filter2700
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Feb 21, 2012
- Messages
- 47
Hello everyone, I hope some of you can help me sort through some trouble I'm having. I used to be a weekly marijuana smoker for the past four years, usually it was at least once a day, the longest break I took was probably a month to pass a drug test. This started when I was about 17, now I'm 21. Recently I have been realizing I am not happy with having to smoke to feel normal, I never thought I would become dependent on anything. When I don't smoke I'm not happy, I feel terrible, and thankfully I am recognizing this is not healthy behavior. About six months ago I started experimenting with LSD, I have had four pretty powerful trips you could say (they were all about 300mcg), and this was an amazing tool to help some very painful feelings come forward that I had been trying to suppress with alcohol and marijuana. The first couple times I did it, it was magical and interesting, I felt this amazing love, euphoria, it made me want to weep, I saw there was really some beauty in life. After that though, it made me think about things I didn't want to, it made issues rise out of my mind that I had been avoiding, I can't explain it any other way than I was forced to think about certain things. I thought I could avoid them, but it turns out they were really eating my alive. So even though I had a few unpleasant experiences, this was oddly enough exactly what I needed. So I think a lot of people could benefit from LSD. I saw how I wasn't that happy, how my life was wasting away, how there is something else I need to be doing, and it was scary, I had to let go of some things. Even now I'm still not sure how to sort out what I kinda learned about myself, but the fact that I was even able to become more aware of how I was feeling is incredibly beneficial, a very powerful tool indeed.
ANYWAY, I do not want to be dependent on marijuana or alcohol, even though it is incredibly tempting because it feels so good. I'm not saying I will quit smoking forever, but for now I'm trying to get my sobriety back, and one of the hardest parts is since I have stopped, about a month ago, I have felt pretty terrible physically. I have started seeing a therapist and he has helped me mentally sort through parts of my life, I have not yet talked to him about my LSD use, so I feel good in terms of direction in my life, but I still feel a physiological depression of some kind. I get 9, 10 hours of sleep (even though I wake up during the night, toss and turn a lot, have trouble sleeping) and when I wake up I feel foggy, tired, and this feeling doesn't really go away, it lingers throughout the day. I literally feel down, lethargic, they are real feelings. My motivation is limited, although I am functional; I have a job, I am going back to college, I socialize with people normal, I laugh and can have fun, but I feel depressed. I have started drinking a gallon of water a day, taking a multivitamin, eating lean meats, cutting 90% of soda and snacks out of my diet, I workout twice a week, and after I workout is the only time I naturally feel energetic. But the day after working out, I return to this depressed state. I have stopped all LSD use and have no intentions of that kind of exploration any longer, although I don't condemn those who do obviously. Even as I type this now, I feel like there is a weight inside my brain dragging my down, I feel sleepy even though I got plenty of rest. Could these feelings be some kind of chemical imbalance? Is it marijuana withdrawal, does the LSD play a part? I'm thinking before I go to a doctor and get medication for depression (I'd like to rule out major depressive disorder if I can), is there a time period where I SHOULD start to feel more normal? A few more months, a year? Any advice here would be appreciated, I know this is long but I thought the more I explain the better. Thanks.
ANYWAY, I do not want to be dependent on marijuana or alcohol, even though it is incredibly tempting because it feels so good. I'm not saying I will quit smoking forever, but for now I'm trying to get my sobriety back, and one of the hardest parts is since I have stopped, about a month ago, I have felt pretty terrible physically. I have started seeing a therapist and he has helped me mentally sort through parts of my life, I have not yet talked to him about my LSD use, so I feel good in terms of direction in my life, but I still feel a physiological depression of some kind. I get 9, 10 hours of sleep (even though I wake up during the night, toss and turn a lot, have trouble sleeping) and when I wake up I feel foggy, tired, and this feeling doesn't really go away, it lingers throughout the day. I literally feel down, lethargic, they are real feelings. My motivation is limited, although I am functional; I have a job, I am going back to college, I socialize with people normal, I laugh and can have fun, but I feel depressed. I have started drinking a gallon of water a day, taking a multivitamin, eating lean meats, cutting 90% of soda and snacks out of my diet, I workout twice a week, and after I workout is the only time I naturally feel energetic. But the day after working out, I return to this depressed state. I have stopped all LSD use and have no intentions of that kind of exploration any longer, although I don't condemn those who do obviously. Even as I type this now, I feel like there is a weight inside my brain dragging my down, I feel sleepy even though I got plenty of rest. Could these feelings be some kind of chemical imbalance? Is it marijuana withdrawal, does the LSD play a part? I'm thinking before I go to a doctor and get medication for depression (I'd like to rule out major depressive disorder if I can), is there a time period where I SHOULD start to feel more normal? A few more months, a year? Any advice here would be appreciated, I know this is long but I thought the more I explain the better. Thanks.