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Letter to Your Disease/Addiction
- Thread starter xxkcxx
- Start date
laCster
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2010
- Messages
- 6,852
So long addiction
So long addiction! You are no longer my master and I am no longer your slave. I have control over my thoughts of abusing drugs and I'm in control of my actions. It's really hard because I am in a situation where I have to grow up or die.
I'm only 20 years old , but I have been dealt my cards and I have to play them the best I can. Fuck drugs, they only bring me down and don't better my life.
I have never had to work for anything good in my life. It is really hard to take action and know that the right step will help me in the future. My future self is myself right now. My future self tells me that drugs and needles are stupid.
I can't live my life addicted to drugs anymore. If I do I will get no where, and I'm really in a crossroad in my life. I have so many opportunities ahead of me in life and I can chose to work for them and be patient, or get instant relief anddo drugs. That was my old way of life, I am no longer that same person.
It fucking sucks having to really grow ups and take responsibility. It's so hard at my age but I can't give in.
Any response or support would be awesome
Love
-laC
So long addiction! You are no longer my master and I am no longer your slave. I have control over my thoughts of abusing drugs and I'm in control of my actions. It's really hard because I am in a situation where I have to grow up or die.
I'm only 20 years old , but I have been dealt my cards and I have to play them the best I can. Fuck drugs, they only bring me down and don't better my life.
I have never had to work for anything good in my life. It is really hard to take action and know that the right step will help me in the future. My future self is myself right now. My future self tells me that drugs and needles are stupid.
I can't live my life addicted to drugs anymore. If I do I will get no where, and I'm really in a crossroad in my life. I have so many opportunities ahead of me in life and I can chose to work for them and be patient, or get instant relief anddo drugs. That was my old way of life, I am no longer that same person.
It fucking sucks having to really grow ups and take responsibility. It's so hard at my age but I can't give in.
Any response or support would be awesome
Love
-laC
stardust.hero
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- May 20, 2009
- Messages
- 7,355
It sounds like you know what to do LaC 
. You are young. Just keep trying to get a hold on this--you're right there so just grab it. .
. You are young. Just keep trying to get a hold on this--you're right there so just grab it. .
laCster
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2010
- Messages
- 6,852
Thank you stardust for the support. I have been offered heroin this week but I am on vivitrol so I didn't do it. Heroin just gets in the way of my dreams and goals , I don't need that shit. I want something for my life and I want to better my life and heroin doesn't fit into that picture.
CaseFace
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Oct 30, 2008
- Messages
- 3,274
I met a guy this week that is like 40 years old who just moved here to go back to school at cal. If someone can get their shit back together and go back to school at 40, then you can do it at 20 ya know. I'm 22 and about to start school for the first time in years this coming Tuesday.
Seems like you know what you're doing though - And it's fantastic to see somebody who is stepping up and taking control of their own life rather than continuing to live as a slave to a substance. Keep it up man!!!
Seems like you know what you're doing though - And it's fantastic to see somebody who is stepping up and taking control of their own life rather than continuing to live as a slave to a substance. Keep it up man!!!
Maya
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Feb 17, 2013
- Messages
- 7,310
Dear Addiction,
This the first time I am writing a letter to you and the first thing I would like to say is thank you for being part of me. Thank you for showing me the ups and downs of you, you deceived me throughout these years making me feel good and then kicking me down to crave for you more. I had been sick and tired of oyr relationship but I'm mostly sick physically and mentally because of you. You are like a toxic relationship and worse than my ex boyfriends. Whether you are a drug or an alcohol, you don't really care for me, you are just there to destroy me and so I say no I will have no more of you. This is the first time that I felt victorious over this battle that I had been having with you for quite sometime and I have decided that I will no longer say yes to you and succumb to you anymore. I want you to leave me alone and this time for good! I don't need you because what I need in my life is just me and my sober self, my family and my friends. I need true love and support and success so please get lost and never come back.
This the first time I am writing a letter to you and the first thing I would like to say is thank you for being part of me. Thank you for showing me the ups and downs of you, you deceived me throughout these years making me feel good and then kicking me down to crave for you more. I had been sick and tired of oyr relationship but I'm mostly sick physically and mentally because of you. You are like a toxic relationship and worse than my ex boyfriends. Whether you are a drug or an alcohol, you don't really care for me, you are just there to destroy me and so I say no I will have no more of you. This is the first time that I felt victorious over this battle that I had been having with you for quite sometime and I have decided that I will no longer say yes to you and succumb to you anymore. I want you to leave me alone and this time for good! I don't need you because what I need in my life is just me and my sober self, my family and my friends. I need true love and support and success so please get lost and never come back.
Vaya
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Aug 5, 2003
- Messages
- 6,257
We can all do it at any age, since addiction does not take into account how young or old we are.
Age is of no consideration to drug and alcoholic slavery.
I'm so happy to see you are of sound enough mind and body to take full charge of where it is you need to be right now, and of what role the enslaving power that is heroin can be allowed to play in the greater picture that is your life!!
Age is of no consideration to drug and alcoholic slavery.
I'm so happy to see you are of sound enough mind and body to take full charge of where it is you need to be right now, and of what role the enslaving power that is heroin can be allowed to play in the greater picture that is your life!!
herbavore
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Jul 26, 2011
- Messages
- 14,942
laCaster, I am so happy to hear your strong conviction. You will have weak moments where you doubt your will but take a minute right now while you are feeling strong to really, really feel it; this is you! This strength is always in you. You tried something, a shortcut to feeling good, and it didn't work. Now you have clarity and wisdom and for those inevitable times when self-doubt sneaks back in you can recall the strength of your conviction that you are expressing so clearly now.Again, I am very happy for you.
floatingaround
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jul 15, 2012
- Messages
- 598
I'm going to try my best to cut you off soon, when I'm ready. Enjoy the time while it lasts.
T. Calderone
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Aug 1, 2010
- Messages
- 8,986
Dear Addiction,
Today I got to talk about how you're able to switch faces on me. I thought I was doing better getting off opiates and all the drugs. But drinking has caused more damage than I thought. Every time I think I'm finished with you, that urge comes back that says "just have one" but that doesn't work. This is the way it has to be so I'm showing you the door.
Today I got to talk about how you're able to switch faces on me. I thought I was doing better getting off opiates and all the drugs. But drinking has caused more damage than I thought. Every time I think I'm finished with you, that urge comes back that says "just have one" but that doesn't work. This is the way it has to be so I'm showing you the door.
I haven't posted here in ages. But–like many here, I'm sure–I've still had plenty of struggles!
Letter to my lover
To the only girl who ever truly got away,
I've been a player in the (real life) game of love for a while now. I had my heart broken once when I was 15 and I vowed never to have it happen again–and I stayed true to that vow. But around the age of 21, you showed up in your 30mg powder blue silk skirt, so gorgeous, so passionate–you were everything I thought I could find in life. You slowly and skillfully navigated your way to the depths of my heart like no other has before. You knew my every weakness yet you accepted and consoled me; telling me that everything was going to be ok. You gave me 3 of the best years of my life–of this, I cannot deny!
But somewhere over the following 2 years, things went south and we started to lose touch with each other. I wanted to see more of you, but it seemed you had lost your passion for me. You stopped consoling me; stopped motivating me. You stopped loving me in the same way that I loved you. I understand that everything in life is constant flux and that we all change. Perhaps, something changed inside of you or I that might have caused this disconnect between us, but it seems the only reason you stick around lately is because of my financial freedom. I don't appreciate that, but I try my hardest to understand.
Perhaps there's a certain comfort factor for you with being around me (After all, we know each other backwards and forwards). But you did manage to shatter the vow I've made to never let a girl take such a grasp of my heart. Yet, in the very same breath, you've done more for me than I really could have ever asked for. I try so hard to make sense of this necessary heartbreak, and perhaps you feel the pain just as much as I.
I want you to know that I don't blame you for one second for how we turned out. I do believe you have so much to offer this world and those who don't suffer from my all-or-nothing outlook and terrible self-worth complex–alas, those are my issues and I strive to no longer make them yours. I've spent a lifetime making excuses and pretending to grow up, when all I really accomplished was putting my family through torment and allowing them to pick up the slack. I can't be that man anymore.
I wish you nothing but the best and will remain forever grateful of our encounter. Though you may have ripped the very fabric of my universe to pieces, I've now the opportunity to learn to sew! Even in your absence, you still haunt me with struggles and hopelessness, but these are necessary evil. Balance must be restored & the piper must be paid, plus interest.
I wish you the same peace on your journeys as I hope to find on mine.
-Chris
Letter to my lover
To the only girl who ever truly got away,
I've been a player in the (real life) game of love for a while now. I had my heart broken once when I was 15 and I vowed never to have it happen again–and I stayed true to that vow. But around the age of 21, you showed up in your 30mg powder blue silk skirt, so gorgeous, so passionate–you were everything I thought I could find in life. You slowly and skillfully navigated your way to the depths of my heart like no other has before. You knew my every weakness yet you accepted and consoled me; telling me that everything was going to be ok. You gave me 3 of the best years of my life–of this, I cannot deny!
But somewhere over the following 2 years, things went south and we started to lose touch with each other. I wanted to see more of you, but it seemed you had lost your passion for me. You stopped consoling me; stopped motivating me. You stopped loving me in the same way that I loved you. I understand that everything in life is constant flux and that we all change. Perhaps, something changed inside of you or I that might have caused this disconnect between us, but it seems the only reason you stick around lately is because of my financial freedom. I don't appreciate that, but I try my hardest to understand.
Perhaps there's a certain comfort factor for you with being around me (After all, we know each other backwards and forwards). But you did manage to shatter the vow I've made to never let a girl take such a grasp of my heart. Yet, in the very same breath, you've done more for me than I really could have ever asked for. I try so hard to make sense of this necessary heartbreak, and perhaps you feel the pain just as much as I.
I want you to know that I don't blame you for one second for how we turned out. I do believe you have so much to offer this world and those who don't suffer from my all-or-nothing outlook and terrible self-worth complex–alas, those are my issues and I strive to no longer make them yours. I've spent a lifetime making excuses and pretending to grow up, when all I really accomplished was putting my family through torment and allowing them to pick up the slack. I can't be that man anymore.
I wish you nothing but the best and will remain forever grateful of our encounter. Though you may have ripped the very fabric of my universe to pieces, I've now the opportunity to learn to sew! Even in your absence, you still haunt me with struggles and hopelessness, but these are necessary evil. Balance must be restored & the piper must be paid, plus interest.
I wish you the same peace on your journeys as I hope to find on mine.
-Chris
herbavore
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Jul 26, 2011
- Messages
- 14,942
That is a very powerful line and a very powerful sentiment. With that perspective you have all the strength you need.
The Janitor
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Jun 4, 2014
- Messages
- 1
Sup, guys.
Tobacco, I know we've had a longstanding mutual attachment to one another and it's hard to let go of a familiar face. You've always been there for me. We'd sit on the porch doing the same repetitive, time-wasting activity for hours, and you'd never get bored. The others like you and your sense of humor. We even have our antisocial inside-jokes, like how we laughed when our peers would shrivel up and avoid us when they smelled you on me, and I'll always appreciate that. I just can't stand the black lung, frankly. It burns sometimes. You're a beautiful force of nature, but I'm just too weak to handle you. Sorry, old pal.
Anxiety? Get off the roof, it's not a sniper's nest. Yes, the neighbors can see the red dot. No, I'm not afraid that the poodle in Apt. 1085 has ticks. No, the postman doesn't care that I'm wearing pajama pants at 5 PM. You're a reliable sentinel, Anxiety, but sometimes security has to come second. You should listen to Depression more often and look at the big picture instead of the tiny details.
Speaking of whom, I'd like Depression to quit being such a goddamn bummer all the time. Jesus christ, man, do you have to turn everything into a tiresome philosophical merry-go-round? I'm just getting some fucking coffee, not axing the ticky poodle in Apt. 1085. Stop nitpicking at me. Stop reminding me of the inevitability of death and using that as an excuse so you and Laziness can do nothing
for a few more hours.
Insomnia? Yeah, you. Fuck you. Get out. Nobody likes you except Anxiety, and he's a hyper-vigilant nutcase. You make his gun hand shaky anyway.
OCD, I'll give you a pass. You're trying. You really, really are trying to let go. I know you're hurt and scared, and I know you just want to forget and make it better, but that's not your responsibility. It's mine. We'll get through this.
And finally, Xanax: passionate love at first sight. You make me forget. You let me sleep. You're eventually going to debride my liver and turn me into a psychotic addict. Let's have a fling and hook-up again later, but don't expect anything long-term. Bye, darling.
Tobacco, I know we've had a longstanding mutual attachment to one another and it's hard to let go of a familiar face. You've always been there for me. We'd sit on the porch doing the same repetitive, time-wasting activity for hours, and you'd never get bored. The others like you and your sense of humor. We even have our antisocial inside-jokes, like how we laughed when our peers would shrivel up and avoid us when they smelled you on me, and I'll always appreciate that. I just can't stand the black lung, frankly. It burns sometimes. You're a beautiful force of nature, but I'm just too weak to handle you. Sorry, old pal.
Anxiety? Get off the roof, it's not a sniper's nest. Yes, the neighbors can see the red dot. No, I'm not afraid that the poodle in Apt. 1085 has ticks. No, the postman doesn't care that I'm wearing pajama pants at 5 PM. You're a reliable sentinel, Anxiety, but sometimes security has to come second. You should listen to Depression more often and look at the big picture instead of the tiny details.
Speaking of whom, I'd like Depression to quit being such a goddamn bummer all the time. Jesus christ, man, do you have to turn everything into a tiresome philosophical merry-go-round? I'm just getting some fucking coffee, not axing the ticky poodle in Apt. 1085. Stop nitpicking at me. Stop reminding me of the inevitability of death and using that as an excuse so you and Laziness can do nothing
for a few more hours.
Insomnia? Yeah, you. Fuck you. Get out. Nobody likes you except Anxiety, and he's a hyper-vigilant nutcase. You make his gun hand shaky anyway.
OCD, I'll give you a pass. You're trying. You really, really are trying to let go. I know you're hurt and scared, and I know you just want to forget and make it better, but that's not your responsibility. It's mine. We'll get through this.
And finally, Xanax: passionate love at first sight. You make me forget. You let me sleep. You're eventually going to debride my liver and turn me into a psychotic addict. Let's have a fling and hook-up again later, but don't expect anything long-term. Bye, darling.