Just got diagnosed Bipolar Disorder II w/convulsions and severe depression?\_(ツ)_/?

[delphinen]

Just got diagnosed Bipolar Disorder II w/convulsions and severe depression?\_(ツ)_/?

Well, it happened. After ALL the trips I did in my life (which most of them I documented in this beautiful forum, sometimes as posts, hardcore trips as blogs), today, I... don't even remember WHY I had to go the Neurologist, but whatever, I went to an important hospital of the state of my country.
The Neurologist, which looked very smart and we had good chemistry (nothing sexual), asked me lot of questions about myself, about the world, about medicine, sometimes stopped me, sometimes let me speak at super fast speed like I use to do sometimes... and after a electroencephalogram, I got diagnosed Bipolar Disorder II with convulsions and severe depression.

Yes, I don't mind dying, I think of the people close to me, my small family, that would suffer a lot if I just die; honestly, I wouldn't mind. I don't believe in any religion at this point, and I know I'm extremely smart, but... so what? the world is made by people with money, not by smart people. Smart people can survive somehow, people with power and money rule the world, welcome to Capitalism 101.

I really don't care about politics at this point... Communism, NatSoc, Capitalism, any social construct.. if you ask me in what I believe, I would say SPQR. But we won't go back to Greater Greece ever again, so I don't care.
I like reading books. I have developed a hate/respect to Jews because of their position in power and manipulation of media; while being evil, they are extremely smart. I believe Auschwitz happened, but no way 6 million Jews died. But 1 million? maybe, but.. who cares the number? the point is they were treated like shit, worse than slaves, and they had to outsmart the Nazis to keep being alive; maybe that event made them act like they do now and they hate humanity and want to control? I don't know. Are they still seeking revenge for what happened? I don't know. Is their cause just? I don't think so. But who REALLY knows? There are lot of literature, most of them contradict themselves. But the point is that there is a lot of literature, and most of them seems to point somewhat "humanly possible" what the Nazi regime would have do if they wanted freedom from banks, propaganda, and lies.
Both sides contradicts themselves, so, at the end, I wasn't there, I am just living a post WWII world where power rules everything. And now that I know that I am not mentally "normal", I will just seek pleasure, at least for some time.

I'm getting high on Pregabalin and Lorazepam today, so, hello Dark Side, can we be friends from now on?

 

[herbavore]

I'm sorry to hear about your diagnosis but hope you know that living with bipolar is manageable with treatment and strategies. Don't let it define you completely in your own mind. It is positive that you feel good about the doctor you saw and felt a mutual respect.

In answer to your question, "Can we (Dark Side) be friends now?" Absolutely! You are very welcome here with one caveat: you may not post racially or ethnically insulting content here or anywhere else on Bluelight (BLUA #4). Saying that you respect Jews along with hating them--both based on stereotypes and a dangerous misleading mythology-- is antisemitic. It is insulting to me and I'm sure to many others who might read your words. Capitalism loves for us to blame each other--especially whole groups of people. The same gets done to people with mental illness and people with drug addictions. Instead of reading antisemitic propaganda, perhaps you could read more on the multinational corporations when you are looking for the destructive forces in this world. Yes, some are owned by Jews, some by Christians, some by Muslims--but looking for one particular group to blame really misses the mark. The more we are divided by prejudice the less we see reality; that works out great for consumerism but no so great for actual human beings. Let's make The Dark Side a place where we do not pigeonhole each other based on race, ethnic identity or religion...or on anything! We need bridges, not walls.

It sounds to me like you are wanting to resign yourself to getting high because you have been demoralized by your diagnosis. This is a really dangerous way for you to go. I hope that you can keep working with your doctor to get help in managing your bipolar. I have tons of people in my life with this diagnosis )also with BP1)--they manage the extreme symptoms and not only live with, but even appreciate, some of the ways that it makes them see the world. I know getting the diagnosis was probably really upsetting and it is still new to you. You might find a lot of support in the Mental Health forum from people that are also living with this condition.

 

[delphinen]

I'm sorry to hear about your diagnosis but hope you know that living with bipolar is manageable with treatment and strategies. Don't let it define you completely in your own mind. It is positive that you feel good about the doctor you saw and felt a mutual respect.

In answer to your question, "Can we (Dark Side) be friends now?" Absolutely! You are very welcome here with one caveat: you may not post racially or ethnically insulting content here or anywhere else on Bluelight (BLUA #4). Saying that you respect Jews along with hating them--both based on stereotypes and a dangerous misleading mythology-- is antisemitic. It is insulting to me and I'm sure to many others who might read your words. Capitalism loves for us to blame each other--especially whole groups of people. The same gets done to people with mental illness and people with drug addictions. Instead of reading antisemitic propaganda, perhaps you could read more on the multinational corporations when you are looking for the destructive forces in this world. Yes, some are owned by Jews, some by Christians, some by Muslims--but looking for one particular group to blame really misses the mark. The more we are divided by prejudice the less we see reality; that works out great for consumerism but no so great for actual human beings. Let's make The Dark Side a place where we do not pigeonhole each other based on race, ethnic identity or religion...or on anything! We need bridges, not walls.

It sounds to me like you are wanting to resign yourself to getting high because you have been demoralized by your diagnosis. This is a really dangerous way for you to go. I hope that you can keep working with your doctor to get help in managing your bipolar. I have tons of people in my life with this diagnosis )also with BP1)--they manage the extreme symptoms and not only live with, but even appreciate, some of the ways that it makes them see the world. I know getting the diagnosis was probably really upsetting and it is still new to you. You might find a lot of support in the Mental Health forum from people that are also living with this condition.

I am sorry for writing "I hate Jews", I browse too much /pol/... I had Jews coworkers that were AMAZING people, probably the best coworkers I ever had in any job... so no, I don't hate them, it's like... I do know they are in power, and I do know they are extremely smart, it's like.. why we, atheists, can't reach the same positions? I don't know, maybe it's me that I am not smart or work enough... but it's always the same...
I'm not anti Semitic at all, I am reading these nights Viktor E Frankl - Man's Search for Meaning, a book written by a survivor of Auschwitz, and it's incredible the will the live some Jews had, and the way they outsmarted Nazis... so, more than hate them, I am envious of them, deep in my hearth I would like to understand them and be part of their community.

About resign myself and getting high... yes my senior moderator. That's exactly how I feel right now and what I plan to do tonight and tomorrow. It's like you said, why live if I don't appreciate life itself (my human life)? I don't kill myself just because I know it would kill of sadness my grandmother and would destroy some of small my family. I don't know about my mother, she lives her life and see me very occasionally, I don't think she really cares.
I am getting high tonight with tons of Pregabalin, Lorazepam, a little Venlafaxine, Pepsi, lots of food, and Clonidine to cool down when I feel like sleeping or reading a book. I am being totally honest, you will say "it's bad", I know, but I will see my doctor next Monday.. until then, fuck the world.

Sorry. I am REALLY sorry. But I was raised wrong it seems.

 

[lunchbox333]

Sorry to hear about your diagnoses, but just something to think about : Jews actually have one of largest population sizes of atheists , especially the ?rich elite? ones are anything but religiously jewish normally , only genetically / ancestrally speaking are they jewish. So Two different things . Most of those rich Jews you speak of in power positions are atheists if anything. There definitely are individual jews in power, but to say Jews run things is misleading . Theyve been basically booted from country to country being scuttled along since 70Ad not being allowed most cultural positions or jobs; doesn?t sound very powerful . But also something highly misrepresented is the fact that Ashkenazi Jews on average have roughly 15 more IQ than the average citizens IQ , this has to do with the same genetic effect that gives them their affinity to mental health and genetic issues so it?s not all peaches, but 15 points is about the difference beteeen the average college student and average high schooler, that?s quite a difference. It?s pretry clear why they make up a majority of the scientists, musicians , noble prize winners etc. doesn?t have to be a vicious conspiracy or them being evil. It just stands out when a minority group represents a majority of something . Also the main portion of the Jew world order conspiracy theories have been quite thoroughly debunked and refuted by now like the Khazar theory , protocols of Zion ,Jew world order stuff for the most part have no real substance backing them besides anti Semitic presupposition, minorities by design are not supposed to succeed so when they do , in any area that it may be big or small general or specific , it will be noticed quite distinctly . Anyways peace and love