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Bluelighter
- Joined
- Nov 9, 2021
- Messages
- 95
Hey, just giving yall a warning this post is probably going to be long. Also it may be scattered around because i havent had my medication in the past few days that helps me focus because of my stupid ass pharmacy.
Most people dont understand what it is like to have the shit i do. And i know it shouldnt matter but it pisses me off. Espeically when people diagnose themselves with some of the actual diagnoses i have and they dont even know the true meaning of it.
At work i am my the boss's daughter and so i feel like i am expected to be the best. At least, I try to be the very best. I feel like people dont like me there because they think i get special treatnent, am lazy, spoiled, stupid, etc. I feel like people at work don't like me. And i know that the fact i think people do not like me will make them not like me.
I never had a boyfriend before. To my knowledge, ive never had actual sex (but i have given oral sex unwillingly to someone. I dont know if ive ever been raped while passed out). I want to do so with consent. I want to be with someone who i know very well amd love and vise versa.
Continuing on within the same subject, tbere is this guy who i talk to on instagram. Been talking to him on and off for months. Blocked him a few times then unblocked him because im desperate to be with someone. He threatens to leave me if i dont show him "what he likes". I have neber showed him myself naked but almost have really seriously. And he doesnt even speak the same language as me he used a translator. He lives in egypt.
He wants me to go to his country (i swear to god im not lying) and he refuses to wamt to get to know me. I am not going to his country i am not that stupid.
I think he only likes me because of how i look. He doesnt want to tell me anything aboout him, he calls me in the middle of the night which is in the day for him and he does not listen.
Truth is i think i like toxic people after being around them for so long. I like this guy amd i know hes not good for me. Should i block him and never talk to him again?
Look yall i want a boyfriend so bad but this guy is toxic as fuck.
Moving on, at work i dont have the time to pee, take my meds, and get water a lot of times. I love my job but its just so hectic and busy at times. I work really hard at what i do, i wash dishes at a restarsunt most of the time (not to mention i work with a really lazy dishwaher and hes almost 70 and so i do most of the work), sometimes work in the bakery, and rarely work preparing meat.
I get free rides to and from work and i get to work with my dad and i like some of the people at work. I just dont know what to do about work. My dad told me today i outta start taking breaks. I nevrr take breaks because whrn i get bsck its hectic as fuck (because of that lazy ass dishwasher). And that dishwasher takes breaks all the time. He gets away with being lazy because everyone feels bad for him.
They tried replacing him but the new dishwasher quit.
I have dreams about work all tje time. I wake up, work is on my mind. I go to sleep, work is on my mind. And i only work 35 hours a week (im in college thats why i dont work full time).
I quit therapy months ago. I think i outta start back again. But i dont like how they baby me and i honestly would much rather talk to people who arent professionals because they are realistic. Like shit man you think i can deep breathe my problems away when i got piles of dishes to do? I cant work slow at work sometimes. Otber positions do and it pisses me off how slow they can walk. But i dont want to switch positions. I dont want to talk about it but my anxiety is really bad when i work at the bakery.
I worked at the bakery today. I have trouble knowing when foods are done so i constantly ask if its done. I mainly prep the foods in the bakery or do the foods that dont require using the oven.
I feel like the customers are laughing at me when i work in the bakery. And when i eat after my shift in the banquet room i feel likr they are laughinf at how im eating. Or thinking about how im so disgusting.
I am in college to work in the mental health field, so i wont work in the restaraunt industry forever.
Please help. Sorry for long post. Please no negative comments. If you have something shitty to say dont bother saying it unless its going to help me. I feel like im goimg to have a mental breakdown again.
Most people dont understand what it is like to have the shit i do. And i know it shouldnt matter but it pisses me off. Espeically when people diagnose themselves with some of the actual diagnoses i have and they dont even know the true meaning of it.
At work i am my the boss's daughter and so i feel like i am expected to be the best. At least, I try to be the very best. I feel like people dont like me there because they think i get special treatnent, am lazy, spoiled, stupid, etc. I feel like people at work don't like me. And i know that the fact i think people do not like me will make them not like me.
I never had a boyfriend before. To my knowledge, ive never had actual sex (but i have given oral sex unwillingly to someone. I dont know if ive ever been raped while passed out). I want to do so with consent. I want to be with someone who i know very well amd love and vise versa.
Continuing on within the same subject, tbere is this guy who i talk to on instagram. Been talking to him on and off for months. Blocked him a few times then unblocked him because im desperate to be with someone. He threatens to leave me if i dont show him "what he likes". I have neber showed him myself naked but almost have really seriously. And he doesnt even speak the same language as me he used a translator. He lives in egypt.
He wants me to go to his country (i swear to god im not lying) and he refuses to wamt to get to know me. I am not going to his country i am not that stupid.
I think he only likes me because of how i look. He doesnt want to tell me anything aboout him, he calls me in the middle of the night which is in the day for him and he does not listen.
Truth is i think i like toxic people after being around them for so long. I like this guy amd i know hes not good for me. Should i block him and never talk to him again?
Look yall i want a boyfriend so bad but this guy is toxic as fuck.
Moving on, at work i dont have the time to pee, take my meds, and get water a lot of times. I love my job but its just so hectic and busy at times. I work really hard at what i do, i wash dishes at a restarsunt most of the time (not to mention i work with a really lazy dishwaher and hes almost 70 and so i do most of the work), sometimes work in the bakery, and rarely work preparing meat.
I get free rides to and from work and i get to work with my dad and i like some of the people at work. I just dont know what to do about work. My dad told me today i outta start taking breaks. I nevrr take breaks because whrn i get bsck its hectic as fuck (because of that lazy ass dishwasher). And that dishwasher takes breaks all the time. He gets away with being lazy because everyone feels bad for him.
They tried replacing him but the new dishwasher quit.
I have dreams about work all tje time. I wake up, work is on my mind. I go to sleep, work is on my mind. And i only work 35 hours a week (im in college thats why i dont work full time).
I quit therapy months ago. I think i outta start back again. But i dont like how they baby me and i honestly would much rather talk to people who arent professionals because they are realistic. Like shit man you think i can deep breathe my problems away when i got piles of dishes to do? I cant work slow at work sometimes. Otber positions do and it pisses me off how slow they can walk. But i dont want to switch positions. I dont want to talk about it but my anxiety is really bad when i work at the bakery.
I worked at the bakery today. I have trouble knowing when foods are done so i constantly ask if its done. I mainly prep the foods in the bakery or do the foods that dont require using the oven.
I feel like the customers are laughing at me when i work in the bakery. And when i eat after my shift in the banquet room i feel likr they are laughinf at how im eating. Or thinking about how im so disgusting.
I am in college to work in the mental health field, so i wont work in the restaraunt industry forever.
Please help. Sorry for long post. Please no negative comments. If you have something shitty to say dont bother saying it unless its going to help me. I feel like im goimg to have a mental breakdown again.
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