Mycallways
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Apr 30, 2015
- Messages
- 7
My ? HPPD Flare...
I wonder if I can pick your brain. It seems like you all have some sort if grasp on what improves/exacerbates people's symptoms.
I'm a 33 yo, 15 year "recovered" HPPDer. No specific identifiable trip that caused it. I did LSD ~ 4 times, ecstasy ~ 5 times, mushrooms twice, and smoked a lot of weed before it onset. I recall 1 very bad trip on mushrooms but my symptoms did not start right afterwards. I do remember taking a gravity bong hit that caused a panic attack and legit, immediate flashback that may have triggered everything. Who knows?!
Anyways, I was initially treated with Klonopin and SSRIs 15+ years ago. It seemed to help, so I went off to college and figured my problem would eventually resolve. I continued smoking pot throughout college and for years afterwards. I did have occasional phases of despair and hyper focus on my visuals and derealization, but all in all, I was stable on Paxil, alcohol, and pot.
Time passed and I grew a bit stagnant with my life. Was working in a restaurant despite my college degree, partying all night, and just going nowhere. I abstained from any hallucinogen use by the way.
I decided that weed wasn't helping my lack of motivation, so I quit, cold turkey. I focused my sites on grad school, took my prerequisites, interviewed, and was accepted. I moved to a new city, met all new friends, and became a professional in the medical field.
There were times that I resorted to focusing on the symptoms that used to plague me so much (trails, floaters, negative afterimages). This was usually when I was very anxious about a clinical rotation or something, but it would pass. I was taking a dose of Paxil 15 mg. When I was VERY anxious, I would have my psychiatrist Rx me some 0.5 mg Klonopin to take as needed, but this was infrequent.
I have been working for the past 2 years and have had minimal focus on my visual symptoms. It has been as though they weren't even noticeable unless I actively searched for them. Occasional I would obsess over my floaters, but otherwise, all was stable. Felt calm. Considered myself cured.
Things changed about 2 months ago.
I had been dealing with an "on again, off again" long distance relationship that caused a ton of stress in my life. I was not eating, not sleeping. I was obsessing on social media, constantly asking friends for advice, thinking of the worst case scenario. That lasted for about 2 months. I resorted to taking Klonopin ocasionally to help fall asleep. I probably took 0.25 to 0.5 mg every third night for a month. It definitely helped. The entire time I was dealing with the break up, I didn't ever dwell on visual issues.
Things calmed down with my anxiety but I was still beside myself. During Christmas time, while home with family and old friends, I was having some drinks and decided that I'd join my friends in a joint. It had been 8 years since I'd smoked pot. It was fine. Didn't have anxiety or anything. Felt fine the next day. A few days later, another group of friends were smoking, and I figured, "screw it", I'll smoke again. Again, no big deal. Felt fine afterwards. A couple days later, I smoked a third time. This time I was very high. Didn't panic or anything, but needed to go straight to sleep. I remember waking the next day a bit foggy, in fact, for a few days I felt regret for smoking and found myself dwelling on it, dissecting how I felt and if it caused any changes. I didn't notice any immediate alterations or exacerbations to my visual symptoms.
That was 3 months ago. I told myself I would never smoke again because I felt a bit of brain fog, perhaps some depersonalization, but nothing really visually disturbing. I did however hit a joint 1 more time while on a ski trip. Again, I didn't notice any immediate changes to my vision, at least not any severe ones.
2 months ago, I got real drunk and passed out and felt what seemed like CEVs. Since then, I have felt increasingly more spaced out, staring beyond objects, and experiencing pressure in my head. Understandably, I have grown hyper aware of all these things and began looking for visual issues. I see intense floaters constantly, enough to really affect my work. I see negative afterimages much more readily. I notice trails off of everything now. I have a daily headache that comes and goes. I still have a pressure in my head and I feel just out of it. Headlights are insanely bright and starbursting. Glare kills my eyes. I even noticed a few objects wavering when I stare at them. These symptoms all seem to be worsening despite no recent alcohol or pot.
I apologize for such long story, but I thought it necessary to give u my background.
My question is this...have you heard of weed causing this intense of a recurrence of HPPD symptoms? I can't for the life of me imagine that smoking weed a few times would cause such a drastic shift in my perception. It is affecting every aspect of my life. I am obsessing over it, thinking that I just put myself back 8 years because I was stupid. I saw you mentioned weed can aggravate HPPD. Does this mean temporarily? Permanently? If only temporary, how long have you heard it takes to normalize??
I have a history of migraine with aura and wonder if this may be some form of persistent migraine aura like visual snow, although, I don't have too much static compared to those folks.
I thought my shit was under control. To the point where I didn't even notice it. Now I'm a basket case. I take Paxil 15 mg still. Haven't had a Klonopin for over a month. I'd rather avoid taking again unless necessary. I wonder if having taking a few of those added to this recurrence. People would say the stress of the break up contributed, but I had no focus on visual symptoms when dealing with that.
Again, sorry for such a novel. I am in need of some tried and true guidance at the moment. Needless to say, I'm done with weed.
Thank you for your time.
I wonder if I can pick your brain. It seems like you all have some sort if grasp on what improves/exacerbates people's symptoms.
I'm a 33 yo, 15 year "recovered" HPPDer. No specific identifiable trip that caused it. I did LSD ~ 4 times, ecstasy ~ 5 times, mushrooms twice, and smoked a lot of weed before it onset. I recall 1 very bad trip on mushrooms but my symptoms did not start right afterwards. I do remember taking a gravity bong hit that caused a panic attack and legit, immediate flashback that may have triggered everything. Who knows?!
Anyways, I was initially treated with Klonopin and SSRIs 15+ years ago. It seemed to help, so I went off to college and figured my problem would eventually resolve. I continued smoking pot throughout college and for years afterwards. I did have occasional phases of despair and hyper focus on my visuals and derealization, but all in all, I was stable on Paxil, alcohol, and pot.
Time passed and I grew a bit stagnant with my life. Was working in a restaurant despite my college degree, partying all night, and just going nowhere. I abstained from any hallucinogen use by the way.
I decided that weed wasn't helping my lack of motivation, so I quit, cold turkey. I focused my sites on grad school, took my prerequisites, interviewed, and was accepted. I moved to a new city, met all new friends, and became a professional in the medical field.
There were times that I resorted to focusing on the symptoms that used to plague me so much (trails, floaters, negative afterimages). This was usually when I was very anxious about a clinical rotation or something, but it would pass. I was taking a dose of Paxil 15 mg. When I was VERY anxious, I would have my psychiatrist Rx me some 0.5 mg Klonopin to take as needed, but this was infrequent.
I have been working for the past 2 years and have had minimal focus on my visual symptoms. It has been as though they weren't even noticeable unless I actively searched for them. Occasional I would obsess over my floaters, but otherwise, all was stable. Felt calm. Considered myself cured.
Things changed about 2 months ago.
I had been dealing with an "on again, off again" long distance relationship that caused a ton of stress in my life. I was not eating, not sleeping. I was obsessing on social media, constantly asking friends for advice, thinking of the worst case scenario. That lasted for about 2 months. I resorted to taking Klonopin ocasionally to help fall asleep. I probably took 0.25 to 0.5 mg every third night for a month. It definitely helped. The entire time I was dealing with the break up, I didn't ever dwell on visual issues.
Things calmed down with my anxiety but I was still beside myself. During Christmas time, while home with family and old friends, I was having some drinks and decided that I'd join my friends in a joint. It had been 8 years since I'd smoked pot. It was fine. Didn't have anxiety or anything. Felt fine the next day. A few days later, another group of friends were smoking, and I figured, "screw it", I'll smoke again. Again, no big deal. Felt fine afterwards. A couple days later, I smoked a third time. This time I was very high. Didn't panic or anything, but needed to go straight to sleep. I remember waking the next day a bit foggy, in fact, for a few days I felt regret for smoking and found myself dwelling on it, dissecting how I felt and if it caused any changes. I didn't notice any immediate alterations or exacerbations to my visual symptoms.
That was 3 months ago. I told myself I would never smoke again because I felt a bit of brain fog, perhaps some depersonalization, but nothing really visually disturbing. I did however hit a joint 1 more time while on a ski trip. Again, I didn't notice any immediate changes to my vision, at least not any severe ones.
2 months ago, I got real drunk and passed out and felt what seemed like CEVs. Since then, I have felt increasingly more spaced out, staring beyond objects, and experiencing pressure in my head. Understandably, I have grown hyper aware of all these things and began looking for visual issues. I see intense floaters constantly, enough to really affect my work. I see negative afterimages much more readily. I notice trails off of everything now. I have a daily headache that comes and goes. I still have a pressure in my head and I feel just out of it. Headlights are insanely bright and starbursting. Glare kills my eyes. I even noticed a few objects wavering when I stare at them. These symptoms all seem to be worsening despite no recent alcohol or pot.
I apologize for such long story, but I thought it necessary to give u my background.
My question is this...have you heard of weed causing this intense of a recurrence of HPPD symptoms? I can't for the life of me imagine that smoking weed a few times would cause such a drastic shift in my perception. It is affecting every aspect of my life. I am obsessing over it, thinking that I just put myself back 8 years because I was stupid. I saw you mentioned weed can aggravate HPPD. Does this mean temporarily? Permanently? If only temporary, how long have you heard it takes to normalize??
I have a history of migraine with aura and wonder if this may be some form of persistent migraine aura like visual snow, although, I don't have too much static compared to those folks.
I thought my shit was under control. To the point where I didn't even notice it. Now I'm a basket case. I take Paxil 15 mg still. Haven't had a Klonopin for over a month. I'd rather avoid taking again unless necessary. I wonder if having taking a few of those added to this recurrence. People would say the stress of the break up contributed, but I had no focus on visual symptoms when dealing with that.
Again, sorry for such a novel. I am in need of some tried and true guidance at the moment. Needless to say, I'm done with weed.
Thank you for your time.
