lionheart90
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Mar 24, 2018
- Messages
- 249
thanks for your advice and acknowledgement. appreciated.
you say it goes away with time.. is your anhedonia still present? how long did it take to see definite improvement? it's weighing me down so bad. i keep obsessively comparing how i felt now to before. its like day and night, i feel like a different human being.. everything that gave me so much joy before now feels empty. its like everything that made me who i am has been wiped out. I'm just going through the motions now playing the part of who i was before.
i find it hard to accept that the headaches i'm having are entirely down to anxiety.. it's a constant physical feeling, so intense. its there no matter whether my anxiety is present or not. it's like someones pulling my hair back, like i've got this tension all over my scalp all the time.. like my heads trapped in a vice. i've never felt anything like it. i'm really scared that it won't go away.
the thought of feeling this way for six, twelve, eighteen months is really unbearable. i can't enjoy work, life, romance, or anything any more. i know it's counterproductive to obsess over brain damage etc, and possibilities of permanent damage, but it's really hard not to.
Well before I say how long it took me for my anhedonia to clear up just be aware that everybody is different. A lot of people don't even get anhedonia. My situation might not be the same as yours, my brain might be super pre-disposed to depression and anhedonia so mine might take longer than yours.
so yeah I still have a bit of lingering anhedonia. I'm missing that zest for life and the super excitement that is normal. Just missing a bit though. Most of the anhedonia went away around like month 9-11. It seemed to clear up pretty quickly too, but before it cleared it was basically a flatline until that point. I learned how to enjoy life in other ways though since the pleasure wasn't there. Learned how to achieve things even when depressed and not getting pleasure, etc, so overall still learned some valuable lessons and made a lot of progress in my life and behaviors.
btw for definite improvement it seems to come in cycles, like 3 months in I noticed a huge boost in everything. cognitive abilities, mood, etc. at month 6-7 same thing, huge boost that basically happened over the course of a week. then another 3 month flatline until month 9-10 when I came back to like 99%. Now I feel almost normal but still have lingering low level depression and anxiety. Nothing that stops me from doing what I want, just annoying and making things harder than they should be.
Just trust me that it is anxiety dude. Read through the recent posts and try to find the one where I talk about conditional anxiety and pervasive anxiety. That should help you get a better understanding of the new form of anxiety that you'll be feeling while you recover.
and yeah man, this experinece definitely is a hell that you wouldn't want to put on your worst enemy. As crazy as it sounds, it really will help you out in the long run. The negativity and hellish type of experience really pushes you to get your life in order and walk a fine and narrow line. In the long run, the span of decades, the things we learn during these few years will be worth the heavy price we paid to learn them. for example I've learned to eat healthy, regulalry meditate, regularly exercise, visit friends regularly, etc. those are just a few but I've learned like a hundred different things about how to live better and treat my life with the respect that it deserves. And I'd always wanted to do those things before but I never could bring myself to do them regularly until this hellish experience basically forced me to do them. It's not clear that there are benefits until your mood starts to get better which takes quite a few months. Just focus on getting a routine down and passing the time. Once you get a good routine going the time will fly by.
you won't feel the way you do now for very much longer. the first mont is the worst. the 2nd month is a little less bad but still shit. near the end of month 3 though you'll start to notice a massive improvement. months 3-6 is just like minor annoying shit. and months 6-10 are even more minor. BTW seems like if you are young it only lasts 6-7 months, but if you are like 25+ then its like 9-12 months. so yeah man just hang in there, you'll be out of the woods soon enough.
and don't think about not obsessing over brain damage, etc. Like dont try and fight it or force the thought down. Just realize that when you have those thoughts it's anxiety flaring up and do what you can to figure out what is making your anxiety flare up and deal with that so you can return to your base level of anxiety.
Just trust me 100% its not permanent, its not brain damage, etc. It's just anxiety.
google how to lower anxiety and see if you can do some of those practices and get some relief that way.