Unfortunately, this is the nature of the beast. I am with a rather strict clinic- "by the book". I am allowed 2 weeks of take homes. (I could do a month if I took the pills, but find it easier to decrease w/liquid)I've been with these take homes for a few years now&the doses have ranged from...approx. 145mg..(indeed way to high of a dose than I should have ever been on)down to my current dose of 28mg.-tho I'm truly down to 12mg. b/c I've been reducing on my own with my take homes.
What I can say, is that it is very reasonable that your clinic, if you're a rather new client, with dirty UA's (with the exception of 1 if I read correctly), would not grant you the take homes - even with an "exception"..usually, and I think this is common practice, no take homes for the 1st. 30days &after that, you need to give multiple clean UA's. As sucky as it may be, it's what you signed up for. I , even w/the bitterness I feel towards methadone clinics now , don't believe you can blame the methadone clinic for not "helping you". Methadone is by far not going to keep you from using. You are. A true commitment, a 180degree change needs to happen. It's difficult, very true. But it is up to you. As for the issue of using on the side being b/c the clinic is not helping you...the truth is , you will never "stabalize" until you stop using on the side. And if the methadone "high" is found(anything after the 1st week or so- I remember feeling a type of euphoria at the very beginning)... don't chase it as you will only increase increase increase and be on a ridiculously high dose- which at some point sooner than later,that "High" will end & you'll be stuck on this beast, at a very high dose , which will take a lot of time to get off of, and still in chains..more chained down than you are now. It does suck that all you want is to go away for 8days&you can't get "take homes". I don't want to come off as harsh, but legally, rationally, don't you realize why they wouldn't grant you this? As long as you're still using on the side- except for the last 2wks.- you're at risk. I, as others have said, know that unfortunately, freedom is limited, constrained as long as I am on methadone. When you signed up for this, the "rules" are there. True, as mentioned, jumping off /wd'ing from your current dose is quite a... Well, unadvised. I know I would be in a heightened panic if I were where you're at. But the reality very well may be, that you will have to bow out if this 8day trip. And 8dsys away from the dealers you know is not going to be the change you're needing. It's a decision to be made even when they're in your face . I truly truly do wish you a peaceful heart. The worries of being able to participate in life by needing something to feeling "normal" are a shite way to live- I know. Maybe you can speak to a doctor, ask your clinic for suggestions, don't go in accusing them of not helping you. Perhaps, with your boyfriend, you can figure out a way to graciously bow out - i.e. work? Something like that?
Again, I truly do hope that you can find peace&resolve soon. You can have a life w/o this being a nearly health/LIFE issue. If you don't go, make that your reason to get your life back...maybe that will be a breaking point- where you see how this is holding you back from life- simple as that. Be strong & make that change . Please keep posted on how things worked out& please know I don't mess to sound harsh. It's just the reality&restrictions of the beast ...and the restrictions the clinics go by- for some good reasons.
Hope it all works out for you&be strong. I know you have it in you!