I took it too far for the first time earlier this year when I had officially hit rock bottom
200mg+ per day, redosing 40mg, 54mg, 10mg. R/C/M ir/er>ir/ir
I've tried to find write-ups from others sharing their experience abusing MPH.
It made me realize that people likely don't have enough to take it this far or the drug far less popular than I expected.
Every post I've read online of people claiming 300mg+/day use seem to be either delusional or trolls spreading false information.
as I sit here uncontrollably rotating between clenching my jaw & biting my lower lip.
I've decided to tell you a story.
-
As I wash my face, inspect my cloudy eyes in the half-lit steam room then sigh deeply. Sticking 3x18 + 1x54 under my tounge so the cycle can begin, once again.
The last time I took it this far I didn't make the connection between my behavior and how much I was taking.
I only connected MPH with the positives and all of the negatives with how depressed I was when I started.
None of the symptoms of intoxication were new to me, I've battled my own demons for so long that I didn't think twice or make the connection.
I stopped medicating my diagnosed ADHD in my early teens, I wanted to learn to function without using stimulants.
It was also frowned upon by people around me, I've never spoken about it to friends or significant others throughout the years either.
After a bad breakup I had built up a significant medicine cabinet from not taking them as prescribed.
I found them alleviating my symptoms when they were active, at first I was binging Ritalin 40mg tabs.
Every 1½-2 hours I'd take another, then another. Because as those who have used previously know,
Ritalin is up-down-up-down, as soon as I felt the down I had to take another so I felt good ASAP and it stayed that way.
I can't even estimate how much I was taking because I lost track of time. days, hours, weeks.
I would re-dose until I couldn't think straight,
more often than not I'd sit trying to guess-timate which day I had waken up and which day It was right then?
I'd take Lyrica (Pregnabolin. When I felt I had to sleep, I'd always wake up feeling sluggish from it so that ment my morning dose would have to be even more rushed.
This continued and it continued, and my mental health started collapsing.
I couldn't think, function, move if I didn't take the drug. I had started going manic, losing touch with reality, feeling delusional and paranoid.
It gave me crippling anxiety at the lows and made me manic during the highs.
I had a mental breakdown and didnt talk and isolated myself even further, airplane mode//disconnecting all social media etc..
This went gone on for 2 months before I stopped. I had never really experienced withdrawals before but they were not pleasant.
I smashed most of what was my apartment at the time, broke most of my left hand fingers smashing mirrors and displays.
-
----
That's all I have the energy to share for now,
Please be safe and take care of yourselves.
If you or somebody you know is going through something similar, send me a PM.
There's a lot of misinformation out there because the reported and logged cases of serious long-term abuse of MPH
have all resulted in death.
I'm not trying to scare anybody or claim I know how to live life.
Do what makes you happy but be safe, I can't help myself but maybe I can help you
mS.
200mg+ per day, redosing 40mg, 54mg, 10mg. R/C/M ir/er>ir/ir
I've tried to find write-ups from others sharing their experience abusing MPH.
It made me realize that people likely don't have enough to take it this far or the drug far less popular than I expected.
Every post I've read online of people claiming 300mg+/day use seem to be either delusional or trolls spreading false information.
as I sit here uncontrollably rotating between clenching my jaw & biting my lower lip.
I've decided to tell you a story.
-
As I wash my face, inspect my cloudy eyes in the half-lit steam room then sigh deeply. Sticking 3x18 + 1x54 under my tounge so the cycle can begin, once again.
The last time I took it this far I didn't make the connection between my behavior and how much I was taking.
I only connected MPH with the positives and all of the negatives with how depressed I was when I started.
None of the symptoms of intoxication were new to me, I've battled my own demons for so long that I didn't think twice or make the connection.
I stopped medicating my diagnosed ADHD in my early teens, I wanted to learn to function without using stimulants.
It was also frowned upon by people around me, I've never spoken about it to friends or significant others throughout the years either.
After a bad breakup I had built up a significant medicine cabinet from not taking them as prescribed.
I found them alleviating my symptoms when they were active, at first I was binging Ritalin 40mg tabs.
Every 1½-2 hours I'd take another, then another. Because as those who have used previously know,
Ritalin is up-down-up-down, as soon as I felt the down I had to take another so I felt good ASAP and it stayed that way.
I can't even estimate how much I was taking because I lost track of time. days, hours, weeks.
I would re-dose until I couldn't think straight,
more often than not I'd sit trying to guess-timate which day I had waken up and which day It was right then?
I'd take Lyrica (Pregnabolin. When I felt I had to sleep, I'd always wake up feeling sluggish from it so that ment my morning dose would have to be even more rushed.
This continued and it continued, and my mental health started collapsing.
I couldn't think, function, move if I didn't take the drug. I had started going manic, losing touch with reality, feeling delusional and paranoid.
It gave me crippling anxiety at the lows and made me manic during the highs.
I had a mental breakdown and didnt talk and isolated myself even further, airplane mode//disconnecting all social media etc..
This went gone on for 2 months before I stopped. I had never really experienced withdrawals before but they were not pleasant.
I smashed most of what was my apartment at the time, broke most of my left hand fingers smashing mirrors and displays.
-
----
That's all I have the energy to share for now,
Please be safe and take care of yourselves.
If you or somebody you know is going through something similar, send me a PM.
There's a lot of misinformation out there because the reported and logged cases of serious long-term abuse of MPH
have all resulted in death.
I'm not trying to scare anybody or claim I know how to live life.
Do what makes you happy but be safe, I can't help myself but maybe I can help you
mS.
