oxymoronccc
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Feb 14, 2018
- Messages
- 12
So a bit of while back i went on a journey within on amanita 1500mg ratio of 2muscimol,2muscarine,to 1 ibotenic acid extract ,300 mg faa phenibut., 230 mg dxm,20 mg 1to1 cbd/thc lean syrup, live resin pink runtz, nuceferine from 10× blue lotus tincture i made+ sacred lotus resin/pg mix in a vape mod, i take suboxone daily, weigh 130, . ..sub dosed earlier in the day 4is hrs or so before hand, all others dosed at once at 4 come up at 5. Peak at 6 followed the nice quiet smootheness of pure dissociation, the come up felt like dying as i lost contact with my body for a bit, hot flashes, anxiety and dread, how ever im well versed in ratical acceptance and mastered go with the flow to a degree, i laid down as my room became bright with colors and light exposure and contrast increases, looking around felt like watching a video with no wifi and it was stuttering, lagging , except it would lag or shake just a bit and what was my tv set and table in front of a wall became a completely different alien senery hard to explain, close eyed visuals were vivid and odd ,confusing and non sensical at first, i would open my eyes and it felt like something would pull my eye lids shut after a bit like another world demanding my attention , then i started having vivid flash backs from earlier at work and my brain would over analize every face in my memory and little coincidinces to create all these conspiracys it felt like i had just woken up from a months long heavy brainfog×psychosis and i freaked out at some of what i saw its been a rough couple weeks and it showed in my state of being as i thought back on it, and id been using pot at work to cope w stress and low energy/ motovation, also use it for creativity as im a designer and i felt like everyone knew i was stoned and i was really obvious as i thought back to the passed couple days, . .this went on for an hr or so, i reached a point were i just let go and said ok this is fine, i will make changes going foward and be more aware and present, i then started thinking about humanity and being alive ,(im big into eastern philosophy and go through several existential chrisisis a month each bringing closer to the being i want to be ) and i felt a strong force upon my body and it was like fire in my veins, suddenly my spine was tingling and jerking, contorting i threw my body up againsed the wall and for some reason i felt like i could roll up the wall, like fuck gravity , like this is something we have always been able to do and we just forgot tht we can manipulate matter and gravity, but decided not to, i then felt this bolt of energy at the base of my spine bubbling up till it hurt and i started moving like a snake and taking these very deep exhales and i was able to work it up the spine, first it felt orgasmic i thought i was climaxing then it felt powerful like the hotest fire in me when it reached my stomach, then it felt like love and beauty in my chest, then it felt like all the fear was burned away by it and i laughed out loud screamed yes yes wich is odd for me because im a quiet and reserved person even in my own house idk its tied to trauma,but i felt like i had been given my power, my pride, my strength and assertiveness back, then it went up and rang my skull, and i remembered, i am a god, we are all gods by the definition of the word there are tiers of beings above us that we call gods and there are tiers of beings below us that look at us as gods, and we are all this one united energy, just taken different forms and we have been tricked into thinking we are these low weak sinfull beings by religion, authoritys people in power manipulating us into being complacent living life through tiny screens isolated slaves to our jobs, what we own , what we owe because the price of recources no longer match the value, i understood the game of society and it aint our game its theirs the people in power and we are given the illusion that we are in control and have a say by electing a president who is only a face , an illusion of choice, i saw how our election model divided us and created cults around parties wich should not be the case, it should be dependent on what the country is going through sometimes we need democrats, sometimes we need republicans, in some aspects we need libritarians, in some aspects we need communism and we take each of these to extremes and they dont serve us well, i saw that we are like children a newly sentient beings still infantile in relation to the cosmos, ment to evolve but staggered by our self missidentification with ego, and our place and role in relation to one another and eachother ,i then went deeper within and noted all of my limiting behaviors and found the source of them in all my traumas and one by one adressed them and released them, i felt like i was shedding old skin, i did a full inventory of my self my life the people around me, my actions, thought patterns , this went fir hours, i then wanted to light insense for atmosphear but as i got up i fell, i couldnt walk i looked up at my table and saw my painting of the hindu god shiva and felt shivas presence, i crawled to shiva. And i sat on the floor in front of the painting and as i looked at it, i saw my self, im shivas child we all are, and i sat infront for 30 minutes in meditation feeling soo nurtured i felt the energy wrap around me so warm and loving , i was ecstatic, crying with joy and longing as ive been reunited with my beloved, i meditated for several more hours listening to ram das and alan watts lectures and i kept thinking to my self i cannot forget this when i come down, i integrated the experience deeply within as best i can and git the most gealing out of it i could coming to terms with each mistake, trauma, all the pain and letting it go, i felt soo good at this point my body felt idk powerful like i was lighter, faster, i would close my eyes and think i want to feel a rush and have more visuals, i went to reach for my dab pen but stopped, i stead i started doing this rythmic breathing and i remembered i can control most of my bodily processes through breath and i felt like i was climaxing on mdma and lsd ....hours later im coming down and i lost the huge feeling that comes from one realising they are god and it settled into a "oh i see now we are all god, its all god, god is the universe and the universe is everything, all my social insecurities melted away and i saw how much i held my self back in relationships isolating and pushing ppl away yet feeling lonely and yearing for someone, i finally felt happy, like i am happy with myself i feel whole wether i have a girl, friends or not, wich jas been an issue because when i first moved to another state,i fell into a depression, relapsed etc and i forgot how to socialize after isolating so long, also had a very hard time letting ppl into my life because of ptsd, i felt like this issue was being healed, like i was finally getting to a good point in life, this 1night was better than 7mo therapy, 10/10 dunno if id do this again though because it was very very uncomfortable at first, the after glow the next day was heavenly aside from a headache , welp thanks for coming to my ted talk leaving this here because i could not find anything on this combo online ,much love to all of you, please be safe, do research and practice harm reduction when using tools such as these, and remember everyones body chemistry is different any one who tries this could have an adverse reaction so always do a test of each substance on its own and guage doses starting low before combining substances, none of these should be harmfull long term aside from phenibut wich is the only drug i ever tried that put me in withdrawl and left me strung out in mind fog after only using it in lowish doses 5 days in a row...i micro dosed amanita for a quick detox and went went swimmingly aside from slight nausia and lethargy
