Kid Stories, Psych Wards, and Such-Like

[kaya_9]

People looking at this, if you think it's too long-well fuck it then. Mods-I haven't seen an area for memories..per se..so move it where ever

So I have a snow day today..and possibly tomorrow...yes..


Other posts might be about my psych ward experiences (for mania) ...thinking about the nature of Consciousness, of 'God', for want of a better term. I never have any other 'symptoms' than this..Reading Vedic texts and everything I can get my hands on. The problem comes when I stop sleeping b/c all that energy is coming in...the first time for about six days..the others...about 3. Hospitalized 7 times in all. Now I'm pretty much self-managed..I know when to nip it..but wish I didn't have to. If I want to teach, or keep a schedule, I have to. Time becomes irrelevant, because it actually is.

No drugs involved with these btw. I've done my share in my 20's, but none of these events happened anywhere near an acid trip or any other thing..smoking MJ...popping Adderall, etc. I think it's about a misunderstood Spiritual Awakening..but that's a different thread/story. There's quite a lot of people this is happening to out there.

They are good memories and I'm grateful for all of them, at any rate.


I teach as a Reading Specialist... It's a job I'm glad I trained for every day of my life..I work in an ideal environment where I teach dyslexic, add/adhd/ ocd/anxiety disordered/Aspberger's kids (a favorite) etc...They can be, and often are, a combination. It's a private school. This year I teach 1st through 7th.....a range that varies from year to year. The teachers here have a great deal of creative freedom and do not teach to a test. That's what a good education is about.....a little part, at least..but very important for a teacher to have when coming up with great lessons.


So this was a story I wrote to a friend a while back....Thus the conversational nature of this, and thought I'd post it b/c moments like this are good things in life...




It helps to understand this if you've read the 'Giver', btw.


*******************
My 6th grade Reading Comp class is probably the most fun group I've ever taught. They love stories and talking about the meanings and motivations of characters-all of it.


We are reading 'The Giver' now..and their reactions are hilarious...It blows their minds when something happens...like with Jonas having to take the pills....and 'sharing feelings'...laughing at the part where they are bathing the old people and him explaining about 'nakedness'..




Yesterday we got to the part where the reader learns who the Giver really is/what it means/etc...and it was everything you want a kid to experience and 'see' when they read a book....gasps, jaw drops, the 'omg'!!!....and then they have all this flood of questions about hypotheticals and what going to happen next, which is exactly what you want them to be asking, but it's hard to answer those kind for this book w/o giving something big away. Wait until they find out what Release is, I'm thinking.. .


Some have already guessed b/c I have alluded to it (by accident). When they questioned me about it further, I neither confirmed nor denied.. I have had to say ..'You will have to wait and see'..just about everyday.


So needless to say, these are some realllly good kids.They are not jaded or to cool for school...still innocent.


The day after we read the part about the pills (hormone pills they have to take when they start to have sexual feelings) one of the boys says..."I asked my mom yesterday if they (mom/dad) ever did that' and the other kids laughed and said 'Whhaa..did they take pills you mean'?...He said...Noooooo...I mean THAT' and he turned really red...and they all got it..haha


The day before I had to finally tell them what the pills were really about...that it was about sex..)..A funny story in and of itself..haha. I looked at them all and said..'Don't you all know about that yet?' And the one girl in there (out of 5) is looking at me like 'omg'...I told them the normal way kids usually 'find out' is talking about it themselves now..etc..

***



Fun shit...I get to teach them this year too. We read an Agatha Christie mystery that involved a 'LOVAHHH' and 'Philannnnderer'...I said them with an accent every time...that killed them...nothing quite like having fun with some interested kids.

 

[kaya_9]

Idk...should it just be a blog..not so interested in that..this is more just memories..than any discussion of opinions, issues, etc. Until you all let me know about it, guess i'll keep it here.

Although I had one of the top 5 classes in the 16 yrs. I've been teaching today...which developed from the show 'Suspense'...through a bunch of tangents...I wish now I would've recorded it..but those things happen spontaneously and would've changed the moment.

At any rate, I will post a memory from one of the psych experiences...each one having a special charm all it's own.

Part of my last one...4 yrs ago..They have always happened during the summer or Christmas-a time when I'm off of work. I suspect I have much more mental energy...and time to use it. This leads to lack of a schedule, so I click on when I get little sleep..somehow becoming literally Awake. Pineal responsible for sleep btw..

This is not all of it by far..it gets more complicated each time I go in..I learn more. I can get out in a week now...I know the game...I usually end up like this for several months. Once I come down a little and sleep, it's much better. I have always been able to have it under control by the time I start work. This is still the friend I was writing these to..It is partial to the whole..

When I was 'sitting'......meaning times when I just wouldn't move....and say... stare into the woods outside my place..outside on my porch in my pampasan chair....completely in the moment and time had no meaning..


During my stay in the there-at one point I was sitting at a table...and had this uncontrollable need to write...like I had to get it out. This happened several times with this, esp when I was still in my house. I asked for paper...and somehow there was something to write with...but I would draw a square in the left hand margin...and put several dots in it..and draw 2 wavy lines coming off of that...and I was having thoughts while I did this...mostly picturing what I just described...drawing the matrix.maybe..that's what it felt like at least.

Later when I was digging through some papers in the TV room...for mandala templates they had...I found them again...always interesting around there...I am still not sure how to explain the main mind blowing thing I went through there...I mean-it was pretty fucking awesome but incredibly scary at the same time...I don't think anybody will ever quite believe it...but I know I was awake and I was actually talking to people in 'this place'..I will try to work on what it was..
When I found the mandala template sheets, I put several markers in a styrofoam cups on each table,,,and mandala sheets around the tables..lol. People started coloring and we would just sit around talking about stuff. That was a great time.

 

[aq.]

I would suggest a blog, but what I can also do is move it over to "Words"

 

[kaya_9]

I would suggest a blog, but what I can also do is move it over to "Words"

Thanks-yes to Words

 

[kaya_9]

A kid story-these are in 5th grade and are talking about a sex class they are going to have-this is part of it-was a story to the friend

All of a sudden Daniel asked her what they were going to do next when they went back to class…Isabel says…Oh! We’re doing that health thing today…where we learn about what the vagina is and stuff!

I’m laughing like hell in my head..and decide to see where this was going to go.. Here is how this conversation went...or something near it..

Daniel-..Ohhhh… I know what that is…its just your PEEHOLE … He shrugs

Isabel: No, it isn’t JUST your peehole…

Daniel: Yeah well there’s nothing else down there..except the butt and balls…

So before you even think-Why am I letting them talk like this….I said wayyy worse when I was their age and this is how they talk every day to each other anyway…besides it's just fun to see where it goes..

I: Well, there’s something else…

So at that point I interject and say –Well aren’t you going to the class Daniel? Why don’t you just find out there?

D: My mom didn’t give permission to go..I want to know about it..You can just tell me..! But why don’t parents want kids to know?

I-Because they are embarrassed about it and don’t want to explain it…

Me-A nurse can explain it better..

I: Well, let me tell him!

Me- That’s the nurse’s or your mom’s job..

D: Well I want to know…(looking confused)

I: Just know it’s down THERE and it’s inside …


The rest later...one of the funny sex talks they can get into..probably the best was the 7th graders the other day..another story altogether..one girl and 5 guys..haha around a circular table...they were rolling

 

[kaya_9]

So I mailed around trying to find out more about what's been happening to me for the past 25 yrs. as far as being diagnosed bi-polar and feeling like it's more than that....Here is the thing wrote to several places/authors/ other people that specialize in spiritual emergence. This gives an idea about what has happened each time-


I have repeatedly-for at least 25 yrs- gone through spiritual emergence. I always end up making connections-synchs-etc. It is so overwhelming that I end up not sleeping-at all-and after 3 days it REALLY clicks on ..like a switch. I've had it happen 8 times now.
When it's going on full blast I am in a constant state of bliss..a state of self-realization. They call it manic...then diagnose as bi-polar...although I've never been depressed-only in contrast to being in that state of being.

I speak metaphorically-almost completely. I get to where I don't want to move and can only feel love in connection with the All. I look at light and think about 'God" etc.

Each time I am taken to the psych ward for anti-psychotics and mood stabilizers.

So my question is: How can I not go to the psych ward next time? What 's the alternative really, besides running into the woods? lol.

It's true though.I want to work it out so badly that I just might one day. It feels like I'm dying to emerge, but I'm restricted. I can make this state happen any time btw, even though I'm on stabilizers. I choose not to b/c I'm a teacher and want to continue being one. It's a kind of sacrifice I feel, and also feel trapped in a lower level of consciousness.

Please let me know of any suggestions you may have. I need a place to go when it happens so I don't immediately go to the ward. I saw your self work kind of stuff, but I feel anything I do like that would blow it up, then I will just be in the same position.

Teaching kids is my life's work, I know that. So I can't let a random occurrence happen. Occasionally, if I stop sleeping I have to take seroquel (anti-psychotic) to flat line me.

I feel desperate to work it out though. I don't know what else I can do besides stay this way.
Thanks for taking the time to read and hopefully offer any suggestions.

************She mailed back- This is a woman works as a shaman

Hi__(my name)___! Thanks for your note.

In my work, the delineation of spiritual emergence from psychotic break comes down to control. Can you stop it if you want to? Can you control what's happening within that experience?

It seems that you can, so it's not so much about on/off, as steady, tolerable gentle shifts that acclimate you to holding the level of power or consciousness that you want to, ongoing.
Also, sometimes there are psychotic overlaps in spiritual emergence. It can be both. It can be managed with traditional care AND spiritual throttle control.

Keep in mind, too, that you don't have to go into trance to experience ecstasy. The starting place that I take everyone I work with is the Nature Spirits of their immediate yard/region, etc. They are your first community. They bring you grounding that other guardian spirits can't. We could do a session discussing how to work with them, if you like.

I'm glad you wrote, (my name). You're a wise woman. I'm really proud of you for the care you bring yourself, while honoring the need to grow. It's not an easy balance.

Dream well!

Needless to say, I was surprised. I mailed her back and will see where this is going to lead.

 

[kaya_9]

Just two funny things that kids said today-

4th grade-
Me-This is a Native American myth...It tells the story of how skunks got their stripes. At first this skunk was all white, but now what other color do skunks have on them? Yes, black ones...So give a guess Jake about how this one got black stripes....

Jake-(pause) He got a paint job?..He was joking..funny.


I was telling 7th graders yesterday that from now on they had to stand in the hall in front of my door before Study Hall since they were being loud 3 days in a row out there. So, of course, when I went out towards the Study Hall room today they were standing outside of it. I told them to come stand down at my room and that they should do that from now on.

One kid was coming up to my door and said..'Well, I can't remember that'... I said 'Why not?' Jordan raised his eyebrow and said 'Because I have short-term memory loss'....He was serious...lol.

 

[kaya_9]

Guess I should label which thing Im'll tell about-This has to do with the psych ward ...Presently right now b/c something different's got to happen-



I've been laying here thinking... listening to the ceiling fan... at 3 in the morning -_-..I came up with a plan to get away when it happens again.


I'll bring (lol-just typed being) it on right after school is out for the year...and then when it happens, I'll get to some friends houses...



I figure that I'd have to bounce around so my family couldn't find me...or better yet, tell them I'm going to a music fest or vacation w/friends...something so I can be away for awhile and try and work it out with the stuff I've learned since the last time it happened-2010 or 2011.


I don't want to lie to them about it, but they WOULD drag me to the hospital. I won't go again, even if I DO end up in the woods..lol.



Hell-it'll be summer.


I would be placing an awful amount of faith in the fact then I CAN work it out. I mean, what if it doesn't for some reason....If it's not 'worked out' in 3 months..then I'd be screwed as far as being able to start my job again in the Fall.


Reminds me one of the things I said when I was going through the last one....I started posting on a MJ forum that I had belonged to during the last one..I'll put some things up here that I actually was thinking..pretty heavy and funny at the same time..I felt so gooood.

I kept posting different music videos...all kinds off stuff..writing about the 9th wave of Consciousness..etc

*Good Byyyee! (ending post)
Down the Rabbit Hole Again? I need some DRANO.....pfft! lol'



Drano indeed.

************

One kid-8th grade-was walking down the hall and said 'Hey Ms. J...You know what I did? I got a bunch of different colored sharpies and completely colored some cans with 'em' Then he just walked down the other hall.

He collects cans and plastic bottles everyday at our school....takes them home and puts them in the shed at the back of his house...then when it's full, takes them to recycling and cashes in.

Also, he just loves cans.

He reminds me of a smaller version of the guy in Superbad that got perioded on....that's exactly how he is.. lol.

 

[kaya_9]

OK-still awake so I'll post a psych ward or real experience from that forum...So glad I made that back then so I can read it...People would post at first when I was 'manic' and say shit like..'Drugs are bad mmmmkk? or 'Shit, I want some of what you're on' Wasn't in a asshole kind of way...Then later they kind of got what was going on...

Was talking to people that posted in the thread..this was after I got out of the hospital and trying to explain it-I was still high-It would be called 'hypo-manic' by Drs.

Anyway, I feel that when I get into a certain state of Being that I am operating in a different field of consciousness....thought in dimensions reflecting different realities.

Time becomes irrelvant and you can 'move' wiithin it (not literally) with your thoughts. I have only recently come to this understanding. Global Awareness.

That might sound nuts...but Im pretty comfortable having that belief. If its delusion then its mine to operate in...lol. I cannot properly explain it so that people will 'get it'...It is somehow linked to my understanding of what 'God'/It is....intertwined.


I guess that's 'psychotic', mmkay? -_-

 

[kaya_9]

This one is part of my last hospital trip...2011 and how I got there


With every doctor interview....I had to explain what I was thinking...etc....At first I was just in the basic ER room......and we were in there forever, of course....all the while I'm thinking 'Shit AND fuck....I have to go through THIS again?" I just wanted to go back home and be.

I was eventually moved to a much better room..still on the bottom floor......had a flat panel tv....It went out..like a flash...My mom was like wtf..esp since the earlier thing happened with the TV..lol..So we just waited for the next person to come in..that sucked...I was wide Awake with no sleep. Felt like the end of a trip when you're all spent and need a joint or something fluffy to get you to sleep.


So....I was in there, the lights were off with some light streaming in through the other room...and other people and doctors were coming in occasionally asking this and that....then for some reason a tech guy came in to mess with the T.V....weird shit was happening around me and electronics......I remember thinking..wtf is this guy in here trying to fix the tv right now for?

Thinking back to before this happened, another strange thing had happened with a tv...This is where it starts to get kind of strange, I guess. It's kind of like when you're on an acid trip...and unreal shit happens that you KNOW would not happen unless you're tripping.

My sister had talked me into leaving my place-which I did not want to leave, of course.....Said she was going to call an ambulance..I said I wouldn't go..then she laid that shit on me that she always does-about leading a normal life...etc..I realized I couldn't stay so wide open eventually..so she took me to my parent's house.

When I say strange shit was happening...I mean really strange....There was what was happening before I left my house-which is a different story, and admittedly, is hard to believe. I just know I was awake and it happened...And then this-

I was there now, since my sister talked me into it....Their tv was on the history channel.......looking at it was like the show was moving in fast forward....but it was showing history going BACKWARD on the timeline........like a tape reel winding, but it didnt stop...it kept going and going. It was not part of the show.

I hadn't said a word-wasn't going to-knew to keep my mouth shut-haha. I was just looked at it for a sec, saw what was happening, and re-covered my eyes with my arm...I was leaning back in a chair. This happening was not strange anymore compared to what had been happening the past 5 days up in my house..lol.

I was exhausted physically, but my brain felt like exactly like what the tv was doing ..It was like being in a waking dream. It is, actually, you know. Anyway, I'm pretty sure when they saw that, that was when they decided to get me to go to the hospital. I know they saw it too...they jumped up and said 'Lets go nowww...to each other. It happened very fast. When they convince me to go, I am always so exhausted from not sleeping-that that is all I want. For my brain just to stfu for a few hours. That is what I wanted-although I knew it meant being locked up for at least a week...gotten it down to that at least. Gotta play by the rules!


The trip to the hospital was like taking a ride in a speeding bullet. It was nice and peaceful...like I get..so it was hard for me to be upset about any of it.....

I looked up into the sky as we were riding...and it was like the clouds were going by in ultra fast forward....like I could see the world actually spinning against the clouds.

I know some of this is sequentially out of order..but fuck it :D

 

[Opalescence]

Your stories are so interesting. its like a book. i just want to read more.