Midazolam, possible bad mistake made by me to a friend-worried about him

[3dmusic]

I put this subject in here cos it involves midazolam which is a specialist benzo, so, chances are, only the poeople here will be able to give me more info on it.
Both me and a friend have benzo habits, and I have just started a taper using valium, after crossing over from 12 x 7.5mg zopiclone to get throught the day without dissolving into tears every five minutes.
I am a bit better off financially than him, so I was able to buy my more benzos but not enough to do a taper.
I used to give him some when he ran out and started withdrawing, and he would buy them off me, at the same price I bought them for, but I resented this, because it means less for me to taper from, so I started to lie about the amount I had.
Anway we went halves on some msj and he said they are crap. I'm still using the good ones we got, but he does not know how many I really have cos I need them to taper from, and if I keep giving hiim them, I am going to have to buy more, so I gave him about 30 15mg midazolam and told him to go careful withthem, as they are strong. I told him they have a short half life and can up tolerance.
Anyway, more time has passed, by now he will be in benzo withdrawal cos we haven't been able to get any more benzos and I want to keep my stash for my taper, which I started yesterday and am determined to finish.

anyway I woke up this morning and thought ""what if he is dead?" what if I have helped him be killed by giving him those midazolam which are oral, neither of us use IV
I just seem to be the one having to go mooching around for benzos, and as i am a bit better off financially than him, I wanted to keep a stash to taper. My stash isnt big enough to taper from but I will sort that out.

Anway, am I a bad person for not giving him some of my benzos so he doesn't get ill with wd, he had a fit cos of benzo wd once, his habits about 70mg valium thte same as mine.
Am I a bad person for giving him midazolam, hes a grown man?
He gave me subutex (another dangerous drug) and I have used them responsibly, so I applied this logic when I first started worrying about giving him the midazolam, but then I thought benzo wds are so bad, he may feel forced to reach for the midazolam and end up dead.
I originally bought the Midaz to OD on, but since then, I have stopped being suicidal.

I've messaged him twice, phoned him twice, told him to get in touch as I am worried about him.
If he is laid in his house, dead, is it my fault?
Should I have shared my benzos?
I am just scared of running out of benzos mid taper, and giving him more pills each time he goes into wd means i would also run out.

 

[MyExcuse]

I don't think your friends drug addiction (and anything that comes with it) is your problem. You weren't forcing pills down his throat, and if anything he should have taken the cue that the end was nigh when you expressed a desire to quit.

Anyway, when I was addicted to Etizolam (5-8mg/day) I tapered to 2mg and switched immediately to Phenibut with minimal side effects. Used this for a few months before tapering over the course of a month (reducing by 50mg per day) until I was down to a much smaller dose which kept me stable.

Problem is phenibut dose varies by individual, but it's cheap.

If you really feel guilty, maybe purchase a 100g tub of phenibut (about 30 USD) to toy around with.

 

[Solipsis]

It's hard to OD on benzo's alone, quite hard. With polydrug combinations it can quickly become more of a problem with CNS depression.

I agree that your friend's addiction is not yours to take on, at the most it is a nice thing to do to take the edge off for him of the worst of the withdrawals like the fits - allowing it to go smoother, but still to taper for certain.

Whether you can trust your friend to not take combinations (can you trust any addict to do that?), or to taper responsibly is up to your character assertion. You know the guy so know better than any of us here what he's capable of. Not for us to say.

If he's likely to abuse something then IMO just letting him withdraw is best for anyone - though to prevent really dangerous things from happening give him just a little bit of something appropriate to avoid seizures for example.

Doesn't sound like you have the money to keep enabling each other anyway.

With a very serious benzo habit I'm honestly not sure if something like phenibut will really 'keep the doctor away'. It's a GABA-B agonist and VDCC blocker like other gabapentinoids. VDCC blockers are certainly known to ease a GABAergic taper, I know that from first and second hand experience. I just wouldn't rely on phenibut preventing heavy withdrawal symptoms if it's all you're taking - even if it can take some of it away.

So yeah MyExcuse IMO correctly tapered before switching to phenibut. A high drop from heavy habit poses appreciable physical risk like seizure or going through hell flipping out (been there, not the seizures though - my habit wasnt health risk high), but the last bit to go is heaviest psychologically. It's very typical for an addict who's nearly there to switch to something lighter, to crave food or drink coffee or smoke cigarettes a lot. Just as long as you don't trade one addiction for another. Tapering means smaller crutches until you are at some point clean.

I know he is your friend but it's probably not worth playing games with each other, you better be cold and hard for each other now cause that is what tapering and quitting has to be. It's best if you explain that to him. Is it unreasonable for you to let him keep coming to you for a small favor everytime instead of allowing him to run off with a quantity? IDK, it's not your responsibility to take over his tapering schedules, my point is just keep him on a super short leash - he will probably have to come frequently if he basically has to. Then it's safer and better for everyone involved, just not for your friendship if he mistakes that for you being a terrible friend.

So it might not be a bad idea to consider whether you would sacrifice your friendship for being clean or the reverse if it comes down to it. Not to mention that couples, friends and scenes can insidiously keep one another hooked preserving the status quo. Do what you must to break free, but if you can - be as much as a friend as possible

 

[zirbeldude2]

As a side note....midazolam is one of the worst benzos to taper from.
You want a benzo with a long half life, like diazepam or clonazepam.