KratomDemon
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jul 17, 2014
- Messages
- 248
Hi guys,
New member here but long time lurker. I have begun what I hope to be the last of my kratom use once and for all. First, a little background.
I discovered kratom about 7 years ago while searching the internet for ways to obtains prescription narcotics. Realizing how illegal and ultimately dangerous this would be, I found the legal alternative that is kratom. Fast forward 7 years and I have had no more than 1 month clean from it and currently have been using for the last year straight. I have been dosing bali kratom in capsule form, using 12 600mg capsules 3-5 times per day. Withdrawls would set in about 6-8 hours after last dose so I have been a slave to this plant, having to make sure to have an adequate supply with me no matter where I go. I am tired of the control this has over my life, the resulting indifference regarding my job and the financial impact it has had on my family (300-400/month).
I am an admitted addict but one who has been able to keep things hidden and secret and allowing me to function for the most part. I abused alcohol all through college and then after college, stumbled upon my mom's supply of various opiates (which led to me finding kratom). I have heartlessly lied and stolen from friends, family and strangers if the chance to acqure drugs was available. It sickens me to think about it. My mom passed away last Sept from pnemonia and it pains me to know I never had the chance to come clean to her about my behaviors. Even my wife is unaware. I have toyed with going to rehab but can't deal with the fact that the cat would be out of the bag and am afraid of those consequences.
So here we are - I have dosed my last kratom yesterday (Monday) yesterday morning, with 12 600 mg capsules at 8 AM and another 10 capsules at 11 AM. I then brewed some poppy pod tea in the evening and made it through the night fine. I have more poppy pod available, but am well aware of how horrible this addiction can be and dumped all but two more doses. I took one dose this morning and am contemplating dumping the other dose (as I am thinking I am just delaying the onset of withdrawls). I am off work today and Wednesday but need to be back in the office on Thursday. I have stashed 16 kratom capsules in case I am so sick I cannot work, because missing work is not an option. I also have 1 0.5 mg lorazepam, kava, a handful of muscle relaxers, and capsulized valerian root.
I can and have overcome the physical withrdawls as much as they suck. Mostly I get hot/cold sweats, restless legs, runny nose and muscle/bone pain. The worst part though is the crushing depressions and anxiety. I wish I had more benzos on hand because I think they could really get me through things easier.
Looking for support and any other advice regarding what I should do this week. I should also mention my wife is out of state on business this week (hence me choosing this week to do this), but I have my 4 year old son to care for in the evening and AM (he is spending the day with the inlaws). So I have to be somewhat functional and drive to pick him up and drop him off.
Will check back in later this afternoon after this dose of pod tea has worn off and update on how things are going. I really just want to get back to enjoying all the small things in life, being "normal" and not having to rely on susbstances to get through the day. I'm tired of this shit....
- Kratom Demon
New member here but long time lurker. I have begun what I hope to be the last of my kratom use once and for all. First, a little background.
I discovered kratom about 7 years ago while searching the internet for ways to obtains prescription narcotics. Realizing how illegal and ultimately dangerous this would be, I found the legal alternative that is kratom. Fast forward 7 years and I have had no more than 1 month clean from it and currently have been using for the last year straight. I have been dosing bali kratom in capsule form, using 12 600mg capsules 3-5 times per day. Withdrawls would set in about 6-8 hours after last dose so I have been a slave to this plant, having to make sure to have an adequate supply with me no matter where I go. I am tired of the control this has over my life, the resulting indifference regarding my job and the financial impact it has had on my family (300-400/month).
I am an admitted addict but one who has been able to keep things hidden and secret and allowing me to function for the most part. I abused alcohol all through college and then after college, stumbled upon my mom's supply of various opiates (which led to me finding kratom). I have heartlessly lied and stolen from friends, family and strangers if the chance to acqure drugs was available. It sickens me to think about it. My mom passed away last Sept from pnemonia and it pains me to know I never had the chance to come clean to her about my behaviors. Even my wife is unaware. I have toyed with going to rehab but can't deal with the fact that the cat would be out of the bag and am afraid of those consequences.
So here we are - I have dosed my last kratom yesterday (Monday) yesterday morning, with 12 600 mg capsules at 8 AM and another 10 capsules at 11 AM. I then brewed some poppy pod tea in the evening and made it through the night fine. I have more poppy pod available, but am well aware of how horrible this addiction can be and dumped all but two more doses. I took one dose this morning and am contemplating dumping the other dose (as I am thinking I am just delaying the onset of withdrawls). I am off work today and Wednesday but need to be back in the office on Thursday. I have stashed 16 kratom capsules in case I am so sick I cannot work, because missing work is not an option. I also have 1 0.5 mg lorazepam, kava, a handful of muscle relaxers, and capsulized valerian root.
I can and have overcome the physical withrdawls as much as they suck. Mostly I get hot/cold sweats, restless legs, runny nose and muscle/bone pain. The worst part though is the crushing depressions and anxiety. I wish I had more benzos on hand because I think they could really get me through things easier.
Looking for support and any other advice regarding what I should do this week. I should also mention my wife is out of state on business this week (hence me choosing this week to do this), but I have my 4 year old son to care for in the evening and AM (he is spending the day with the inlaws). So I have to be somewhat functional and drive to pick him up and drop him off.
Will check back in later this afternoon after this dose of pod tea has worn off and update on how things are going. I really just want to get back to enjoying all the small things in life, being "normal" and not having to rely on susbstances to get through the day. I'm tired of this shit....
- Kratom Demon