Losing control when I drink

[js420]

So I really need to stop drinking, I'm not an alcoholic in the sense that I drink all day, but almost every night or second night I will. Generally have 8 standard drinks of red wine within 1.5 to 2 hours.

I have 2 kids(3rd on the way) myself and the kids mum havnt been in a good place for a couple years, she moved out over 2 years ago due to my aggression and carelessness from drinking.

A couple months after she moved out I got heaps drunk one night, past thoughts came into my head, my dad cheating on my mum when I was a baby so I got on the phone to his work to abuse him. I literally rang non stop. Then I turned on the misses and sent her abusive messages and then she blocked me, I was spiralling out of control and screaming "fuck" at the top of my lungs while proceeding to pick my stereo player up and hurled it through the loungeroom. Police and paramedics showed up and they took me to hospital to be assessed. This should have been a wake up call but no.

About 6 months ago I got too drunk again, same deal, negative thoughts come into my head and starter spiralling out of control again. Started abusing my missus, her friend had been cheating on her husband and had an abortion, I ended up messaging the husband this and she was officially done with me after this. Now theres a pattern starting to form, yet I kept drinking.

A couple months passed and we were on good terms again. Then last weekend I got drunk again and again, abused her really badly and was uninvited from xmas lunch by her mum. Now shes got papers for me to sign to change the kids last name to hers and she said shes got no more feelings for me.

3 major episodes were I've lost complete control of myself, yet I continue to drink most nights. 90% of the time I dont cause issues, but I do become rowdy and fairly aggressive on social media platforms, abusing mates(who can take it, it's mostly banter) but I'm surprised I havnt lost any mates due the way I act after a few drinks.

I know what drinking turns me into and I highly regret it the next day but I keep doing it.

Anyone else experience the same thing?

I need to stop, its ruining my life slowly but surely.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Because off all repressed anger due to traumas that I experienced I had similar situation when I was drinking. 4/5 times I would be fine, but that one time would be ugly. After certain limit of alcohol intake something would happen that would trigger a memory of something that I had repressed. Then I would go out of control and whoever was around me was my fixation for releasing my anger. One thought would lead to another and I would spiral downward into my repressed anger. Unfortunately I would also behave outward in an aggressive way. I would brake things and insult people. It was a pattern that would repeat only when I drank and , as I said, not every time. When I met my wife, more than 10 years ago, I had few breakdowns like that infront of her. I knew I had to choose between alcohol and her, as she wouldn't tolerate that kind of behaviour. I chose her and I don't drink alcohol over 10 years. It was the only way... I can take amphetamines, opioids, benzodiazepines and psychedelics without any problem (in that regard), but alcohol is a big no-no. Only other drug that can make me act in a similar, but not that much extreme, way is amphetamines - when coming down. After a long amphetamine binge, if I hadn't slept for 2-3 nights, I can bee an ass when I wake up. That is the reason why I haven't taken amphetamines for over a year now. So, I can relate. In my experience it is repressed anger that comes out and I can not control it when I'm drunk. Only solution for me was to stop drinking.

 

[js420]

Thanks for the reply.

Definatly repressed anger, I can also handle all other drugs, but amphetamines. The comedown makes me just want to kill people, seriously bad rage.

 

[tubgirl.jpg]

So I really need to stop drinking, I'm not an alcoholic in the sense that I drink all day, but almost every night or second night I will. Generally have 8 standard drinks of red wine within 1.5 to 2 hours.

I have 2 kids(3rd on the way) myself and the kids mum havnt been in a good place for a couple years, she moved out over 2 years ago due to my aggression and carelessness from drinking.

A couple months after she moved out I got heaps drunk one night, past thoughts came into my head, my dad cheating on my mum when I was a baby so I got on the phone to his work to abuse him. I literally rang non stop. Then I turned on the misses and sent her abusive messages and then she blocked me, I was spiralling out of control and screaming "fuck" at the top of my lungs while proceeding to pick my stereo player up and hurled it through the loungeroom. Police and paramedics showed up and they took me to hospital to be assessed. This should have been a wake up call but no.

About 6 months ago I got too drunk again, same deal, negative thoughts come into my head and starter spiralling out of control again. Started abusing my missus, her friend had been cheating on her husband and had an abortion, I ended up messaging the husband this and she was officially done with me after this. Now theres a pattern starting to form, yet I kept drinking.

A couple months passed and we were on good terms again. Then last weekend I got drunk again and again, abused her really badly and was uninvited from xmas lunch by her mum. Now shes got papers for me to sign to change the kids last name to hers and she said shes got no more feelings for me.

3 major episodes were I've lost complete control of myself, yet I continue to drink most nights. 90% of the time I dont cause issues, but I do become rowdy and fairly aggressive on social media platforms, abusing mates(who can take it, it's mostly banter) but I'm surprised I havnt lost any mates due the way I act after a few drinks.

I know what drinking turns me into and I highly regret it the next day but I keep doing it.

Anyone else experience the same thing?

I need to stop, its ruining my life slowly but surely.

Yeah. I become aggressive, hostile and dangerous 4/5 when I get drunk.
I still drink to get a slight buzz, but never, ever more than a sixpack and without amphetamine in me.

Last time I got drunk I brought my machete and started walking towards a dickweed who'd harrassed my sister.
I slightly remember shoving the blade through car tires, windows, screaming bloody murder at whoever I saw.
Thank you god for making me slender and my friends buff and big; if they hadn't stopped me, shiiiiiiit.
Don't want to think about it.


It's easy to say, but bro, just drop the liqour.

 

[Higherfocus420]

Because off all repressed anger due to traumas that I experienced I had similar situation when I was drinking. 4/5 times I would be fine, but that one time would be ugly. After certain limit of alcohol intake something would happen that would trigger a memory of something that I had repressed. Then I would go out of control and whoever was around me was my fixation for releasing my anger. One thought would lead to another and I would spiral downward into my repressed anger. Unfortunately I would also behave outward in an aggressive way. I would brake things and insult people. It was a pattern that would repeat only when I drank and , as I said, not every time. When I met my wife, more than 10 years ago, I had few breakdowns like that infront of her. I knew I had to choose between alcohol and her, as she wouldn't tolerate that kind of behaviour. I chose her and I don't drink alcohol over 10 years. It was the only way... I can take amphetamines, opioids, benzodiazepines and psychedelics without any problem (in that regard), but alcohol is a big no-no. Only other drug that can make me act in a similar, but not that much extreme, way is amphetamines - when coming down. After a long amphetamine binge, if I hadn't slept for 2-3 nights, I can bee an ass when I wake up. That is the reason why I haven't taken amphetamines for over a year now. So, I can relate. In my experience it is repressed anger that comes out and I can not control it when I'm drunk. Only solution for me was to stop drinking.

I feel ya mate I can relate so much to this out of all the crazy substances I've abused alcohol has been the most dangerous and destructive. Similar to yourself I have been known to switch and get violent so I have quit drinking as I don't want to cause harm to myself or others it's hard tho as drinking is so socially acceptable so hard not to and I have had some good night's where it has given me confidence to pull beautiful women but have ruined relationships because of it it's not worth it anymore as it turns me into a demon also fed up of losing phones and waking up with bruises lol

 

[ions]

A lot of people are out of work and look for something that makes boredom more tolerable. Marijuana is a safer alternative to drinking but it could be a substitute or a combo. I've been out of work for 11 years and my drinking led me to get black out drunk most evenings. Maybe if cocaine were available where I'm at, I would drink less. Or acid for alcoholism. Really we're in a crisis, no excuses, but boredom's not a burden anyone should bear.

 

[Jabberwocky]

I don’t drink cause of this, and an instant hangover I get. My mother also left my father because of drinking and what I assume ultimately caused him to commit suicide. My honest opinion. Seek help immediately. Yeah shit has been not good, and a lot of things have been done and said but your not dead and haven’t killed anyone yet, but all it takes is that one smart mouth or that one person that doesn’t wanna take your shit, and don’t give a fuck about the consequences drinking or not. You have repressed anger yes, telling you this will do nothing for you.. but you know what you need to do, your only hear to vent and gain some insight I believe. But you need inpatient detox, you need to abandon your thought patterns and if you get time you need to read Carl Jung and his opinions on this type of traumas and reactions. In the end no ones coming to save you, you have to save yourself. Would you rather do it after you’ve ran everyone away in your life, or would you like to be brave and save yourself and the relationships you do have. Your blessed, a lot of people wouldn’t put up with you laying their hands on them. I know I wouldn’t mate or not. But I’m keeping you in your prayers I want you to get help I want you to love yourself and move past the past there’s nothing you can do about it