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Ladies I need your advice!

Monday afternoon was my last shot. Still feeling like shit. Forcing myself to eat and have some ambien for sleep.
 
Almost made it a week then, that's awesome. You should be through the worst of it now and will start to notice it getting easier each day.
Just got to be aware of your triggers now to prevent relapse, getting clean is just the first step, staying clean will be your next problem.
How long you been using?
 
I've been battling this for 10 years on and off. It got so bad in Seattle that I was homeless and begging for my next fix. Got sober and got off the streets and straightened my life out. I've recently been on a six month run. Problem with me is that I get sober and when everything begins to fall into place I'm back on a run. Luckly I haven't lost my job or been arrested. Things could be worse. I think God allowed this to happen to save me from going through a 200,000 inheritance I'm getting next month. I've never really been in love before and she is the first. So this is what heartache is. I just joined a gym and getting a personal trainer. I got to focus on something besides her and getting fucked up. I'm so used to running to a substance to handle problems and i have no coping skills. Im going to na but there is one dickhead that I want to punch in the face. So I need to find a different meeting.
 
Oh shit 200,000!!!! Good luck with that one lol going to be hard not to score when that goes in your bank.
 
There is nothing that I can hold against her. I lied from day one and she gave me a second chance. I knew what the consequences would be If I started up again and she caught me. Being a f'd up addict I choose drugs over her. Its hard to get clean and even harder when you believe you lost the love of your life. I'm putting the possibility of getting back together out of my mind. ITS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN! Right now I'm so down on myself that I'm just holding on to sobriety because I know I have to. Its not for me although becauae I don't give a shit about myself. I'm trying to stay busy and joined a health club. I'm addicted to everything so lets try something less destructive like working out? I'm surprised that she even would talk to me one day. I told her to contact me when she has healed but if she has found someone else not to bother. I'll just read between the lines. Heartbroken and detoxing. Fun fun!

Don't be so hard on yourself man. It won't help.

Think about what positive life changes you can make with $200k!
Set your sights on your dreams and ambitions - and turn them into plans.
IME the most fertile ground for relapse is directionless, depressed life situations.
Once you've shaken the monkey off your back - you're a free man with some cash behind him.
The world is your oyster! Take advantage of it, and distract your mind from dope at the same time.
Try not to dwell on your mistakes, sometimes these things happen for good reason.
All the best <3
 
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Thanks for the words of encouragement. I do have an opportuniyy to change my life and grow as a person. I'm making up a game plan of goals and aspirations. Hit the gym. Put on a few well needed pounds. Love myself and stay positive. I'm not a bad guy I just have a bad addiction. Yes I lied and lost peoples trust but at the same time I was always there for people. I always helped when asked. I gave when I could. I loved like I could. I have a good foundation, now I need to build on it.
 
^ Well done mate. 10 years history of usage is a long time but it is also all history. It was probably wishful thinking to stop that easily and next time around try a different approach with professional help. Its a long term thing but short term goals are helpful as is talking to other druggies like us!
 
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