Calicofall
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Jan 17, 2017
- Messages
- 3
Five years ago I made the biggest mistake of my entire life. I was a 21 year old and successful, living with type 2 bi polar, female who had managed to effectively treat the disorder with proper sleep, daily exercise and moving to a tropical climate.
Well, I let myself become greedy, so to speak. I knew hard drugs are known to damage the brain, I knew how vulnerable my brain was.
Anyhow, I was inconsiderate, of myself and likely other people in my life. I allowed myself to choose to be ignorant and begin taking hard drugs.
I took a lot, MDMA and Cocain. It fucked me up. What was left of my functionality was completely destroyed. I wanted to kill myself from the LTC symptoms, the symptoms we all know well here in recovery. It was insane, I felt the psychological pain associated with my drug use was comparable to having a couple fingers amputated about once a week.
God, I couldn’t think of anything but the possibility of recovery. If you had told me back then I would be recovered in ten years, I would cry with happiness and relief, because I really thought it would be permanent.
Okay, so here is the good news, the reason I am posting today. I have recovered. It took a total of five years before I could say with confidence that I feel normal.
It’s been consistent for the past year, so again, I am confident in my recovery.
Let’s go over what recovery entails:
I am able to socialize without alcohol, cigarettes or any drugs. I feel at ease and extroverted like before.
I am very motivated to exercise and push myself even when it hurts or is hard.
I managed to create a business this last year, which required passion, focus and organization.
However, I will be honest with you. There is one area of my psych that has not recovered, however it’s likely not applicable to you.
I was a young successful artist before having done any drugs. I was born with a incredible genetic gift for sculpting and abstract painting. I was accepted into very prestigious galleries, won an international contest and sold work starting from the age of 17 years.
I lost this ability. I cannot create art anymore since touching mdma.
This is what hurts the most.
So I hope to post again, maybe in 10 years, still alive and kicking, with a story of artistic recovery. However it will be a very specific type of recovery, one that many here won’t have to worry about themselves, I hope!
Good luck guys, we have been injured, don’t feel shame.
Well, I let myself become greedy, so to speak. I knew hard drugs are known to damage the brain, I knew how vulnerable my brain was.
Anyhow, I was inconsiderate, of myself and likely other people in my life. I allowed myself to choose to be ignorant and begin taking hard drugs.
I took a lot, MDMA and Cocain. It fucked me up. What was left of my functionality was completely destroyed. I wanted to kill myself from the LTC symptoms, the symptoms we all know well here in recovery. It was insane, I felt the psychological pain associated with my drug use was comparable to having a couple fingers amputated about once a week.
God, I couldn’t think of anything but the possibility of recovery. If you had told me back then I would be recovered in ten years, I would cry with happiness and relief, because I really thought it would be permanent.
Okay, so here is the good news, the reason I am posting today. I have recovered. It took a total of five years before I could say with confidence that I feel normal.
It’s been consistent for the past year, so again, I am confident in my recovery.
Let’s go over what recovery entails:
I am able to socialize without alcohol, cigarettes or any drugs. I feel at ease and extroverted like before.
I am very motivated to exercise and push myself even when it hurts or is hard.
I managed to create a business this last year, which required passion, focus and organization.
However, I will be honest with you. There is one area of my psych that has not recovered, however it’s likely not applicable to you.
I was a young successful artist before having done any drugs. I was born with a incredible genetic gift for sculpting and abstract painting. I was accepted into very prestigious galleries, won an international contest and sold work starting from the age of 17 years.
I lost this ability. I cannot create art anymore since touching mdma.
This is what hurts the most.
So I hope to post again, maybe in 10 years, still alive and kicking, with a story of artistic recovery. However it will be a very specific type of recovery, one that many here won’t have to worry about themselves, I hope!
Good luck guys, we have been injured, don’t feel shame.
