LSD first timer- Trip confusion

[JohnnyStrabler]

So, I just took LSD for the first time yesterday. It was 'blotted paper LSD'. I remember experiencing a sense of calm after taking my first tiny strip. Felt like I was in the moment and the sunset just looked so absolutely exquisite. On the way back, I noticed the changing shapes of the cobblestones on the pathway. They weren't magically metamorphizing like I thought they would, but seemed lighter to walk on and more detailed to look at.

As time passed though, I felt myself getting restless, cause I had NO visions. Began getting paranoid and felt as though my friends had conspired to give me less. Their every word made me believe that they were conspiring to have a little more and not give it to me. This made me feel TERRIBLE and essentially started my BT.

They eventually found a way to be together and took another strip without telling me about it, which made me feel even worse. I don't know what was going on in their mind, but I saw no reason, for them not to treat me with equality.

As we started walking, every word they spoke of, was indirectly mocking/taunting me. They even spoke to the dog on the street, personifying him as a person, and I thought it was being directed towards me. They thought I was trying to stop THEM from having more, but that wasn't the case, I just thought that they would treat me with the same respect I show them as an old friend. It seemed as though they were talking in a code, and this code, was just a means to bring me down.

I finally pleaded SO much that they gave me another tiny strip but there was a lot more left which they saved for each other while telling me there's none. They even looked at each other and said, "There's more" with a wink. I felt REALLY left out and terrible. I was pretty much alienated throughout and every single one of their lines seemed as though it was directed towards me.

I was stuck in that thought loop, broke down like crazy, but they just seemed to keep doing it even AFTER I confronted them about it (multiple times- may I add). The anxiety kept getting worse and worse and the lines seemed to get stingier and stingier. I couldn't seem to get myself out of it. At times they said I was building it all up in my head, while at other times they basically admitted, that what I was sensing was correct. I was just so confused, and still am about the entire thing, to be honest.

The taunts seemed to be continuing through the morning and I came away thinking that my friends were just using me through all these years for the financial security I provided. I'm not sure whether they were making all these statements 'under the influence' of the drug, whether I was just amplifying everything in my head, whether they just used the acid as an excuse and last night as an opportunity to tell me how they felt. Been a 6 year friendship. VERY upsetting.

I'm pretty confused about the entire thing, to be honest. Is this low going to go away? Is this a sign that I should probably keep a distance from these guys? Or was it just the drug talking? What does this tell me about myself? Can I take out some important learnings from this? How long does the low last? Any idea how this entire scenario can be interpreted knowing how the mechanism of LSD works?

Thanks,

Cheers!!

 

[oxlong27]

I've learned the hard way, that friendships built around drug use, and "using buddies" are very rarely true friends. If you are enabling them financially in one way or another that needs to stop. If the money flow stops and they stop coming around, you have your answer. Did you pay for the LSD? Did you split it 3 ways? If either one of those is the case your friends are assholes. And to be honest even if they paid for it and invited you to trip they shouldn't have acted that way, or at the very least they should have been upfront with you at the beginning and said "hey look we paid for it, we will give you some but we are gonna do the bulk of it." Doesn't sound like true friends. Stop financially enabling them and go from there. Have you talked to them about it when everyone is sober? Losing friends sucks but sometimes your better off. Good luck

 

[EntheoDjinn]

What Oxlong27 says is very pertinent. However paranoia on acid is fairly common and can get out of hand. Could be a case of a bit of both. On acid it's easy to imagine that you are seeing and hearing things that simply back up your fears. An open conversation with your "friends" about what happened would be a good starting point - carried on without any drugs at all. You could then use your sober judgment (intuition?) to suss out how authentic they are. Pay attention to their body language, verbal language and tonality, etc. If the trust is lost and irretrievable then I would suggest not tripping with them again - that would just be asking for more suspicion and probably a difficult trip.

Tough one indeed. Best of luck.

 

[JohnnyStrabler]

Does this also come as a telling sign that I may have certain self image issues underneath? And that I care/am conscious about (to an unnecessary extent) what people I care for think about me?

Should I use this as a learning to give less of a f*** and be more self-reliant, so as to be happy in a world, where you can never quite be certain with regards to how other people perceive you (no matter how long you've known that person, and therefore, there's no use holding any expectations from anyone)?

 

[oxlong27]

Like a poster above said, talk with them when they are all sober and judge their responses and answers, before jumping to any conclusions. But if they where in fact doing what you think, they are not good friends. I really dont think its an issue of weather or not you should have a fuck it attitude. Anyone is going to be self conscious if they think their best friends are dogging him, its hurtful. Its normal human emotion. What you need to find out is if it was just LSD paranoia, or if in fact they where being dicks. I think you said in your first post that they did indeed confirm they where purposely shorting you and mocking you. If that's the case fuck them assholes and find some friends that treat you like you deserve. Over the years I've had people I considered true friends use me as well, sometimes they dont even realize they are doing this to you. These people are toxic. Who wants friends that talk shit on you and use you? I honestly hope that's not the case and was just LSD paranoia because it sucks losing close friends, but dont let yourself be used or be the punchline of a couple assholes inside jokes. Cut off the money flow immediately either way.