Substance: LSD on plain white blotter, coined "One-Hit"
Experience: I first tried LSD when I was around 18. Prior, I had tried and had been enjoying marijuana, regularly. I am currently 30. I have used LSD various times, mainly in high school, with one or two times that I was able to acquire it afterwards. Mushrooms were my main mode for awhile, in college, and research chemicals, such as AMT, 2C-E, 2C-D, and once or twice- DOC. MDMA has been enjoyed a few times, and MDA. Experimented once with positive effect with Hawaiian Baby Woodrose seeds, and once had a negative experience, but that was due to something else. Tried Blue Lotus. Marijuana has been used throughout.
Set: My physical condition, overall is not perfect. I am allergic to very many foods, and my diet lately has been avocados and hemp seeds, the occasional salmon, chicken liver, chickpeas. I can likely eat other food, but most food causes problems, and pain. I live with daily pain from a gallbladder issue. It is getting better from consuming massive doses of vitamin C, but it's still not clear. I don't have a social life, for the most part, other than family, a guy I get weed from, people I know from a store I used to frequent a lot, and worked temporarily, and a friend back home. All other friends live across the country, where-ever, or in my home-town, and I've lost contact. Still in my head as friends. I'm not depressed. But sometimes I might be. Maybe I have adapted. I have had to deal with illness, quite a bit, over the years. I've learned to let things go, by having to... or something. And girls. I've given up. I don't see a relationship as compatible with my circumstances, but there is still one, or a few, that I think about, and genuinely may love in that way. She still plays in my mind.
My work-life situation has improved recently. I'm finally able to keep my head above the water. But just he night before, I almost lost that, by speeding in my vehicle, and getting pulled over. I have a probationary license because of a bad driving record, speeding and one dwi, and one possession while driving. If I had got a ticket it would be over. Without a car, and I just got a new one, I wouldn't have my current job, which requires my vehicle. I wouldn't be able to get anything that pays as good. It would suck. I pleaded with the guy, and he ended up giving me a warning. I was thankful. I felt I had just dodged a bullet. So I felt good, in respects. I was reminded that I was in control (as much as one can be), and it was my choice.
Excited, Nervous. I haven't taken acid in 5 years. Have never taken it at a concert. My friend took it before, at 5:30. Concert started at 7. I took mine at 9, shortly after the main show came on. I didn't want to be tripping that hard around that many people. My friend had been taking it a lot more, lately, after attaining it at a festival recently.
A random girl, named Val, had just entered the space around me, with her group. Many girls seemed to encase me, trying to get close, I guess. Val was cute. At some point, she held my hand, trying to get me to move with her. I rarely-never dance at concerts. It was awkward, but she was cute, and I appreciated her openness. Though it was/I was stiff and awkward, she kept holding on. Many times, she hinted at wanting to, or being open to advancing a friendship/relationship, but I... I hadn't ate in over a day at that point, and had slept only 3 hours, for one, and two, I was about to eat this acid. The exact time was probably 9:20-something. I told her I'd miss her later. I did. Although strange, it was nice of her. Random. Special, for a guy who has taken a position on the outside.
Setting: An outdoor concert venue, by a river, in Indianapolis. Florence and the Machine. The Walkmen (?) opened up for them. Friends were around. The guy- my friend, that I came with, R, saw his cousins, immediately as we entered. They had good seating, fairly close to stage. Cousins were brother, T, and sister, M. M's friend J was there, as well. I went to school with all of these people, and was pretty comfortable with them. M, the sister, I clicked with her, or liked her/enjoyed her. I was briefly friends with her now-husband, in school, although we were separated by a grade, or two, and he went to school earlier. Everything about who I was with, was good.
Drop time 9:20-ish: I take the acid out of my cell-phone, where I had it stored. I take it around others, and nobody notices, which is good, because I don't think it's that kind of crowd. Some families, older people, children. All types, I just don't think that type predominantly. I thought it may look as if I was taking a piece of gum out.
I begin to feel alerts within 20-40 minutes, give or take. I have continued holding Val's hand, as I try to move with her. At times I jump with her, and do as Florence asks of the audience, to jump. I nearly fall over backwards, into a red-haired girl, behind me, but I catch myself. I smile at her, and others. I am smiling a lot, but not in an apparent drug induced way. I am merely entertaining a girl. I personally would rather observe, and participate in that way... but I'm a human male.
Usually it isn't as if girls are attracted to me, but at this concert, I made eye contact with a few, who would seem to check me out. Maybe because of the ratio. There are a lot of females there.
The alerts are mainly excitement, and... this pressure in my lower back. An almost tiredness. I began to want to lay/sit down. This may have been 45 minutes to 1 hour in.
Toward the end, I was ready for it to end. I felt it coming on. The sound was hurting my ears- moreso of the crowd when they would scream. I have a surgically altered ear, due to disease in it as a child, and loud noises especially bother the ear. I always forget a plug, but notice when I shield the ear, I really enjoy more. Less pain.
Val walked away once, when it seemed like the concert was ending, and told me "It's okay to be a friend.", like I had done something wrong. The many times she hinted... I wanted to give her my phone, to put her number in. I didn't, though. I just felt held back.
She came back, as the concert began again. Took my hand again. Three more songs. Her friend, Desiree- I saw her looking at me. I was blinded by the light, partially, and probably had a strange expression. She was in front of me, so had perfect view, when turned around. It took me like five seconds to focus on her. I must have been making some face, or looked asleep, or something. I was very tired. I hadn't ate, or slept much, again. I explained this.
After the concert, we- my main group stood around. This was about 1:30 in. I began to notice it, quite a lot, here. Mainly body. Not very anxious. Feel good, but ready to go, and find a place to lay down, or sit. We stood around, waiting for the main bits of the crowd to leave. This is for about 10-15 minutes, or so, and then we are asked to leave by security. Walking is difficult, for me... perhaps because I don't want to appear weird. Many police are around. It's a down-town venue. Families, Older people, children. I just want to blend in, for now.
Walking, I get separated from my pack, somewhat. By a few people. A guy comes by and chucks me, bashes his shoulder into me. I saw him doing it to others, even females, but I was in a survival mode. I was on the rocket ride, or whatever, up... I was just trying to safely make it back to the vehicle. This acid was strong. ...I was paying more attention to myself. My friend told me later what happened- That the guy had been hitting shoulders with even girls, in front of me... just hit me a lot harder. He tried to hit him, apparently- My friend, but he stepped out of the way. The other guy ran his mouth, apparently. I heard these things, and my group commenting on the guy. In the moment, I just took him as drunk, and not a big deal. Not worth any kind of confrontation, or even consideration. I was about to be tripping HARD.
We- the line of people on this sidewalk, come to a road, where two cars are waiting to exit. I hear a female just behind me say "they're never getting out", because of this long line. I slow to a stop, putting the people in line just behind me, as I'm walking alone, just barely in my field of vision. They stop too, and others stop. The cars exit. I feel good. Cross the road, and the parking lot is just beyond a hill, not much further. My group catches up with me. We end up hanging out in the parking lot, I being offered a seat at the back of a jeep, after feeling my legs trembling, and probably appearing very tired/messed up. We again wait for this crowd to clear, and again are asked to clear out, after some time. The lights during this period were intense. I couldn't let myself fully realize the experience, I don't believe, because of how many people were around. I never trip in such a social atmosphere. I am not complaining, but this was 2 hours in... nearly the peak.
I believe I peaked on my ride home, and getting there. My friend, who was now about six hours in, drove. A taxi would have been a much better decision. Friend nearly ran a red light, once. Scared me multiple times. It was a new car, for him. My new car. I had to give him directions, and I was on this acid that felt more like 2-2.5 hits of really good acid, than 1.5 of really good acid. It was called "One-hit", after all, by the people down the line. Visually, I didn't pay much attention to it. I don't know what I paid attention to. I just know I was tripping. It was awesome. It was really hard to keep myself on the task at hand, navigating my friend back to my place, out of the downtown area. I always came through with it, blurted it out, right at the end.
Home, approximately, rounded, 3-4 hours in, for me. I relax as soon as I enter my apartment block. The warmth of the inside feels good, compared to the cool air of the outside. It wasn't cold outside, but it had cooled off, relatively. Welcomed, but while tripping, the warmth felt great. I smiled, and walked up the steps, to my door. My friend, R, comments that he only wishes we were back at the farm- his land/family farm. I agree... but this is what I got here. He called it a cracker jack box. I don't mean any of this like I am hurt by it. It is. If I could afford a house in the country, I'd get a house in the country. If his place wasn't an hour and a half away, I definitely would have preferred going there. I still plan to at some point trip with him out there.
My apartment is one reason I haven't been that adamant about tripping. It's in a city of, counting suburbs, well over a million people. Not enough nature.
But this experience just happened. I took the plunge.
At my place, we talk quite a bit. Nothing is ever too much. Everything feels good. Acid is wonderful. I turn on my salt lamp. The orange light from it is good. It's about all the light I enjoy currently. But speaking of light, I keep on seeing what I think is morning sunlight peaking through the blinds. Check the clock. It's only 12:45. It's only 2. We talk about the night. R brings up some jealousy about the girl holding my hand. No girls ever do this with him. I tell him it's because of the way he presents himself. He has a bushy beard, looks occupied... I don't know. It's body language. I don't know why it happened to me. I don't consider myself attractive, at least that attractive, anymore. I just felt it was friendly, but then again, she did hint multiple times, lightly. He hoped I would bring them back to my apartment. I made a comment that I need to clean my bathroom. That holds me back. I rarely clean that place. I rarely clean.
I cleaned and re-arranged my apartment for this experience, as well. Prior, it had been very... blocked. I put my couch in a position that blocked flow in a pretty substantial way, and angled things uncomfortably. It had been months since I had picked up. I worked most of the day before, cleaning. Now, I really like how it's set up. Open. This helped the experience, too. My thoughts were never negative. They did become dark, and cold, at times, but I don't consider this negative, just part of the truth, that is.
I don't remember exactly what we talked about. We were on slightly different levels, as he took his hours before me. We would totally change tune and speed and everything when we would switch positions, from where we stood, or sat. He brought up the guy who nailed me, knocking the air out of my left lung, and what he did. He was pretty ticked off. Said that was the worst part of his night. That was right as I was going. In the moment, I felt apologetic to that guy, for hitting him. Haha. But how pathetic are you (the guy who hit me and tried to hit him, and who hit-apparently even girls, just lighter)? If anything, the guy is troubled. He needs help. I can't be angry with him. My friend was awfully stuck on it, though.
Differences between us. Though, I recognize that I should watch out for such people. I just didn't want to dwell.
He talked about fighting. I listened. I enjoyed his explanations of things. I could visualize what he meant by screaming and blowing air out helping, when hit. I saw it as perpetual motion, almost... or a continued motion. Spring action. Inverse. But I am not that interested in fighting, even if I can appreciate and find interest in it... I don't stick, currently, to it.
Visuals were never dominant, but were there. Of course, things looks awesome, but a lot was just how I felt, and the thoughts. It was awesome. Awesome. There was the undulating, and moving.. but as I said, I guess I wasn't that interested. It was feeling. It was thoughts. Emotions. Understanding. And yea... they did facilitate. I remember later, after he left... nah.. I'll get to that.
We smoked a big joint, about 5 hours in, for me. 8 for him. It wasn't big, to him... but I roll what he calls "prison joints", usually, so it was big to me. It had some hash in it. He laid down, and I sat down next to him. We talked, more. I remember looking at his body. I wanted to feel it, the musculature... Not in a homosexual way, but like I'd feel an animal. He is much more muscular than me.
Prior to smoking, he ate a Kiwi. After he ate it, I felt, in my guts, like I was satisfied. A warm feeling.
He left, not long after smoking. maybe one hour or so.
The rest of the night, I aligned myself. I tried to align myself, balance myself. I thought about things. I thought about how the girl came up to me, tonight, and held my hand... how I must have looked so awkward, and Machine like. It was art, to me, the experience, the reality of my being there, dressed in grey everything... shorts and shirt, at least. Gray, metal. Skeletal. Awkwardly, barely moving. I don't know, in my mind, it was artful. The girl reminded me slightly, of Sara, a girl I got with the night I first tried acid, back in high school, and then had a relationship with. The girl- Val. I had a lot of little insights about the "machine", and how I was so, outside of the norm. Some thoughts about how I can't eat much, went into this... and how I'd sometimes like to be some kind of machine, maybe. Or maybe I try to be.
But I thought about the concert, the experience I had that night, other girls, my family. I laid on the ground. I played a couple of Halo games, to "test" what I "normally" do. The first game I played occurred 23 seconds into a minute, a number, to me, that is around a lot, and a player with the number 23 at the end of his name was on the other team. Both of us occupied the first position on the lists. We often found ourselves mutually killing one another, or dying in one anothers's presence. I found the games fun, but then found that I had spent 45 minutes playing. I surprised myself by how good I could play, sometimes... and still maintained being a competitive player, even though my thoughts were this way and that, and I was tripping. Once I even won a game, in a custom game, on my first try... then got bored.
From 4 A.M. or so, 7 or so hours in, to day light, I don't know what happened. I had an internal something or another going on... what to call it, I don't know. I would put myself into positions, that mimicked prayer, that were submissive, though not necessarily to some God that wants to punish me, or anything. Then again, I was submitting. And did have thoughts of "God" There were different ones that I would do. A lot of it felt very zen. I often do things like this when I trip. Usually only when I trip. I think it's the energy it gives me, which I did have, despite not eating for over a day (about 35 hours at this point), and not sleeping much, in part it's that that sparks me.
I found a place on the floor, and laid flat, my arms outstretched, and went through movements. I felt more aligned afterwards. It was all very meditative. Therapeutic.
I did try to sleep, at some point, but couldn't. The sun came up. I began to get horny. I can't remember everything that went on, really, but I was feeling this past 12 hours eventually. Continuing about feeling horny, I was going to masturbate, and that would have probably been better than what I did following. I called an escort, and made an appointment. When I got there, no answer. She didn't sound that nice, anyways. Found another. Paid way too much. It was fun, nonetheless. I didn't have sex. I just used her body, to be against. That's what I wanted. It was in part experimental. I knew it wasn't in itself what I wanted, but I wanted to simulate what I did, and... just see what the experience would give. I left not satisfied, though, and came home and almost got another one, to come to my place. I'm glad I was playing with myself, though, because I came just as she asked me in a text where I lived.
I have never been that horny from acid. I'm not sure it was acid, though.
The afterglow continued into the next day. I felt it while with the escort. Touching her felt, more... everything felt more. I was more confident the next day (well, the following morning/day of the trip). I didn't feel as if I owed people anything... not that I normally do, but I normally sort of sacrifice my own way to yield to theirs more, listen to people trying to sell me things, pay attention to things I don't care about. It's not that I won't give way, but I just won't be fake. Or don't want to. This was just a feeling, but I recognize it from previous trips. It's not a negative feeling, it's just, kind of a rebuilding of boundaries? I don't know. I feel good, and positive, but I also recognize reality.
I never penetrated the girl... I left my underwear on.. I more wanted to touch a female body. I got off by this. I was eventually going to get around to it, but it just happened.
I slept about 17 hours after dropping, and still felt a buzz from it. Although, I was smoking blue dream all morning... so that was part of it. I'm highly sensitive, anyways. 2C-D lasts about three hours longer than I think it says it does, not that it's strong... but I notice the glow. I still consider the glow part of it, though.
I still feel this... buzz from it... two days after. I feel something. I feel changed. Something feels like the seasons have changed... Like it's fall, or winter-rather. Yesterday, I felt it was Christmasy. It felt like Christmas. This could be the salt lamp. It could be that my friend R and I exchanged gifts, sort of, while tripping, or that I took my first acid on NYE 2001, in the winter.
This was one of the better trips, and gives me hope for better trips. It was the first time I have tripped where I have been completely independent. All other times, I was under my parents's roof, or I was receiving support from them. This put a different tone to the trip... a lot better feeling about myself. Control... not to say that we can control the experience, or whatever, or that it exists.. but you know.
This experience restored my interest, genuinely, in psychedelics. I have been afraid to take them, because of my physical troubles, but those seemed overpowered by the experience brought on. I want to try it in a more natural setting.
The next day, I thought about trying this hit of DOC that I have, that has roughly 2 mg on it... I have had it since 2005. I decided to rest. I have rested a lot. Tomorrow, back to work. I plan to order some 4-ACO-DMT and try it soon... and hope to try some more of this acid, before it's used up.
Thanks for reading.
Experience: I first tried LSD when I was around 18. Prior, I had tried and had been enjoying marijuana, regularly. I am currently 30. I have used LSD various times, mainly in high school, with one or two times that I was able to acquire it afterwards. Mushrooms were my main mode for awhile, in college, and research chemicals, such as AMT, 2C-E, 2C-D, and once or twice- DOC. MDMA has been enjoyed a few times, and MDA. Experimented once with positive effect with Hawaiian Baby Woodrose seeds, and once had a negative experience, but that was due to something else. Tried Blue Lotus. Marijuana has been used throughout.
Set: My physical condition, overall is not perfect. I am allergic to very many foods, and my diet lately has been avocados and hemp seeds, the occasional salmon, chicken liver, chickpeas. I can likely eat other food, but most food causes problems, and pain. I live with daily pain from a gallbladder issue. It is getting better from consuming massive doses of vitamin C, but it's still not clear. I don't have a social life, for the most part, other than family, a guy I get weed from, people I know from a store I used to frequent a lot, and worked temporarily, and a friend back home. All other friends live across the country, where-ever, or in my home-town, and I've lost contact. Still in my head as friends. I'm not depressed. But sometimes I might be. Maybe I have adapted. I have had to deal with illness, quite a bit, over the years. I've learned to let things go, by having to... or something. And girls. I've given up. I don't see a relationship as compatible with my circumstances, but there is still one, or a few, that I think about, and genuinely may love in that way. She still plays in my mind.
My work-life situation has improved recently. I'm finally able to keep my head above the water. But just he night before, I almost lost that, by speeding in my vehicle, and getting pulled over. I have a probationary license because of a bad driving record, speeding and one dwi, and one possession while driving. If I had got a ticket it would be over. Without a car, and I just got a new one, I wouldn't have my current job, which requires my vehicle. I wouldn't be able to get anything that pays as good. It would suck. I pleaded with the guy, and he ended up giving me a warning. I was thankful. I felt I had just dodged a bullet. So I felt good, in respects. I was reminded that I was in control (as much as one can be), and it was my choice.
Excited, Nervous. I haven't taken acid in 5 years. Have never taken it at a concert. My friend took it before, at 5:30. Concert started at 7. I took mine at 9, shortly after the main show came on. I didn't want to be tripping that hard around that many people. My friend had been taking it a lot more, lately, after attaining it at a festival recently.
A random girl, named Val, had just entered the space around me, with her group. Many girls seemed to encase me, trying to get close, I guess. Val was cute. At some point, she held my hand, trying to get me to move with her. I rarely-never dance at concerts. It was awkward, but she was cute, and I appreciated her openness. Though it was/I was stiff and awkward, she kept holding on. Many times, she hinted at wanting to, or being open to advancing a friendship/relationship, but I... I hadn't ate in over a day at that point, and had slept only 3 hours, for one, and two, I was about to eat this acid. The exact time was probably 9:20-something. I told her I'd miss her later. I did. Although strange, it was nice of her. Random. Special, for a guy who has taken a position on the outside.
Setting: An outdoor concert venue, by a river, in Indianapolis. Florence and the Machine. The Walkmen (?) opened up for them. Friends were around. The guy- my friend, that I came with, R, saw his cousins, immediately as we entered. They had good seating, fairly close to stage. Cousins were brother, T, and sister, M. M's friend J was there, as well. I went to school with all of these people, and was pretty comfortable with them. M, the sister, I clicked with her, or liked her/enjoyed her. I was briefly friends with her now-husband, in school, although we were separated by a grade, or two, and he went to school earlier. Everything about who I was with, was good.
Drop time 9:20-ish: I take the acid out of my cell-phone, where I had it stored. I take it around others, and nobody notices, which is good, because I don't think it's that kind of crowd. Some families, older people, children. All types, I just don't think that type predominantly. I thought it may look as if I was taking a piece of gum out.
I begin to feel alerts within 20-40 minutes, give or take. I have continued holding Val's hand, as I try to move with her. At times I jump with her, and do as Florence asks of the audience, to jump. I nearly fall over backwards, into a red-haired girl, behind me, but I catch myself. I smile at her, and others. I am smiling a lot, but not in an apparent drug induced way. I am merely entertaining a girl. I personally would rather observe, and participate in that way... but I'm a human male.
Usually it isn't as if girls are attracted to me, but at this concert, I made eye contact with a few, who would seem to check me out. Maybe because of the ratio. There are a lot of females there.
The alerts are mainly excitement, and... this pressure in my lower back. An almost tiredness. I began to want to lay/sit down. This may have been 45 minutes to 1 hour in.
Toward the end, I was ready for it to end. I felt it coming on. The sound was hurting my ears- moreso of the crowd when they would scream. I have a surgically altered ear, due to disease in it as a child, and loud noises especially bother the ear. I always forget a plug, but notice when I shield the ear, I really enjoy more. Less pain.
Val walked away once, when it seemed like the concert was ending, and told me "It's okay to be a friend.", like I had done something wrong. The many times she hinted... I wanted to give her my phone, to put her number in. I didn't, though. I just felt held back.
She came back, as the concert began again. Took my hand again. Three more songs. Her friend, Desiree- I saw her looking at me. I was blinded by the light, partially, and probably had a strange expression. She was in front of me, so had perfect view, when turned around. It took me like five seconds to focus on her. I must have been making some face, or looked asleep, or something. I was very tired. I hadn't ate, or slept much, again. I explained this.
After the concert, we- my main group stood around. This was about 1:30 in. I began to notice it, quite a lot, here. Mainly body. Not very anxious. Feel good, but ready to go, and find a place to lay down, or sit. We stood around, waiting for the main bits of the crowd to leave. This is for about 10-15 minutes, or so, and then we are asked to leave by security. Walking is difficult, for me... perhaps because I don't want to appear weird. Many police are around. It's a down-town venue. Families, Older people, children. I just want to blend in, for now.
Walking, I get separated from my pack, somewhat. By a few people. A guy comes by and chucks me, bashes his shoulder into me. I saw him doing it to others, even females, but I was in a survival mode. I was on the rocket ride, or whatever, up... I was just trying to safely make it back to the vehicle. This acid was strong. ...I was paying more attention to myself. My friend told me later what happened- That the guy had been hitting shoulders with even girls, in front of me... just hit me a lot harder. He tried to hit him, apparently- My friend, but he stepped out of the way. The other guy ran his mouth, apparently. I heard these things, and my group commenting on the guy. In the moment, I just took him as drunk, and not a big deal. Not worth any kind of confrontation, or even consideration. I was about to be tripping HARD.
We- the line of people on this sidewalk, come to a road, where two cars are waiting to exit. I hear a female just behind me say "they're never getting out", because of this long line. I slow to a stop, putting the people in line just behind me, as I'm walking alone, just barely in my field of vision. They stop too, and others stop. The cars exit. I feel good. Cross the road, and the parking lot is just beyond a hill, not much further. My group catches up with me. We end up hanging out in the parking lot, I being offered a seat at the back of a jeep, after feeling my legs trembling, and probably appearing very tired/messed up. We again wait for this crowd to clear, and again are asked to clear out, after some time. The lights during this period were intense. I couldn't let myself fully realize the experience, I don't believe, because of how many people were around. I never trip in such a social atmosphere. I am not complaining, but this was 2 hours in... nearly the peak.
I believe I peaked on my ride home, and getting there. My friend, who was now about six hours in, drove. A taxi would have been a much better decision. Friend nearly ran a red light, once. Scared me multiple times. It was a new car, for him. My new car. I had to give him directions, and I was on this acid that felt more like 2-2.5 hits of really good acid, than 1.5 of really good acid. It was called "One-hit", after all, by the people down the line. Visually, I didn't pay much attention to it. I don't know what I paid attention to. I just know I was tripping. It was awesome. It was really hard to keep myself on the task at hand, navigating my friend back to my place, out of the downtown area. I always came through with it, blurted it out, right at the end.
Home, approximately, rounded, 3-4 hours in, for me. I relax as soon as I enter my apartment block. The warmth of the inside feels good, compared to the cool air of the outside. It wasn't cold outside, but it had cooled off, relatively. Welcomed, but while tripping, the warmth felt great. I smiled, and walked up the steps, to my door. My friend, R, comments that he only wishes we were back at the farm- his land/family farm. I agree... but this is what I got here. He called it a cracker jack box. I don't mean any of this like I am hurt by it. It is. If I could afford a house in the country, I'd get a house in the country. If his place wasn't an hour and a half away, I definitely would have preferred going there. I still plan to at some point trip with him out there.
My apartment is one reason I haven't been that adamant about tripping. It's in a city of, counting suburbs, well over a million people. Not enough nature.
But this experience just happened. I took the plunge.
At my place, we talk quite a bit. Nothing is ever too much. Everything feels good. Acid is wonderful. I turn on my salt lamp. The orange light from it is good. It's about all the light I enjoy currently. But speaking of light, I keep on seeing what I think is morning sunlight peaking through the blinds. Check the clock. It's only 12:45. It's only 2. We talk about the night. R brings up some jealousy about the girl holding my hand. No girls ever do this with him. I tell him it's because of the way he presents himself. He has a bushy beard, looks occupied... I don't know. It's body language. I don't know why it happened to me. I don't consider myself attractive, at least that attractive, anymore. I just felt it was friendly, but then again, she did hint multiple times, lightly. He hoped I would bring them back to my apartment. I made a comment that I need to clean my bathroom. That holds me back. I rarely clean that place. I rarely clean.
I cleaned and re-arranged my apartment for this experience, as well. Prior, it had been very... blocked. I put my couch in a position that blocked flow in a pretty substantial way, and angled things uncomfortably. It had been months since I had picked up. I worked most of the day before, cleaning. Now, I really like how it's set up. Open. This helped the experience, too. My thoughts were never negative. They did become dark, and cold, at times, but I don't consider this negative, just part of the truth, that is.
I don't remember exactly what we talked about. We were on slightly different levels, as he took his hours before me. We would totally change tune and speed and everything when we would switch positions, from where we stood, or sat. He brought up the guy who nailed me, knocking the air out of my left lung, and what he did. He was pretty ticked off. Said that was the worst part of his night. That was right as I was going. In the moment, I felt apologetic to that guy, for hitting him. Haha. But how pathetic are you (the guy who hit me and tried to hit him, and who hit-apparently even girls, just lighter)? If anything, the guy is troubled. He needs help. I can't be angry with him. My friend was awfully stuck on it, though.
Differences between us. Though, I recognize that I should watch out for such people. I just didn't want to dwell.
He talked about fighting. I listened. I enjoyed his explanations of things. I could visualize what he meant by screaming and blowing air out helping, when hit. I saw it as perpetual motion, almost... or a continued motion. Spring action. Inverse. But I am not that interested in fighting, even if I can appreciate and find interest in it... I don't stick, currently, to it.
Visuals were never dominant, but were there. Of course, things looks awesome, but a lot was just how I felt, and the thoughts. It was awesome. Awesome. There was the undulating, and moving.. but as I said, I guess I wasn't that interested. It was feeling. It was thoughts. Emotions. Understanding. And yea... they did facilitate. I remember later, after he left... nah.. I'll get to that.
We smoked a big joint, about 5 hours in, for me. 8 for him. It wasn't big, to him... but I roll what he calls "prison joints", usually, so it was big to me. It had some hash in it. He laid down, and I sat down next to him. We talked, more. I remember looking at his body. I wanted to feel it, the musculature... Not in a homosexual way, but like I'd feel an animal. He is much more muscular than me.
Prior to smoking, he ate a Kiwi. After he ate it, I felt, in my guts, like I was satisfied. A warm feeling.
He left, not long after smoking. maybe one hour or so.
The rest of the night, I aligned myself. I tried to align myself, balance myself. I thought about things. I thought about how the girl came up to me, tonight, and held my hand... how I must have looked so awkward, and Machine like. It was art, to me, the experience, the reality of my being there, dressed in grey everything... shorts and shirt, at least. Gray, metal. Skeletal. Awkwardly, barely moving. I don't know, in my mind, it was artful. The girl reminded me slightly, of Sara, a girl I got with the night I first tried acid, back in high school, and then had a relationship with. The girl- Val. I had a lot of little insights about the "machine", and how I was so, outside of the norm. Some thoughts about how I can't eat much, went into this... and how I'd sometimes like to be some kind of machine, maybe. Or maybe I try to be.
But I thought about the concert, the experience I had that night, other girls, my family. I laid on the ground. I played a couple of Halo games, to "test" what I "normally" do. The first game I played occurred 23 seconds into a minute, a number, to me, that is around a lot, and a player with the number 23 at the end of his name was on the other team. Both of us occupied the first position on the lists. We often found ourselves mutually killing one another, or dying in one anothers's presence. I found the games fun, but then found that I had spent 45 minutes playing. I surprised myself by how good I could play, sometimes... and still maintained being a competitive player, even though my thoughts were this way and that, and I was tripping. Once I even won a game, in a custom game, on my first try... then got bored.
From 4 A.M. or so, 7 or so hours in, to day light, I don't know what happened. I had an internal something or another going on... what to call it, I don't know. I would put myself into positions, that mimicked prayer, that were submissive, though not necessarily to some God that wants to punish me, or anything. Then again, I was submitting. And did have thoughts of "God" There were different ones that I would do. A lot of it felt very zen. I often do things like this when I trip. Usually only when I trip. I think it's the energy it gives me, which I did have, despite not eating for over a day (about 35 hours at this point), and not sleeping much, in part it's that that sparks me.
I found a place on the floor, and laid flat, my arms outstretched, and went through movements. I felt more aligned afterwards. It was all very meditative. Therapeutic.
I did try to sleep, at some point, but couldn't. The sun came up. I began to get horny. I can't remember everything that went on, really, but I was feeling this past 12 hours eventually. Continuing about feeling horny, I was going to masturbate, and that would have probably been better than what I did following. I called an escort, and made an appointment. When I got there, no answer. She didn't sound that nice, anyways. Found another. Paid way too much. It was fun, nonetheless. I didn't have sex. I just used her body, to be against. That's what I wanted. It was in part experimental. I knew it wasn't in itself what I wanted, but I wanted to simulate what I did, and... just see what the experience would give. I left not satisfied, though, and came home and almost got another one, to come to my place. I'm glad I was playing with myself, though, because I came just as she asked me in a text where I lived.
I have never been that horny from acid. I'm not sure it was acid, though.
The afterglow continued into the next day. I felt it while with the escort. Touching her felt, more... everything felt more. I was more confident the next day (well, the following morning/day of the trip). I didn't feel as if I owed people anything... not that I normally do, but I normally sort of sacrifice my own way to yield to theirs more, listen to people trying to sell me things, pay attention to things I don't care about. It's not that I won't give way, but I just won't be fake. Or don't want to. This was just a feeling, but I recognize it from previous trips. It's not a negative feeling, it's just, kind of a rebuilding of boundaries? I don't know. I feel good, and positive, but I also recognize reality.
I never penetrated the girl... I left my underwear on.. I more wanted to touch a female body. I got off by this. I was eventually going to get around to it, but it just happened.
I slept about 17 hours after dropping, and still felt a buzz from it. Although, I was smoking blue dream all morning... so that was part of it. I'm highly sensitive, anyways. 2C-D lasts about three hours longer than I think it says it does, not that it's strong... but I notice the glow. I still consider the glow part of it, though.
I still feel this... buzz from it... two days after. I feel something. I feel changed. Something feels like the seasons have changed... Like it's fall, or winter-rather. Yesterday, I felt it was Christmasy. It felt like Christmas. This could be the salt lamp. It could be that my friend R and I exchanged gifts, sort of, while tripping, or that I took my first acid on NYE 2001, in the winter.
This was one of the better trips, and gives me hope for better trips. It was the first time I have tripped where I have been completely independent. All other times, I was under my parents's roof, or I was receiving support from them. This put a different tone to the trip... a lot better feeling about myself. Control... not to say that we can control the experience, or whatever, or that it exists.. but you know.
This experience restored my interest, genuinely, in psychedelics. I have been afraid to take them, because of my physical troubles, but those seemed overpowered by the experience brought on. I want to try it in a more natural setting.
The next day, I thought about trying this hit of DOC that I have, that has roughly 2 mg on it... I have had it since 2005. I decided to rest. I have rested a lot. Tomorrow, back to work. I plan to order some 4-ACO-DMT and try it soon... and hope to try some more of this acid, before it's used up.
Thanks for reading.
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