What if we live in a universe that obeys the laws of hard determinism? Surely in that case, once you enter the loop it becomes by necessity an infinite loop.
Sorry bud, it's your destiny destiny. So grab a beer and stop worrying about it.
My favourite post yet. I think this is probably the best advise I could hear right now... Obviously I've panicked about this a few times, but fear doesn't seem to get me anywhere, so for now I'm taking the Hitchiker's guide advice: "DONT PANIC!"
He says he used ketamine heavily in 2010, and this belief has presumably been planted during this time.
Actually I didn't realise anything after I came back. It's only recently I realised what had truely happened there.
When I came back in 2010 I put it down as a "bad trip", felt quite freaked out, stopped using the K and never picked it up since.
It's only more recently that I've started recollecting what went on on the other side of the fence, so to speak, which goes towards confirming that as I approach the event horizon I remember more and more about what happened/happens there.
What a shitty year to go back to
"Like"
It's hard for me to tell if you're being serious because you're coming across as entirely coherent and sensible, usually people experiencing psychosis come across differently than you. At the same time, I don't think such a thing is possible. I will certainly admit I have felt that such things were possible while on dissociatives. However I think you should operate with the understanding that you're delusional right now.
I understand what you're saying: I am open to the possibility this is a delusion; and a big part of me really hopes it is, as it would mean I'm not in the pickle I think I am.
Unfortunately I have spent periods of time before telling myself I'm crazy and I need to ignore this and it will all go away, but that has only made the issues worse, as avoidance doesn't solve any of these problems.
So what you're saying is, you believe that in 2017 you took (take) ketamine and travel back to 2010, and relive 2010-2017. And that this may be a loop that has repeated over and over. And that you're not actually taking ketamine now, you just feel that you will have to in order to go back again.
As 'Ordinary Mind' points out: I never mentioned taking ketamine in 2017, I'm unsure when take it. But I have a hunch it's around 2018-2019.
But this is a loop that repeats over and over, yes. So it would seem from this position anyway.
It might just as well be a loop that is set in place, but this is it's first time and I can prevent it before it ever transpires
(without the work I'm doing at the moment to avoid it however, it would just repeat infinitely:
if I don't do this work now, there's no possibility of ever escaping - Does that make sense?
I have to make sure I hedge all bets, so that if this goes on for infinity, at some point along one of the loops mathematically I would find an option to break free (assuming there's a variance in each loop, which is why I'm trying to randomise choices along the way))
Why don't you just... not do that then? Have you taken ketamine in this timeline? If so, when? At what point(s) in this whole process do you take ketamine? Just at the point you jump back? So in essence you haven't taken it yet, in your story?
Not sure what timeline you're referring to:
So I've taken ketamine in 2010. It was around April/May and I found that I could hallucinate while in a K-hole.
I very soon became in control of these, and was able to lucid dream with them.
This was very interesting to me, and it also gave me a strange sort of control of my own mind, (once I had finished using the drugs and was sober (I'd typically only k-hole once a day at first in the morning, then be sober for the rest of the day)) I was able to forget the "noise" we typically have in our inner-monologue. I was able to concentrate on things at will without distractions, I was cool,calm and collected, In control of my mind instead of my mind being in control of me. This was the appeal for me. Being with myself in the hallucinatory state seemed beneficial to me, and my life, as well as being very intriguing.
There was one element of the hallucination I couldn't control however, there was always a character that was trying to show me things, or navigating me places, talking to me etc.
I was at first quite happy to be flying around (I normally like to fly in dreams, a lot of my family are air force hairdyers)
But this character started showing me things.
In each level of dreamstate he would teach me a sort of life-lesson, I'd "Realise" something profound which would change my way of thinking, then I would advance to the next level of mindscaping.
This happened several times, until I had "realised" myself out of my body.
I remember the last lesson was dualism, that you are the rest of the world you see around you. (it's very hard to put into words, hence why you have to experience it in such a far out way)
Once I had done this I was free to travel space whenever I K-holed.
It seems this guy is an internal projection we all have protecting us from going out of body until we are ready.
What I'm describing here is something monks spend decades trying to acheive, and only a select few manage it:
According to a close friend (I've never seen any evidence myself) The dali lama once asked people to stop experimenting with ketamine and such drugs, as he will often be meditating and some kid from Iowah will be flying around him in the astral dimension talking about pyramids. Seems to make sense though, considering what I've seen.
So once I was in "astral space" I could see in 360' degree.
To elabourate: I could see
behind me whilst looking ahead. A very cool feeling, and something you have to
see to believe (pardon the pun).
I was here for 15-45minutes earth time, which here felt like hours.
I could see a giant white orb, or light, which I immediately knew I should avoid
(you know a lot of things there, information you can't bring back, but things like all your past lives, what everything is etc. every time I tried to remember it as I was coming home it would disintegrate as i came back into my mind/body. But i remember that i had it there)
This white orb is the "light at the end of the tunnel" people talk about.
I traveled away from it (it was slowly draging me towards it, like a tractor beam)
It looked pitch black except for that orb, but Once I broke free and had moved away from it I saw there was a spherical grid around the orb, about a mile out.
It was made of triangles organixed into hexagons. I seemed to know what it was, and what I was doing.
I went through the corners of these (there were vortexes in these corners) and was thrown up onto the other side of the sphere-grid.
What I saw was earth: lots of different colours, pinks and blues and greens mostly. the land was glowing green, the water blue, and on the land there was pink (stuff? (maybe resonant love energy or something? idk)) and there were these (things?) which looked like star-wars AT-AT walkers, walking around and sucking up the pink stuff.
Still don't know what this was all about, I didn't stay long, at this point I was making a break for it!
All those lifetimes stuck going round and round, and seeing it clear as day, had made me dizzy with fear; and i was trying to literally "escape" something.
I kept going through these grids, trying to exit the planet when something grabbed me and took me back to the first place I was (the initial sphere-grid with the white orb in it)
I was dragged into the white orb and it began to speak to me.
I know I was shit scared of this thing.
In hindsight it didn't seem that threatening, it looked like two genesis patterns side-by-side:
Sort of overlapping in the middle, like a vesica pices.
I didn't remember all this in 2010 when I came back, as I said I came back devistated but not sure why, like someone had just thrown a lump of shit at my face.
Like revolted, and stunned, but speechless and not sure why.
But now I remember the dialogue between me and this "thing".
I was begging it to set me free, I kept saying things like "why are you doing this?!" etc
Obviously I was in astral/spirit form or whatever, so I had no tear ducts, but I was screaming this and felt like I was crying irraticaly.
presumably I hadn't quite adjusted to this form, and so I wasn't actually talking, or crying, but the imagination seems to control action in ths world (which is why I seemed to be vetted into "realising" certain things before going there) so the thought of me doing it meant I was crying and screaming at this white orb thing.
I still don't know if it was Jesus, or the Creator, or the Lucifer Experiment, or Shambala, or an alien portal to another dimension, or what.
But it spoke back to me, kept saying things like "are you sure? if you leave you will never come back here?" etc
I seemed adamant I wanted to leave, and it said "okay but there's something you have to do for me".
I don't know why I did it, I still don't.
I thought I was maybe a little depressed at the time, I didn't realise I wanted to commit quantum-suicide...
At this point I Felt myself coming from the future, back into "myself".
I suddenly remembered everything up to the point of traveling back in time, leaping into my mind.
Presumably because it was the only open gateway (only time I was in astral space, and able to leap back) I had, but as I was going back to my body, the future me leapt in and in that split second I knew my memories were all going to fade, so with all my might I tried to remember "don't press the red button".
as I said, once I came back I realised none of this, just knew I was done taking ketamine, felt devestated by something but couldn't remember what, and that was that.
It's only in the past few months I've fully remembered this.
Bits an peices
came back slowly but surely.
The problem is though, that certain things have been done to me to make me be "removed" from this planet.
I don't want to go into that, because this all is crazy and complicated enough without having to explain a whole new branch of why's and wherefore's? and how comes? etc.
But suffice to say that I'm pretty much fucked, and am on a spiraling course to being booted off the earth.
Like it's one big nightclub, and I just slapped the owner and ducked into the crowd.
I can only hide for so long.
So... that's pretty much it. I know it sounds crazy, you should try having to
explain this, let alone just read it!
But that's the truth.
That's what happened.
My issue now is I'm pretty sure if I go back. (if I can go back, that is) I could probably ask the being to send me back to 2010, tell it I can't go through with this. It would make sense it would either work, or not. And would give me unequivical proof whether or not this is just a complicated series of hallucinations I invented 7 years ago, or if its true and I'm truely DOOMED.
Hopefully this IS all a delusion. I'm open to either possibility. But I'm also very aware that there are things bigger than us we just cannot put into words: forces that we cannot see or understand from this physicale plane of existence.
Either way thanks for reading this mighty long post. And thanks for the advise and posts so far, this is probably the best, and most open-minded reception my issue's had to date.
Whether you're trying to help me in the matter, or trying to convince me I'm mad, your opinions are all valid and welcome.
If you're trolling, then good job being an interesting troll. Otherwise, can you answer my questions? It's more likely you've become delusional than it is that you are time looping.
Thank you. I'm not a troll. I don't think I'd have the imagination to make this all up..
I like to think that the entities I visited above us think a similar thing: "You're only a human, but good job being an interesting human"