• Psychedelic Drugs Welcome Guest
    View threads about
    Posting RulesBluelight Rules
    PD's Best Threads Index
    Social ThreadSupport Bluelight
    Psychedelic Beginner's FAQ

Lsd and ego death I suppose

M

Marclop

Greenlighter
Joined
May 25, 2017
Messages
4
Long story short I've tripped a handful of times, anywhere from 2-3 hits for a good 5 months every weekend straight, I got my tolerance built up quick and it stopped working even on 4 tabs of good lsd, I decided to take a break and drop 5 hits and it kicked my ass and I had a terrible 12 hour trip, crying, puking, nose bleeding from stress
Anyways I have only taking it 4-5 more times after the bad trip and it's always been useasy feelings for me so I haven't taken it anymore, 5 months later I still feel like a dead person, socially awkward, anxiety like no other, depressed mood, is what I encountered ego death? If not or if it is is there anyway I can feel normal again? Benzos, ssri's etc?
I don't feel like the same person and I've lost interest in absolute everything
Sorry if this is in the wrong group I'm new
 
Welcome friend! :)

What you are experiencing is normal. I would suggest stop taking all drugs (including coffee) for a while and work on yourself. Some people call it Spiritual Emergency, there's literature on it, check it out!

In relation to strong psychedelic trips aftermath, you've opened a door between your conscious and unconscious parts of your mind and now the unconscious is demanding to be manifested. In other words, you need to integrate your heavy trips into your daily reality of who you think you are.

Nothing of what you are is lost, you are just going through the process of forcefully becoming self-conscious and it's not pretty for most people. What got damaged is your image of yourself, what you thought you were before the trip, your habits, your memories, your body perception. Pay attention to yourself now, try to bring up an Observer, who silently and without any criticism will be observing your actions and your emotions. For example, you feel awkward and self-removing in social situation but instead of retreating somewhere, you allow the Observer to quietly observe and analyze why you feel this way. So the Observer will say something like: "Oh, I feel scared and wrong again, but is the reason for this is outside of me?" Are your fears valid or just a projections of what you think (overthink) of yourself?

Try going volunteering, learning mindfulness, meditation. Pay attention to your thoughts as much as you can.

It will get better, many people go through the same transformation after taking a large dose of psychedelic. The way you feel is a sign for you to start doing something, LSD simply pushed you forcefully to deal with it.

As for the benzos and SSRI's - I'd say avoid it unless medically necessary. IMO they will fog you out again and will not let you work effectively on issues that need to be addressed.

Good luck! ;)
 
Thanks for the reply, I got in with a psych they said I have anxiety and depression but that's easy for a psych to tell somebody, I loved lsd would laugh for hours on end taking it daily just wasn't expecting the harshness of the trip, it was suppose to be a fun day out exploring nature then it came a bad storm and I had to drive because the park was closing so that's what made me lose my mind, I just felt like I was dying for 12 hours and I finally came to the next morning after getting some sleep, I didn't plan on driving I planned on sitting at the park enjoying the rocks and caves look like Easter island totem poles and the forest moving with the sounds I was hearing it's when it started flooding and knowing I had to drive is what set me off, my wife was on 4 hits she told me I was ok and it was just the drugs but I told her that she was the drugs just tricking me into thinking I was ok but in my mind I thought I was running around killing people and that I had already harmed her even tho I simply walked from the park to the car and just sat there, from all the visuals I just tried to close my eyes due to being motion sickness from how everything looked big and was moving so I closed my eyes and the closed eye visuals were just as bad so all I could do was puke, my nose started bleeding from all the stress so I thought I was actually dying and took a n-bomb or something so I just sat there crying for about 4 hours and the rest of the trip was fairly calm just had a terrible uneasy feeling thinking I was going to get stuck back in a thought loop of hell and dying again, few months went by and I started smoking weed daily and eventually the fun of that wore off and I just kept getting paranoid and stopped smoking it as well, I took acid a few more times after the harsh trip and decided to watch actient aliens and that's when I felt detached anxious and depressed and can't get over it
I've been a month clean now from everything weed, lsd, alcohol, it's been about 4 months since lsd use
I was diagnosed with anxiety a few years back and was on benzos for a good year, I feel like they will help but at the same time they just block my emotions out and once they are gone I don't think my problem will be fixed
I was very out going before all this and was a huge people person now I'm just locked in a depressed hermit mode and can't seem to kick it
I'll try the advice you mentioned hopefully something good will come of it, deffinately done with drugs, I feel like I'll never be normal again
I never was a drug user until last summer when I went on a lsd, weed, xanax, alcohol binge and now I deeply regret it
I even feel detached from family and I was always close to them
Ahhhhhh I freak out sometimes sorry lol
 
That's not ego death. I've never heard of anyone having nose bleeds from stress whilst on LSD. Ego death is scary but beautiful and certainly does not make you feel 'like a dead person' months after experiencing it. Don't know what the fuck happened to you... but i'd be worried... :?
 
It was a bad day lol, to much visuals to many thought loops, just puked for a good bit then my nose started bleeding which made me even worse, it felt like some butterfly effect type shit is the only way I can describe it lol, i don't have anything going on in my life other than taking in more debt from being a newly wed to a girl I had only known for 2 months and having my own place, my parents spilt up for a bit and I kept getting dragged between the two for awhile but other than that nothing's changed, idk wtf my problem is, maybe this is the stuff people talk about when it brings out underlying issues ??♂️ I just sit around thinking about how pointless life is and whatnot and feel weird when I'm around people that I was once close to before, who knows I don't have any suicidal thoughts or anything just feel detached depressed and have anxiety attacks from time to time
 
I'm really sorry. I'm very inexperienced with psychedelics, I've only tried acid once, but I'm planning on getting more intermediate on the subject. My first trip I felt something I thought was ego death. By the time I was 8 hours in most of my visuals had gone away and I felt dead. My understanding is, ego death is the lack of a personality, or I guess what you'd call an ego. What you think of as an ego can change, of course, but what is meant by ego death is a very rigid concept that can't really be stretched or twisted in it's values. My mind was empty. My identity was lost and over the next few hours was completely shaped by the TV. When I began to notice this I turned it off, because I was watching Family Guy and would rather kill myself than become anything like Seth Macfarlane. I went to school in the morning still tripping, mildly, and I was terrified that something would happen that would shape my personality for the rest of my life. I got yelled at for drinking inside and it terrified me. I could barely speak for the rest of the day but by the time I had completely come down and slept my ego was back. Neither of us experienced ego death, but I was closer than you. That's not ego death, that's a bad trip. I understand that you're trip must have been terrible if you suffered a stress induced nose bleed, but just try and have a good trip again. I'm 100% convinced from my own opinions on psychedelics that you will feel better. LSD itself can be used to treat anxiety. Start small, just in case. Then work your way up to a trip. Take 20ug, four days later 40ug, four days later 60ug, four days later 80ug, then 100ug, then 120,140,160,180,200,300.

That's what I'd try as a last resort.
 
Extreme stress can cause the body to do all sorts of bizarre shit, yes including nosebleeds as I have had them from panic attacks. The problem with lsd for me, is when I get too high, the feeling of all my senses being intensified to the point where I can't handle it, nauseates the shit out of me where I puke just by every sense being amplified, I can smell it, taste it, and it can be sickening. After the puking, you go into wonderworld. As for ego death, I went through it when I was 18 from falling in love with mdma. When I went back to reality, I couldn't handle it and was emotionally and mentally traumatized, realizing my fantasy world on mdma was fake. It took me a long time to get my personality back. Hallucinogens are very powerful substances and great spiritual guides
 
I've had the "ego death" experience on mushrooms once. It's a specific experience that a person aims for in Zen, the absence of a "self" in your mind. Not even finally rising above your chattering monkey mind, but being removed from it entirely. Is it satori? maybe. I guess I could bring it up waay after a session if I ever go back (I could never claim to have experienced satori). Point being there's no sensation or emotion to go with it, other than cosmic neutrality or something, followed by a gap; I mean, you're not even there to have an emotion. (The "in-the-zone" experience, so into your work you have no thoughts, is a similar idea)

It's definitely NOT the sensation that you're dying or did die--with psychedelics, that's probably a panic attack (other drugs, probably panic).
I've had one (on POT), where I felt my mind being devoured in the realm of the latex people (I realized later the deep roar of the damned laughing at me was just the blood in my ears). Panic attacks cause PTSD; they're trauma just like war and fiery auto wrecks. You wouldn't have done it so soon again if you'd gone that far. I'm not saying your nose bleed and panicking at the thought of your brain running away isn't legit scary, but you got lucky and it didn't sear a spot on your amygdala, or wherever. (Roll of the dice with trauma.)

A "bad" or rough trip is not a panic attack; I think a psychedelic session should involve crying and feeling negative emotions (not the whole time, ideally). Every psych experience I've had, I think, even a lot of the low-dose LSD stuff (shit, even with MDMA), usually had a "reflect on family and what a shitty friend you are" period. Maybe for some folks the novelty of the first few rides overwhelms that (maybe they're not shitty friends)? For you it's probably the general stress that goes with all reflection, now you get to add "broke my brain cause drugs" as a focus for it. I mean, if you had a nasty breakup with someone, that ended with a phone call where you were berated about yourself, you'd probably feel much worse, right?

Psychedelics just aren't a guaranteed good time.

Or you're weird, because when I would feel too socially anxious or confused by life, I'd seek out some LSD, and feel a lot better the next day.
 
To me this sounds like ptsd acquired through the stress of a bad trip. Does this make sense to someone here?
 
drseltsam said:
Why so aggressive?
Click to expand...

Who, me? Cause I hinted you were being a smartass?

No, I just didn't know if I wasn't catching a joke or smart-assedness, from other threads, or whatever.
I've only been here a month, and I've already wandered in to more than a few ego-death and psychedelic panic-attack posts.

Oh, and there's meth on board.
Meth: Easy on you, not so subtle on others.
 
Last edited:
I puked from to much shit going on as mentioned by another member just to much stuff going on, 20oz pop felt like a 2 liter my Marlboro felt like a cigar, sounds were way off and different, to many movements so I just puked from being overwhelmed plus it was storming bad shortly after and flooded the town lol so I just felt down in the dumps and a rain cloud over my head literally lmao
After telling myself over and over it's just my mind fuckin with me my stress and anxiety has lessened over the last several days but it's still there and I get an anxiety attack for a few minutes and an uneasy feeling but it goes away, maybe a good benzo to get out of this dump I'm in who knows, lsd was my love always had a damn good time on it acting stupid feeling like I'm on some big adventure etc maybe a month of benzo use cut ties with that script and give ol Lucy a ride again, maybe not a 6-700ug trip but maybe a mild 1.5 blotter trip and get a feel for her again, maybe 1 good trip will make my mind kick its self out of this dump I'm in, thanks for all the replies
 
Nootropics might be helpful in your case. Benzos also can be of benefit as long as you are not overdoing them.
LSD seems to "get stuck" and wire our mind for quite some time after the trip, it appears. Especially if taking a radical amounts and being reckless.

I also recommend a book by Stanislaf Grof called "Spiritual Emergency" - it provides an insight to dealing with psychedelic "PTSD's", which are in a lot of cases a sign for a person to be mindful, attentive and conscious of itself. Book can be bought used for just $4 on Amazon, I highly recommend it. :)
 
What you describe is not what people call "ego death," "ego death" is something that happens during an intense trip. In your case, it sounds like you took too much LSD and have suffered some negative mental health effects as a result. This is normal and common for this kind of drug abuse.

I do not suggest you try to treat your symptoms with bentos or SSRI's. If your symptoms are in fact the consequences of abusing LSD, then you will feel better with time, though it may take a few more months. Healthy diet, regular exercise, and plenty of sleep are the best ways to help yourself recover faster.
 
And you could just be experiencing a post-lysergide induced ennui. It's a condition that strikes millions each year, but is seldom reported as it's self-limiting and embarrassing for many.
 
Scrofula said:
a post-lysergide induced ennui.
Click to expand...
Is that a real thing?... I've heard of ergot poisoning, but clearly that's not what you are talking about. And why "ennui"? Are you french?.. (I have nothing against french) :)
 
Oh it's quite real. Usually terminal, but very slow in its course. Although there can be attacks, like umbrage and pique, but not usually fatal by themselves.
For me, as a chronic sufferer, I forget sometimes that most of my attitude is directly linked to it. In that sense, at least, the diagnosis was helpful. I can blame all the lysergide I've consumed for a certain je ne sais quoi now missing from my day-to-day.
 
Scrofula said:
Oh it's quite real. Usually terminal, but very slow in its course. Although there can be attacks, like umbrage and pique, but not usually fatal by themselves.
For me, as a chronic sufferer, I forget sometimes that most of my attitude is directly linked to it. In that sense, at least, the diagnosis was helpful. I can blame all the lysergide I've consumed for a certain je ne sais quoi now missing from my day-to-day.
Click to expand...
In my experience, it's stims indulgements that make me feel like je ne sais quoi is wrong - it gets me down on a long run.
 
You're right, of course, I should have clarified that what our OP here is suffering may only be the lysergide-induced version, including a dissatisfaction with the lack of vocal cats on this plane; you are experiencing a stim-induced version that leads to dissatisfaction with prostitute quality, typically.

But, in fact, there's no clear evidence of substance-specific ennui, although it's been difficult for the medical establishment to shake the idea of stereotypical symptoms in specific substance users. There's no evidence, in fact, that substances are a factor in the first place, considering their use is often a result rather than a cause.

But the novelty shines brightly for a bit, chasing ennui away, then the darkness when it fades seems deeper.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top