Heroin Minimum days between uses to not get physically dependent?

[telepathetic]

You will find it impossible to stick to any schedule. Everyone thinks they can do this but you always end up cheating "just one time". Then soon it's an everyday thing and you aren't really getting high anymore. You're just starving off the withdrawals.

No matter how often this advice gets repeated no one follows it. I didn't and you probably won't. The good news is opioids aren't really that bad for your health long term if you have a steady supply of them from a good source (excluding some of the strange ones and these new RCs). The bad news is this is starting to become very hard to have. The supply of cheap opioids from known sources dried up years ago. The days of pharmaceuticals being plentiful is long gone.

I urge you to consider stopping use of opioids before it becomes a lot harder. You will eventually reach a point with them where there is no going back to life before them.

I'd say this isn't true for everyone or maybe I'll end up a junky but we'll over a decade lintl my experimentation.

However this is the only sound HR advice in this thread. The chances of successfully chilling are slim, and only for truly dedicated professionals it's so dangerous Its so unpredictable but I think I should probably delete this post because there's nothing to glorify here

 

[riverhaven]

I am a doc, I have been a chronic pain patient now for 14 years which sort of assures one of a constant supply of narcotics and I can tell from your posts that you already have a problem. LOL I have had BIG problems in the course of my usage of opioids, with doctor prescriptions- and with other stuff. Everyone on here who tells you that sticking to your schedule won't work is correct- I have been there, done that. Something WILL go wrong, you say you are driving- pray that you don't hurt yourself or someone else. As a doc, an anesthesiologist even- I truly thought I knew how to dose myself with everything. Nope- I ended up passed out in my bathroom more than once. You can never predict what happens with these things, with doses, with what else is in the dose. You have a 2 year quit timeline- it's time to up that to now and fix your life, believe me it will be worth the effort. It is an effort, but living the way you are, chasing the high, is no way to live. You just can't see it until you are on the other side. {{{Hugs}}}

 

[HeadphonesandLSD]

I see the logic but I work 5 days a week and it is intolerable to get through work without getting high. Since I am driving it is not really a good idea to take benzos or drink alcohol, so heroin is the only thing that cuts it.

You need to be careful because all it's going to take is one strong batch, hot spot, or mis-judging a re-dose to fuck yourself up really badly. I can't believe I'm going to suggest this but perhaps pick up smoking cigarettes? Trust me, you'll love them if your job is driving. Might be worse than heroin long term but at least you won't plow into anyone because you were nodding.

I drove a lot on opioids and benzos. I am here to tell you that it's really easy to think you're a-okay and end up slipping into a nod. If the worse happens you'll probably see prison times because if they find heroin in your system they're going to make an example out of you. This isn't worth the risk. I sympathize because I've done it myself but if I were you I would seek out different drugs if your behind the wheel (or none at all).

Maybe try out vaping some high nicotine juice? Honestly, there really isn't any drug you can use every work day that won't eventually fuck you over. Not any that I've found anyway and I used at work a lot. Even microdosing LSD makes the day to wacky for me.

I'd say this isn't true for everyone or maybe I'll end up a junky but we'll over a decade lintl my experimentation.

Let me say it another way. In my 20 years of using opioids I've not met one person that used them everyday manage to stay off of them long term after developing the habit. Well, I take that back. If you catch yourself really early you can pull it off. But once you're doing it longer than say, a month, you're probably locked into them for the long term. It'll become an on again off again type of thing for you. You'll have it beat then some crisis will come along and you'll use again. It's hard not to take the option when you know it's available. Any kind of pain (emotional or otherwise) becomes an excuse to use.

Everyone I used opioids with regularly in my 20s is:
-Dead
-On bupe/methadone via a clinic
-On oxy/hydros via a doctor/clinic (note both of these groups are peeing in cups regularly and one positive thc result means they get cut off)
-In prison
-using "heroin" (fentynal analogs and other RCs passed off as heroin I should say)
-buying pills off the street which are usually, you guessed it, fentynal
-using kratom

I'm thinking real hard and I can't come up with one person in my extended circle that used for any period of time and managed to stay off. My active use of opioids was during the so-called good times when handfuls of oxy were tossed around like they were nothing. So maybe the lack of access to that kind of supply would result in a better chance now. I don't really think the price they're going for matters though. The same people I did oxy with back then are willing to pay the insane prices for them now. Somehow they're managing to get high everyday or buying enough of them to starve off withdrawal. Junkies will always find a way and access to EBT and such helps. None of them are living what I would consider a good life. The drug is the primary focus everyday.

That's the problem with opioids. They're all warm and fuzzy when you first meet them. One day you wake up really cold and your body gets to the point where it's going to be like that everyday until you have your morning fix. It's at that point where you've already crossed or are about to cross the point of no return.

 

[yubacity]

You need to be careful because all it's going to take is one strong batch, hot spot, or mis-judging a re-dose to fuck yourself up really badly. I can't believe I'm going to suggest this but perhaps pick up smoking cigarettes? Trust me, you'll love them if your job is driving. Might be worse than heroin long term but at least you won't plow into anyone because you were nodding.

I drove a lot on opioids and benzos. I am here to tell you that it's really easy to think you're a-okay and end up slipping into a nod. If the worse happens you'll probably see prison times because if they find heroin in your system they're going to make an example out of you. This isn't worth the risk. I sympathize because I've done it myself but if I were you I would seek out different drugs if your behind the wheel (or none at all).

Maybe try out vaping some high nicotine juice? Honestly, there really isn't any drug you can use every work day that won't eventually fuck you over. Not any that I've found anyway and I used at work a lot. Even microdosing LSD makes the day to wacky for me.



Let me say it another way. In my 20 years of using opioids I've not met one person that used them everyday manage to stay off of them long term after developing the habit. Well, I take that back. If you catch yourself really early you can pull it off. But once you're doing it longer than say, a month, you're probably locked into them for the long term. It'll become an on again off again type of thing for you. You'll have it beat then some crisis will come along and you'll use again. It's hard not to take the option when you know it's available. Any kind of pain (emotional or otherwise) becomes an excuse to use.

Everyone I used opioids with regularly in my 20s is:
-Dead
-On bupe/methadone via a clinic
-On oxy/hydros via a doctor/clinic (note both of these groups are peeing in cups regularly and one positive thc result means they get cut off)
-In prison
-using "heroin" (fentynal analogs and other RCs passed off as heroin I should say)
-buying pills off the street which are usually, you guessed it, fentynal
-using kratom

I'm thinking real hard and I can't come up with one person in my extended circle that used for any period of time and managed to stay off. My active use of opioids was during the so-called good times when handfuls of oxy were tossed around like they were nothing. So maybe the lack of access to that kind of supply would result in a better chance now. I don't really think the price they're going for matters though. The same people I did oxy with back then are willing to pay the insane prices for them now. Somehow they're managing to get high everyday or buying enough of them to starve off withdrawal. Junkies will always find a way and access to EBT and such helps. None of them are living what I would consider a good life. The drug is the primary focus everyday.

That's the problem with opioids. They're all warm and fuzzy when you first meet them. One day you wake up really cold and your body gets to the point where it's going to be like that everyday until you have your morning fix. It's at that point where you've already crossed or are about to cross the point of no return.

Your post fills me with dread but what you are saying describes how I feel. But im trying again miserable without heroin and miserable on it have to keep trying but im only ever happy clean for the first few days then the misery starts . I drove a HGV for 13 years on pods during the day heroin at night never once fell asleep at the wheel so it can be balanced

 

[TheUltimateFixx]

Your post fills me with dread but what you are saying describes how I feel. But im trying again miserable without heroin and miserable on it have to keep trying but im only ever happy clean for the first few days then the misery starts . I drove a HGV for 13 years on pods during the day heroin at night never once fell asleep at the wheel so it can be balanced

Bloody hell fire man wtf were you thinking you were doing DRIVING under the influence of a sedative drug?? Even if you don't nod your reaction times will be slowed down and a split second delay can be all that it takes to cause a fatal accident. You were being MASSIVELY irresponsible and lucky you didn't end up killing anyone.

 

[TheUltimateFixx]

I truly thought I knew how to dose myself with everything. Nope- I ended up passed out in my bathroom more than once.

That's the problem with illegal and therefore unregulated substances. It's IMPOSSIBLE to dose yourself accurately because you can't have any idea of the strength of what you're using - one batch may contain a mere 5% and the next be almost pure and you have no way of telling in advance. You also don't know what else the stuff' s been cut with. So it is always at best educated guesswork and at worst roulette.
As a rule I very rarely use by myself these days and somebody always has the antidote to hand in case shit goes horribly South.

 

[yubacity]

Bloody hell fire man wtf were you thinking you were doing DRIVING under the influence of a sedative drug?? Even if you don't nod your reaction times will be slowed down and a split second delay can be all that it takes to cause a fatal accident. You were being MASSIVELY irresponsible and lucky you didn't end up killing anyone.

I agree and I said on here once that I'm so glad nothing happened but I was always on the edge of withdrawals but that is no excuse I was irresponsible. When i drove a truck in the states in the 90s and 2000s i would be awake for days once I fell asleep by Sacramento and woke up when I went over the dots i was carrying a full load so 80 000 pounds i parked up the truck and we later moved to the UK so fucking lucky . You think you balanced it like i said in the post but thinking about it that was wrong once reading your post i thought of the times i nodded out at home the bathroom or my garage that could of happened on the road

 

[GetMeOutOfThisCRAP]

Heroin is oxy-like in nature so very managable for even corrupted opioid addicts... its just when pure heroin comes into the mix (not easy to find btw) that things go downhill fast. Very few can manage their heroin use, and then almost (I want to say none despite that probably not being true) could manage 100% pure heroin use.

My point is that greed will kick in when it comes to better quality heroin. There's really no way to keep a schedule like this when it comes to the queen of opiates lol. People are welcome to try. There's something odd about heroin in particular where even someone using 2 days out of a week on a scheduled basis down to a wire would still experience depression and minor sickness *but enough to seek relief regardless.* I'm not promoting an "I hate heroin agenda" at the moment. I truly believe that there is something different about heroin than most opiates that makes seldom use even create withdrawals that are stronger--psychologically with depression especially--to kick in with even rare usage.

^^^That point is subjective until I can prove it. Someone else can speak for that though, and especially someone with heroin experience long term. I just don't see any point in saying that people can manage and control their heroin use. People should try if they can as they will (unless they have not tried heroin please do not try it lol). Greed is inevitable for most humans.. and the heroin quality suddenly being high with a certain batch will take over the mind and soul. Long term what is being asked in the original thread is not something feasible. If this forum is about HR, I would say that one should never expect some sort of controlled heroin schedule to work out. It will almost never. Soon anyone with an ounce of greed will be doing heroin everyday.. all day.. and then potentially forever. This drug is different. Do not expect to control heroin use. Work from the opposite in my opinion. "I will not being to control it whatsoever in time" and that doomed scenario state of thinking is better than the reverse. Trust me its a monster. Once it turns on you its going to be fucking hell. By the time it turned on you, you won't care because you will be waiting for that next dose of heroin.

 

[yubacity]

Heroin is oxy-like in nature so very managable for even corrupted opioid addicts... its just when pure heroin comes into the mix (not easy to find btw) that things go downhill fast. Very few can manage their heroin use, and then almost (I want to say none despite that probably not being true) could manage 100% pure heroin use.

My point is that greed will kick in when it comes to better quality heroin. There's really no way to keep a schedule like this when it comes to the queen of opiates lol. People are welcome to try. There's something odd about heroin in particular where even someone using 2 days out of a week on a scheduled basis down to a wire would still experience depression and minor sickness *but enough to seek relief regardless.* I'm not promoting an "I hate heroin agenda" at the moment. I truly believe that there is something different about heroin than most opiates that makes seldom use even create withdrawals that are stronger--psychologically with depression especially--to kick in with even rare usage.

^^^That point is subjective until I can prove it. Someone else can speak for that though, and especially someone with heroin experience long term. I just don't see any point in saying that people can manage and control their heroin use. People should try if they can as they will (unless they have not tried heroin please do not try it lol). Greed is inevitable for most humans.. and the heroin quality suddenly being high with a certain batch will take over the mind and soul. Long term what is being asked in the original thread is not something feasible. If this forum is about HR, I would say that one should never expect some sort of controlled heroin schedule to work out. It will almost never. Soon anyone with an ounce of greed will be doing heroin everyday.. all day.. and then potentially forever. This drug is different. Do not expect to control heroin use. Work from the opposite in my opinion. "I will not being to control it whatsoever in time" and that doomed scenario state of thinking is better than the reverse. Trust me its a monster. Once it turns on you its going to be fucking hell. By the time it turned on you, you won't care because you will be waiting for that next dose of heroin.

You cant control it you skirt around dependence for a bit but it always bites you in the arse. Tried it all keeping it to weekends but the brain is a fucker it always gives you an excuse like you've been good today or this two days in a row i be ok to fuck it I will be getting wds so might as well carry on. Its that depression fatigue and just wanting some peace from it that gets you

 

[AquaDel]

Yeah reading this got me a bit worried , just been back in it for 3 days and had none yesterday and got another small bag of h today , now I’m wondering if I should just go finish the bag or save it until tomorrow … been through wd a fair few times but Fken I don’t really want to go through it again

 

[TheUltimateFixx]

But im trying again miserable without heroin and miserable on it have to keep trying but im only ever happy clean for the first few days then the misery starts

Ok listen ; this is common, and is a main reason why so many people go off no problem only to almost immediately go back on. What happens in the simplest terms is dopamine production drops in response to having dopamine release consistently and artificially over - stimulated. This is also the reason why from a certain point onwards you stop feeling extra good on it and instead require it to just get back to a baseline 'normal'. (The same process incidentally happens with heavy use of a stimulant such as meth.)

This dopamine depletion is why you feel miserable once you've come off. The good news however is that this is self - reversing. In the absence of the substance your dopamine function will return to normal levels because there's nothing actually WRONG with your brain, it is temporarily dysregulated. Bad news again, that doesn't happen overnight, the same as it also takes quite a while the other way round. On average you're looking at a good 12 - 16 month's total abstinence to achieve this. During this period many people find some anti - depressants or medical marihuana, also supportive talk therapy helpful. Just keep in mind its a gradual process with an end point.

 

[Nurse Ratched]

I am a doc, I have been a chronic pain patient now for 14 years which sort of assures one of a constant supply of narcotics and I can tell from your posts that you already have a problem. LOL I have had BIG problems in the course of my usage of opioids, with doctor prescriptions- and with other stuff. Everyone on here who tells you that sticking to your schedule won't work is correct- I have been there, done that. Something WILL go wrong, you say you are driving- pray that you don't hurt yourself or someone else. As a doc, an anesthesiologist even- I truly thought I knew how to dose myself with everything. Nope- I ended up passed out in my bathroom more than once. You can never predict what happens with these things, with doses, with what else is in the dose. You have a 2 year quit timeline- it's time to up that to now and fix your life, believe me it will be worth the effort. It is an effort, but living the way you are, chasing the high, is no way to live. You just can't see it until you are on the other side. {{{Hugs}}}

I'm no Dr. but I feel you on this one. It's spot on. We all just gotta push the envelope....until we can't.

 

[yubacity]

Ok listen ; this is common, and is a main reason why so many people go off no problem only to almost immediately go back on. What happens in the simplest terms is dopamine production drops in response to having dopamine release consistently and artificially over - stimulated. This is also the reason why from a certain point onwards you stop feeling extra good on it and instead require it to just get back to a baseline 'normal'. (The same process incidentally happens with heavy use of a stimulant such as meth.)

This dopamine depletion is why you feel miserable once you've come off. The good news however is that this is self - reversing. In the absence of the substance your dopamine function will return to normal levels because there's nothing actually WRONG with your brain, it is temporarily dysregulated. Bad news again, that doesn't happen overnight, the same as it also takes quite a while the other way round. On average you're looking at a good 12 - 16 month's total abstinence to achieve this. During this period many people find some anti - depressants or medical marihuana, also supportive talk therapy helpful. Just keep in mind its a gradual process with an end point.

Thanks, bruv I was over a year clean started feeling good the thought I could use once a week with the inevitable consequences. I Will keep trying because the other option is misery and my wife kids and mom deserves more than what I am .

 

[TheUltimateFixx]

I was over a year clean started feeling good the thought I could use once a week with the inevitable consequences.

Those consequences, ie going right off back to the races, are not as a matter of fact 'inevitable'. However for one, if you've ever been physically dependent your system is that much faster to tolerate higher / more frequent doses again ; and also some people just aren't very good with regulating their usage. (not only regarding heroin.) If you recognize yourself to be in that camp then it really is the most sensible thing for you to just not use.

I would also like to tell you though that not using doesn't have to equal feeling deprived (which is another thing people will keep telling you).
I personally know a guy who was a dependent user for a full 17 years, has been off for 10, and isn't missing it one bit. He's not struggling with a constant desire to use, he's not running off to counselling sessions every other day, and he's not on any substitute. He's just simply DONE and he's moved on with his life. In his own words, 'these days it doesn't even enter my head anymore'. And this kind of personal development happens more often than you might think or than is generally reported. This can absolutely be you a little way down the line.

Best of.

 

[yubacity]

Those consequences, ie going right off back to the races, are not as a matter of fact 'inevitable'. However for one, if you've ever been physically dependent your system is that much faster to tolerate higher / more frequent doses again ; and also some people just aren't very good with regulating their usage. If you recognize yourself to be in that camp then it really is the most sensible thing for you to just not use.

I would also like to tell you though that not using doesn't have to equal feeling deprived (which is another thing people will keep telling you).
I personally know a guy who was a dependent user for a full 17 years, has been off for 10, and isn't missing it one bit. He's not struggling with a constant desire to use, he's not running off to counselling sessions every other day, and he's not on any substitute. He's just simply DONE and he's moved on with his life. In his own words, 'these days it doesn't even enter my head anymore'. And this kind of personal development happens more often than you might think or than is generally reported. This can absolutely be you. There's no reason to give up on yourself or lose hope.

Best of.

Thank you for the kind words my brother the words do help. I never been good at self-regulating anything be it sex drugs anything but the mind thinks maybe this time it be different tell you the truth I only stay of heroin when back in the states only because its fent, not heroin . Not used today going to get of the gear using lope and pregabalin but i already addicted to pregabalin loads of times before so will use for 4 day just enough to get through the day and taper quickly .Or Will be going into rehab so they can detox from the pregabalin and then back to the states .

 

[TheUltimateFixx]

Thank you for the kind words my brother the words do help. I never been good at self-regulating anything be it sex drugs anything but the mind thinks maybe this time it be different tell you the truth I only stay of heroin when back in the states only because its fent, not heroin . Not used today going to get of the gear using lope and pregabalin but i already addicted to pregabalin loads of times before so will use for 4 day just enough to get through the day and taper quickly .Or Will be going into rehab so they can detox from the pregabalin and then back to the states .

May I recommend Gallus detox centres if you can find one (they're in the states but you say you're planning on going there anyway). They will follow a medical procedure centred on providing relief for the most unpleasant physical and mental symptoms, you will be given medications to alleviate nausea, pain and panic states as required; what's more you will be treated with decency and dignity instead of being regarded as some morally deficient subject who should 'correctively'
suffer for his supposed deviance, and they won't push any sort of quasi - religious ideology on you.

PS nope I've never been a client (I live in the UK), nor do I work for them in case you think I'm advertising. But I've spoken to others who've availed themselves of their services.

 

[yubacity]

May I recommend Gallus detox centres if you can find one (they're in the states but you say you're planning on going there anyway). They will follow a medical procedure centred on providing relief for the most unpleasant physical and mental symptoms, you will be given medications to alleviate nausea, pain and panic states as required; what's more you will be treated with decency and dignity instead of being regarded as some morally deficient subject who should 'correctively'
suffer for his supposed deviance, and they won't push any sort of quasi - religious ideology on you.

I hoping to get into a rehab in the UK before im back in the states but will keep it in mind . I was lucky i functioned so have the money for private rehab chin up recommended a centre here I have called them and will go through with it.

I'm proud of my Sikh culture but am an atheist at heart just don't say it because my mom's heart would break so never wanted 12 steps because of the higher power crap. I got shit from my childhood that needs talking out and bag work does not let out the rage I have in me. Already with no heroin the anger building up need something to help me but not sure what it can be. I sometimes get a hotel room get an escort, not for sex but to do drugs with and just talk i cried my heart out to one just over a week ago it made me feel better . I just want to be one of these happy people i got a loving wife 4 great kids money everything but im so sad but it the same old story for years with me

 

[G_Chem]

36,500 should be good.

-GC

 

[HeadphonesandLSD]

Your post fills me with dread but what you are saying describes how I feel.

It should fill you with dread because it's how things are once you've tasted the forbidden fruit. It's hard to go back to life without them and it will be months, perhaps years, before your brain returns to normal. By using opioids you've trained your mind and body to stop producing their natural feel good chemicals. This means that you feel pain more acutely now and your brain is no longer releasing those natural chemicals that give you joy when you do things that are supposed to make you feel good (like eating a large meal or being around your girl). You've effectively shut off your natural supply of everything that makes you happy and your bodies ability to mask pain.

Things do not return to normal once you're through acute withdrawals. The fight is just getting started and it will take all of your will power to get through the months that follow. In time, for me it takes about 8 months to a year, your natural endorphins will start being produced again. The problem is you've also tickled the receptors they attach to with stronger chemicals constantly. So now the endorphins your body naturally produces aren't as effective. It's like you're attempting to catch a nod with codeine after years of using IV heroin. No matter how much codeine you chug you're going to run into a ceiling you can't break through. At best you'll just feel some mild effect that might take the edge off but it's never going to feel as strong as you know it should.

If you stay off longer maybe it improves. I don't know. After my period of heavy abuse I attempted to quit/taper many times. I stabilized on methadone, quit that CT, suffered for weeks, made it to the year mark, but something went wrong in my life and I found myself coming right back. Before long I was months into taking kratom 3-4 times daily and not even feeling much from it. I quit that CT but the pain was too much for me to deal with. So now I'm stabilized on 0.5mg-2mg of bupe everyday. I cut a piece off an 8mg strip in the morning and another about 6-12 hours later. I wake up everyday in mild opioid withdrawal. But it's better (and cheaper) than using the opioids I like. Plus, it keeps me honest because any opioids I might come by would be a waste. I know I could probably bust through but I also know 20mg of oxy or something would be a total waste so I don't even bother getting started.

Wish I had better news for you but this is how it is. Don't feel too bad. Lots of us fell into this trap without realizing it. I still remember the first time I went into opioid W/D. My source of free pills went to jail and I didn't put two and two together. I just assumed I caught the flu and that I felt better when I took an oxycodone pill because it was masking my sickness. It wasn't until a year or two later I realized how fucked I really was. I wish my friend would have never traded me that first Oxycontin ER for a joint. I can't remember what mg it was but it was one of 30+mg ERs at least. Guy told me to snort half of it and that I would enjoy it. I was drooling on myself within 15 minutes. I didn't know what was in that pill but I knew I liked it better than any drug I'd tried up until that point.

If I had a time machine I'd be a very rich man. I wouldn't have lost my mountain of bitcoins and I would have saved all those free pills back then. I'm not kidding when I say back then pills weren't even worth money. You could trade a joint of brick weed for a handful of oxy or hydros. I had a friend that would give me sandwich baggies full of percocet and hydrocodone 10mg tablets because they were worthless. I would walk around with them at high school and give handfuls of them away to anyone that wanted some. All of my friend's parents had bottles of the things laying around. Oxycontin ERs were so common people would drop handfuls of them and wouldn't even bother to pick them up. It was a wild time to be a freshman.

 

[HeadphonesandLSD]

I wish I'd read this thread when I was 18; I've become a poster-boy for kindling. Anything beyond two days of consecutive use induces withdrawal (not rebound, withdrawal; it lasts longer than the period of use, which in my mind makes it more w/d and less rebound), with benzos, opes, cannabis, whatever.

Heed this advice as well because it's very true. I've experienced first hand many times with opioids and to some extent with benzos. Let me give you an example with opioids.

I was clean for over a year once way back when I first quit opioids CT after 5-6 years of daily use. Right before I quit my tolerance was at the point where I needed about 30mg of oxycodone to starve off withdrawal/wake up and 90-100+mg to nod. Note I managed to keep the doses this low only through strict discipline. If I had more money I could and would do as many opioids as you sat in front of me. After a year clean I thought I could get away with using one time and scored some oxycodone.

The first night I started slow with 10mg. After 15 minutes or so (I preferred snorting) I could tell I'd taken an opioid but it wasn't really that strong. I went ahead and took 30mg. This got me pretty buzzed and was comparable to the feeling I used to get from about 60mg. I re-dosed again and found that my body handled it fine. I took another re-dose or two and eventually managed to nod. When I got up the next morning I discovered that I had taken about 70-80mg. So I was already needing my usual dose to nod. Although it's possible the last re-dose wasn't needed as I have a bad habit of snorting pills while already nodding.

The next morning I was still a bit buzzed but kept my word and didn't use. As the day went on I felt the opioids wear off. I had very minor aches and pains but they weren't anything I'd consider abnormal. I could have probably avoided W/D all together if I stopped right here. But since I'm an addict and I had opioids left over I decided using two days in a row wouldn't be a big deal. I'd just not buy anymore once these were gone.

So night came and I started again. This time I went straight for 30mg to open the night. It didn't feel as strong as the night before. I blew through the 100mg or so I had left. I managed to catch a nod after the 3rd or 4th re-dose. I didn't want to waste it so I sat up all night nodding. By 3am I was really craving another dose. My mind was swirling with ideas about scoring tomorrow, just one last time, and quitting after my 3 day holiday. I drifted off from a nod to a very peaceful sleep.

I woke up around noon sweating and feeling horrible. I really needed an opioid and cursed myself for not saving at least half of a pill to wake up on. It wasn't as bad as quitting my daily habit CT but it was close. It was like day 2 or 3 of full blown withdrawal. It was like I'd never quit. It took a good week afterwards until I felt normal again. It caused me to start thinking about using again to the point where a drinking straw would make me think about going to score. I had managed to go a year without contacting anyone I knew that used opioids and now my mind was filled about ideas of dropping in on old friends and trying to call old phone numbers. I knew I could recover all the ones I deleted if I went through my txting history on the phone companies website.

I did this two or three other times after long periods of being clean. I know my body better now. I can use for one night and get away with it. When I do use I always start slow but in my experience my tolerance is permanent. Well, it's more correct to say my tolerance to nodding and euphoria is permanent. The older I get I find the sweet spot between nodding and dying is getting smaller. I've ODed more than once in the past so I know the feeling of getting close to it. I find it nearly impossible to nod from the opioids I have access to now. Things like oxycodone and hydrocodone aren't possible for me to nod on anymore. I have to go straight for morphine, heroin, opium or the stronger synthetics like oxymorphone. These seem to be rare to come by now so I don't even bother trying. I consider oxy and hydro to be a waste of money in the current market so I don't even bother.

It makes sense that I would lose the magic with those two. They were my mainstays for years and I was nodding on them every night the entire time I was using them. By the end I was having to mix heavy doses of benzos, alcohol, lyrica/gabapentin, and doing everything possible (DXM, grapefruit) to get me further with less material.

People mostly talk about losing magic with MDMA but it's possible with every substance. I just think it happens faster with some than it does with others. I haven't lost the magic with MDMA or LSD but I've used them enough now where they aren't world shattering experiences anymore. Using in moderation is very good advice. Addiction is awful but addiction + the drug not even giving you euphoria is like the 7th level of hell. That's why everyone doing the methadone and bupe thing is so depressed. It's horrible a feeling being tied to a substance like that. You can't do anything without it. You can't even get out of bed. You can't even go on vacation without being absolutely sure your doses are lined up in advance. Then you worry about losing it or them not honoring their end of the bargain the entire time. If you're not open about using it you have to plan time away from the group to hide your shame. They always want to call or knock on your door the moment you put the strip under your tongue to.

I would not recommend it. All my nods combined weren't worth the lifetime of this monkey on my back.