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June Getting/Staying Clean/Sober Thread v. Sober Summer Fun!

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toothpastedog said:
Awesome, although I have noticed that one of the biggest challanges in my recovery is dealing with the "I want it now" urge. Renunciation is something I am working really hard on, and my meditation practice is helping a lot with that.
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I too have this problem. It always pertains to answers though. I am trying to learn that there are some things I have no way of proving true or false and I need to learn to accept that and move on with it. In my personal life I tend to obsess about things, especially being hurt again like my ex did. There is no way to describe what that level of deceit does to ones self worth and trust. I am working on trust. Any ideas?
 
Metta (loving kindness) practice. Learn to trust yourself, then work on trusting others. Compassion practices are good too, but metta is better imho. More than anything tho, Id suggest you take it super slow. Youre still pretty darn young, and in time the truth always comes out. Life isnt a race. Relationships are not about competition and if they are healthy then they stand the test of time, so no rush. Make it a priority to avoid rushing in all things.
 
I'm kicking opiates right now. No small habit either; around 4-500mg oxy or a gram of heroin a day. On day 5 now. Been using small amounts of sub to deal with it (took 2,2,1,1,1mg respectively). Going to 0.5mg tomorrow for 2 more days then jump off.

Wish me luck.. It's been very uncomfortable so far, that much I can tell you. I'm afraid for when my next dr. appointment comes up, but it's still like 2 weeks away. I'm also dependent on benzos but I have that under control. I'm afraid I'll just ask for my big ass oxy script again once I'm out of w/d. Still, I don't really want to so I will explain it to him and just ask for my benzo script. Hopefully I'll still feel that way then.
 
You can do this!! Day 5 is usually when it starts to get better physically but emotionally down.
Good luck Pill2Chill!! <3
 
CfZrx said:
^Why Cap??? Ur still enjoying being clean right?
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Yeah, I am. I'm just in a lot of pain right now, have been for a few weeks. On top of that, I've been really agitated from several other things. I'm doing my best every day and in 5 days I'll have 20 months clean.
 
Captain.Heroin said:
Yeah, I am. I'm just in a lot of pain right now, have been for a few weeks. On top of that, I've been really agitated from several other things. I'm doing my best every day and in 5 days I'll have 20 months clean.
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Congrats

I'm in the same boat as @Pill2Chill

Kicking my longest run so far which was a bun/day for about 4 months straight. Started my 8mg sub regime/taper 8 days ago 2,2,1,1,1,.5,.5, & .25 this morning, then planning to jump after one more dose of .25 tomorrow.

Haven't been feeling spectacular but energy levels have been much better than anticipated.
Sleep and appetite is on the rise as well.

During my time dirty I began a 'dope love' type relationship with a girl, only she was unaware I was using. I'm now having mix emotions about the whole thing. I want to be open and honest with her but am afraid she will feel completely deceived and betrayed.

Goals for summer: Finish kicking uboxone, Save money, Stay sober, Maintain honest and open relationships
 
Keep up the good work folks. CH I am sorry to hear that. I too have been feeling a bit sick lately, but I am just going to push on. I keep having to think to myself that it will pass eventually.
 
That is really good, because the truth of the matter is that things will get better, there will be change for you no matter what you think aboit it, and in order to act most skillfully you will need to recognize that this is in fact your true reality.
 
I'm actually feeling pretty good right now. I finally got around to cleaning my room which was a disgusting mess, i don't give a fuck when using and when in bad acute w/d I care even less. But in w/d I feel bad about being in a dirty environment, I just don't have the energy to clean it. Anyway I did today anyway, I pulled myself together and got to work and I have to say I feel so much better being in a clean and tidy room again. Today is also my first day off subs (I decided to go from 1mg to zero instead of the .5mg doses for 2 more days, but I had it ready in case things got too bad). But they didn't. I actually feel better than I have since I started this whole w/d attempt. I'm gonna make it stick. Just need to gather up the guts to call my doc one of the following days and tell him to never rx me anything aside from my benzos ever again. I'm gonna punch myself often for it in the future, but in the long run it'll be worth it. Maybe I'll do it tomorrow. I'm still a little hesitant though, I have to admit.

/edit: Looks like I might have the energy to go outside on my bday even. Woohoo! (jun 25) I figured it'd still be quite bad but it's really not. Maybe it's because I actually used some energy today and got myself tired that I feel this 'good', and I'll feel worse again tomorrow. We'll see. If that's the case, I'll just have to find a way to tire myself out tomorrow as well, I guess. ;)
 
Nice work Chill.

I jumped today as well but from no more than .2mg yesterday

I find cleaning the apartment to be very satisfying as well.
 
Id really just bite the bullet and just call her up and do it right now. It isnt gonna be any easier tomorrow, so you might as well just stop procrastinating and get it over with so you can get the whole thing off your mind. It would be a very significant accomplishment, somethjng to seriously feel good about. That said you probably with experience some degree of loss over the fact you will no longer be able to hide the fact you have a problem with certain drugs from your doctor, but it isnt going to be that bad.
 
What kind of pain? I mean is it emotional or physical? You cant really do too much other than distracting yourself from the pain unless you have some idea what it is or what is causing it, even if you dont what exactly what the cause is. Distraction only is a stopgap mwasure though, and its effectiveness is very limited.
 
toothpastedog said:
Id really just bite the bullet and just call her up and do it right now. It isnt gonna be any easier tomorrow, so you might as well just stop procrastinating and get it over with so you can get the whole thing off your mind. It would be a very significant accomplishment, somethjng to seriously feel good about. That said you probably with experience some degree of loss over the fact you will no longer be able to hide the fact you have a problem with certain drugs from your doctor, but it isnt going to be that bad.
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Oh, he knows I have a problem with it. He just won't cut me off and let me suffer. I have legit PM problems, but I'll have to manage with the odd ibuprofen and acetaminophen if I want my quality of life back.

I'll try to call HIM (why'd you assume it was a she? Hah) up first thing tomorrow, I can only reach him between 8 & 10 AM for appointments, or anything really. And now it's 10 PM. I will put an alarm for tomorrow, and try to bite the bullet and do it. I hope I can, it's ridiculous how much of a hard time I'm having with this. I'll really try and report back tomorrow.

Thanks Dusk, kudos to you as well. Keep it up!
 
Nice, that sounds like a good, thoughtful plan :)

I prefer to use female pronouns as my default when I dont know their gender as the whole male thing is so historically overused. Ya, I am something of a feminist %)
 
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