For almost decade now I’ve been struggling on and off with chronic debilitating depression coupled with on again off again drug use, mostly of the opioid/opiate drug addiction kind (and when xoukxt. In the last wi years I have have been using a technique in which I take a short two week binge on dope all the while taking very small pieces of suboxone so that when I jump back on subs the transition is almost unnoticeable. Recently I went on another binge , this time just a week because more and more im realizing it’s just not worth it. I just want to not be so depressed and it’s been especially bad lately because my mother died recently, so it’s been especially hard. I relapsed, like the idiot I am and while it was way better than being depressed, the fear creeps in and I’m looking for a way out.
I had been hospitalized for a spinal infection from using needles and needed a two part surgery o Te else I’d be paralyzed for life. Gives me chills just thinking I came so close. Anyway, before and after the surgery they had to put me on dilaudid, but since they knew I was an addict they also introduced me to the Bernese method (micro dosing subs until it’s in your system long enough so you don’t have precipitated wds) and started administering tiny amounts of it until I was back to taking 8 mg a day alongside the dilaudid I was being given to via a pick line at first then in pill form. When I was sent home I wasn’t in the best shape but I was pretty good considering what I’d lived through. I didn’t really have any trouble jumping off dilaudid and back onto subs because I already had subs in my system.
So after I’d relapsed, I was snorting dope I’m sure was cut with fent because that’s all you can get in nyc these days- shit heroin cut with fentanyl, some baking soda and maybe a little coke. This loss of quality product is then compounded with half the dealers in the city being scam artists who’ll rip u off without thinking twice. More than half actually!only been using for a week and a half tops, and I’ve been a little having difficulty with the Bernese method this time because the subs I have are pills. But it seemed to be ok, I even could take 2mg of suboxone a day. But I missed a day and on the next day I took the same amount and I started to feel that dreaded icy, feeling you get when they first hit. But it wasn’t very strong so I tried to sleep it off but couldn’t so I did some dope because I was told that would level me out. It sent me into an even worse wd immediately and I wasn’t sure if I should do even more dope or not, but I eventually did and I felt fine pretty quickly. I thought subs stayed in your system for at least 72 hrs, but does the half life get shorter the less you take? I also skipped yesterday so I gotta take a small amount of sub at some point and I’m dreading it. I am going away on Friday to my moms memorial service and I’m feeling like such a lowlife for choosing this time to relapse. Oh and another thing, the dealer I was using just pulled an exit scam on me, he took me for a couple hundred and now I have nobody to score from. I had an idea where I could try some kind of rapid Bernese method since I had been doing it every day up until the other night, so if I started tonight or in the morning and got pcWDs again, I can snort more dope till I level out. If I take the same amount of subs next time and slowly increase is it possible I could somehow make it through this nightmare without it ending in catastrophe? The two things i do have on my side are the facts that I’ve only been using a little over a week’s time and before that I haven’t touched heroin in over a year. Plus I have been using the Bernese metbod and had no problems up until now. Does anyone have any suggestions or insight into my problems? It’d be greatly appreciated , thank you!
I had been hospitalized for a spinal infection from using needles and needed a two part surgery o Te else I’d be paralyzed for life. Gives me chills just thinking I came so close. Anyway, before and after the surgery they had to put me on dilaudid, but since they knew I was an addict they also introduced me to the Bernese method (micro dosing subs until it’s in your system long enough so you don’t have precipitated wds) and started administering tiny amounts of it until I was back to taking 8 mg a day alongside the dilaudid I was being given to via a pick line at first then in pill form. When I was sent home I wasn’t in the best shape but I was pretty good considering what I’d lived through. I didn’t really have any trouble jumping off dilaudid and back onto subs because I already had subs in my system.
So after I’d relapsed, I was snorting dope I’m sure was cut with fent because that’s all you can get in nyc these days- shit heroin cut with fentanyl, some baking soda and maybe a little coke. This loss of quality product is then compounded with half the dealers in the city being scam artists who’ll rip u off without thinking twice. More than half actually!only been using for a week and a half tops, and I’ve been a little having difficulty with the Bernese method this time because the subs I have are pills. But it seemed to be ok, I even could take 2mg of suboxone a day. But I missed a day and on the next day I took the same amount and I started to feel that dreaded icy, feeling you get when they first hit. But it wasn’t very strong so I tried to sleep it off but couldn’t so I did some dope because I was told that would level me out. It sent me into an even worse wd immediately and I wasn’t sure if I should do even more dope or not, but I eventually did and I felt fine pretty quickly. I thought subs stayed in your system for at least 72 hrs, but does the half life get shorter the less you take? I also skipped yesterday so I gotta take a small amount of sub at some point and I’m dreading it. I am going away on Friday to my moms memorial service and I’m feeling like such a lowlife for choosing this time to relapse. Oh and another thing, the dealer I was using just pulled an exit scam on me, he took me for a couple hundred and now I have nobody to score from. I had an idea where I could try some kind of rapid Bernese method since I had been doing it every day up until the other night, so if I started tonight or in the morning and got pcWDs again, I can snort more dope till I level out. If I take the same amount of subs next time and slowly increase is it possible I could somehow make it through this nightmare without it ending in catastrophe? The two things i do have on my side are the facts that I’ve only been using a little over a week’s time and before that I haven’t touched heroin in over a year. Plus I have been using the Bernese metbod and had no problems up until now. Does anyone have any suggestions or insight into my problems? It’d be greatly appreciated , thank you!
