crashketchum
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jul 31, 2017
- Messages
- 24
Hello, I'm curious about why my marijuana highs are always so different than what most people describe. I don't think there is a solid answer other than a high is completely subjective, but I'd like to hear some opinions. This is going to be impossible to put into words, but I'm going to do my best. Every time I smoke I get visuals, however these visuals are literally a web of memories. Every moment of my life looks like a physical web in front of me, in the center there is a cluster of dots that I've come to find are the defining staples of my life, and as the dots get further from the center the memories are less and less significant. All of the dots are connected by a web, and in the web there are infinitely smaller dots. The dots are either green or red, at least from what I can tell at this point, and for the most part they are green. Green means that I had good intentions, and red means that my intentions were bad. I can't help but space out completely, and my mind goes extremely in depth with whatever dot I'm focusing on. My vision will literally go into the memory and I will visually relive it and see what I did. If I focus on the more significant ones, they are often harsh but they show me how I became who I am extremely effectively. They also show me what I need to do in order to improve myself. They all do this, but the more towards the center that I focus the more powerful they are. After the high is over I can't remember very much if any of what I saw unless I remember it anyways. It has been like this since before I've used psychedelics so I know it's not that, but weed is basically an extremely powerful psychedelic itself to me. It's never really fun or pleasant for me and I usually feel extremely guilty when I do, but I smoke to know myself better and to know how to improve myself. Often if I think of someone, say my mother, I'll go into my relationship with her and how I've hurt her over the years, and I'll feel extremely guilty not only because of that but because I'm smoking and she doesn't want me to. Because of this I usually smoke alone since it's impossible for me to be in this world, I'm literally in a world of my mind, and any attempt to fight it and pay attention to the outside world will almost always lead to vomiting and extremely negative feelings. I guess I'm just curious as to if I'm the only person who is affected like this.
