sleepwalker
Bluelighter
- Joined
- May 27, 2009
- Messages
- 124
hi, bluelihters.
please take a moment to share my grief...
If i tell my story, a great man of you would wish to be in my shoes.
i'll try to keep it short.
I have been an H addict from my 17th year on and multiusing besides that. Working in surgery that's quite some multiuse.
I wanted my life to end when 32 but oddly enouh i became Christian.
I met my wife that same week, 8 moths later we were married, but I married a mentally very ill woman.
I was clean for 6 years, but after many meds and hospitalizations, i started using again.
now my wife has Aspergers.
Over one year ago, she was so confused, she didn,t come home and stayed at my best friends house.
Until she said :I can,t take care of the kids anymore, and we got divorced.
I allready lost my job, due to the care for my wife and all the other stress.
I lost my church.
No friends coming around.
I got total custody, the house, car, financial support...so I have it good? Right?
now i have been using 50-75 fentapatches...and was in for some bad WD.
I haven't used since sunday, took 10 loperamide and 8 tramadol, yesterday 6.
NOW last night i slept 2x2 hours and am cold, so tonight I decided to slap on a buprenorfine patch, 10ug/hour.
The wd came with being bored, and cold, but i expierience nothing bad...except the lonelyness.
And the whole night i thought about ending my life. i went to the doc and told i could carry more.
Get a job, was her reply. I got nothing to help me sleep.
Now i am stuck between letting life slip into nothingness or continuing this life out of love for my kids.
please, i got noone to talk to.
please take a moment to share my grief...
If i tell my story, a great man of you would wish to be in my shoes.
i'll try to keep it short.
I have been an H addict from my 17th year on and multiusing besides that. Working in surgery that's quite some multiuse.
I wanted my life to end when 32 but oddly enouh i became Christian.
I met my wife that same week, 8 moths later we were married, but I married a mentally very ill woman.
I was clean for 6 years, but after many meds and hospitalizations, i started using again.
now my wife has Aspergers.
Over one year ago, she was so confused, she didn,t come home and stayed at my best friends house.
Until she said :I can,t take care of the kids anymore, and we got divorced.
I allready lost my job, due to the care for my wife and all the other stress.
I lost my church.
No friends coming around.
I got total custody, the house, car, financial support...so I have it good? Right?
now i have been using 50-75 fentapatches...and was in for some bad WD.
I haven't used since sunday, took 10 loperamide and 8 tramadol, yesterday 6.
NOW last night i slept 2x2 hours and am cold, so tonight I decided to slap on a buprenorfine patch, 10ug/hour.
The wd came with being bored, and cold, but i expierience nothing bad...except the lonelyness.
And the whole night i thought about ending my life. i went to the doc and told i could carry more.
Get a job, was her reply. I got nothing to help me sleep.
Now i am stuck between letting life slip into nothingness or continuing this life out of love for my kids.
please, i got noone to talk to.