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Meth & social behavior

Yeah iv is the point of no return for a lot of people. My dealer was an iv user, and he was cool with me almost painting his walls with his brains because I thought he was wearing a wire.
 
Yeah, I had a roommate living with me for a while and he supposedly got a job so I let him use my car to get there and came to find out he had no job, and was using it to sleep with my most recent ex. So rather than confront him, in the rare occurrence that he would accidentally fall asleep with me around,(he never wanted to because of how outta there I was)I would sit there with a pistol and a knife debating whether to shoot or stab him and trying to rationalize these extreme urges. Of course I never went through with it and ended up just making up this elaborate scenario that finally convinced him to move out and leave the state.
 
This is one of many "fond" memories of when I had first started using. I use the word fond sarcastically. Now I don't spend a lot of time around anyone because of that and similar experiences. While I still use pretty regularly, I only get around people that I trust and don't look at me like I'm a sub human freak. Its insane how fast the drug changes nearly every aspect of your life
 
It really is crazy, I've got people who'll tell you I'm the nicest guy you'll ever meet, and then I've got people that have seen that dark side and will tell you I'm dangerous.
 
Yeah I know what you mean, people that have been around me while high or even done it with me say the person i am when not on it, and the person i am when I'm really tweaked out are like day and night. I guess it's probably true but I haven't been COMPLETELY off it and away from in quite a while
 
And you know, most of the time you can't have a clear picture of how you are or how you seem in other people's eyes especially when you're high most of the time
 
When I went heavy, I was paranoid that someone would notice that I was up. But that was when I would smoke weeks away. Lately its only been a once a week or month thing, and I want to be around people. But I also get very confident.
 
I enjoy confidence too as long as I'm around the right people. But when on this drug it's all vibes, vibes everywhere and all it takes is a few of the wrong people to set off that paranoia which can easily turn into full blown psychosis for me if Ive been up long enough.
 
Psychosis is a very bad deal. I've been there a couple of times. You end up pretty out there and it's often hard to come back
 
I try not to be around people when Im tweaking as I know Im not acting normal. Its worse when I get hallucinations. Im an IV user and get extremely paranoid that people are staring at my hands as this is where I shoot. I know that there is nothing but a small spot that you wouldnt think that it is a track mark, but it gets me everytime.

Ive only experienced psychosis once, at least thats what I think it was. I was convinced that my boyfriend hacked my computer, created a fake web browser and was controlling everything I was seeing. There was no convincing me otherwise.
 
Yeah I'd say that was psychosis, my first time with psychosis. I literally didn't say a word for 3 days, thought everyone was a cop and they had bugs everywhere. Basically locked myself in a closet for most of it, didn't answer my phone or anything.
 
It took me a good month to fully let go of that thought. It scared the shit outta my boyfriend. Thank god I havent experienced anything like that since though.
 
Yeah, it's pretty terrible to say the least. Man, jrich, I had so many different occasions similar to yours when with other people. We would always just keep going and going and my dumbass would over-amp. Also It seems like we always find a way to connect every sketchy little detail you "notice" don't it.
 
They sure do. To be completely honest though some of that paranoia turned out to be perfectly rational a few times. That's why you gotta stay around solid people you can trust, or don't fuck with anybody.
 
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