Mr. Confusing

[XxLoveLifexX]

Ok so I've been in this FWB situation for about a year now with the same guy. It didn't start like that. We met through a mutual friend and he told me from the start that he didn't want a relationship and I respected that. Of course I was shocked that after our group outing, he actually called to ask if I wanted to go walk around the park and get dinner. It was great and that started us "dating/hanging out" (his words exactly). We were sleeping together, and yes I did give in wayyyy to early from the jump. (Total honesty here) Anyway, this went on for a few months before it just died. He all of a sudden vanishes on me after making plans for the weekend for us. (Because there's always 2 sides, I also at that time had a lot of things going on so I wasn't giving my all as I was before.) Well after disappearing for a few months, he shows back up again. Of course I gave him the cold shoulder, and of course he disappeared for another month before popping up again to ask me to do him a favor while he was away for the weekend. (Weird I know) Me being me, I did it for him and once again that started things back up but different this time. Totally was nothing more then 2 friends who hang out and sleep together. That was until events happened and I ended up moving next door to him. Well that magnified everything. Hanging out everyday, talking on the phone or text all throughout the day, and of course sex 1-2 times a week, but only when I slept over. Well now almost 6 months into it, we act more like a couple who has been together for years. We talk about everything from our day to finances, dreams, hopes and ambitions. Not to mention we lean on each other for everything. He doesn't even make a decision without talking to me first. Even something small as wanting my opinion on the new clothes he gets. When I've asked him the famous "what are we" he says he doesn't want a relationship still and we are friends. A few months after saying that, I told him I was thinking about starting to date. He acted like he couldn't care less. Of course that upset me, and of course he knows me well enough to know that it did upset me. So he tells me all he wants is for me to be happy. I would love to believe that he had feelings behind saying that, instead of simply saying it just to make me not upset. And now here we still grow closer each day. We are to the point where our form of flirting is picking on each other, and sex talk. But today is different, today is the reason why I'm giving in and asking total strangers for advice. Today we had a little spat and he apologized but I didn't really say much after he did. (Spat was over him doing something that ended up emotionally hurting me) Then because I said nothing he turns around and asks me to come over and tells me he bought me earrings?!? So now I'm more confused then ever. :/

 

[XxLoveLifexX]

I think in my situation I just really want him to decide if he wants to look at me romantically. I don't want to wonder if his out sleeping with others. We've already had an incident with him and a girl he met on a dating site. That's why he disappeared on me before. In my eyes I would like to see things grow romantically between us. When I try to move past him and start to try to "date" its him that ends up holding me back. I guess what I'm saying is, I just really want the security of knowing he is mine and only mine. God that makes me sound selfesh, I know. But honestly, after almost a year and of which the past 6 almost 7 months I know for a fact his nag been with anyone else but me; of course its reasonable for me to feel like I want to make things more official with us.

 

[RedRum OG]

If he isn't fulfilling your needs, even when you've Made it very clear, find someone who will. Simple as that. He had his chance, and if he isn't willing to take it, someone else would love to treat you better,

 

[BadHero]

I am going to share some very personal details here... As a very new member, this is a massive leap of faith.

Years ago, I struck up a friendship with someone who didn't want a relationship... They wanted an FWB situation. I had split up with a long term partner (5 years but I was only 22 when we split) and was feeling very low. I got into this routine with him and after a few months of not really having much commitment, I called it a day, went back on the dating scene... Well... I started dating a friend.

As soon as I was with someone, my FWB started telling me he loved me and had given me hints about his feelings and hints that he wanted us to date. I almost fell for it too.... Turns out I was one of 6 FWB, 2 of them were pregnant and he didn't want the responsibility of being a dad. I was his security blanket until he found out that I was pregnant with my partner's baby. When he next saw me, I got one hell of a beating from him because I had broken his heart and a whole host of other shite. Unless, people can guarantee that emotions won't get in the way or they are seriously good friends, these situations are dangerous. You can't tell how someone will react when they realise they've made a mistake.

As humans, we have needs that need to be, not only fulfilled, but nurtured. Your emotions are his game and sex is his weapon.

If I were you, I'd run fast and far and not look back. Make a clean break and start doing what is good for you rather than satisfying his needs and desires.

 

[John3five]

because truth is that you'll get bored of each other eventually

Interesting view - I'm curious however; how did you come to that?

If I were you, I'd run fast and far and not look back.

I'd also tend to suggest this, however, before you do, why not try an make things beyond clear and shake him a little, even to the point where it could hurt him a little, just make him realise this is going to be beyond depair if he doesn't man up. Because obviously, once you walk awak, you cannot look back. Regardless of what he says or do, you'll have to force a space between you and him no matter what, for months at the very least. Else, he's going to be back in his non-committal ways.

Full disclosure - It's happened to me. She didn't turn around, and trust me, I now know what a firm+clear commitment means now. I lost a good woman.

 

[XxLoveLifexX]

This is something that I have been toying around. I'm making small changes with how I act around him, enough for him to notice that im nit feeding this noncommittal game of his. He has changed some in actions but his still not touching the commitment end of things. I have a deadline set in my head that im sticking with and if the situation doesn't change, with the hints that I drop him often; im just going to have to walk away.

 

[pofacedhoe]

you want love, he wants sex and chit chats

if he cared about you he would have shown it by now

 

[John3five]

I'm making small changes with how I act around him, enough for him to notice that im nit feeding this noncommittal game of his.

Are you sure he's actually understood / read on those small changes? Guys are blind to subtle changes, and before they even realised what's happening, they've adapted to the changed condition, as human beings do.

In other words, one should use subtle changes when they don't want to rock the boat, otherwise better rock the boat significantly to ensure significant changes achieve success.

Most guys are like, numb - subtlety is like a few little pricks; annoying but not worth really paying attention!

Again, my 2 cents.

 

[luxma]

i think you deserve better. you should cut ur losses and find someone who will want to commit and be with you. he's not going to change. if you stay you will continue to get hurt. if u want to stay, u need to accept that he will continue to be like this, and u will forever be unsure of whether he will fully like u or not. its up to you. either way is painful. leaving him overall is a better future imo. i say this because i was in a similar position to u. i was sleeping with a guy i absolutely adored. but he didn't feel the same way and insisted we just keep it casual. and i realised i fucking deserve better, and so do you!!

 

[llama112]

Make sure he 100% knows what you want. He shouldn't be playing games. If that is truly all he wants and you want more, then you can find someone else.