Psychedalienation
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Apr 28, 2016
- Messages
- 391
Date: Tuesday, May 3rd, 2016 - Wednesday, May 4th, 2016
Time Taken: 7:00 p.m.
Dosage: 1 tablet of LSD (supposedly 110ug)
Age, Height, and Weight: 17 years, 6'2, 140 lbs.
Experience: 1st time taking
Previous drug experience: Mescaline (small dose once), Cannabis, Alcohol, Xanax, Hydrocodone, Methylphenidate, Codeine, Cod+Prometh (Lean)
So I had acquired 5 tablets of LSD at 7 a.m. the morning of my trip, from a friend (I'll call him: P) who ordered it off the darknet. They had come from the UK and he had provided me a link of a very detailed and positive review of the seller's product. My friend is a very intelligent and trustworthy source, so I had very little doubt that the tabs were dirty/contaminated with some sort of cutting chemical. He gave me the tabs for free and I was supposed to sell them and we would split the profits a certain way. These tablets were together in a perforated fashion as usual and had some sort of cartoon pattern printed on them (I don't remember the exact design).
After school, I had decided to sell my 26 year old buddy (I'll call him K) a tablet. He picked me up in his shitty Civic and drove me to my house where I ran to my front yard bush and grabbed the bottle of Ketel One that I was hiding there and had been drinking all day already. He then drove me to his sort of ghetto neighborhood about 10-15 miles away (the distance will matter later). I had stayed at his side house (his mother and her roommate stay in the house and he stays in the 2 room, 2 story side house) for days on end (due to alcohol+alprazolam and resentment of my parents) before, and I thought I was very comfortable with him. When I arrived at his house, I immediately smoked a cigarette or two and he took a shot of vodka. K has a disabled mother whom he takes care of and gets paid by the government to do so, meaning he has no job to worry about except that. His mother arrives at our front door, high off of Oxycontin and probably Xanax, and we drive her to the post office to mail something. The whole way there and back, there was fighting and yelling because she was slumped off of the opiates and didn't even know what was going on (adding to the uncomfortablness of the day). Their roommate also approaches me (she is a severe alcoholic of the age of 50-70) and is all weird and touchy with me, asking me for several hugs and handshakes (my friend said to stay away from her because "'she'll fuck you"') I gave her a hug and handshake and then tell her to go hom because K isn't in the room and I am kind of scared of her. She yells and screams and says random stuff because she's drunk.
When it was all said and done, we were in K's house, smoking a blunt and laughing, and he took his hit. K put it on his tongue for 4-5 minutes, and then under his tongue for 2 minutes before losing it in his mouth (accidentally swallowed it). About an hour after his hit, we began to lose hope and texted P asking if he was sure that the acid was good. He told me to give it another hour and that it had worked just fine in the past. About 15 minutes after this, K begins to laugh more and starts spray painting on this board. He paints a beautiful golden and white eye that was crying and then he paints this temple/pyramid thing on it with a cool black and white pattern for the background. He paints for like half an hour and I get excited about this. He told me he could FOR SURE get me the money by my deadline (the following Tuesday) if we took all the tabs that day, so I impulsively took one. I also gave him another one to take, which he did as soon as I took mine because he weighed double my weight or more (not sure if this mattered or not but he wanted another one anyways because he didn't feel like he had held the tab in his mouth long enough). Also, keep in mind that I am very depressed and had run away from home many times in the past month, so this was a terrible time to take LSD.
I held it under my tongue and pressed it against my cheek repeatedly for about 30-45 minutes. The tab had a slight burning sensation throughout my mouth but tasted and smelled like nothing. I figured that since it was lysergic ACID diethylamide, the acid was burning my mouth a little. About 30-45 minutes after I took it, we went to his neighbor's house. His neighbor (I'll call him N) was this guy between the ages of 30-50. He had tattoos all over his arms, and you could tell he was braindead from drugs his whole life. N looked exactly like the kind of guy who tours with a band all over the world LOL. I start to trip, and they begin to demean my age. K begins to scold me for laying down on this guy's couch, claiming I was "too comfortable in a random guy's house". I reach to take a hit from the bong and K starts to talk to me about how patience is a virtue and makes me wait like a minute for him to pick up the bong and hand it to me. This is the turning point in my trip. They both join in trying to tell me "when you get older you'll understand why this is this and that is that". I tell them they sound like my parents, and everything I say, they seem to be absolutely shocked. I try to be polite and use my manners but they are constantly making fun of me. I then flip out. I am fully on LSD. I begin to say, "Let's go back to your house, I'm freaking out now". It takes K like 15 minutes to get up and go and once we get there, it doesn't help. There are patterns and shapes morphing around me but the beauty of it doesn't catch my mind. I am stuck in infinite timeloops where I am no longer human. I am no longer with reality and I completely forget I am tripping. I am pacing fast back and forth over and over, then sitting down because K keeps telling me "pacing will get you nowhere in life, man" and then holding my head and pacing again, freaking out.
I suddenly realize I need to go home. Why am I with this guy I've only known for a month? Why is he 26, living with his mom and getting high and drunk with 15-17 year olds? I am now terrified of him. I realize he has been to prison and this scares me. I am trying to grip and take hold of my real self with no luck. The fact that I can't go back to myself is so terrifying. I start to tell him to call my parents. Unfortunately, he has a shitty Metro PCS phone, with a broken microphone. He has to use a Bluetooth speaker to talk to anyone. We text my parents, telling them to pick me up. I say I am going to die, and my mom continues to ask questions. I'm yelling, "WHY WON'T SHE JUST COME!?" We realize that texting would do me no good and that we left the speaker at the neighbor's. I run to the neighbor's and open the gate to get the speaker and all of my shit I left there. As soon as I open the gate, his neighbor goes, "WOAHHH, how'd you do that?? I have to jump that gate everyday and you just opened it!!" This was of course, bullshit, as he would not be able to drive out of his yard without opening this regular and normal gate. My other friend, agrees in shock going "Woahhh," (lol).
I grab my shit and speedwalk out and begin to say "Fuck this, I'm going home, I need to go home, Ineedtogohome,". It is nearly pitch black outside and I have no clue where I am going. K walks with me, saying he'll walk me home. We finally call my parents, and I am yelling at them to pick me up. I am holding my head screaming "WHY WON'T YOU JUST COME I'M GOING TO FUCKING DIE!" She continues to ask me what is wrong and I finally give up. I yell "FINE, I TOOK ACID, MOM!" and my friend gives me the "What the fuck did you just fucking do to me and you" look, because he is 26, and responsible for me (I am a minor) and now he believes he is going to jail. My mom starts yelling at him and he is laughing his ass off saying random shit. I am speed-walking with him beside me to where I believe home is. I am severely hallucinating because it is dark and I believe I am seeing the same light-post and sidewalk curb over and over and that "What if we are just walking in circles and I never get home". I am hyperventilating and crying now, while he is laughing and saying, "You trrrrripppinn man!" We get to the liquor store and it is just closing. I knock on the glass and beg the shopkeeper to take me home. Noticing that I am tripping balls off something, he keeps saying, "Nah man, I'm kind of in a hurry right now." I am crying and begging him to get me away from my friend and to take me home. He walks past me and leaves and so do we. K is on and off the phone with my parents because his speaker keeps dying. Everytime they say something, his response is something stupid that makes no sense to the context of what is happening, but in a reassuring voice. I realize what my parents must be thinking and it scares me even more. I start trudging home again with him, nearly getting hit by many cars, sometimes wondering if I should jump in front of one. Halfway home, my dad pulls up on the side of the road, and picks us up.
He takes K back to the liquor store and me to the emergency room, because he can't take me home as he has two younger kids there. The rest of the night was me giving urine samples, getting blood drawn, looking at random patterns filled with anxiety, and laying in a hospital bed talking to several nurses and doctors. I try to sleep eventually because my body is sending me signals that I am tired, but I am very antsy and can't stop moving. I am still hallucinating at 3 a.m. and patterns are still moving. I talk to a nurse for an hour about my life and all she said was, "All I have to say is that you are too damn smart to be taking these drugs and ruining your life like this." I explain to her that it was supposed to be a safe and responsible dose and she tells me that there is no such thing as a safe dose of a hallucinogenic drug. She had a very negative opinion of LSD and made it clear that she did. The entire day and night, my heart felt like it was exploding with anxiety. Eventually, after sobering up a little, they gave us the discharge papers and we drove home. I laid in bed as I experienced strange auditory hallucinations and sounds that I couldn't quite make out or remember now. After an hour of tossing and turning and listening to the sounds of my mom crying her eyes out downstairs, I fell asleep. It was about 5 a.m at this time and I woke up at 9 a.m., 2 1/2 hours late to school. I decide not to go. I get up in a very odd mental state. I feel as if I am no longer myself. I can't think straight or concentrate. I am not connected with reality. I start to remember the stories of my friends telling me about their friends who took acid too much and became all weird and disconnected. I start to remember the article I read on how LSD can speed up the process of getting schizophrenia. I can't get comfortable anywhere and I realize that the drug should have worn off hours ago. Now I am terrified that I am stuck in this weird, disconnected state forever, and wonder if it is worth it to go on living. I go to a therapy appointment that I already had scheduled that day and talk to my therapist and my mom in the same room. We have a weirdly hostile session in which my therapist kept telling my mom to send me to rehab and that I can't just make up all the rules around here. She says to put me into another intensive therapy and a drug rehabilitation center against my will, and that if I don't comply, to send me to a halfway home. I am trying to be polite and quiet as I stare off into space, in a weird world of severe anxiety and leftover acid in my system.
For some reason, my perception on life was so radically different now. I no longer wanted to drink alcohol and in fact said I was dumping everything I had (this is a huge deal for me, because I would normally never throw away a mind altering substance as I am an addict of escaping reality). I was giving up all drugs (including cannabis), and wanting to devote my life to something that would give me a future. I started to make promises, in my head, to the universe that I would make all these changes if it would please bring me back to reality and not make me insane. I wanted to be me again and for whatever reason, I couldn't. I was so disconnected and lost in my own head and I had this exploding feeling in my chest still from last night. I tried watching my favorite shows, eating my favorite foods, laying in bed. But I continued to pace and feel scared all day. I walked into my mom's room crying my eyes out, scared that I was insane from LSD, and that I would do anything to take it back and go back in time. I just wanted to be normal again. I started to hyperventilate and freak out and cry harder. I thought for sure I was going to die of a heart attack. I took a 25mg Hydroxyzine to try and ease my anxiety, but all it did was make me drowsy and tired without me being able to sleep. The exploding feeling continued. Everything I did to try and calm myself down, made me realize that I was doing that thing to calm myself down, which reminded me that I was fucked in the head, which increased my anxiety twofold. It was almost as scary as the bad trip from the previous night.
Eventually, at the end of the night, I felt significantly better ( not necessarily 100% ) and got a ton of sleep. I then woke up, and went to school, where I currently am sitting writing this, feeling completely normal and thankful for that. I am deciding whether or not I want to ever take LSD or any psychedelic again. I realize how powerful this substance is and how many people it has helped in its existence on this planet., but yet how crazily sensitive of a chemical it is. I don't think, with my anxiety, ADHD, and depression disorders that it is a good idea to meddle with psychedelic but then again, there is always microdosing. The funny part is, is that I have been researching psychedelics, and all drugs for that matter, for about four years before this, and yet I still made a stupid decision. If you have never used LSD before, do not let this report scare you, just let it educate you in the fact that SET AND SETTING are always the most important thing when taking a drug as powerful as this, and to take it as a harm reduction post. This experience was EASILY the most terrifying thing that has ever happened to me, yet one of the most beautiful things that has ever happened in that it may have saved my life (I had been drinking every single day and started to develop kidney issues).
Thank you for reading my long trip report and sorry if I included any unnecessary information (I ramble alot and am considered a very unorganized person lol). Please feel free to ask me any questions, and provide any extra information you can. Every comment is welcome and I love you guys!
Time Taken: 7:00 p.m.
Dosage: 1 tablet of LSD (supposedly 110ug)
Age, Height, and Weight: 17 years, 6'2, 140 lbs.
Experience: 1st time taking
Previous drug experience: Mescaline (small dose once), Cannabis, Alcohol, Xanax, Hydrocodone, Methylphenidate, Codeine, Cod+Prometh (Lean)
So I had acquired 5 tablets of LSD at 7 a.m. the morning of my trip, from a friend (I'll call him: P) who ordered it off the darknet. They had come from the UK and he had provided me a link of a very detailed and positive review of the seller's product. My friend is a very intelligent and trustworthy source, so I had very little doubt that the tabs were dirty/contaminated with some sort of cutting chemical. He gave me the tabs for free and I was supposed to sell them and we would split the profits a certain way. These tablets were together in a perforated fashion as usual and had some sort of cartoon pattern printed on them (I don't remember the exact design).
After school, I had decided to sell my 26 year old buddy (I'll call him K) a tablet. He picked me up in his shitty Civic and drove me to my house where I ran to my front yard bush and grabbed the bottle of Ketel One that I was hiding there and had been drinking all day already. He then drove me to his sort of ghetto neighborhood about 10-15 miles away (the distance will matter later). I had stayed at his side house (his mother and her roommate stay in the house and he stays in the 2 room, 2 story side house) for days on end (due to alcohol+alprazolam and resentment of my parents) before, and I thought I was very comfortable with him. When I arrived at his house, I immediately smoked a cigarette or two and he took a shot of vodka. K has a disabled mother whom he takes care of and gets paid by the government to do so, meaning he has no job to worry about except that. His mother arrives at our front door, high off of Oxycontin and probably Xanax, and we drive her to the post office to mail something. The whole way there and back, there was fighting and yelling because she was slumped off of the opiates and didn't even know what was going on (adding to the uncomfortablness of the day). Their roommate also approaches me (she is a severe alcoholic of the age of 50-70) and is all weird and touchy with me, asking me for several hugs and handshakes (my friend said to stay away from her because "'she'll fuck you"') I gave her a hug and handshake and then tell her to go hom because K isn't in the room and I am kind of scared of her. She yells and screams and says random stuff because she's drunk.
When it was all said and done, we were in K's house, smoking a blunt and laughing, and he took his hit. K put it on his tongue for 4-5 minutes, and then under his tongue for 2 minutes before losing it in his mouth (accidentally swallowed it). About an hour after his hit, we began to lose hope and texted P asking if he was sure that the acid was good. He told me to give it another hour and that it had worked just fine in the past. About 15 minutes after this, K begins to laugh more and starts spray painting on this board. He paints a beautiful golden and white eye that was crying and then he paints this temple/pyramid thing on it with a cool black and white pattern for the background. He paints for like half an hour and I get excited about this. He told me he could FOR SURE get me the money by my deadline (the following Tuesday) if we took all the tabs that day, so I impulsively took one. I also gave him another one to take, which he did as soon as I took mine because he weighed double my weight or more (not sure if this mattered or not but he wanted another one anyways because he didn't feel like he had held the tab in his mouth long enough). Also, keep in mind that I am very depressed and had run away from home many times in the past month, so this was a terrible time to take LSD.
I held it under my tongue and pressed it against my cheek repeatedly for about 30-45 minutes. The tab had a slight burning sensation throughout my mouth but tasted and smelled like nothing. I figured that since it was lysergic ACID diethylamide, the acid was burning my mouth a little. About 30-45 minutes after I took it, we went to his neighbor's house. His neighbor (I'll call him N) was this guy between the ages of 30-50. He had tattoos all over his arms, and you could tell he was braindead from drugs his whole life. N looked exactly like the kind of guy who tours with a band all over the world LOL. I start to trip, and they begin to demean my age. K begins to scold me for laying down on this guy's couch, claiming I was "too comfortable in a random guy's house". I reach to take a hit from the bong and K starts to talk to me about how patience is a virtue and makes me wait like a minute for him to pick up the bong and hand it to me. This is the turning point in my trip. They both join in trying to tell me "when you get older you'll understand why this is this and that is that". I tell them they sound like my parents, and everything I say, they seem to be absolutely shocked. I try to be polite and use my manners but they are constantly making fun of me. I then flip out. I am fully on LSD. I begin to say, "Let's go back to your house, I'm freaking out now". It takes K like 15 minutes to get up and go and once we get there, it doesn't help. There are patterns and shapes morphing around me but the beauty of it doesn't catch my mind. I am stuck in infinite timeloops where I am no longer human. I am no longer with reality and I completely forget I am tripping. I am pacing fast back and forth over and over, then sitting down because K keeps telling me "pacing will get you nowhere in life, man" and then holding my head and pacing again, freaking out.
I suddenly realize I need to go home. Why am I with this guy I've only known for a month? Why is he 26, living with his mom and getting high and drunk with 15-17 year olds? I am now terrified of him. I realize he has been to prison and this scares me. I am trying to grip and take hold of my real self with no luck. The fact that I can't go back to myself is so terrifying. I start to tell him to call my parents. Unfortunately, he has a shitty Metro PCS phone, with a broken microphone. He has to use a Bluetooth speaker to talk to anyone. We text my parents, telling them to pick me up. I say I am going to die, and my mom continues to ask questions. I'm yelling, "WHY WON'T SHE JUST COME!?" We realize that texting would do me no good and that we left the speaker at the neighbor's. I run to the neighbor's and open the gate to get the speaker and all of my shit I left there. As soon as I open the gate, his neighbor goes, "WOAHHH, how'd you do that?? I have to jump that gate everyday and you just opened it!!" This was of course, bullshit, as he would not be able to drive out of his yard without opening this regular and normal gate. My other friend, agrees in shock going "Woahhh," (lol).
I grab my shit and speedwalk out and begin to say "Fuck this, I'm going home, I need to go home, Ineedtogohome,". It is nearly pitch black outside and I have no clue where I am going. K walks with me, saying he'll walk me home. We finally call my parents, and I am yelling at them to pick me up. I am holding my head screaming "WHY WON'T YOU JUST COME I'M GOING TO FUCKING DIE!" She continues to ask me what is wrong and I finally give up. I yell "FINE, I TOOK ACID, MOM!" and my friend gives me the "What the fuck did you just fucking do to me and you" look, because he is 26, and responsible for me (I am a minor) and now he believes he is going to jail. My mom starts yelling at him and he is laughing his ass off saying random shit. I am speed-walking with him beside me to where I believe home is. I am severely hallucinating because it is dark and I believe I am seeing the same light-post and sidewalk curb over and over and that "What if we are just walking in circles and I never get home". I am hyperventilating and crying now, while he is laughing and saying, "You trrrrripppinn man!" We get to the liquor store and it is just closing. I knock on the glass and beg the shopkeeper to take me home. Noticing that I am tripping balls off something, he keeps saying, "Nah man, I'm kind of in a hurry right now." I am crying and begging him to get me away from my friend and to take me home. He walks past me and leaves and so do we. K is on and off the phone with my parents because his speaker keeps dying. Everytime they say something, his response is something stupid that makes no sense to the context of what is happening, but in a reassuring voice. I realize what my parents must be thinking and it scares me even more. I start trudging home again with him, nearly getting hit by many cars, sometimes wondering if I should jump in front of one. Halfway home, my dad pulls up on the side of the road, and picks us up.
He takes K back to the liquor store and me to the emergency room, because he can't take me home as he has two younger kids there. The rest of the night was me giving urine samples, getting blood drawn, looking at random patterns filled with anxiety, and laying in a hospital bed talking to several nurses and doctors. I try to sleep eventually because my body is sending me signals that I am tired, but I am very antsy and can't stop moving. I am still hallucinating at 3 a.m. and patterns are still moving. I talk to a nurse for an hour about my life and all she said was, "All I have to say is that you are too damn smart to be taking these drugs and ruining your life like this." I explain to her that it was supposed to be a safe and responsible dose and she tells me that there is no such thing as a safe dose of a hallucinogenic drug. She had a very negative opinion of LSD and made it clear that she did. The entire day and night, my heart felt like it was exploding with anxiety. Eventually, after sobering up a little, they gave us the discharge papers and we drove home. I laid in bed as I experienced strange auditory hallucinations and sounds that I couldn't quite make out or remember now. After an hour of tossing and turning and listening to the sounds of my mom crying her eyes out downstairs, I fell asleep. It was about 5 a.m at this time and I woke up at 9 a.m., 2 1/2 hours late to school. I decide not to go. I get up in a very odd mental state. I feel as if I am no longer myself. I can't think straight or concentrate. I am not connected with reality. I start to remember the stories of my friends telling me about their friends who took acid too much and became all weird and disconnected. I start to remember the article I read on how LSD can speed up the process of getting schizophrenia. I can't get comfortable anywhere and I realize that the drug should have worn off hours ago. Now I am terrified that I am stuck in this weird, disconnected state forever, and wonder if it is worth it to go on living. I go to a therapy appointment that I already had scheduled that day and talk to my therapist and my mom in the same room. We have a weirdly hostile session in which my therapist kept telling my mom to send me to rehab and that I can't just make up all the rules around here. She says to put me into another intensive therapy and a drug rehabilitation center against my will, and that if I don't comply, to send me to a halfway home. I am trying to be polite and quiet as I stare off into space, in a weird world of severe anxiety and leftover acid in my system.
For some reason, my perception on life was so radically different now. I no longer wanted to drink alcohol and in fact said I was dumping everything I had (this is a huge deal for me, because I would normally never throw away a mind altering substance as I am an addict of escaping reality). I was giving up all drugs (including cannabis), and wanting to devote my life to something that would give me a future. I started to make promises, in my head, to the universe that I would make all these changes if it would please bring me back to reality and not make me insane. I wanted to be me again and for whatever reason, I couldn't. I was so disconnected and lost in my own head and I had this exploding feeling in my chest still from last night. I tried watching my favorite shows, eating my favorite foods, laying in bed. But I continued to pace and feel scared all day. I walked into my mom's room crying my eyes out, scared that I was insane from LSD, and that I would do anything to take it back and go back in time. I just wanted to be normal again. I started to hyperventilate and freak out and cry harder. I thought for sure I was going to die of a heart attack. I took a 25mg Hydroxyzine to try and ease my anxiety, but all it did was make me drowsy and tired without me being able to sleep. The exploding feeling continued. Everything I did to try and calm myself down, made me realize that I was doing that thing to calm myself down, which reminded me that I was fucked in the head, which increased my anxiety twofold. It was almost as scary as the bad trip from the previous night.
Eventually, at the end of the night, I felt significantly better ( not necessarily 100% ) and got a ton of sleep. I then woke up, and went to school, where I currently am sitting writing this, feeling completely normal and thankful for that. I am deciding whether or not I want to ever take LSD or any psychedelic again. I realize how powerful this substance is and how many people it has helped in its existence on this planet., but yet how crazily sensitive of a chemical it is. I don't think, with my anxiety, ADHD, and depression disorders that it is a good idea to meddle with psychedelic but then again, there is always microdosing. The funny part is, is that I have been researching psychedelics, and all drugs for that matter, for about four years before this, and yet I still made a stupid decision. If you have never used LSD before, do not let this report scare you, just let it educate you in the fact that SET AND SETTING are always the most important thing when taking a drug as powerful as this, and to take it as a harm reduction post. This experience was EASILY the most terrifying thing that has ever happened to me, yet one of the most beautiful things that has ever happened in that it may have saved my life (I had been drinking every single day and started to develop kidney issues).
Thank you for reading my long trip report and sorry if I included any unnecessary information (I ramble alot and am considered a very unorganized person lol). Please feel free to ask me any questions, and provide any extra information you can. Every comment is welcome and I love you guys!
Last edited:
