I've currently been living in this city near the American capital for 8 months now. I have no friends here. I'm not bored out of my mind or anything, but lately I've been feeling that this basic human need to be social is not being satisfied. If I do end up being more social, I'd most probably not enjoy unless I find someone highly compatible. I still feel like trying though.
Anyway, before you guys advice me on how I can go about looking for someone, you'll need to know a bit about me and what I'm looking for. I'm male, early 20s.
I'd prefer any fun company right now, but I'm more inclined towards a female. I don't want someone to fuck. Just someone to spend some time with. I say female because all my friends so far have been males. It's not like I was ever shy or uncomfortable of talking to girls in particular. It was the same with anyone I didn't know. I barely initiated conversations with people. Also I was in an all boys school till 11th grade and never went out of my way to make friends not in my school. Even the ones from school just became friends. I never really made any friends. I don't know how to. So, no girls had any reason to become friends with me (I'm in no way striking and don't stand out as having any attractive qualities. I don't even talk, right?), and I had no special interest in having a girl as a friend either.
So, why now you ask? Well, eating a lot of psychedelics over the past few months has raised interesting questions to myself. The most important being, am I asexual? The "no special interest in having a girl as a friend" sounds odd, doesn't it? And I know it's not just a yes or no question, but I'd like to know how far up the asexual scale I am. I have never seen a girl and thought "Damn, I'd like to have sex with this female". On the other hand I masturbate to mild porn everyday. I was once trying it out on LSD and I got caught up in a deep dilemma about why it is I masturbate at all. The only answer I get is that it's my daily dose of dopamine. Seeing people have sex or thinking about that fires mirror neurons in my brain which give me pleasure similar to having sex. But the actual act of having sex still kinda repulses me. Obviously that session did not end in orgasm.
Anyway, I won't know how asexual I am, unless I get to know a girl really well. I'll need to spend a lot of time with her and build some happy memories before I stop feeling uncomfortable even talking to her. Sexual desire is out of the question till then. And this is main reason I want to have a girl as a friend. To get to know myself. Of course it will also be a pretty welcome change from hanging out with guys and I would be glad to have anyone at all I can share the current phase of my life with. Pretty sure I'm not going to find someone who does not want to fuck but just hang out with me doing... um... I have no fucking clue what. Drugs mostly I suppose. And hiking. No money for any more activities including eating at not-the-cheapest restaurants. All I have to offer is conversation which I will still be figuring out how to make and psychedelics which I really would love to share with someone.
The only way I see this happening is through some form of online dating (there's no way in hell I'm walking up and talking to someone irl). All my colleagues are married with children and college is 50 miles away. Also there aren't any female students doing a masters in electrical engineering and I never felt like being friends with any of the guys there. Is using one of those stupid (imo, so far) apps or sites really the only option? I'm not a fan of that (I don't know why) and will need some compelling arguments if it is indeed suited for this situation. If not, is there any other hope? I don't mind accepting myself as asexual and living life alone doing something I enjoy, but it'd be nice to know for sure. I don't want to miss out on anything just because of flaws in my personality. I haven't been able to figure out how society works, so any help is appreciated.
Anyway, before you guys advice me on how I can go about looking for someone, you'll need to know a bit about me and what I'm looking for. I'm male, early 20s.
I'd prefer any fun company right now, but I'm more inclined towards a female. I don't want someone to fuck. Just someone to spend some time with. I say female because all my friends so far have been males. It's not like I was ever shy or uncomfortable of talking to girls in particular. It was the same with anyone I didn't know. I barely initiated conversations with people. Also I was in an all boys school till 11th grade and never went out of my way to make friends not in my school. Even the ones from school just became friends. I never really made any friends. I don't know how to. So, no girls had any reason to become friends with me (I'm in no way striking and don't stand out as having any attractive qualities. I don't even talk, right?), and I had no special interest in having a girl as a friend either.
So, why now you ask? Well, eating a lot of psychedelics over the past few months has raised interesting questions to myself. The most important being, am I asexual? The "no special interest in having a girl as a friend" sounds odd, doesn't it? And I know it's not just a yes or no question, but I'd like to know how far up the asexual scale I am. I have never seen a girl and thought "Damn, I'd like to have sex with this female". On the other hand I masturbate to mild porn everyday. I was once trying it out on LSD and I got caught up in a deep dilemma about why it is I masturbate at all. The only answer I get is that it's my daily dose of dopamine. Seeing people have sex or thinking about that fires mirror neurons in my brain which give me pleasure similar to having sex. But the actual act of having sex still kinda repulses me. Obviously that session did not end in orgasm.
Anyway, I won't know how asexual I am, unless I get to know a girl really well. I'll need to spend a lot of time with her and build some happy memories before I stop feeling uncomfortable even talking to her. Sexual desire is out of the question till then. And this is main reason I want to have a girl as a friend. To get to know myself. Of course it will also be a pretty welcome change from hanging out with guys and I would be glad to have anyone at all I can share the current phase of my life with. Pretty sure I'm not going to find someone who does not want to fuck but just hang out with me doing... um... I have no fucking clue what. Drugs mostly I suppose. And hiking. No money for any more activities including eating at not-the-cheapest restaurants. All I have to offer is conversation which I will still be figuring out how to make and psychedelics which I really would love to share with someone.
The only way I see this happening is through some form of online dating (there's no way in hell I'm walking up and talking to someone irl). All my colleagues are married with children and college is 50 miles away. Also there aren't any female students doing a masters in electrical engineering and I never felt like being friends with any of the guys there. Is using one of those stupid (imo, so far) apps or sites really the only option? I'm not a fan of that (I don't know why) and will need some compelling arguments if it is indeed suited for this situation. If not, is there any other hope? I don't mind accepting myself as asexual and living life alone doing something I enjoy, but it'd be nice to know for sure. I don't want to miss out on anything just because of flaws in my personality. I haven't been able to figure out how society works, so any help is appreciated.