Mother in recovery (buprenorphine) As life starts to get more normal I'm getting... less normal

[monkeybackisland]

Hey BL,


What do you guys do to stay the course and avoid backsliding/ falling too far into unhealthy habits? I don't think I'd ever actually take street drugs again, unless somehow buprenorphine was no longer medically available, but I'm definitely not ready to come off it yet.

I've been on buprenorphine (24mg) for years now, had a baby a year ago. Things were going super well, obviously i didn't have any time to myself at all, which was a blessing really. Now my son is in daycare, i've been applying for jobs and going to school every morning, seeing friends on occasion, keeping busy.

However, over the last few weeks, as it becomes more likely I'm going to get a job soon (two interviews went really well anyway), I'm forgetting social engagements, calling in sick to class (I have been sick but it's only a cold, my son is still going to daycare) RUNNING OUT OF MEDICATION EARLY, i've not done that in ages, I'm watching TV for hours a day which I know makes me feel shit about myself. What's the matter with me!?

Any useful anecdotes welcome.

 

[MsDiz]

Hey BL,


What do you guys do to stay the course and avoid backsliding/ falling too far into unhealthy habits? I don't think I'd ever actually take street drugs again, unless somehow buprenorphine was no longer medically available, but I'm definitely not ready to come off it yet.

I've been on buprenorphine (24mg) for years now, had a baby a year ago. Things were going super well, obviously i didn't have any time to myself at all, which was a blessing really. Now my son is in daycare, i've been applying for jobs and going to school every morning, seeing friends on occasion, keeping busy.

However, over the last few weeks, as it becomes more likely I'm going to get a job soon (two interviews went really well anyway), I'm forgetting social engagements, calling in sick to class (I have been sick but it's only a cold, my son is still going to daycare) RUNNING OUT OF MEDICATION EARLY, i've not done that in ages, I'm watching TV for hours a day which I know makes me feel shit about myself. What's the matter with me!?

Any useful anecdotes welcome.

Being a mammy is hard work, it comes with so much responsibility and maybe you’re worrying about the added pressure of a job on top of this which is completely normal.

Trying to get yourself into a routine again will help. I know it’s very easy to slip into sitting on the couch and the day flying by whilst watching tv or whatever, that can be a distraction of your real worries and it’s so hard to get back to focusing on study/work.

It will all work out though, I’m not saying it will be easy but when you get into the swing of things you’ll feel so accomplished. Focus on your future self and what your goals are. Use that as motivation to pick yourself up again.

I’m going to reiterate though that it’s completely normal to be worried about this next stage of your life, it’s an unknown and that is scary. You’ll get there though and you’ll do great, don’t let all your hard work go to waste. You’re a strong person to have gotten to this stage, keep going!

 

[RedRum OG]

I've been on opioids for 12 years. There are a hundred lessons I've learned, but the distilled version mostly comes down to a few things for me:

1) Exercise. Specifically lifting weights. It is intimidating, but i promise whatever sacrifices you put into it, you will get 2x out of it- physically and mentally. It repairs your brain at superhuman speeds.

2) Fighting off isolation and boredom - the more you're out in the world fighting through the pain, the better you will feel in the end.

3) Cannabinoids. Weed, weed, weed. If you're in the US, these days most states you can get a prescription for it and not even have to worry about having clean pee for jobs etc. Smoking tons of weed isn't healthy, but it is if it gets you/keeps you off of a worse habit, if that makes any sense

 

[Lil'LinaptkSix]

i've not done that in ages, I'm watching TV for hours a day which I know makes me feel shit about myself. What's the matter with me!?

Nothing the matter; you provide evidence you are human and share the same ups and downs as the rest of us.
Lots of this going around and compounding daily it seems.
Forgive my state of mind atm but is there mention of other substances used either prescribed or "illicit"? Not here to bust ya just curious as how there may be interactions from poly substance abuse so had to ask. been and experienced a few not so good times in my life.Who has not?

Weed, weed, weed.

If I smoke week (specially the good sheet) all day every day I dont wanna be messed with. Create my day before climbing out of bed and of course nothing goes according to my will.
Heavy weed all day everyday takes any ambition in my case.
Same as a few other substances, but another story, I suppose.
Maybe cut back on usage... IDK.
It seems that when I cut back on dosing I feel more energetic and go get em with a focused mind, May not help but I try.
Too much and I need a sedative occasionally.

but it is if it gets you/keeps you off of a worse habit, if that makes any sense

Is it really "safer"?
What I mean is the research and other lies that will eventually be exposed.
Habits are expensive but we do have the power to control ourselves. Just from personal experience(s). My use of tobacco use to be most expensive habit- was cigarettes- a couple few years back. Went from 5usd day for the two if us in SC to double that in PA. Not bitchin cause I know I need to give the damn this up already.
I have it down to 10 usd a month now. Not too shabby for a hobo. lol
How da hell are ya feeling at the moment?
Dont wanna propose any guiding answers but just my head is like this: I want and maybe have to know stuff. There are answers but where...?
Peace

 

[stardust10]

I don't have much wisdom or advice to give but I just wanted to let you know I think you're amazing. To have beat a habit in the first place and It sounds like you're doing your best for you and your son. Being honest with yourself and trying to be a step ahead of your addiction is wise I think which you are doing here. Is there anyone you can talk to about your worries re: running out of your medication early etc? Obv a professional/someone u can trust. Do you think it's the change that's getting you anxious e.g. applying for jobs and getting used to having more 'you-time' ? Whatever it is it might be worthwhile having someone like a psychologist or therapist (that's actually good at their job not some arsehole lol!) who might be able to help you through these changes? It is a lot and you should give yourself a pat on the back. If you realise you're feeling a bit low that's good you have the awareness and knowing that watching TV all day doesn't help you feel better maybe try incorporate something else into your day if you can but try not to be so hard on yourself you've got this
We're here for you x

 

[Ds]

Delete the dopemans number from your phone, delete tor.
Do you know what a reservation is @monkeybackisland ? It's where you mKe an excuse to want to use, hell it can be as simple as burgerking fucking your sandwich up.

Do you work any kind of program? Maybe attend some AA/NA/DAA meetings and get phone numbers from other women. Share, say where you are at and need telephone numbers. The women will give you their numbers, and they know all to well what its like to want to back slide, and if you feel like you want to get high or whatever, call one of those women, or two. Trust me, after talking about it with them, you will feel better, and who knows, you might actually stay sober for another day,

 

[THECATINTHEHAT]

I would be (and am) doing my best to get honest with myself and be real about the nature of my addiction and the way in which it affects me and other people around me. I’m in early recovery but I’m finding this is the thing that’s really helping me stay clean at the moment. Being honest with myself about the ultimate reality of my addiction really helps to make using (and associated behaviours) less attractive.

Congratulations on all the positive stuff you have going on and for staying away from street drugs, that’s really something to be proud of. I can’t, and don’t want to, tell you how to feel but just in what you have written there are one or two things that I would be trying to use as motivators for what the reality of addiction is if I was in your situation.

That’s just what is helping me anyway. Keep going you can do this.