my dilemma: love, drugs, and a child.

[DJRolling]

hey everyone, this is my first time using this section of bluelight even though I've used the site for years. like plenty of people here I've got a special kind of love in my heart for a member of the opposite sex, and would like any advice for my unique situation. I will try to make this as straight to the point as possible.

basically, I've known the girl since I was 15 (she was 14). we were good friends and nothing romantic ever happened, I had other things going on in high school. at 16 she got pregnant by her boyfriend and left school to finish online and have the baby. around the same time I developed a fairly serious opiate habit and consistently blew her off or outright ignored her whenever she tried to talk to me. I have since kicked dope and reconnected with her and I feel like she's perfect for me. I have a few concerns, however, some of which might be obvious already, I will list them.

1. the girl is 20 years old, and has a 3 year old daughter. she is no longer with the father but they are on decent terms and share custody. I have yet to meet the kid but she's just as beautiful as her mother. she always tells me "i'm selfish with my time with my daughter, we can't hang out today" which is cool, and I get it, I would just like her to know that I would like to meet her daughter and that I love children. in truth, i'd love to be a stepfather.

2. this one's the big one, drugs. there was a point in time that I was a junkie, she has experimented and used to smoke fairly often, now she just drinks and smokes weed very rarely. drugs of abuse no longer control my life but I am very invested into the psychedelic experience, something that she hasn't experienced. I've talked to her about it and I know she understands that I believe what I said when i'm talking like a hippy. I feel like I would like her to share a light trip with me, in private. if this is something she didn't want to do I wouldn't push it at all, and am fine with whatever she would like to do with her own temple. my concern is that she might not see eating mushrooms every few weeks/months as significantly different than eating opiates every day, as far as values like responsibility go.

3. we've known each other for a long time and tell each other everything, which includes a number of details about her sex life and what she prefers in the bedroom. obviously this is good shit to know if she were to take me to the bedroom, however I would consider myself a virgin damn near, as I haven't had sex in six years. this girl likes sex a lot and likes it a certain way, I don't really know what i'm doing so i'm not sure I could satisfy her needs. of course I would be 100% willing to just do as i'm told

4. this ties into number 3. she's at a time in her life where partying and going to clubs is what she likes to do, meet guys, dance, whatever. she doesn't have sex with these random guys or anything but she clearly enjoys certain aspects of being a hot single girl. i'm not worried about her wanting to date around, because i'll do my thing until she sees what I see. I just don't want to be with her one night, maybe we drink a little bit and things get intimate, and it not beginning a relationship, because once I have her I know i'm not going to want to give her up.


that's it, is this just too much wrong? or is this mostly things I shouldn't worry about because love is more powerful than anything? is this an issue I should push because at the moment i'm sure she realizes i'm really feeling her, and is always willing to spend time with me when we are both free. or should I wait until it's a little more obvious how she feels about me?

thank you all, sorry it's long

peace&love
dj

 

[Maya]

Hi DJ rolling, reading through your post, I think that you both are young and I think that you should give it some time before you jump into a relationship. You are both in a time of your life where you want to explore a lot of things. Just enjoy life for now and build this good friendship with her.

 

[llama112]

I don't see a lot wrong with it.

1. As long as you accept that the kid always comes first, then it's fine. It's great that she had a decent relationship with the father, even though they may not be together, but at least they are still on good terms. That is huge.
2. Psychedelics are not something both people have to use. I think it's good when people in a relationship use similar kinds of drugs, obviously, that way it is kind of easier to spend time together like that. I mean, like my boyfriend and I party a lot on amphetamines. We also like to stay in and do G. BUT he is also really into psychedelics. While I have tried psychedelics, I hate them. They are not my thing. But my boyfriend takes a couple days each month and goes on a psychedelic trip. I do other things, cuz I have other interests, lol. It does suck that we can't relate on psychedelics but they cause me too much anxiety and it simply isn't worth it for me. But he loves them, he learns from them, whatever, so he does his thing. It would be nice for you two to trip together once but it doesn't have to be right away and it's not like you're going to pressure her. If she wants to, awesome. If not, oh well.
3. I don't think that's a problem at all. I'm sure you can figure things out.
4. That's the only thing that I can see being a bit of an issue lol because it is kinda fun being a young, single, hot female. But, if she decides she wants to date you or something, then you've basically overcome it. Besides, can't you go out together? My boyfriend and I go out together a lot and party, dance. We actually do this almost every weekend. It's fun. We meet different people when we're a couple. I don't meet single guys (well, they definitely still hit on me LOL but I turn them away as soon as I can), but we have met lots of other couples or even single people who are just there to dance and there for the music, not there to pick up girls/guys. It's still fun.

So what do you want... do you want a relationship with this girl... it certainly seems like it. If so, do you plan to act on it soon? I don't see why not. But you're going to have to tell her how you feel. Does she seem to feel the same way about you?

 

[DJRolling]

thank you both, truly

So what do you want... do you want a relationship with this girl... it certainly seems like it. If so, do you plan to act on it soon? I don't see why not. But you're going to have to tell her how you feel. Does she seem to feel the same way about you?

she really does seem to feel the same way, actually. my main concern with psychedelic drug use isn't that she doesn't use them, or she doesn't "get it". I just need her to realize that, although other types of drugs have controlled me in the past, mushrooms, mdma, lsd, etc. do not dictate my everyday life and the people I care about will always come first. I can tell when I run my mouth about mother nature and other hippyish things that she enjoys my unique (within the general populous) view on life and the world. I just worry that this sort of lifestyle will make her think less of my ability and desire to be a loving, responsible, (step)parent. it's like, to me, I don't think I would like kids as much as I do if it weren't for psychedelics, I just feel like the average person would just assume any and all drug use makes you less trustworthy.

 

[pofacedhoe]

so you want a relationship with her? whats stopping you?

you like tripping. how often are you tripping?

if its once a month i wouldn't think it will have much influence but if its twice a week then thats a whole different scenario.

i'd be more worried about regular mdma use in a partner and the mood swings that result