Long Term Damage/Anxiety from MDMA

[tgill6793]

Hey guys,

Just looking for some advice about some issues I am currently having, which I believe can be attributed to extensive MDMA/Ecstacy usage.

Basically I broke up with my serious girlfriend in November 2013 and started taking pills/MDMA.

To start it was maybe 3 a night but by the end got up to about 8-10 or close to a gram of MDMA most weekends.

So basically between November 2013 and May 2015 with the exclusion of probably about 3-6 months in total (weekends without), I've been stupidly taking too many drugs.

I also had a script for Valium so id be able to go out and eat 10 pills then come home and eat about 50mg of valium and sleep/kick on.

I began developing serious memory problems but also I believe this neurotoxicity may have brought out some underlying spine/neck issues.

Currently I have a burning pain in my lower back and get a stiff spine and also feel as though there is a knot in my neck.

My anxiety is completely fucked, I put myself on an SSRI because I want to get my life together again.

But it's literally at the point of crippling me. Last weekend I was having coffee with a friend and he told me a story about how his fathers friend had neck pain and got a bone scan and it turned out he had terminal cancer. Immediately I had a panic attack and everything started burning and feeling fucked up.

Then I spent the weekend eating Xanax and just being completely out of it.

So i haven't touched any pills/MD in the last 3 weeks and plan to never again. I should note that the last couple of times I got on it I really struggled to breathe and felt like I was going to throw up (not the type where you're coming up too hard) and had to leave the club.

I'm going to see a Rheumatologist in about a week but at the moment I am completely fucked.

I feel like I'm inevitably going to die very soon and my life is deteriorating.

I don't know what impact the Benzo's have had, I had a massive problem with them as well but as of this year only took them for coming down.

I know I sound like an absolute idiot but really I was just a drug addict without even noticing it.

Any advice/feedback or similar stories would be greatly appreciated.

Because this is so fucked at the moment - getting brain zaps right now FML

 

[Mazzab]

Hey Friend, sorry to hear about your horrible situation. Here's a thread that's probably right up your alley. http://www.bluelight.org/vb/threads/735937-MDMA-Recovery-(Stories-amp-Support-2)

 

[ThePharmacist4925]

I'd say MDMA is not as likely to be the culprit when you consider all the unidentified shit the put into Ecstasy pills.

Also once you've tried benzos and experienced some freedom from anxiety symptoms, it is harder to deal with the pre-existing anxiety symptoms while sober. Time tends to help with this.

I'm am very sorry to hear about your struggles. I have chronic sever anxiety that manifested when I was a baby according to my parents. I know how hard it is to be panicky of every little thing. Feel free to contact me if you ever need someone to message with about what you are going through. Time can heal most wounds, and in my experience it does get better. A positive approach to dealing with your predicament will lead to gaining more ground than a negative approach will. Take care and best of luck.

 

[epic11]

Everyone that posts horror stories like this have abused the shit out of it. 1 month minimum 3 months optimum (go for the latter) I cannot have any remorse for this shit anymore. The info is here and you chose to ignore it.

 

[Vikingdancer]

If you haven't got remorse for him, it definately tells more about you than it tells about him.

@tgill6793 I have been abusing MDMA as well. I stopped using and I improved a lot after 2 years. It's a long painful road many of us have taken. In the end most of us recovered for at least 90%. Sleep well, eat healthy and fitness a lot is the base for recovery. PM me if you need some advise. Take care.