couldbesojs
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Nov 25, 2019
- Messages
- 120
A few months ago after quite a rough emotional train wreck of a day me and my girlfriend decided to eat a large corner piece of wow blotter off a sheet (about 10? tabs each). Our goal was to descend deep into the root of all of the emotions of the day, to come face to face with our deeper issues deep underneath our pleasant daily facade. We snorted a small line of Ketamine to jump start things but surprisingly come up still took close to an hour.
As the initial effects became more and more pronounced we quickly became engulfed by the madness. She had drank quite a bit earlier in the day and became very nauseous. But because of how impaired she was it seemed to just spread throughout the bathroom turning it into a cesspit of depravity. She lay on the floor throwing up into the shower. We began to talk about family, our relationship, trust, alcoholism. The words we said to each other felt heavy in the air, they were alive, bringing a weighted sense of appreciation for what is truly important. Our hearts laid bare on a podium, eyeballs abounding with watery tears. Observing my surroundings I dove headfirst into the sludge filled room in an attempt to clean, but as I did I shit my pants. Into the welcoming warmth of a shower we went rinsing the filth off our bodies. Standing in the hot water the acrid smells talked, trickled, travelled down the drain. A peaceful, mind numbing place, how long had we been in here for? As we turned the water off we had the cold realization we hadn't used any soap. Back into the familiar warmth the pace picked up. Surroundings began to shift, dance and jive. All good things must come to an end. As we turned the water off we looked around and it felt like there was more water out side of the shower then was in the shower. Did we close the curtain? I don't know, this is tomorrows problem.
Entering the warmth of bed and comfort of music I pondered what sort of things would start to unfold. After our long conversations before our shower a lot of things had been cleared off our chests and we became less talkative. The visuals began to become astounding, warping tunnels, sharp corners and bends unraveled then tangled back onto themselves. Lost in paradise, excited, curious ready to explore. I started to experience epiphanies about time wasting in my life. About the amount of time I waste on social media, forums, discord servers, games. About the amount of time I've lost to some sort of internet persona or another. It's an odd thing to think about in the sense that the amount of things I've done solely to share with an online audience of peers or anonymous folks. I thought backwards into my childhood and the roots of when this started. I genuinely wondered how different I would be if I never played online games. How deeply did it influence me, I thought to myself, would my real life friend groups be different? My online friends were all skating, getting drunk and smoking weed so I gravitated towards kids in real life who were doing so as well. Skip school to play games, give up real life activities to do so. I remembered the only reason I went to school was to get drunk and be a hooligan so I could come home and tell my online friends how ridiculous of a day we'd had and what kind of trouble we'd gotten into. Laughing hysterically over my thoughts I tried to uninstall social media apps from my phone but I couldn't see anything so I just threw it across the room. I began trying to tell my girlfriend about my epiphanies of no more social media etc. She looked at me and shook her head not understanding any of the gibberish I was going on about. She said "I look like a lunatic." I laughed manically, It felt as if some sort of shackle had been broken off of my brain. Everything was funny, too funny, I'd become insane howling with laughter. I love who I am I thought and laughed more and more and more. I love myself, this vain train of thought persisted as I laid back and watched golden beings on enormous trapeze swing with such profound energy the room itself shook.
I was so excited about what was unfolding I was thinking I never want it to end, I can do whatever I want, any dream I have will come true. Suddenly out of the corner of the room an eerie ominous presence joined the fray. I asked my girlfriend do you feel that, she was so high she wasn't responsive. I shook her and she looked at me and ignored me then turned away. The sound became louder and more ominous. The colors in the room lost their golden hue and were replaced by dark green, red and purple undertones. Something was in the room with us. I didn't know what was going on, I was confused, startled, shaken. A voice began talking to me, I tried to wake my girlfriend up but that wasn't allowed. A voice bellowed out she's meaningless. The energy had no face but I felt it's presence, I knew this presence. It was a nostalgic presence. The roaring droning sound grinded and buzzed onwards. I started to become scared with the energy that was coming to interact with me. I tried to wake my girlfriend up again shaking her but to no avail. More of the same brrrrrbrrrrbrrrrr a chair in the corner of the room began to take the shape of a tomb stone with a dark white hand reaching over top of it.
For some reason I felt and said Grandpa?
"You lazy fucking piece of shit" bellowing louder and louder.
"Who do you think you are you lazy fuck. You think you're a man you pathetic fuck."
I laid there naked stunned. Pictures in my mind of an incredibly strong young version of my grandpa working in the fields came to me.
"You think you're strong?"
another visual of him swinging an axe with all of his might.
"You fucking disgusting lazy fuck"
I said what do you want.
"you lazy fuck get to work on my property or get the fuck off it"
I said what do you want me to do?
"you stupid fuck you know exactly what to do"
"get to work on my property or leave and never come back"
I said I already work hard
"you dont know what hard work is"
"If you don't do as I ask of you, know I will always see you as a failure"
"You will have no right to carry my name or ever be welcome on my land"
I'm sorry
"what do you remember of me"
I always felt a deep regret for not taking the time to listen to his stories. He passed away when I was 13. My dad always told me sit down with your Grandfather and listen to stories about his life and where your family comes from. My grandfather came home from school one day and his entire family except his grandmother had been taken by the soviets to go to a slave camp in Siberia. They planted oak seedlings before they were taken to symbolize they will be with him forever. Those oak trees have an unreal amount of energy to them when you see them in person where he grew up in Latvia. I know a lot of my families history from my dad and uncle but I wish I had spent the time to listen to him and hear first hand of his adventures, life and hard ships.
When he said this to me at the time I couldn't think of anything to say back, and he said
"Exactly, nothing my memories die with you"
I broke down crying, wailing and screaming asking for forgiveness. I matched the intensity of my laughs earlier in the night with wrenching screams of sadness. As I tried to communicate with him further my kitten came up and started trying to lick a bead of piss that had formed at the tip of my penis. I hadn't realized I was frozen in place unable to move. My kitten wouldn't stop trying to lick my dick and the sadness and ominous energy began to fade. Grandpa then said "that's a good cat raise it well" and we both began to howl with laughter. My face still wet from tears I could barely breath because of how funny the cat interrupting my spiritual moment was. As we stopped laughing I began to be able to move again broken out of the trance. Grandpa then said "now fuck." My girlfriend rolled over and started grinding on me. Traumatized I just went with the vibes. We started having sex but the energy still being in the room was too much for me to handle so I asked to her to come outside into the field. A light fog was present accompanied with a misting rain and whistling breeze. As we fucked her body and face began morphing into different people, I ravaged their bodies. Nothing made sense but I continued, over come with a primal sense of lust. I came but still wanted more, I wanted it to never end. We continued and I came again this time the world around me shook; a slot machine struck 3 cherries setting off flashing lights and the dinging sound of winning a grand prize. A voice then came to me and said "good job." Exhausted we laid out of breath in the cool, wet grass.
We went back inside and I started telling her what had been transpiring while she was asleep. She said she wasn't asleep and I was just laying there eyes wide open, not making a sound with tears in my eyes. It was about 7 hours after we had taken the acid at this point and I had become accustomed to it. The rest of the night was more peaceful and we just kept each other company, rubbing each other, enjoying the music and the visuals and enjoying our connection with each other. Periodically throughout the rest of the night the ominous noise and visual scheme changing to the darker color scheme would barge back in and over power the vibes we were creating. However, the presence was no longer able to communicate with me. It was letting me know it will always be watching me. Even with how hostile the overall message was I don't think it was meant to scare or harm me mentally but to motivate and get me to push for greater goals and achievement.
I had trouble falling asleep and minor visuals persisted into the next day but I would say at about T11:00-12:00 I was some what sober.
I feel like even if I was a better writer words could never do justice to such divine power.
As the initial effects became more and more pronounced we quickly became engulfed by the madness. She had drank quite a bit earlier in the day and became very nauseous. But because of how impaired she was it seemed to just spread throughout the bathroom turning it into a cesspit of depravity. She lay on the floor throwing up into the shower. We began to talk about family, our relationship, trust, alcoholism. The words we said to each other felt heavy in the air, they were alive, bringing a weighted sense of appreciation for what is truly important. Our hearts laid bare on a podium, eyeballs abounding with watery tears. Observing my surroundings I dove headfirst into the sludge filled room in an attempt to clean, but as I did I shit my pants. Into the welcoming warmth of a shower we went rinsing the filth off our bodies. Standing in the hot water the acrid smells talked, trickled, travelled down the drain. A peaceful, mind numbing place, how long had we been in here for? As we turned the water off we had the cold realization we hadn't used any soap. Back into the familiar warmth the pace picked up. Surroundings began to shift, dance and jive. All good things must come to an end. As we turned the water off we looked around and it felt like there was more water out side of the shower then was in the shower. Did we close the curtain? I don't know, this is tomorrows problem.
Entering the warmth of bed and comfort of music I pondered what sort of things would start to unfold. After our long conversations before our shower a lot of things had been cleared off our chests and we became less talkative. The visuals began to become astounding, warping tunnels, sharp corners and bends unraveled then tangled back onto themselves. Lost in paradise, excited, curious ready to explore. I started to experience epiphanies about time wasting in my life. About the amount of time I waste on social media, forums, discord servers, games. About the amount of time I've lost to some sort of internet persona or another. It's an odd thing to think about in the sense that the amount of things I've done solely to share with an online audience of peers or anonymous folks. I thought backwards into my childhood and the roots of when this started. I genuinely wondered how different I would be if I never played online games. How deeply did it influence me, I thought to myself, would my real life friend groups be different? My online friends were all skating, getting drunk and smoking weed so I gravitated towards kids in real life who were doing so as well. Skip school to play games, give up real life activities to do so. I remembered the only reason I went to school was to get drunk and be a hooligan so I could come home and tell my online friends how ridiculous of a day we'd had and what kind of trouble we'd gotten into. Laughing hysterically over my thoughts I tried to uninstall social media apps from my phone but I couldn't see anything so I just threw it across the room. I began trying to tell my girlfriend about my epiphanies of no more social media etc. She looked at me and shook her head not understanding any of the gibberish I was going on about. She said "I look like a lunatic." I laughed manically, It felt as if some sort of shackle had been broken off of my brain. Everything was funny, too funny, I'd become insane howling with laughter. I love who I am I thought and laughed more and more and more. I love myself, this vain train of thought persisted as I laid back and watched golden beings on enormous trapeze swing with such profound energy the room itself shook.
I was so excited about what was unfolding I was thinking I never want it to end, I can do whatever I want, any dream I have will come true. Suddenly out of the corner of the room an eerie ominous presence joined the fray. I asked my girlfriend do you feel that, she was so high she wasn't responsive. I shook her and she looked at me and ignored me then turned away. The sound became louder and more ominous. The colors in the room lost their golden hue and were replaced by dark green, red and purple undertones. Something was in the room with us. I didn't know what was going on, I was confused, startled, shaken. A voice began talking to me, I tried to wake my girlfriend up but that wasn't allowed. A voice bellowed out she's meaningless. The energy had no face but I felt it's presence, I knew this presence. It was a nostalgic presence. The roaring droning sound grinded and buzzed onwards. I started to become scared with the energy that was coming to interact with me. I tried to wake my girlfriend up again shaking her but to no avail. More of the same brrrrrbrrrrbrrrrr a chair in the corner of the room began to take the shape of a tomb stone with a dark white hand reaching over top of it.
For some reason I felt and said Grandpa?
"You lazy fucking piece of shit" bellowing louder and louder.
"Who do you think you are you lazy fuck. You think you're a man you pathetic fuck."
I laid there naked stunned. Pictures in my mind of an incredibly strong young version of my grandpa working in the fields came to me.
"You think you're strong?"
another visual of him swinging an axe with all of his might.
"You fucking disgusting lazy fuck"
I said what do you want.
"you lazy fuck get to work on my property or get the fuck off it"
I said what do you want me to do?
"you stupid fuck you know exactly what to do"
"get to work on my property or leave and never come back"
I said I already work hard
"you dont know what hard work is"
"If you don't do as I ask of you, know I will always see you as a failure"
"You will have no right to carry my name or ever be welcome on my land"
I'm sorry
"what do you remember of me"
I always felt a deep regret for not taking the time to listen to his stories. He passed away when I was 13. My dad always told me sit down with your Grandfather and listen to stories about his life and where your family comes from. My grandfather came home from school one day and his entire family except his grandmother had been taken by the soviets to go to a slave camp in Siberia. They planted oak seedlings before they were taken to symbolize they will be with him forever. Those oak trees have an unreal amount of energy to them when you see them in person where he grew up in Latvia. I know a lot of my families history from my dad and uncle but I wish I had spent the time to listen to him and hear first hand of his adventures, life and hard ships.
When he said this to me at the time I couldn't think of anything to say back, and he said
"Exactly, nothing my memories die with you"
I broke down crying, wailing and screaming asking for forgiveness. I matched the intensity of my laughs earlier in the night with wrenching screams of sadness. As I tried to communicate with him further my kitten came up and started trying to lick a bead of piss that had formed at the tip of my penis. I hadn't realized I was frozen in place unable to move. My kitten wouldn't stop trying to lick my dick and the sadness and ominous energy began to fade. Grandpa then said "that's a good cat raise it well" and we both began to howl with laughter. My face still wet from tears I could barely breath because of how funny the cat interrupting my spiritual moment was. As we stopped laughing I began to be able to move again broken out of the trance. Grandpa then said "now fuck." My girlfriend rolled over and started grinding on me. Traumatized I just went with the vibes. We started having sex but the energy still being in the room was too much for me to handle so I asked to her to come outside into the field. A light fog was present accompanied with a misting rain and whistling breeze. As we fucked her body and face began morphing into different people, I ravaged their bodies. Nothing made sense but I continued, over come with a primal sense of lust. I came but still wanted more, I wanted it to never end. We continued and I came again this time the world around me shook; a slot machine struck 3 cherries setting off flashing lights and the dinging sound of winning a grand prize. A voice then came to me and said "good job." Exhausted we laid out of breath in the cool, wet grass.
We went back inside and I started telling her what had been transpiring while she was asleep. She said she wasn't asleep and I was just laying there eyes wide open, not making a sound with tears in my eyes. It was about 7 hours after we had taken the acid at this point and I had become accustomed to it. The rest of the night was more peaceful and we just kept each other company, rubbing each other, enjoying the music and the visuals and enjoying our connection with each other. Periodically throughout the rest of the night the ominous noise and visual scheme changing to the darker color scheme would barge back in and over power the vibes we were creating. However, the presence was no longer able to communicate with me. It was letting me know it will always be watching me. Even with how hostile the overall message was I don't think it was meant to scare or harm me mentally but to motivate and get me to push for greater goals and achievement.
I had trouble falling asleep and minor visuals persisted into the next day but I would say at about T11:00-12:00 I was some what sober.
I feel like even if I was a better writer words could never do justice to such divine power.
