fucken day, smoking whole gram a day. So as time passed of me not smoking the voices were diminishing, alot. It go to a point where I would only hear voices in crowded areas like the gym or my university, so it seemed like I was making good progress and I beleived it would go away on its own soon, so I was happy.
But however my parents were freaking out and trying to get me to see a psychiatrist, I kept telling them I don't need a psychiatrist I just need to stop smoking and I will be fine. But they were Adament, so I told them that I will see a psychiatrist but I won't take any medication. So I see a doctor and he makes it so I can see a psych. I think we waited a week and no response yet. My mom was annoyed and said she wants me go with her see her doctor and then the doctor will make it so I can see a psychiatrist right away. I was like we already got one waiting I don't need another lined up, JEsus! But my mom was Adament so I reluctantly agreed, and he gave me permission to see a psych, we sent in and we set up an appointment for the next day. So I went and saw this psych and I was telling him about everything that happened, hez listening, and then tells me he wants to prescribe me something, I told him I dont want anything. He then proceeded to end the meeting and told me go come back next week. I didn't actually wanna come back in a week but he said it so I was thinking, k whatever I'll come back ina week. I told my mom i saw a psychiatrist and he wanted to prescribe me something but I told her I said no, and she said I'm stupid for doing that. Then during the next appointment he ask me how I'm doing, I tell him I'm doing better and the voices are appearing less frequently and quieter, so it's a real step in the right direction. So at this point hes talking and saying, things like, one of the things I'm worried about is that if we let this thing go untreated then it will get worse, and I'm thinking it can get worse? Then right after he says he wants to prescribe me something, a very small dose, a really tiny dosr, and he emphasizes with his finger what a tint dose he is going to give me, so then I was like, well ya if it's a really small dose I think I can try it, I have an open mind, this might be able to help me out so I should try it. I asked himabout side effects, he told me itmakes it so you cant think as well analytically, and he told me if i get a pain in the neck, to go to the emergency room, he also told me it makes you very tired so take b4 going bed. So he proscribes me 2mg risperidone and I proceeded to go to a pharmaceutical and get the product.
So the first night I took it I noticed I fell asleep like instsntly, when I woke up I had dry mouth, blurry vision, my head felt light headed, and I was very tired, so I proceeded to go to work all tired and feeling very calm from the risperidone. It felt interesting. So then the next night I take and when I woke up it was pretty much the same thing again, however somewhere along the lines I was getting anxiety attacks and I didn't know why, I never thought about blaming it on the pill unil I found out later on that it was a side effect. So ikept taking it, but I was concerned about the side effects and thought I should tell the pdoc the next time I see him. So next time I see him my dad tells me he wants to come to and talk to the doctor, I didn't really want him to come but he wanted to so I was just like whatever his choice. So then when I saw the pdoc. My dad was just talking the whole time. He wouldn't stop talking. I didn't get to ask about the side effects which I wanted to. when the doctor wanted to end it. Iwent to Him and said wait but I've been having some side effects, he ask like what? I proceeded to tell him about about the excessive sleeping and how I still felt real tired when I woke up. His suggestion was to take it a few hours earlier. So I'm like oh thats a good idea, he then proceeded to show the door even though I still had some more side effects I wanted to talk about. He also said to keep taking risperidone and my dad was nodding in agreement saying to keep taking it as well. My parents would sometimes ask if i took thw drug, and if i said yet rhey would be happy saying im doing a good job. During this time, I was getting slow, but I didnt really realize the drug was making me slow, just thought that what I was doing was real hard of something and that's why I was struggling. I just figured I would need to work harder, I wasn't really focused on the drug ATM. I was pretty busy with work and school, I was working full-time professionally as a financial advisor and school partime. Besides that I was feeling depressed,, i also had anxiety attacks sometimes and I didn't really know why, I would drink water to calm me down but it didn't help. I had a huge flock of girls all stop liking Me. I had a ton of girls liking me, but now all sudden they all didn't, and they would proceed to say things like "he is so out" and "why did we ever even like him?" Or I would go to the gym and girls be saying things like, "he thinks he's all that but he's really not", and other ppl would nod in agreement. I would tell my mom that I don't like taking the medicine I don't like taking this medicine I.don't like how it makes me feel. She says she knows but I have to take it because I'm sick. ReThen while at work my boss would comment I was acting different, and this isn't the way I acted when he hired me, but I just brushed it off and didn't think too much of it. During the next while, sometimes I would be conversing ppl and I would notice I'm not really adding to the convo, and I would be asking myself why I'm doing that. I would feel like a 3rd wheel. After about a approximately a month of me being on risperidone I think I took 33 pills total, I told my buddy, the one I was getting stoned with all the time. That I don't like taking this medication bcus I don't like how it makes me feel. He then proceeds to say well if you don't like how it makes you feel then you should stop taking the medication, and I'm like u think I should just stop? And he's like, yeah obviously. So I decided to quit. I was thinking quitting is a great idea and all, how I never thought of that b4.
However I have noticed that even though I quit I havnt really been feeling any different like from b4. The slowness and all I was felling was staying and not going away, besides being slow I lost pleasure in doing things I really liked doing b4, like going to the gym. It dosnt give me pleasure anymore and just feels like a chore, I also noticed that I don't get happy or excited about anything anymore, nothing excites me. The only positive thing I noticed was that my addiction to cigarettes has just died, like there is no craving for them anymore. Somewhere along the lines I just stopped wanting to do things as I was not getting pleasure from anything, so I've been in room all the time lately. Just sitting in my bed on phone and basically doing nothing. My mom now says she dosnt even recognize me anymore and I am not acting like her son. Like when I talk now I give like one word answer to things, no real conversation, and i mainly just ask questions, also I have trouble following conversations and all. During the next meeting with the psych, I went alone. The psych tried prescribing me something and I took it but I never took it to the pharmacy. A month later I had to see psych again and we were telling him about how I am acting now and my mom was very concerned, saying I'm depressed and doing nothing, he didn't say it was the drug and he wanted to prescribe me some more risperidone but I told him I dont want it, but him and my mom were telling me to take it. Even though i dont hear voices anymore and I have not heard them in a while but I reluctantly agreed cause they and my dad all wanted me to... So I took again for another month but I don't think It really did anything to me. It wasn't making a difference at this point. While laying down one time I decided to Google this medication, risperidone, and I would find other ppl online making threads and talking about the symptoms they have and essentially describing the symptoms I have and would be asking things like. When does this feeling go away, I hope it's not permanent, I found some ppl saying things like, they have had this for over a year, or 5years+ and have not really got any better. So now I was like what the fuck, what did I just do to myself dont tell me I'm going to be like this forever, it has now been 2 month since I have been off and I feel I am going to feel this way forever. Right now I am basically stupid, like retarded, boyz that can't concentrate, can't think, can't have proper conversations, is slow to respond to things, and is emotionless who dosnt get enjoyment out of doing anything, this apparently is the new me and I'm not seeing any improvement. So now in my head I'm thinking I really fucked myself over and now I basically ruined my life if this is how I am going to be. I am only 23 years old. I was about to finish my math degree, but idk if I can do any of it. Right now I basically feel like an alive vegetable who dosnt really have a purpose in this life anymore. My body is physically in this world but I feel like my soul is dead and has been taken from.l me. Now every single day I go to myself, why the fuck did I take that risperidone? Why did I take it for so long? Why didnt I research the medication b4 taking it?* I feel like this all the time now and I am just sad that I fucked up my life for ever. Such a small decision like taking a drug (risperidone ) for a month, will negatively affect me for my whole life my life is now ruined
Some thing that real peeve me, I am very confident that I didn't need to take risperidone to make the voices go away, I'm sure it would have went away on its own. Thinkibg back about it I don't even think the risperidone made the voices go away, I made them go away using my willpower and saying there not real and then it went away. If your hearing voices. The person creating the voices is you in your mind. Normally an antipsychotic makes/weakens the voices within the 1st 5 days. It gave me no relief at that point and just gave me terrible side effects. Other thing that pisses me off is that he goes claiming I have a serious illness like drug induced psychosis which is like permamanet psychosis, when in reality I had a 1 time accute episode, when I told him I was getting better he just kind of shrugged it off and then telling me take a pill, why is he trying prescribe me something when im telling him I'm getting better? Made me realize later that he was just wanting to prescribe me whatever for more money, regardless of risk. Besides that what really pissed me off is he lied about the dosage. He told me he was giving me a real tiny dosage, this made me lower my guard since I figure real low dose can't cause trouble. Anyways turm out 2mg is not even a low dose. A low is like.5mg, hell, if he just gave me 1mg instead of 2. I might not even be in this situation.
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